Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Explain Whether They Regret It And How The Procedure Changed Their Life
With more people exercising their right to live a childfree life, or to at least start their families later than people used to, it's important for people to have access to forms of birth control that work for them.
For some, that means getting a vasectomy, but there are aspects to the procedure that most wish they had known before making the appointment.
Redditor jaqeacc asked:
"To men who have gotten a vasectomy, do you regret it, and how has it changed your life?"
Avoiding the Risk
"I’m 30 with three kids and got a vasectomy earlier this year. My wife almost died in childbirth for the last one. Can’t risk that again. No regrets."
"No regrets. Had it done after our third child was born. We definitely couldn't cope with a 4th child, and my wife was told sternly that she should not have another."
"It hasn't changed my life. It has helped my wife in that she no longer takes birth control."
"Interesting that some other commenters in this thread have had life-changing situations where they went for reversal. The health worker tried to talk me out of the vasectomy, saying I was very young (I was 35). She kept coming up with these scenarios in which I might want to have more children. I would reply, 'I still have three children.'"
"I had one at 43 years old and didn’t have any pain at all after the procedure. It was fully covered by insurance as well. I recommend making sure they give you the Xanax 30 minutes prior."
Respect the Recovery Time
"You need five to seven days to recover. I just did it. The last thing you want to do is pop the internal sutures and bleed into your sack. Then you have to walk around with grapefruit or cantaloupe-sized balls."
"Don’t rush it. After seven days, you’re good to go. Hit it sooner (especially lifting) at your own risk."
"I got mine, no regrets, and my sex life vastly improved. Just make sure you get a sperm count post-OP."
Prepare the PlayStation
"I just want to add a warning from a friend of mine who had it done."
"He had the operation and went home to recover for a few days, unfortunately, he had not foreseen that he wouldn't be able to set up the new PlayStation he'd bought himself as a 'reward.' He didn't feel up to all the awkward bending and f**king around behind the TV. Instead, he had to sit there on the couch for days wishing he was playing it!"
"So a careful warning to anyone else reading this: plug your self-reward PlayStation in before you have the operation and not after. Learn from his mistake!"
"I had one back in 2014 and have been part of the one percent of people who experience pain every day after. Last year, I got it reversed because I didn’t want to be in pain anymore but that did nothing but cause me more issues."
"My partner got his vasectomy in January. Neither of us have kids, and both of us turn 30 this year. Of course, no OBGYN would entertain sterilization for me (a female), but he was able to set up the appointment with no problem. I’m just now getting the birth control out of my system and it’s life-changing. We’re ecstatic to be able to enjoy each other and not worry about pregnancy."
"I've had one some nine years ago when my then-girlfriend and I broke up and I decided that I'm too old now to find somebody to have kids with (which was/is totally okay)."
"My urologist really took the time to explain to me how it all works and to make sure that that's what I want. The procedure only hurt a little bit, even though some dude sticking a long hypodermic needle in your sack is probably a rather acquired taste. The greatest inconvenience was the ban on bathing."
"As for the effect, I would definitely do it again. My long-term (=long enough to get tested and do it without a rubber) partners all appreciated it a lot, and even in connection with other forms of contraception, it gives a certain peace of mind. Besides that, the sex itself hasn't changed at all."
"If you're sure you don't want any more kids, I can totally recommend it."
"It has changed my sex life significantly. Posts like these are disheartening, because I remembered scrolling through similar posts and disregarding those who were not so lucky and ended up with PVPS (Post-Vasectomy Pain Syndrome) or other changes in their sex life. So many men say it's the best thing they did and never regretted it: no change in orgasms whatsoever."
"The intensity of my orgasms has changed a lot. It isn't as good as it used to be. It's like stepping on a garden hose where water wants to escape but it can't. I never feel relaxed after an orgasm anymore or fulfilled. There's a feeling of congestion after."
"I am not experiencing any pain, luckily. I do feel my testicles are more sensitive. I already feel the tenderness when I go to the bathroom just to pee. I loved it when my partner held them, but I don't anymore."
"Everyone will say it's psychological; your urologist and the people around you. I have posted a couple of times on Reddit about it, but most people thought I was trolling."
"Maybe it is only psychological, but that doesn't change how I perceive my orgasms."
Motivations for the Procedure
"One of my mates got married at around 20 and had two kids by the time he was 23. Got the snip when the second kid was born. Turns 30, and found out his wife had been sleeping with every guy at the gym, divorced, remarried, but the new wife is only 25 and wants kids of her own. He went in for the reversal, but I haven't heard if it was successful yet."
