Real Life 40-Year-Old Virgins Share Their Stories
_Waiting for the right one is amazing. Giving your "flower" to just anybody is always a bad idea. Half of the people we all spend the night with, hell, three quarters of the people we spend the night with over our lifetime are NEVER worth it. Maybe the Steve Carrell movie had the right idea. Keep waiting until you know it's worth it and you're ready to scream... "KELLY CLARKSON!!" _
Redditor _\NirroR6 _**wanted people to admit... **\Real life 40 year old virgins, what's your story?
40 IS THE MAGIC #!
I lost my virginity at age 40. I had opportunities but just didn't realize them at the time. Girls would come flirt with me but I would just freeze and my mind would go blank. I am very shy and quiet. I sometimes think I am autistic but have never been diagnosed or tried to get diagnosed. I always though something was wrong with me and I knew I wasn't 'normal'. I also didn't drink a lot or party.
I invited a co-worker over to watch a movie one night and she is also very quiet and shy. I let her take the lead and let it happen. That was 2 years ago and we are engaged now.
IT'S THE MOTION OF THE OCEAN THEY SAY...
I know one guy who has a micro penis and is physically unable to have sex. Shame too because he's decently good looking and funny, makes out with a lot of girls, is 6'3 etc. Completely normal
Only know he's a virgin due to him admitting jt to me when he was drunk. He's late 30s
KISS ME...
I know a someone who has never even kissed a girl. Crippling social anxiety. Also hung up on a girl from 15 years ago who has never been interested. I saw a pretty tipsy girl come onto him at a bar once and he almost jumped out of his skin. He was noooot having that crap.
NOBODY IS UGLY!
A Coworker is 51, never had girlfriend nor had sex.
TIME WILL TELL...
42 here. I thought I had a date once, it wasn't.
It sort of falls into three time periods. Age 17-25: I asked some girls/women out. They all just plain out said no(except for the one). The last few years of the period, I stupidly started to ask why and "because you're you" was the top answer. Until the one went on in more detail and made me realized what "because you're you" meant and I gave up. I threw myself in to my studies, researched anything that interested me, and just read A LOT about a lot.
age 25-32: I just didn't try. Continued my self-studies. Sure there were women I would loved to ask out (there was even one I did, quite to my own surprise, of course she said no and then some) but I was "still me" and they would have said no. I had a demanding/abusive job from age 28 to 30 that took everything from me. I joined a gym at 30.
Age 32-now: I lost 97 lbs between age 30 and 32. Took up yoga and running. I think I noticed women noticing me but I had convinced myself women don't find me attractive, so I had to be imagining things. My work out routine has lessened since then and I have gained back some weight but thankfully more muscle than fat.
I learned in my late 20s that I have a personality type that makes me hard to get to know which means dating is particularly difficult. It was at this time I thought I was a high-functioning autist. I do have many (but not all) traits of one. I've never been good at social stuff so I have huge disadvantage in the sociality needed for dating. In the last 5 years or so, I began to wonder if I have social anxiety disorder instead of or maybe in addition to autism. And in all this time I've worked overnights which adds another difficulty in dating. I get the idea that I'm the better-than-nothing guy but I don't want to be the last option for someone. I'd rather like a woman who wants to be with me and not has to be with someone. I also don't think it would be fair to burden a woman with my "quirks and foibles" that I've gotten over the years. Also, the social stigma of being over 40 and never even having a date seems like a obstacle in itself.
HEY BUDDY... CHIN UP!
There is a guy named Buddy who works at a BP down the road from me, he's got to be 40 and one of the nicest guys I've ever met on this planet, just about all my friends and I will go out of our way for this gas station because we love him so much. One day we got to talking and he told me that he has never had sex, had a girlfriend or eaten meat in his entire life (Pretty clearly religious reasons but I didn't ask). Still the dude radiates positivity and genuinely cares about every single person he meets, just goes to show that having sex and finding a lover isn't essential to living a wonderful life.
Also his name is buddy and he calls everyone he knows buddy so that's cool.
OH HONEY... YOU'RE A SAINT!
I was raised in a religious household so I was taught to wait until marriage. I had many boyfriends but i didnt sleep with them because of my vow of abstinence. I wore my promise ring until I was married at age 30. I married my best friend and soulmate. He told me he had performance problems, but he had also never had a girlfriend and I naively thought that once we were together and naked, things would work out. Turns out I was wrong, he was completely impotent. I decided that I married him because I loved him and not for sex so it was fine. We started talking to doctors to see if it could be fixed but then he suffered a terrible brain injury. Now my husband is a paraplegic with many health problems. Weird thing is, after the brain injury he started getting erections. Normally this would be something to celebrate but he's in so much pain due to the paralysis that I can't exactly get on top of him. So here I am, a woman in her late 30s, a married virgin, taking care of her paraplegic husband, and I don't know what the future holds.
WORK ISN'T LIFE...
i actually work with one he's like 45ish? maybe closing in on 50. He's a strange guy works too much and way to hard saves all his money is generally stingy. but kinda social i know he wants it but he's too focused on work to actually make it happen.
FINGERS CROSSED!!
My brother got his first girlfriend aged 38. There is hope for everyone.
HUMANS MAKE LIFE HARD...
Some of us are just ugly in both looks and personality. No sob story or long-winded explanation needed. Years of intense social rejection and depression don't help, but they aren't the primary cause. Some people are just inherently unapproachable.
But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.
I remember the worst date I ever had. My biggest regret is that I stayed for the entire thing. I should've left as soon as I realized this was not going well, which was basically at hello. But he was paying so I drank, a lot. I'll keep names and dates to myself to protect the innocent.
0/10
Big Brother Reaction GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"Went to brewery, date said I had hairy arms and that meant I was horny, said "you look really awful in this light" and then tried to dig out of that hole by saying in his native language that was a term of endearment long term couples said to each other. 0/10 did not date again."
Lucky 13?
"My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually, I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper, we went to play. We hadn't played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time. She served me with divorce papers and told me that the date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary."
- rmorlock
Two Hours from Home
"Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent's house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn't seem that unusual."
"Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this idiot told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months. I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along."
"We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations! We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn't even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren't getting married."
You're Cut Off!
"Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she's going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer."
"Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I'm sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It's the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!"
- mox44ah
Sorry?
Bbc Three Idk GIF by BBCGiphy"Well, I gave this answer on a different topic, but it ties in with this. We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiancé had just died in a motorcycle accident."
What in the world? I mean how can we ever expect to pair off with the dating pool being inundated with liars and nut jobs? I'm going to delete my apps.
Girl, Bye.
Sassy Beyonce GIFGiphy"Had a girl openly flirt with the bartender in front of me. She says she wasn't. But handing him her own phone and asking for his contact info in front of her date seems like it to me."
Crazy!
"Came out from a movie, late at night, and date's Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report."
Hey Mom
"Met a girl at a country bar one night in my 20s. We were both pretty drunk but hit it off pretty good. Ended up getting her number and we agreed we'd go on a real date. Fast forward to the date, she gets in my vehicle and... she looks almost identical to my mom. I was mortified. I was polite and we went for lunch where I found out she also had a boyfriend she "wasn't sure if she was into". Never talked to her again."
- SgtGo
Liars...
"When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other."
"We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again."
Doubles
Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy"It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date."
Ummm... I think I'm just going to stay single. That is a handful of crazy. Why can't people just be honest? I swear the search for love warps people's brains. Be careful out there people.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.