Top Stories

People Who Went Missing When They Were Young Reveal What Happened To Them

People Who Went Missing When They Were Young Reveal What Happened To Them

People Who Went Missing When They Were Young Reveal What Happened To Them

[rebelmouse-image 18358162 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

It's every parent's worst fear. Heck it's every person's worst fear regardless of age. To discover you have a Missing loved one or to BE the missing loved one. There are countless tv shows, movies and books covering the topic. Whose heart doesn't sick at the sight of a missing child poster? Some see it as a fear greater than death. At least with death there is a knowing and a closure, not a happy one but a closure none the less. And to be a missing or to be lost and not be able to find your way to safety is a nightmare come to life.

Redditor _u/PrimarilyMarten wanted to know... Redditors who have gone missing but were found. What happened? Pay attention people this could be any one of us.

DON'T BE SPITEFUL, JUST WALK HOME!

My mom reported me missing one midnight. We were staying at a hotel a few miles from home (long story), we got into an argument and she kicked me out and told me to walk back to the house. I was 15. Instead of doing as I was asked, I said f*** this and messaged my theatre director, one of the only adults I knew, and said I was outside at night and that I wasn't safe. I spent the night at her house and the police were looking for me. I made sure my older brother knew where I was, and went to school the next day. Police took me home after I went to her house a second time.

WAITING FOR DEATH AT THE LOG...

[rebelmouse-image 18355673 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Back when I was around 7 or 8, I was at this family camp during the summer. I would hang with this group of boys who were all a few years older than me and always thought "OH BOY, I get to hang with the big boys." So anyways there was this place people called "the secret hideout," where it was just a little hut made of sticks and a fireplace that you could find by going into the forest a little bit. Me and these dudes go to the secret hideout place and for some reason decide to find another. So we just walk deeper into the forest until we find a place and we're like _"cool, this is the second secret hideout, let's go find another." _Once we find the third secret hideout we decide to go back to camp and had no trouble finding our way. But as soon as we got back, I went to my cousin and was like _"Dude you got to come with me, there's like 2 more secret hideouts" _So me and my cousin go to the secret hideout, then I proceeded to lead the way to the second secret hideout. On our way to the third secret hideout I get completely lost and start crying and the both of start going mental. We're just two little kids frantically running through the forest having no idea where we are. Eventually I'm just like _"okay, let's just sit on this log and wait until we die" _and my cousin was like _"that sounds good."_ Apparently, that's actually what you're supposed to do if you get lost, you're supposed to stay in one place and wait for help. So me and my cousin have possibly the most intimate conversation about all the things we'll miss when we're dead. Eventually my family notices were gone and my dad eventually finds us. But yeah I essentially welcomed and accepted death at the ripe age of seven.

WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

[rebelmouse-image 18358163 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Happened twice. First time was comical second was quite serious.

When I was 5 or 6 my best friend lived a few houses down. We would see each other every day and do normal kid stuff. I guess he went on vacation one week and me being 6 didn't quite understand that... I took off on my trike and was determined to find him. I pedaled at least two miles before a concerned adult saw me and called the police. My parents were quite relieved!!! And took away my bike. Still friends with that neighbor and it's a joke that comes up every now and again.

So now for the not so funny part.

This happened when I was 22. I'll spare all the details, but my life literally fell apart. My father died and we were very close. My girlfriend dumped me because I was having trouble getting over the loss. I failed a bunch of classes in college and was told not to come back. My life was crumbling. I wasn't suicidal, but I felt this urge to leave. I hopped in my car and drove until the gas ran out. I found a cheap motel and spent the night. Then I kept driving the next day, and the next. I turned my phone off. No contact with anyone. Not quite sure what I was thinking, but it felt good to just keep moving. I was in a Waffle House one morning around 4am. Met a fellow traveler and we exchanged stories. I spilled my heart out to this random stranger. He gave me a hug and just listened for hours. He bought my breakfast and just said, _"Go home, kid. This too will pass." _I had a good cry and drove home. A lot of people were very worried about me. My mom was convinced I killed myself. It was extremely selfish. But whatever happened in those 5 days I was off the grid seemed to set me straight.

BLESS YOU REDDIT!!

[rebelmouse-image 18358164 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Not me but my brother, and Reddit found him for us.