"Another mate was single, got the snip around 35 to make casual sex less stressful. Got married at 40, decided they wanted kids, got a reversal, but it was unsuccessful (that was about 10 years ago though)."
"I guess I'm one of the unlucky few..."
"Had mine done, went in, just like most: Small opening, went in, numbed... This is supposed to be the only part that's uncomfortable... I'm pretty sure he hit the wrong spot somewhere."
"Everything was fine for the one side, and then I felt stuff on the other... Not unbearable, but I will never NOT remember feeling whatever he was doing."
"My doc, however, didn't ground the tool that's supposed to cauterize the area. I got shocked to f**king kingdom come. It was the single most painful experience of my life. I put it above almost dying in a car accident or the time I got shot in the eye with an airsoft rifle."
"Recovery: Over a month."
"Walking made me scream. Sleeping was pretty much impossible and it was absolutely miserable. The doc didn't believe me and finally gave me pain medication on my 3rd+ visit. Which was a constant need so that I didn't get fired."
"Ended up behind on every bill I had."
"I'm fine now."
"No regrets. Done it this year with 31 without having children."
"The chance of regretting having a child is too high and I do not want it to feel or even suffer from it. I can live with the regret of not having one."
"As for the question, 'And what if your girlfriend wants children?,' I only date women that do not want one. And even then, when all the planets align and h**l is frozen, there are too many children in children’s homes growing up without parents. Adopt them and give them a home and more importantly a loving family."
"Got the snip around age 36 after my then wife and I were done having kids. My health insurance covered it 100%, not even a deductible. The pain wasn’t too bad. Felt very much like when you’ve been kicked in the nuts."
"We later divorced. It made post-divorce sex life great. Women were really into the security of not getting pregnant. Let me tell you, life was pretty sweet."
"My girlfriend now has no kids. I was very upfront with her very early on in the relationship about the fact I didn’t want more kids, and didn’t want to hinder her from pursuing having children if it was a desire of hers."
"I basically told her if we needed to end the relationship so that she could find someone else to have kids with, I’d understand. She said she was ok not having kids and we’ve been together ever since."
"I was told that after a vasectomy I wouldn't have kids anymore, but when I got home, they were still there..."
While there are certainly risks, and even regrets, involved, most Redditors argued that the ends justified the means when it came to getting a vasectomy.
For most, it removed the stress and pressure of possibilities of pregnancy that some people are not interested in, and it's difficult to put a price on something like that.
People Reveal The Real Reason Why They Stopped Having Sex With Their Partner Or Spouse
Whether we intend for it to be the focus of the relationship or not, one of the defining features of a romantic relationship is its physical interactions.
Anyone who deeply values physical touch might not be able to understand how a relationship could continue if the couple was no longer intimate.
Curious, Redditor cold_h*e asked:
"People who stopped having sex with their partner/husband/wife, what made you stop?"
When Health Gets in the Way
"I was on an antidepressant that shut my libido down. No desire whatsoever, and if we tried, it always ended in my failure. Slowly improved, weaned off it over six months, and things began to get better, all around."
"About that time, my wife began getting sinus headaches. It was subsequently diagnosed as an incurable brain tumor, and she was gone 18 months later. That bout of depression was a walk in the park..."
"Sex hurts her (autoimmune problems)."
"It's been seven years. It turns out I love her more than I thought I could."
"He has a medical problem that means he can't orgasm. Sex always ended with him getting frustrated and upset about it. So it's not worth the stress. I'd rather have him and be celibate than be with anyone else."
"It bothered us at first, but only because we were locked into the idea that married couples need to have a sex life. We went to couples counseling and basically figured out that we love each other and are happy together without sex, so why does it matter what is considered 'normal'?"
"We're a couple of happy little weirdos, and it works for us."
"My wife had morning sickness for about half of every one of her pregnancies. Women are amazing at dealing with all of that. On the plus side, after it subsided, sex was great. Just got better and better until the birth."
"He had more experience than me, and wouldn't listen to me when I said what he was doing didn't feel good. He would tell me he knew what he was doing and to just let him."
"Before my divorce, I got tired of being rejected and having promises made that were never going to be kept."
"I had an accident where someone accidentally fell on my face with their knee and crushed it some years ago (not my partner though)."
"I had some surgeries after that and my face is fine now, but I found myself unable to relax during sex since then. Somehow I am not able to give up control and just let it go while doing physical activities that include two people who are physically close together."
"My mental health has been up and down lately so sex has been a rare occurrence. We had a dry spell that lasted about a year. People underestimate how much mental health can affect a person."
"I got tired of being turned down, so I gave up."
