Life is dangerous and creepy characters are lurking everywhere. Each day we live is actually a game of survival. We have to be prepared to do what must be done when it's you verse them.
Redditor u/Alechu-Akbar wanted to hear from those of us who did what needed to be done for survival by asking.... Redditors who have killed in self defense, what is your story?
The German Shepard.
An animal death warning for any readers ( I've noticed a couple people have posted stuff like this so thought I would pitch in my experience)
About 3 months after my family had moved to the Pennsylvania area all three interconnected streets were up in a roar over a German shepherd, now my mother and the owner of the dog were friends before the incident but not after. I had (or rather still have luckily) a golden retriever that is my best buddy, I had decided to go on a walk with the both of them when we came up to the German Shepherds house, pretty short story, the dog was supposedly filled to the brim with different diseases and possibly rabies which pissed everyone on all three streets off. So it isn't really surprising to you all to know that said dog ended up charging my dog, grabbed it by the neck and started to twist and pull to kill.
I will admit I had history with fighting and rage issues (that have been worked out because of therapy before hand) but I let go of everything this one time. I ended up shoving my entire left arm into the German shepherds mouth, grabbed it by the ear opposite of the side I was facing, and twisted really hard, it released its grip on my dog when I put my arm in its mouth, and I can just remember hearing the crack of it's spine in multiple places as it died. The cops ended up getting called obviously but they didn't do anything drastic at all because one of their friends lived on the same street and was having the same problems with the dead dog plus they had been called in multiple times before because of the German shepherd. Now to better defend myself from anyone wanting to argue against me I shall list the factors below :
- the dog was tested after death and had multiple illnesses that were infectious and deadly to dogs
- it had a high chance of having rabies
- it was overly aggressive
- the owner refused to do anything about said owned dog and even gladly paid every fine that was issued
- no one on any of the three connected streets were in good standing with the German shepherd
- it was most likely endangering every other person on the street
- it was "clinically dead" because it had multiple parasites that had ingested its brain TheOriginalH1h
"You've brought this upon yourself"
Almost killed someone, but managed to keep it cool.
I've always been prone to provoking gangsters because of my tired eyes, always halfway closed. I've had some times that I talked my way through by showing them my eyebags, and we end up cool. This one time, I was with my friend cycling throughout the city and we were about to run down a steep road, so I advised him to walk down first. As I was sliding down on my bicycle, I saw him talking to a group of 4 people. As I slid down, I was screaming "WOOH!" In enjoyment, and stopped dead in front of them and said "Hey!" The first guy then approaches me and says "You want a fight?"
Assuming that they were one of my friends' classmates, I smiled and said "Sure!" Then he kicks me off the bicycle. Instantly, I was provoked and noticed that they had small bags, and I know that those were filled with stones and used as weapons by gangsters. So in an impulse, I flung my bicycle at the guy who kicked me (I do 50 bench presses every night before I sleep) and then took his bag, ready to crush his skull when the other 3 screamed "Hey! Hey! Hey! Stop!" And then threw their bags away to show that they give up. I never noticed it, but my eyes were open at the widest they've been in my entire life, and my entire body felt hot in anger. I also dropped the heavy bag and still didn't keep my guard down just in case they had knives: they didn't. I helped the bloody-nosed guy who took an entire bicycle to the head up a taxi, paid for them as they apologized and said "He keeps initiating fights with everyone for no reason".
As they left, I heard them mumbling "You've brought this upon yourself". Me and my friend continues on our way ourselves. There are only 2 cases of me provoking a gang with that particular friend, but both were terrifying for him. Anyway, I doubt that the others were actually scared of what I was capable of, but were more concerned for their mate being close to getting killed. WhitemanMC
Me v. Them.
I was about 17 at the time and I was in L.A. these thugs jumped me and it was a 7v1. I got my ass handed to me and had many bruises and broken bones. I found a medal rod and whacked a dude in his head, knocked him out instantly. Then I shoved it in the leader of the gang's gut at a upward angle piercing his left lung and heart. I watched the life drain out of his eyes. My attackers saw me kill their leader and ran, and I picked up the guy (maybe 250lbs in muscle?) And brought him to the nearest hospital which was down the street.
I had a fractured jaw, three broken ribs, a fractured pelvis and femur, and a broken nose. They pronounced him dead about three minutes after I brought him in. Later that evening i was charged with manslaughter and went to court. My charges were dropped after one of the cams from the hospital caught the whole thing.
To this day, I go to my attackers memorial as much as I can (L.A. took it down after ten years) to place down flowers because deep down through all that hate, I know that it's the right thing to do. DisIsMyGenital
I heard a bump in the night.
