Being a smart criminal means you don't get caught... at least in theory.
Today's burning question is from Redditor ItzTacoTimmie, who asked the online community: "Police officers of Reddit, who's the smartest criminal you've ever encountered?"
Here are some stories from police officers and people with stories of their own. The nerve of some of these criminals; you have to admire their moxie.
"There's one guy I recently dealt with..."
There's one guy I recently dealt with who is on parole. I stopped him in my city after he was looking to buy drugs (usually people come from all over to buy drugs and then leave). I issue him a warning and let him go as it's pretty common and he sang like a bird regarding the people he was trying to buy from.
Anyway, the next day, I got a call from his parole officer who says he was alerted the guy was pulled over and wanted to verify that It was his guy that I stopped. I'm a little confused at first but he goes on to say that the day before, he was scheduled to meet with him but he had an excuse and bailed.
His excuse was that he was in the hospital. Well when he spoke with him the following day, he was able to provide documentation that he had entered the hospital day 1 and had left day 2. Well I had stopped him at 115 in the morning and after looking at the picture, it was 100% him.
Turns out the guy had checked in then out of the hospital on day 1, then in and out again on day 2. He then re arranged half the paperwork to make it look like he was in the hospital overnight which would make my car stop of him appear like I mixed him up with someone else as well as give him a valid excuse to miss their meeting.
Not sure what's gonna happen to that guy but I thought it was pretty clever.
"A guy in my dorm..."
This was in the late 90s-early 00s.
A guy in my dorm came to school solely to deal drugs. He took out student loans, registered for a bunch of 300-person freshman survey courses where he would never be missed, then literally never went to class. All he did was go to raves and concerts and keggers and sell party drugs.
After the first semester, he was suspended. He wrote the usual 'I was young and dumb and in over my head' sob story, and got put on probation for a semester. So he had a repeat of the fall. At the end of the year, he was kicked out, and didn't care.
He made something on the order of $150k, in return for about $8k in student loans to cover a year of housing and tuition.
So far as I know, he was never caught. It may have been a short-sighted maneuver in the long run, but in the short run it seemed fairly genius to effectively use federal loans to start your drug business.
"He was smart enough..."
Probably someone who committed a crime I never solved.
With that being said I had a guy use a sledge hammer to smash his way through a wall at a Best Buy and steal a bunch of phones and cameras. He was smart enough to wear gloves and a face mask and not touch anything he didn't have to. Alarms didn't go off until he exited out the back door, which the alarm company gets after a minute or two and takes them like 3/4 minutes to call in to us, giving him a good 5 minute head start so he was probably a few miles away before we got dispatched to it. He clearly scoped out the area before doing his deed too. Smart dude.
"It was middle of January."
Worked at a jail. After getting off work, I watched an ex inmate (homeless) being released, he walked over to a patrol car, looked me in the eye, and the elbowed the window in. He was walked back to the entrance and re-booked in. It was middle of January. He didn't want to get too cold.
"Anyone that immediately requests a lawyer..."
Anyone that immediately requests a lawyer, prior to questioning. That's the smartest thing you can do, if you committed a crime (in most scenarios).
If you speak with me and confess, you're f---ed. If you speak with me and lie, and I can prove it, you're f---ed.
If you say nothing at all... there's a chance I'm f---ed.
"I remember an officer..."
GiphyI remember an officer telling me about a B&E alarm he and his team responded to. No one was there to report the alarm, it must have been a security monitoring company that called.
When police showed up, everything seemed normal, most lights were off, and there was an employee still working. Explains he was there working late and must have set off an alarm.
They almost believed him until he said "uhh" before saying the name of the company he worked for. After that it was downhill but with a little more research he would have pretty much gotten away with it.
"Almost got away with it..."
Kid killed his grandmother. Used her credit card all weekend. Went to a dance. Went to Pizza Hut with a date. Had a stereo installed. Called family members in another state over and over like nothing happened.
The following Monday or Tuesday he poured gas through the house and lit it. Gas flashed and he ran into the yard. Fire department arrives. Said he heard a male in the house who he thought was an estranged family member that hated his grandma.
Almost got away with it but the door closed from the wind and the flames went out. Allows us to do an autopsy showing a .22 wound to the back.
Unraveled a long history of crazy abuse and family stuff for 16 years by his parents. Grandparents tried to help (edit clarification)
He's still in jail. Smart funny intelligent kid. Other than murdering his grandmother he seemed like a good kid from a distance.
"One guy would print barcodes..."