Too Many Responsibilities
"He didn’t support/help or even pull his weight, we rarely went out anywhere, and when we did, I often paid and he’d ask to use my card so it didn’t embarrass him if I was seen to be paying."
"Basically, I was giving more than I was receiving and he cared too much about image over substance. Then he expected me to be up for sex as though I could magically turn myself on like a light switch. He’d walk up to me and grope at me when I was busy. Highly bloody irritating!"
"He also suggested I needed sex therapy when the idea of sleeping with him turned me off altogether. It felt like another chore to add to my already manic list since he didn’t do much to help. Both worked full-time and my job included long travel and entertaining out of hours."
"I felt tired and resentful and no matter how I tried to approach a solution, his response was basically that he doesn’t feel inclined to help as I didn’t put out so he didn’t feel loved enough. It exhausts me just to write that."
"I never cheated just to be clear, I wasn’t getting my kicks elsewhere. I did end it though and my sexual appetite returned with my next partner."
"My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive, and also a drug addict. You can't call me those names and be horrible, and then expect me to be turned on just because you take your pants off. I spent most of my marriage on the couch."
"We haven't been intimate for a long time, but I've decided to stay. We have a kid and yes, it had a lot to do with the decision. I just hope I can take it until my libido dries up."
"The worst part is feeling unattractive. I take pains to make sure she knows she's beautiful, and you'd swear I don't exist unless I beg to be noticed."
"There are times when it's better, but it's always after I've almost left over it."
Changing Over Time
"We started dating when we were 15, we were pretty much the same person as each other. Time went on and we changed as people."
"She stopped working and I gained a bit of weight with stress and being overworked. She stopped being attracted to me and we were just two completely different people from when we first met."
"It ended horribly but I’m now with a lady whom I love very much and we’re getting married later this year."
"I was tired of being called a cow. I was left at home every weekend while he took our only car to his friend's house 2+ hours away. I was exhausted from working four 10-hour days and then spending my three days off doing all the yard work, housework, getting groceries, and then being expected to perform like I wasn't entirely exhausted."
"I lasted two years in that marriage."
Whether it's poor relationship dynamics or health concerns, there are all sorts of reasons why the physical relationship between a couple will change over time. The question ultimately is how important physical intimacy is to both people and how to make sure they both continue to feel fulfilled by the relationship.
We all have different opinions about dating, marriage, and even our sex lives, but one thing we can all agree on is that we should have a good time.
And some people are not shy about sharing what makes them happy.
Redditor mini-mum-wage asked:
"What is an unconventional thing you find sexy?"
"Hands, it’s so f**king stupid, I know, but I swear to god, when I see large and veiny (not like grandpa veiny but still) hands, I’m giggling and swinging my feet, twirling my hair, and everyone around is absolutely hornswoggled."
Like the Song
"I like a girl in a short skirt and a looooooong jacket."
"When hubby reaches for something above his head and his shirt rises just enough that his belly shows...no idea why but damn, gets the lady bits all worked up."
"The little curly wispy hair at the base of a girl's hairline."
"No idea why."
It Hits Different
"I think it is hot if a middle-aged woman wears a business suit and puts her hands on her hips and tells me she is disappointed with me."
A Proper Sailor
"Ability to cuss effectively and within context."
"I find an asymmetrical smile very cute. There’s a YouTube channel Charismatic Voice and she is a good example of what I mean as she often smiles higher on one side. It doesn’t seem super common but I’ve noticed it as a trait of a few people."
"I love when they get lost in their thoughts and talk about what interests them. Eventually, they come back to reality and apologize for rambling but I tell them to continue."
"You know they've been hurt before but they're with me now, and I love the passion."
"When the nape of the neck is exposed on someone who typically has their hair down… Good God."
Knowledge is Sexy
"I like a girl I can learn from, even if she's not like directly teaching me but I can still learn something from watching her."
Nervousness is Interesting
"When a guy is nervous when he's talking to me and his voice quivers."
"I seem to be in a small minority of people in preferring partners my own height. I think there's something really sexy about seeing literally eye to eye."
"When men blush. Goodbye, panties."
Lines Tell a Story
"Laugh lines on a guy’s face. My boyfriend has the most beautiful perfect little creases on an otherwise smooth face. it’s so enchanting because he’s otherwise a very stoic person."
What's on the Face Counts
"Big or unique noses. It's something I've always loved about other people, and in recent years, it's something I've come to love about myself."
This was a fun reminder that everyone has their own preferences, and something that may not work for someone will make someone else very, very happy.
Relationships, whether that means dating or being in some form of a long-term relationship, are hard, and that definitely includes sexual intimacy. Whether it's trying to keep things interesting or staying connected after a long time of being together, many people struggle to stay intimate with their partner.