Every time this question gets asked, the thread is much longer than it should be, undoubtedly, this story will be buried, much like in my life. Please forgive the poor formatting, as I wrote it on mobile device.
As has most of these have started, I heard a bump in the night. I looked out my window, which overlooked a portion of the backyard and house. There were four dark figures at the back door, speaking in hushed tones. Three had backpacks, and the fourth was holding a 3' crowbar. I grabbed my Mossberg 590. I use it frequently for clay sport, and compete often, but when it isn't being used for sport, I keep it loaded with four rounds of 4-shot and two rounds of 00 at the end of the tube, just in case the 4-shot isn't enough.
I grab my Ruger 22/45, my cellular phone as well, and quickly make my way down the hall. I rouse my sister from sleep, shove the phone and pistol in her lap and tell her we have uninvited guests, and to make the call and barricade herself in her closet. At the top of the stairs, there is a short wall I duck behind, overlooking the entrance to the door they're making their way through. When they get in, I wait. I hope to myself that they don't try to make their way up the stairs, as this is my threshold for action. After a few minutes of them searching the rooms downstairs, sure enough I hear the first one grab the creaky bannister and take the first step on the wooden stair. I stand up and take the shot and rack the slide. I hit him square in the chest, and he crumpled to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Five rounds left. The ringing in my ears is deafening. I can hear shouting, but not what they are saying. The two of them try to run up the stairs, I raise and fire, and rack the slide again. Four rounds left. Square in the chest, like the first. He falls into the man behind him. Take a shot for the man behind him, fire, hit high and to the right. Three rounds left. Hit in the shoulder. He staggers, and continues to try and make his way up the stairs. Fire again, he falls to the stairs like those before him. Two rounds left. The last man was the only sensible one.
He made his way out the way he came. By this point, I have turned on the lights. I walk down the stairs to check for remaining threat to mine and my sister's lives. The first one is still breathing, but none of them appear to be in good enough shape to finish their attempt of making their way up the stairs. I take in the scene, the silence is roaring now. The blood is pooling at the base of the stairs. The place is a mess.
I make my way to my sister's room. I announce my presence before opening the door, as I don't want her to shoot me. I come in, she is still on the phone with the operator. I communicate to her and the operator that we are now safe, but one of them left out the back door.
The police show up about three or four minutes later. There are three dead men in our house. They take our statements. They catch the fourth man within 25 minutes. The police throw some tarps over the mess in the stairs, so my sister can get by. We stay at a friend's house down the road.
I suppose I had some mixed feelings about it for a week or so. Nowadays, I don't think about it much, and I don't feel any guilt. Itwasprettystupid
Like for real, I'm not against coos shooting to defend themselves, and I'm very very skeptical of "police brutality" and "racist policeman" (I'm sure some exist, but I don't believe it's some systemic thing prevalent around the US). It's okay to shoot in self defense. But civilians should also get the same rights. You're in my house and you shouldn't be there? I'm warning you and if you don't get out I'm shooting you. Same for if I catch you breaking into my house; warning then shoot. If you do either of those things and I see you're armed, no warning, in shooting. Cops do this, why can't we? It's our home. TheEgyptianConqueror
I was 19.
I was 19 and working swing shift in Santa Ana, CA, getting off work at 11:30 pm, Monday through Friday. The area was sketchy, high crime and all that goes with it so usually I made a point of not stopping until I got home or close to it, usually stopping for smokes or hitting the In 'n' Out by my house. A couple times I had a 'short' (lowrider) pull up next to me at a red light and got mad-dogged by the Vatos in it but that was about it.
The company I worked for offered us overtime at another site, working graveyard and I needed the money so I took the opportunity for some extra cash. The other site was in Duarte, which back then was just as sketchy as Santa Ana, but I guess I had become inured to the possible danger. I went to my regular job the next night and when it was over I headed to Duarte. When I got off the freeway I thought I would grab a couple snacks and fill up the tank in my pickup.
I pulled into a 'U-Totem' and went inside to get my snacks and pay for gas. When I got back out to the pump there was a purple and blue metallic Lincoln short parked on the other side of the pump I was at and a black guy was there pumping gas into it. I waked around to get the nozzle and discovered this other guy had accidentally grabbed my nozzle (Back then the pumps had the nozzles on the sides so this happened occasionally)
I pointed out the guy's mistake but he just looked back over his shoulder into his car still pumping. I was about to repeat myself when two other black guys got out of the car and more or less surrounded me. I suggested he give me $10 and I would just use that to pay for my gas, simple solution to the mistake. Instead he 'suggested' I give him $10 and everything would be right. I laughed at which point one of the other guys grabbed my bag of snackerings and began digging in. I made to grab it back and received an blow to the side of my head that sent me reeling, to the delight of my new 'friends'. Rather than push it any further I counted my losses and went to work.
