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Punny People Reimagine Pick-up Lines as Break-up Lines

Some of you reading this might be in an awful relationship. It's okay to admit it to yourself. They don't make you happy, they never listen to your wants and needs, and, just recently, their morning breath went from "cute" to "slap me with an old slipper." It's alright, though, because Reddit user, r/u/a1ham, asked a question with answers sure to cure those significant other blues when they asked:

If people used "break-up lines" instead of "pick-up lines", what would some of the best ones be?

Just Called To Say...I Don't Love You

Call me Stevie Wonder because I'm not seeing you anymore.

X-25

May As Well Compliment Yourself On The Way Out

"Your ex is pretty hot" "Which one?" "Me"

idunnof-ckoff

Is That My Phone Number In Your Pocket?

I seem to have lost your phone number, can you lose mine?

thatsnotmyname66

Pick Up A Souvenir T-Shirt

How about... "dang girl, you college? Cause I've spent a lot of time and money on you and I'm pretty disappointed with the experience so far"

Voiceofyourmother

We Have A Tried And Tested Method

"I'm giving you up for lent"

(true Story, actually happened).

curmudgeonlylion

You're The Cactus In My Life

Reminds me of that one line that goes something like,

"I need you like a desert needs water; I've adapted to existence without you and prolonged exposure would be disastrous."

theelephantscafe

Takes A Bit, But It Gets There

We haven't got chemistry.

What we've got is history.

We're over.

Catch22ismybible

No Treasure Map Finding That

"I lost something"

"What?"

"My feelings for you"

ravibkjoshi

Seriously, It Was Last Minute.

"I'm sorry I can't come over tonight, something has come up."

"What is it?"

"...my standards."

jclear

Everybody's Working For The Weekend

Hey boy-- are you the work week? Because I am so looking forward to the end of this!

clowns_in_my_coffee

Impulse Buy

You should make like my paycheck and disappear in a day or two.

623fer

More Job Related Puns

Baby you're the boss, so here's my two weeks notice.

I quit!!!

clowns_in_my_coffee

Let's Call It Training For Something Bigger

Our relationship is like push-ups on your knees. It just isn't working out

LoopedBight

You Can't Spell "Break-Up" Without "B, K, U"

Take the "L" out of "lover" and it's "over"

OstensiblyMusical

The Jigsaw Of The World

This guy I know broke up with his now ex girlfriend on prom night by saying,

"We're just two awesome puzzle pieces in the universe that don't fit together right now."

Don't use this line...

...it didn't go over well.

migeme

Rhetorical Questions

"Did it hurt?"

Did what hurt?

"When I dumped your -ss"

generik89

Be Sure To Lock The Door

See that dress lying on the floor?

It would look better on you and out the door.

ScorpSt

Plant Jokes

Are you a tree?

Because f-cking leave.

AbstractActa

Neil DeGrasse Tyson Called...

It's rare I get to post this twice in a week, but:

"My love for you is like a star in the night sky; it died a long time ago, you just haven't realized it yet "

DiopticTurtle

You Go That Way. I'll Go Home.

We'll cover more ground if we split up.

dewayneestes

Straight Up

It isn't you; it's me.

I don't like you.

KaylaChinga

H/T: Reddit

Kylee Alons/Unsplash

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It's important to recognize that not all of the world is as scary as it may seem. So we wanted to see what wholesome facts people had to share with us.

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Live well forever and be happy? It's possible. Even though life is nuts and scary, you're still here. What if there is nothing after the final breath? I don't want to just not exist, while everybody else just gets to keep on dancing.

In my hopes I see a Heaven with ice cream and vodka. So I'm going to hold onto that until eternal life is an option. Let's hear from the gallery...

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What do you think really happens after death?
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