Police officers have a hard job and they sometimes have rather frightening experiences while at work.
Here, officers and other professionals share their experiences, inspired by Redditor TerrorBirb who asked today's burning question: Police officers of Reddit, what is the scariest/creepiest thing too happen to you on the job?
"It makes my hair stand up to this day."
Had a woman call in on 911 whispering. Could barley understand anything but I managed to get an address. I kept the line open until the officers got there. Officers get to the house and a male steps out. They asked him why someone dialed into 911. He says must have been an accidental dial and theres no emergency. They obviously find this suspicious so they hang around talking outside to the male and one officer manages to spot a tiny hand stuck out of a small window waving around. They go inside the house and save a female who was beat bad and charged the male with forcible confinement. It makes my hair stand up to this day.
Police officer here. Was dispatched to hold a scene of a domestic assault where the female was attacked with a metal hook until our forensic team arrived. Was there for approximately three hours in the house by myself. Got a call from a detective assigned to the case to search the house again as the woman's two very young children we're still missing. Found them both dead in the bottom of a closet tied up. I'll never forget this one.
"I responded to a call..."
I responded to a call for a subject shooting a shotgun in his house. When I arrive his mom runs out screaming "He's in his room!!" I have her wait by my car.
Me and another officer enter, I am point man. We make our way to his bedroom and I turn the corner. He is sitting in a chair with a shotgun and looks at me.
He casually greets me, (I had dealt with him before from a past arrest). I attempt to talk to him and try to keep him calm.
After about a minute he just says "Doesn't matter, thanks for trying though." And then shoots himself. Did not survive.
Still haunts me but thanks to therapy and family I have handled as well as I could and I'm still a cop.
My grandfather was a cop for 40+ years. He recently told me a story about getting a call from a neighbor saying they hadn't seen their neighbor, let's call him Bill, for a few days. My grandfather and another cop, John, show up at Bill's house. They knock and knock, but no answer. They check the doors and lo behold, one is unlocked. As they enter the house, my grandfather starts calling out, "Mr. Bill, are you home? Is everything alright?"
This goes on while they search the house. Finally, Officer John goes down the steps to the basement. My grandfather hears him say, "Oh, Mr. Bill, there you are! Is everything alright?" My grandfather goes down the steps to see Bill standing in his basement in his suit, complete with his hat, and one thing that was very, very off.
My grandfather goes, "John, I think Bill is dead."
Dumbfounded, Officer John says, "He's standing right there."
"And you don't see the rope around his neck?"
So, apparently Bill had hung himself with clothing line rope, tied it to a beam in his basement, and kicked away the stool he was standing on. Over the however many days it had been, the rope had "stretched" so much that Bill looked like he was standing in the dark basement.
Out of all the stories I've heard so far, that was the saddest, funniest (because of Officer John's confusion), and darkest story I've heard my grandfather tell.
"This is the call..."
Ex-police officer here. This is the call that made me decide law enforcement wasn't for me. Conducted a no-knock search warrant on a drug house. First officer through the door secures the suspect closest to the door, second officer secures the person second closest to the door, etc. I was the fourth officer in, and of course my suspect ran. I chase him down a hallway, he runs in a room and slams the door. I burst in right after, jump on top of him and get him secured.
Before I cuffed him, he had his hand under the bed. I took him to the living room where the other suspects were being held, go back on the room and look under the bed...double barrel sawed off shotgun. My heart sank. I took a few photos for evidence, and collected the gun. Opened the barrels and found it was loaded with two slugs. I'm not sure he would have shot me had he gotten ahold of it, but it was enough to keep me up for two nights. I resigned 3 weeks later.
"I was working..."Giphy
I was working an off-duty job at a local theme park. It was an overnight so the park was completely closed with no one around besides the occasional cleaner or painter. I usually just sit in my patrol car on my laptop but when I get sleepy or need to stretch my legs I get out and go for a walk around the empty park. Let me tell you, amusement parks are really creepy when they are empty at night, but I got used to it. On this particular night I was doing my normal walk, on my phone probably on twitter, when I look up and see a lady who appeared to be in her 60's, nonchalantly sitting at a table in one of the restaurants that was closed.
Like just sitting there in the dark. This really confused the hell out of me and she was not dressed like an employee. I tapped on the window and she turned her head and stared straight at me. I asked loudly what she was doing and she just turned her head back away from me and ignored me. I tried to open the door and it was locked. I called on the radio for park security to come over there and confirm if this lady was supposed to be there while I walked back to my car to get the set of keys I kept in there.