All was well the next few times I worked that second shift but then one morning, heading towards the freeway to go home as I was waiting a light and next to me rolls up the purple and blue lowrider from the night before. A quick glance showed me there was only two of them, the driver and a guy I didn't recognize as being there the night t the gas station. It also let me know the driver probably recognized me because he was staring hard my way.
The light turned green and I pulled away without incident. Luckily traffic is so dense I let them behind and was soon on the freeway. I made it home after stopping for a Double-Double, and went straight in to take a shower before eating. When I was done showering I threw on some shorts and walked out of the bedroom to eat my burger.
There is nothing like walking into a room of your home to find a pair of strangers there waiting.
The driver of the lowrider was sitting at my little table chowing down on my Double-Double. I just stood there freaking out still not sure this was real. He looked at the burger and pulled out the onions "I hate me some onions" he said t his friend who was sitting on the other side of my table rolling a doobie out of my stash. I don't know why, maybe it had nothing to do with anything more than timing, like the situation caught up to me, or maybe eating my Double-Double and smoking my weed was the trigger, who knows?
I turned and ran into my bedroom straight for the far side of the bed, making it there just as both intruders ran in behind me. They both had something in their hand but I wasn't waiting to see what it was and quick as I could reached under my bed grabbing my shotgun, a pump action 12 gauge. The new guy had started to come around the bed towards me and I reacted by pointing and firing. I only winged him and he turned to run... I remember the screaming and the threats to kill me but it sounded really far away... the driver, the one who was the instigator for all this, in trying to get out of the way shoved him back as he raised his arm towards me. I had chambered another round already and just fired…. Then it was the quietest time I have ever experienced, dead silence.
I just stood there in a daze for what seemed like an eternity.
The silence was broken by crying, not crying like from pain or anything, it was the driver who was pissed off crying he didn't just kill me while I was in the shower... That was a mind mess that messed me up for years.
Cops came and arrested me and the driver, who was injured (Had to walk with a cane and shit in a bag the rest of his life). The other was dead, my first shot evidently hit a major artery in his leg and he bled out.
After a lot of legal battles, some time in jail and some negotiating I was given 3 years summary/unsupervised probation, had to give up my guns and paid $600 because of firing my gun a second time, even though they had both still been armed.
All in all it was a horrific situation and one I wish had never happened. I won't argue I was defending myself but taking another life isn't something I ever want to experience again, ever. I cried when I was told the other guy was dead and had nightmares for a long time... back then no one knew about PTSD or anything like that.
I have a lot of anger still, but it's directed at the driver who was responsible for it all. Master-of-Sparks
Not so Scooby.
Some people don't learn lol. My parents adopted a GSD, didn't bother training him beyond basic obedience or keeping him engaged. Started to get aggressive. Got to the point where I wasn't allowed to walk or be around him because he would lunge at me.
Told my dad we should go to the vet or do something because something was seriously wrong. Instead, the dog attacked me while I was home alone. I held the dog off by the throat and eventually managed to push him off. He bit my shoulder and leg (glancing) and I ran.
Nothing was done to the dog. I moved out three days later without telling them (told them I was going to visit a friend in another state, did not come back). Found out that a week later he attacked my stepmom. Still didn't do anything until he attacked my brother another month after that.
They hauled him off to the pound and got a puppy. :\ i feel real bad for the dog -- he was real nice at first and I feel like with good attention he would have done fine but. Hah. ashstriferous
Iraq - but I don't think that counts.
At home - a guy broke into my house and I shot him a few times. WhyNotANewAccount
A regular customer at my mom's old job told us a story... he was at home in his backyard having a fun out doors day with his 2 young daughters. 2 guys came in the back yard with guns and started demanding whatever the hell it was. The guy was able to take both guys on. Took the gun from the first guy and shot him, killing him. The second dude fled and the dude chased after him, shot him and killed him on the sidewalk in front of his house.
Claims no charges for the first kill but since the other guy made it off his property before he was killed he got prison time for that. Sickening to hear he got prison time at all, if the story was true. Totally awesome dude. Only guy I know who works as a handy man making 6 figures a year. Tattooed his entire face because he wanted to make sure he never worked a regular job. danieljay691
My best friend and me were at our favorite pool hall playing some games and we hear shouting and commotion. I look up and see this big 6 foot 4 230+ lbs guy dragging this small girl outside.
My buddy, who grew up watching his dad beat up on his mom, ran out there to help. I followed right behind him and when we got outside the guy was punching her on her back while grabbing her by the back of her neck.