My brother moved to Hawaii and from there Iceland. One day we stopped hearing from him, like he vanished off the face of the Earth. He had stopped posting on social media, he had stopped contacting all his friends (even the ones his family didn't know). It was always a possibility that he was going off the grid for some reason, but last we spoke everything was fine and normal. Still, we thought he would pop up somewhere, as he was an extensive world traveler and often went incommunicado for periods of time. A year goes by, we are more worried. What if something happened to him? Why wouldn't he be on social media anymore? Why would he cut contact with his entire network of friends and family? He had never done that before. There was no fight or drama. The last conversation he had with my mom was about Christmas presents. We start looking for him. We message everyone we know he knows. We message his best friend, who gives a VERY cryptic response neither denying or confirming anything. This gets us worried, why is this guy being shady? Last we knew these two were travel the world together. My mom email bombs his best friend, who refuses to respond. We wait another year. Nothing. We are starting to think he might be dead. My mom files a missing persons report, and the police find no trace of him. I start posting missing persons reports. We scour the internet. We find nothing. Another year. I haven't seen him in 5 years now. I think ill never see him again. Half my family is convinced he died somewhere abroad. He hasn't filed any W2s or Pplied for government services oranything in the US in 5 years. Another year. My mom hires a private detective for 10k. The guy can't find much, he is worthless. I start posting on Scandanavian subreddits, because that was the region my brother was last seen in. I basically make a missing persons poster with his pic and all his info. A week later someone sends me a message, they had seen my brother!

We are freaking out. The person explains that he was in Norway, and had worked with my brother doing construction. This Gentleman was from Michigan, but owned a business in Norway, so could kind of weed out the BS in my brothers story. My brother was telling people that he was adopted (he wasn't) and that his family had stolen him as a baby. (We didn't.) He said my brother seemed kind of mentally off, with a lot of conspiracy theories and rambling thoughts. I thanked this guy PROFUSELY. It was so nice to know my brother was alive.

Still, this isn't proof positive. There is no picture of my brother, and by the time this guy messaged us my brother had moved on. Reddit dude told us where he my brother had said he was going next. We contact our local police with this new info. They message the police force in Upsalla, where my brother had said he was going. The police there know where he is! They go to his door and let him know his family is looking for him. He tells them he knows, and doesn't want to talk to us. They check his passport to make sure he is actually my brother. This is the best/worst news we have had. It was now 7 years since we had talked to him at all.

A couple months later my brother sends me a Facebook message! He hasn't directly contacted me in almost 8 years. He wants me to remove my Reddit post about him being missing, it was showing up when you Google searchd his name. I say I will and try and start a conversation with him. Slowly we being talking again. He agrees to taken to the rest of the family. We keep in contact for the next 2 years and I go visit him in Sweden. The year after that he moved home.

So thank you Reddit, for finding my brother :)

HI HOE SILVER!!

[rebelmouse-image 18358165 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My brother (when he was a toddler) got put down for bed at night. My dad worked nights and I guess my brother decided he missed dad... grabbed his hobby horse and let himself out the door. Some neighborhood people called the police because this little kid wearing only a diaper was "galloping" down the street on his horse on a stick.

THE WICKED WITCH LIVES!!!

[rebelmouse-image 18979639 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My stepdad was really sick when I was 4. We lived next door to his mom, my evil step grandma. While my sisters went to school I had to stay with her because my mom stayed at the hospital with my step dad. Evil Grammie was mean as a snake and haaaated me. She refused to turn cartoons on and I didn't have any toys with me, so when she went to take a shower I escaped from her house and broke into my house next door. To this day I cannot remember how I got into my house, but I hid in the bathroom cabinet behind the towels. I'm guessing hours pass, I hear people in the house calling for me. My step-Aunt says _"If I was her momma I would whoop her!" _So I stayed in the cabinet until I heard everyone leave. Including cops. Once it was quiet I called for my mom to come help me out of the cabinet. I ended up not being in trouble because my mom was sooo pissed at Evil Grammie and Auntie because I was missing for a while before they called her.

DON'T BE TOO LITERAL...

[rebelmouse-image 18979640 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

When I was in second grade... so I was 6 years old I think, the teacher got mad at me for something I can't remember now. The teacher tells me to get out of the class. I go outside into the hallway but I was pretty upset and just left. I walked out of the school and walked straight home. We only lived about 1/2 mile from the school. I went straight into my bedroom and just started playing with star wars stuff. About three hours later my frantic mother came rushing in from wherever she had been... apparently there had been quite a ruckus kicked up looking for me. My defense at the time was that the teacher told me to leave. So I did. They made me go back to school the next day.

JUST ONE LAST CHAPTER....

[rebelmouse-image 18979641 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

In pre-K I loved to read. One day the teacher told us to line up to go to chapel (Christian school) but I was deep in a picture book and didn't hear. They left me and didn't notice I was gone until she was counting heads after lunch hours later! I got in soooo much trouble but never understood why it was my fault as a 4 year old that the teacher didn't check the room before leaving it.