One guy would print barcodes, bring them into home depot and stick them on merchandise in the $100 range. When scanned the items came up around the $10 range. Putting random barcodes on things isn't really illegal and super hard to notice. Guy two would come in an hour later and buy the underpriced stuff. Complete plausible deniability. They would then sell the stuff on Ebay.
Only reason they got caught is because the guy with the barcode printer/software cut the second guy out of the operation so guy 2 stole a bunch of barcodes, put them on the merchandise and paid for it immediately afterwards. He then proceeded to rat on the first guy and spilled the beans they had been doing this on a weekly basis for over four years. Because we could only pin the one case on him, the burglary was dropped down to a pretty theft and he walked away with a few days in county and a small fine. Dude probably took Home Depot for tens of thousands over the years.
"I worked with this one guy..."
I worked with this one guy who had a lengthy record. He had a system for getting released if he got caught. After committing a crime, if the police were in pursuit and he knew he was about to be cornered, he would act insane. His girl would play along with it telling the police that he was off his medication. The police would arrest him but then send him to a mental ward with papers instructing the ward to release to police once he was cleared. Once he was in the mental ward, he would cause a distraction that would make the person attending the desk with the file cabinet to leave said cabinet.
He would then crawl to the file cabinet, look for his "release to police" papers, and then would literally eat the papers. When the psych evaluators decided that he was stable enough to be released, there would be no instructions to send him to the police, and he would be released to the general public. He did this about 10 times until police officers noticed him back on the streets. This stunt forced the state to change their procedure for detaining mentally unstable suspects.
"My favorite was the guy..."
My favorite was the guy who stole a post office mailbox off the street, repainted it, and then put it next to the night deposit box at a bank. And hung an out-of-order sign on the deposit box. All the businesses came along and dropped off their deposits in the mailbox.
"I remember some thieves..."
I remember some thieves would go and trigger the alarm of a vacant Blockbuster after they all started closing down. They did this for two weeks straight, so I guess the cops became convinced that this was a false alarm going off at the exact same time every night so they stopped rushing to investigate. One day we find out that the pharmacy next to the Blockbuster was broken into through the wall they shared. Not only that, but there was only one tiny section the wall that wasn't covered in shelves and panels in the pharmacy, so the thieves had to know exactly which part of the Blockbuster wall to break through. Still pretty impressed by the heist these junkies managed to pull off.
"There was a guy with over 50 speeding charges..."
GiphyThere was a guy with over 50 speeding charges, with the name "Prawo Jazdy." He was in a different car, with a different disguise every single time. Eventually, after the government set up a special task force to take down this guy, they realized that "Prawo Jazdy" means "drivers license" in Polish.
"Stopped a guy at night.
Stopped a guy at night. Willingly pulled over. Was Mr nice and had an answer for everything. Mistake was he left night vision on the dash. Which have me grounds to search. Had a perfect tool kit for high end breaks... radios to reach others in on the act... thermal suits etc. Barrister turned up to interview... offence of going equipped never stood a chance. He was released. On his way out joked he hadn't been stopped in 10 years... even complimented me on being pro active and observant. (record showed loads for burglary then nothing since 2002) 2 months later a camouflaged server site down the road was hit... 1.5 million in kit went. Police didn't even know it was there. ISP had no idea how the alarms didn't go off and how such specialised kit was difficult to sell... Knew exactly who it was... but 0% proof. nicest prisoner I ever had!
"They were housed in one of our maximum security tiers."
Having worked as a Disciplinary Officer in corrections, I've always been amazed at the ingenuity of inmates. The problem most run into is the follow up of the crime they commit. Our department received a call one night that there were three of our inmates walking down a street a short distance away from our jail. The three were caught quickly (they were still wearing their stripes). However, upon doing a roster check it was discovered there was still one missing. He was caught about a month later. So, the ingenuity was more in how they escaped.
They were housed in one of our maximum security tiers. After lockdown there is really only one way out of the cell. There is a very narrow window in each cell overlooking the yard (this was never really seen as a viable escape risk as they were so narrow one would have to be really skinny to even attempt to try to squeeze through). Due to lack of staffing, our guard tower stayed unmanned, so they took note of that.
They spent a year losing weight, and observing the officers that worked the tier, taking note of which ones were lax in their duties. They loosened one of the windows, and when they finally reached a weight where they could all fit through, they took their opportunity.
The officer on duty that night was so lax he didn't notice that four men entered a two man cell at lockdown. Not just that, he didn't do a roster check at lockdown. So they got out and used a mattress to climb over the razor wire. The problem is they didn't have a good strategy for after they escaped. The one that was out the longest was probably the smartest, as he decided to part ways with the three who felt like it was a good idea to walk on a street in their prison stripes. But, he had no real plan either. He spent his time living in people's fishing camps when they weren't around. He was caught when one of the campers surprised him, and called the department who was able to locate him shortly thereafter.