As I walk back to the front of the restaurant 2 security guards are walking up at the same time as me. one of them peers in the window and asks "somebody was in here?" I look and the lady is no longer at the table. We get it open and search every crevice of this place and there was not a soul in there. You can say I was a little freaked out. We went back and checked the exterior cameras and nobody entered or exited. To this day this creeps me out and I can't explain it
"I had a dude OD..."
I had a dude OD on heroin while trying to get something from his bedside table. He collapsed into it and choked to death with his head in the top drawer because he couldn't move. The best he could do is kind of hug it.
So in the morning mum comes in and sees him, drags him off and puts him on the floor before calling 000. He is left exactly as he died.
We arrived and he is on his back with all his limbs up like a bug, kind of like a crawling position but on his back. His face and neck was red but his throat had a white line where the drawer was resting to choke him, at a glance it looked like his throat was sliced because of the color difference. It wasn't scary so much, it just looked bizarre and isn't what you expect at 7am.
I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of the undertakers straightening out the rigor mortisey joints.
Responded to a single vehicle crash out in the county. Found the car, it had left the road, crashed through a fence, rolled at least three times, came to rest right side up. The driver was mangled pretty bad, and actual paramedic says he's deceased, we secure the scene, wait for the coroner. Coroner gets there, declares him dead, starts his investigation/documentation.
About 20 minutes into it, we are all near the coroner van discussing the situation. We are about 20 feet from the victim car. The driver (who hasn't been removed yet) sits up, looks around, and starts the car. We all jumped about five feet straight into the air. Driver survived. Loads of investigation into how two trained pros declared a live man dead.
"I felt bad for both."
This older lady calls because her husband went outside to cut wood and didn't come back for lunch. He was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. Anyway, we end up locating him in his barn hanging by the neck from a rafter. He tells me to grab his thighs while he cuts the rope.
Once the rope was cut the old guy flopped over my shoulder which forced all the air out of him through his throat and voice box. I can't really describe it but it was like the loudest and longest moan i'd ever heard. I screamed and dropped him. I felt bad for both.
"I worked night shift..."
Not a cop, but a former EMT. I worked night shift, and this was either the night before or night of Halloween. We get a call to BFE for "generalized pain," which is a giant red flag for us because that could range from "I hurt my finger" to "I got shot and I'm dying but I don't want the cops to come." Now, since this is night shift, we get this call about 3 am. So we get there, and it's a creepy old lady who get us to go into the house from the garage. Why? Because she has a tv blocking the front door out of fear of zombies or something showing up to rob her. Weird, right? Well, this garage was pitch black.
We asked her to turn on the light and she wouldn't do it because squirrels chewed up the wires. So my partner and I kind of gave a weird look to each other but didn't think much of it, since we thought it was some Halloween thing. We go inside, and there a single mattress on the floor. No other furniture besides that tv blocking the front door. The patient is the crazy lady's daughter. She's got chronic pain so it's nbd. So, we get her to the truck and something seems off with the crazy lady. So I automatically close the door to the truck, leaving the medic and patient in there, since he's much bigger than me and can handle himself and a patient already strapped to the stretcher.
So I'm outside the truck and crazy old lady is standing there with her arm in a sling that she had just put on. I asked her to leave so I could go to the hospital. She tries to hand me a Diet Coke for her daughter and I refuse. This sets her off. She throws the coke and runs off towards the house, but only a few feet before she turns back around and starts coming at me. I see something in her hand...she had pulled a knife out. My paramedic then opens the door to tell me he's ready to go and it startles the lady enough for me to be like "aight leggo" and off we go to the hospital. I went home and cried. That was the first time I was almost killed on duty. And it was 3 am at Halloween.
"One that just recently happened to me..."
One that just recently happened to me that was pretty creepy, I had an assist with rescue call. Dispatch said the caller came home from the store and found her sister unconscious in her bed. When we got there, you could clearly tell that her sister was deceased. What was creepy is that since rescue came to the house first, they really didn't take a look around until we got there. There were obvious signs of a burglary to the home. Broken window in the back room with the broken glass on the inside of the home. It also looked like she may have been strangled. Rescue took her since she still showed signs of life, but they said it had to of happened within the last hour of them arriving. I felt so bad for her sister that found her.
I was assaulted by a co worker and then assaulted by the chief. I'm a dude.
Medically retired after being assaulted on the job. Both employees still there.
"Back when I was working patrol..."Giphy
Back when I was working patrol, my partner and I got a welfare check call for an elderly man whose out-of-state family couldn't get in contact with. These are the worst calls, because you know what is behind that door. The family gave us authorization to enter if there was no answer. And there wasn't.
The front door was locked, but we were able to open the garage door and go in through that door. The garage gave us signs of what was to come inside the house. It was filled with junk from floor to ceiling front to back, with just a little walkway to the door to the house. After taking a few steps in to the garage, we knew what we would find. The smell was overwhelming.