WELL THERE'S A DATELINE EPISODE...

[rebelmouse-image 18979642 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My dad had my uncle babysit my sister and I for the day when I was ~4 and sister was 2. It was awesome, we got to hang out on his boat and eat ice cream all day. When he took us home really late I remember my mom was hysterical and a cop was there. Dad had told mom that he got rid of us and she would never see her kids again and refused to tell her if we were dead, alive, or if he even knew. The cop took us away that night and ultimately mom's parents raised us for a few years while my parents got their shit together independently from each other.

FIND COFFEE...

[rebelmouse-image 18979643 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Got really drunk, woke up face down in the snow in the woods in Montana. I'm not from Montana and this was my second night there. Found the lake that we were staying on and used the moon to find the house where we were staying. Walked in the door at around 2:30 am to a group of relieved friends.

STAY CLOSE...

[rebelmouse-image 18979644 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

When I was around 8-10 years old my mom would drop my dad, a few of his friends, and I off on a part of Oahu in Hawaii that was all jungle with no people/buildings. We'd hunt, fish, and surf all day every day with no communication to the outside. My mom would pick us up 5-7 days later at a pre-designated spot/time.

One of the times 2 days before pickup I wandered away from camp and got lost. I had my pack and surfboard with me. Ended up camping alone for a night and surfed a few times by myself. The next day my dad found me and we never told my mom.

I honestly had a blast, would do again if I was 10 still.

JUST SAY NO!

[rebelmouse-image 18352636 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My best friend and I went to a party in Portland, Oregon on a Friday night. I lost track of him at around 10 and didn't hear from him all weekend. I receive a phone call on Monday afternoon from him saying he was in Chicago.

Moral of the story: don't do drugs.

UNDER THE PILE...

[rebelmouse-image 18979645 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My parents were shopping with me when I was 4 or so years old. I disappeared from right next to them and they couldn't find me, had employees searching for me, yelling my name etc. My mom was frantic. They were about to file a report and do the whole Amber Alert business when I popped out from the middle of one of those round clothing racks, happy as could be because nobody found my hiding spot.

They were not pleased with me.

FULL CIRCLE...

[rebelmouse-image 18355673 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Not technically missing but..

When I was about 10, I went to walk to my friends house for the very first time. I usually go with him or other friends and never really played close attention to the route, but thought I will just 'remember.'

As I got about 3/4 of the way there, I suddenly arrive on a street I have NEVER seen before, this was before I had a phone, and as English was my second language having arrived in England a year before, I couldn't even ask for instructions properly.

About an hour of walking around in circles, a woman with a push chair saw me and asked if I was lost, I wasn't able to ask her for directions, I had no idea what street my house was in, no idea about my house's phone number, so she just took me to the local supermarket and from there I knew the way home. - after that, my step-dad made me memorize his mobile number, home number and address

OH FATHER...

[rebelmouse-image 18979646 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My father had kidnapped me from my mother when I was 6. She had kicked him out of the apartment and just told me he was staying with my grandmother for a bit.

He picked me up early from school and took me to the beach. I thought it was just a fun trip to the beach with my dad. He basically spent most of the time nodding off. Two police cars pulled up and my father just got on his knees with his hands up. He was handcuffed in put in one car and the cops in the other car just told me they were taking me to my mom.

I didn't find out what actually happened until I was 17. My mom kicked my father out because he was abusive and on some drug (Thinking back on it was probably Heroin). He picked me up early from school then called my mom from a payphone (It was the early 90s) saying if she didn't let him back in the apartment he would sell me and she would never see me again.

WHEN YOU'RE EXHAUSTED...

[rebelmouse-image 18979647 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

So I fell asleep on a cot inside of a display tent in a sports supply store when I was about three or four...

It didn't help that I was my parents first kid.

WHAT DID WE DO BEFORE CELLPHONES?

[rebelmouse-image 18979648 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Not me but my uncle.

Where he went to college there was a few train tracks that ran near campus. Trains would roll by pretty slowly, one night him and a friend drunkenly jumped on a train fully intending on jumping off close to their house. They passed out and woke up in a train yard 2 hours away from their college.

This was 25 years ago so no cellphones, took them 2 days to hitchhike back, they called their parents but friends thought they got abducted on the wrong side of town.

WHERE'S TARZAN?

[rebelmouse-image 18979649 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Got lost in the jungle for 2 days. Had the national guard find me. 6/10, would do again.

IT'S WINTER... SHUT THE DOOR!

[rebelmouse-image 18979650 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I was a baby and it was winter. My mom left our front door open and I crawled out.

She freaked out, but a few hours later the mailman brought me home.

People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.