But some may be surprised at just how long some people go without having sex.
Redditor ItsRainingAlberts asked:
"What is the longest you've gone without sex, and why did you go so long?"
"A year. I was shattered from a break-up (two years ago)."
"Now I'm enjoying the dating scene."
"A little over two years. I had no partner and wasn't really interested in finding one at that moment, and casual sex did nothing at all for me anymore. I didn't care about sex much at all during that period of my life."
A Dissolved Marriage
"Over three years. My wife wouldn’t touch me and I remained faithful."
"Now divorced at 40, it’s kind of hard to meet people, so the counter continues to go up."
"I'm doing mostly better since the breakup. I'm still struggling with seeing my daughter less and balancing work life and meager attempts of putting myself out there to meet new people."
"Seven or eight years. Three or four years because my husband wasn't able to anymore, and almost five years since he died."
"I have no interest at all in looking for another life partner but I had tons of sex in my 20s so I'm all good now."
"About a year now since my ex broke up with me. I haven't gotten anything since and probably won't for a while as I'm not very good at socializing, especially with people I'm interested in."
"Since I had sex for the first time at age 16, the longest I have gone without was four years, from 2017 to 2021."
"Why? Because I'm now a single male in my late 40s. I have never had the desire to get married, and I don't do well in relationships."
"Most women in my age group are now married, and the ones who aren't are not interested in FWB (Friends With Benefits) relationships or one-night stands."
"I'm lucky to have found a woman who's interested in FWB, who's 27, and who has an obsession with older men, but women like her don't grow on trees."
"Since my last relationship, all of my sexual encounters have been spontaneous, casual, and overall kind of meh."
"I will never have children or date someone with children and in your 30s that eliminates everyone. I'm at 2 years myself and while it sometimes gets lonely I've learned to like having 100% of my time belong to me."
"Two and a half years... still going strong. I don't want to get with someone again for now due to past experiences."
"I've had my fair share of relationships, and the sex (most of the time) wasn't bad but very good, the relationship though wasn't good a lot of the time, and in a relationship, I look for more than just sex, and I don't look for sex without a relationship."
"So for now, I'm good, and if I never have it again, I won't really cry about it."
The Importance of Intimacy
"A... while. Having sex is an incredibly intimate experience, and it can be hard to recover from bad experiences."
"I feel like a relationship is more than just the physical, the emotional bond and love, and support is what holds a relationship together. If you can't find that mutual love and respect, it doesn't matter how great the sex is."
An Evolving Relationship
"The last four years. Ever since my twins were born, my wife has had zero sex drive."
"We do the deed once, maybe twice, a year. I wish things were different, but I love her and if that’s all I get, then I’m willing to accept that."
The Way It Used to Be
"My husband has the same issue but shows me affection in other ways so I don't want to leave. Just wish that part was still there."
Low Point in Life
"I'm going on almost eight years now. I had a major life event where I lost everything, and the subsequent depression killed any desire to be with another human."
"I don’t even like to be touched now. I look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted. I’m not ugly, but I have let myself go to a point where my physical looks match what I think I mentally look like."
"I haven’t had sex in close to five years now, by choice. My antidepressants killed my sex drive so now I have zero interest."
"14 years and counting. I went through some pretty awful medical s**t that year, and one of the side effects is no more sex. This has been, as they said in ancient Babylonia, 'a real bummer.'"
While the reasons for not experiencing sexual intimacy are all across the board, people who are currently missing the experience can at least take some comfort in how common of an issue this seems to be.
Do you have any similar experiences or anything to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Everyone has their own turn-ons, something that gets the instantly aroused or in the moment of passion. This is what makes new relationships so interesting, trying to figure out what works for the other person while uncovering new buttons of yours you didn't know you liked pressed.
As it turns out, it doesn't take much to get people hot and heavy. In fact, we should all be so lucky to find ourselves in the situations these people found themselves in with our own romantic partners.
Or, in some cases, total strangers.
WARNING: Some of these are extremely NSFW.
Reddit user, Nightfury0818, wanted to know what made your tummy all funny when they asked:
"What was the hottest thing someone said to you?"
Keep it polite, but make your intentions known.
Makes You Wonder How Long They'd Been Looking At You...
"I was listening to the lecture in English class, and one of the smartest and hottest guys in the room looks at me and says “hey [name], your shirt is both inside out and backwards.”