So far, there is nothing creepy or scary about this, as this wasn't my first body I found or seen. After making our way through the trash pathways in the living room and kitchen, we made our way to the master bedroom. We found him sitting in a rocking chair in his bedroom. Because decomp had already set in, there were no muscles holding him together. So his upper body was leaning to the right at an almost perfect 90 degrees. It was really creepy to see a body bent that way without having any type of trauma. (He passed from natural causes.)
Was searching a house for an intruder and the homeowner forgot to tell me about the mannequin wearing a trench coat in the middle of the basement in the dark. Nearly sh@t myself.
"When I was in my early 20s..."
When I was in my early 20s, I had a neighbor who was a paramedic. I really admired her, and we were good friends for several years. I thought I might also like to be a paramedic, so she suggested that I go on a ride along with her one night. At about 1am, a call came in for a car wreck, and we sped over. A family in a car had been in a pile up between two semis.
"The parents were dead on the scene..."
The parents where dead on the scene, but their teenage daughter was still alive, crushed between the front and back seat of their vehicle, which collapsed into itself like an accordion. She kept calling for her mother. "Mama! Mama!" It was the most horrific thing I've ever experienced. She didn't make it, and I did not become a paramedic.
"They later interviewed the guy..."
Not me but my dad. He's a road officer and about two years ago he was patrolling when he heard an engine revving behind him. By the time he looked up and a guy in a pickup trunk has rear-ended him. He calls it in on his radio, thinking it was just an accidental something when the guy reverses and hits him again. My dad realized it was on purpose and as the guy tries to take off, my dad turns his car into the truck as it goes by. He must have hit something good because it disabled the guys truck. My dad tries to get out but can't move his leg. So he just keeps the guy on point telling him to keep his hands up. The guy starts hitting himself in the face saying "Kill me, kill me. I'm going to kill you." My dad didn't see any weapon and the guy didn't get out of his car, so he just kept him in sight until back up arrived. They arrested the guy and took my dad to the hospital.
When I got to my dad he told me that he was afraid because he couldn't feel or move his leg. He was worried he was never going to walk again. Lucky there was no serious damage and after some physical therapy he was able to get most of the feeling back and can walk.
They later interviewed the guy and he said he had no regrets. He wanted to die and thought he would go out death by cop. He even said something along the lines of killing my dad in the crash to make the other officers angry. So yeah... that's our scariest story.
"Had a call that a woman who lived alone..."
Had a call that a woman who lived alone with her dogs and had not been seen for some time.
Myself and a colleague forced entry to the property and were met by the three dogs in an agitated state. Searched the place and in the living room was a couch with an object sticking up from it. Despite it being daytime and visibility good, I couldn't work out what it was. It looked like an arm sticking vertically up.
Walked around it a couple of times then realised it was the spine of the partially eaten resident. Most of the midsection of the body was gone with just a piece of skin joining the legs to the upper torso. The legs had been dragged over to the head causing the spine to stick up out of the body.
It was horrific but we did our enquiries, the dogs were removed as were the remains. There were no suspicious circumstances so despite the horrific nature of it, it was treated as a sudden death. A cleaning crew was organised.
We had just left when we realised that we had not found the pelvis. We didn't want the cleaning crew to find it so went back and did another search. Still no trace of it, the dogs must have completely consumed the entire pelvis.
911 dispatcher. Not this last Easter but the one prior when it was on April Fools day, I had just recently gone through a difficult break up with someone I admittedly still love today. I was leaving for work and noticed a note left under the windshield wiper of my Jeep. It read "I'm sorry and I love you." It was from my ex and that really kind of set my tone for the day. Fast forward maybe 45 minutes, it was a relatively slow morning for working in the metro. I believe it was the second call I took that morning of a hysterical woman stating her boyfriend shot himself in the head, it was difficult to get information from her as you could imagine but what made it difficult was that I could hear him making sounds that did not sound human, gagging, gasping for air, difficulty breathing and retching. I remember thinking how this woman just lost someone she loved, she had witness him take his life. I also remember thinking how I never want to lose someone that I love again - not that my break up even holds a light to what she went through. Anyways, he still had a pulse by the time the officers arrived and by the time he reached the hospital. I don't know if he lived or not, I'd imagine he succumbed to his injuries.
"I was called to the scene..."
I'm a CSI.
I was called to the scene of a man who was presumed dead already. He was found in the woods, skin pale and drenched from the rain passing over earlier. He was shot execution style in the back of the head, which was eventually determined to be the cause of death. We had the team block off the area and the nearby road, and then the body was placed on a stretcher to be taken for autopsy. When it was moved, the body moaned softly, and it scared the shit outta me.
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Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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