"When I figured it out..."
Not exactly the same, but I am a Cyber PI, and had a case where an escort was working 3 sugar daddies. She convinced each one of them to buy her a boob job. She collected $4500 from each of them and pocketed the difference. She got a set of boobs and $9,000. Each guy thought they were the only ones until I uncovered the enterprise. (One of the daddies was a married CEO.)
When I figured it out, I totally did the Ron Burgundy golf clap..."I'm not even mad...
"Not the smartest but the most determined."
Not the smartest, but the most determined. A couple of years back we had a dealer in, heavily suspected of plugging. He was put on a 'poo watch' constant supervision (effectively placed into a specialised cell whereby the toilet is rigged up to a clear tank, so if they poo, one of the lucky officers gets to sift through it to look for drugs). The bloke managed to avoid pooing for 12 days, after which point the doctor in charge of his care wrote a report saying that he needed to be released as he would likely die if he didn't poo asap. The guy was released, facing only a minor charge of the initial possession rather than what would have likely been a higher charge of possession with intent to supply.
"I'm a corrections officer..."
I'm a corrections officer and often encounter career criminals that are professionals at cheating the system. The real smart ones are few and far between, but every now and then I see something that opens my eyes to how ingenious and resourceful people can be who are institutionalized and have very little to their name.
One, less nefarious example I can share is this alcoholic and chronic gambler inmate who is homeless on the streets, has no family to put money into his canteen jail account but always seems to have various food items like chocolate bars (which are as good as money in jail) for trading and gambling. I searched his property one day to discover little coupon clippings, chocolate bar wrappers and fruit cup lids. This guy was using his 2 letters a week to send out complaints, reviews and coupons to food companies and having them ship replacement/winnings/samples to the jail. They would be factory sealed and pass security screening. All for free. I'm talking boxes of KitKat bars and whatnot. A true scammer.
A less intelligent but funny example is this 45 year old, 4'5 tall, half a skull, gimped leg in and out homeless regular we called 'dent head' (due to the large dent on one side of his head due to past surgeries removing half the top of his skull). He couldn't walk without a walker and even with a walker, moved with a massive limp at a snail's pace. I wondered what crime he could possibly be committing to keep coming to jail. Turns out he would shoplift from the local liquor store every day; if he didn't get caught, he gets free booze, if he did get caught, he'd come back to jail for: "a warm bed and 3 hot meals." Unbelievable.
"Knew two guys working at a scrap yard."
Knew two guys working at a scrap yard. One long semi trailer was for copper only, the boss would come around at closing and click the locks shut.
These f*kers put their own lock hanging there once a week and the boss would click it shut. They'd return hours later and grab a pick up load the lock the bosses lock back in place. They pulled that shit for a yr until the guy had cameras installed. They both just quit and called it good.
"Even with multiple police reports on this guy..."
Not police but I worked Asset Protection for a major retailer.
The guy was an electric shaver booster. Someone who specifically comes in, disarms the security tags, and walks out, within minutes.
Even with multiple police reports on this guy, we aren't allowed to stop him without probable cause. Lo and behold, we see him take a shaver. I left to do surveillance on the guy, undercover, but before I could, my coworker already had him in cuffs. No struggle, weird.
We get him in the office, he doesnt have it on him. Cops called. Cops search him. Nothing. He dumped it in a toy aisle we didnt see.
He sued us for $175,000 for unlawful detainment and we settled for $100,000. He knew what he was doing.
"When he first started as a rookie..."
I'm not a cop but my dad was in the NYPD for 20 years. When he first started as a rookie, he had a more experienced partner who he saw as kind of a douchebag. So one day they're on patrol, and this guy starts chasing the car screaming "Officer! Officer!" My dad's partner speeds up and my dad says something like "aren't you gonna stop for him?" And he just turns to him and says no. My dad didn't wanna argue with him so they just kept going. But the guy was still chasing the police car screaming "Officer!" After realizing they weren't gonna stop anytime soon for him, he drops to his knees and screams "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD OFFICERS!" And they just speed off. My dad never forgot that.
This was probably some sorta distraction maybe. It was a common trick back then my dad saw all the time in his later years on the force. They have someone do something crazy so that they get your attention, and while you're not looking, they can do anything. Sometimes they'll sneak up and mug you, other times they'll just steal something. Always very risky let your guard down.
DQ: Who is the smartest criminal you've heard of or encountered?
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.