"I mean, I realized that he was right, but at least he talked to me"
Cute First Times Are Allowed
"That he never felt so anxious about kissing someone"
Don't Start A French Girl Tripping Spree
"French girl, I grabbed her when she fell. I apologized 'sorry if I hurt you'"
"In THE sexiest accent EVER"
“'Darling….I’m not made of sugar”' and blew me a kiss ."
"Sh-t !! Makes my heart flutter just thinking about it ."
"I didn't know that was a French idiom. You learn something new every day."
The Way To Someone's Heart
"This banana bread is delicious"
"Wow, you make a great goulash"
"I've never had a better lasagna"
"Complimenting my cooking is pretty much dirty talk to me."
Maybe that wasn't enough.
Maybe you need to turn the heat up to let the object of your desire know what they mean to you.
It's A Simple Question
"'You want to be my boyfriend?' - some girl who I secretly had a crush on"
Like To Be The Little Spoon, Eh?
"I'm 5'1 and had a coworker who's 6'3 - 6'4. I was struggling to get something down from a cupboard, he stood behind me and fully towered over me (duh) while grabbing what I was trying to reach. He was partially pressed against my back while reaching for said thing and brushed my hand. Once he reached said thing he looked down on me, still towering over me, and smiled and said "It was fun to see you struggle." (roughly translated) before handing me whatever I was trying to grab earlier. It was like one of those romance anime scenes. It wouldn't have been hot if it wasn't for the entire situation but...goddamn."
"Kinda had a crush on him back then."
What Better Time?
"My girlfriend(F18) and I(M18) are in the same class. During one online lecture, I get a text from her saying, "I wish something else would replace my necklace right now". I look up to see her necklace in her mouth."
Step On Me...What?
"I accidentally knocked a female coworker's water bottle off the table. She looked me square in the eye and said, "pick it up b-tch.""
"I never knew I had a sub bone in my body until that moment."
Not The Effect You Thought You Had...And You Liked It
"I was in theatre and we were playing an improv game to warm up that involved guessing so a few people had to leave the room so we could come up with ideas and not be heard. When it was time to go get the first person I run into the back room and yell at the top of my lungs “FIRST VICTIM!” (Note that I am a bass and a gravelly one so it’s not like a child yelling it) and everyone In the room jumps except for one girl, who was already walking towards me and with all the confidence in her strut in the world said “You don’t scare me…” Hands down the hottest thing I’ve ever seen someone do"
Hold It In Your Heart
"I like it when you pull me close to you."
"From a girl I had met just 5 seconds prior and started dancing with. Sent chills down my back. I hope I never forgot about that moment."
"A soft, "I love you" whispered point blank in my ear."
"That sounds nice"
"It was made better by the fact that it'd never happened before and was completely unexpected."
And then there's these, the moments when all the barriers are dropped and all the pretense is taken out of the romantic entanglement that leads to love.
Stop being so polite and get to it, people.
Who Needs To Wait?
"When we were making out pretty hot and heavy she grabbed my hand and said “stop being such a gentleman”. I thought we were taking it slow but she had other ideas."
"That's the sex equivalent of mashing A to skip all the cutscenes."
When You Learn It's Bigger Underneath
"I was at my bf house and we had been kissing and I was in his lap so I could feel everything yk and I felt him get hard and I said "damn being stabed over here" my bf is kinda shy about that's stuff so he kinda looked away and said "it's barely hard" by being stabed it felt huge and it was"
Get It All Planned Out
'We can either go out for dinner at 5, or you can f-ck me and we will get there at 530 ish'
"My ex loved planning things out"
The Power Of Your Voice
"Being told that they masturbated to the sound of my voice from the voice memos I sent them. Wasn’t even sexual in nature, my voice just did it for them. lol never thought my voice had that power."
No Place Better
"The first time me and my ex girlfriend had sex at my house. It was late and the room was dark, she decided to get on top and seemed like she enjoyed it more than usual. She stopped suddenly. Grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me in. She whispered in my ear, “if I had the choice, I’d have you inside of me for the rest of my life” She wasn’t a very confident person, so it took me by surprise."
Speak Up, Guys
"Anytime a man moans or is vocal in general during sex I melt"
"This, exactly! So many men are quiet and it is so hot to hear those groans."
Don't Ever Let The Passion Fade
"My wife and I were out watching a band. They were really good, place was packed. But she had gotten dressed up for it and looked amazing. After maybe a half hour I turned to her and said, "Want to go home and f-ck?" She said "Yes...", then grabbed my arm and said "Yes!" It was the second yes that got me. We picked up our stuff and started to leave and saw the people behind us smiling. They had obviously heard us, and she clearly didn't care, which was also really hot."
Take a cold shower.
Then call your significant other to let them know how you really feel.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.