So my friend has a conceal carry permit and was carrying his glock .45. He starts screaming at the guy to stop and then grabs his arm. Dude immediately let's go of the girl and starts wailing on my friend. Starts beating his butt bad. I tried to intervene but the dude was in a rage and he threw me to the ground, hard. He goes back at my friend and starts trying to shove him into a alley beside the pool hall and my bud pulled the gun and shot him 5 or 6 times in the torso.
We called an ambulance and the police but the dude bled out on the pavement in minutes. The police took us in, not in handcuffs or anything but just to get our side of the story. We were released in hours and the gun was given back to my friend.
Shook us up pretty bad. I still remember hearing the shots and how the guy fell. How fast blood was pooling around him and how it was so much darker than you think it would be. Crappy situation. umbrella_CO
Not my story, but my uncle's.
"1983. I was at a frat party, and I had a really good hand of cards. Threw down a royal flush and won the game and about $500. This one guy got really upset about it, and when I walked away he followed me, saying that he 'was going to kill me.' Disregarding the threat, I just went back to my house and crashed.
About two hours later, I'm woken up by glass shattering. I grabbed my pistol and snuck to the entryway. The guy had followed me home and camped out for an hour and a half, and he had just broken the window next to the front door and was climbing in. I panicked and fired. The bullet pretty much tunneled right through his aorta, and he bled to death in my foyer."
He was sentenced to ten years for manslaughter and did five. PhoenixFlame989
Before I was born....
Before I was born, my parents lived in a somewhat sketchy part of Chicago. There was a rash of break-ins going on, luckily my parents weren't targeted because they had a very shouty dog. A retired cop who lived in the neighborhood figured he would be targeted eventually, so he spent time in his house armed. Eventually the burglar kicked his door down, saw the cop, and charged him, cop pulled out a gun and shot the burglar dead. It was a 16 year old kid. The cop was taken to jail that night, it was ruled self-defense, and he was let go the next day. thenuke777
I didn't kill a person, but my neighbor's dog. (Animal death warning for anyone who's bothered by that stuff)
It was one of my neighbor's retired police dog (German Shepherd) and had been having issues with ptsd. It became very aggressive towards other neighbors and actually broke my elderly neighbor's arm by chasing her down and using her forearm as it's own personal rag doll. The community wanted it put down after that incident but the owner just said she'd muzzle the dog. I straight up told her if that dog ever attacked anyone in my family (I had young siblings), I would kill it.
All was good for about 2-3 months until one day when my two little sisters (8yo and 6yo) we're outside playing and I heard them start screaming. I ran outside and this dog had them trapped on the play set in our front yard. It was a wooden castle type of structure and they had climbed up on top of the roof so the dog couldn't reach them. I grabbed my older brother's aluminum baseball bat and went over to confront the dog. It didn't have a muzzle on and seemed very angry. I yelled at it and it charged me. So as it jumped at me, I just swung at it and made contact with it's head. That killed the dog immediately. Dog's owner was mad, cops were called, my parents and other neighbors backed me up, nothing more happened. We moved away a few months later after she adopted another dog. JasonWKing6598
From the Bridge...
My great-great grandfather was an Italian immigrant. During the Great Depression, he had a job on the railroad, and made enough money to get by. One night walking home, someone tried to mug him. My great-great grandfather grabbed the guy and threw him off the bridge they were standing on. The police found the body next to the railroad tracks the next day. My great-great grandfather never got caught. Keeks15
Somebody broke my window in the backyard and alerted my dog, I hear someone in my house and my dog is going crazy and hear a whimper and my wife and kid started crying and ran to my mom's room and barricaded themselves in and I had a Glock 26 and looked downstairs and said the cops where alerted and saw somebody run to the base of our stairs and I didn't think twice and started shooting down the stairs and just heard somebody yelling, I went downstairs and saw this person had stabbed my dog in the neck and the intruder was pretty badly wounded. He was taken to the hospital and passed before a trial. Rest in peace Dixie 2009-2013. TehSquidsGunk
At a nearby park....
I was there but it was a friend, at a friends house and two got in a fight outside at a nearby party and came back into the house. Soon followed by an angry 30ish year old approx 6'4" and 250lbs (we were all 15-17) swinging a knife, 3 of our friends including the two who were outside stopped him at the door, one almost losing a thumb and getting slashed in the face and another stabbed in lower back. He ended up getting the knife turned on him while I was looking for some form of self defense as there was a large gang of people outside trying to get in. That when a friend at the door yelled for me to hold the door as he needed to check on his girlfriend.
I held the door with a large group trying to kick it open on the other side as this 30 something guy collapses while holding in his intestines asking for help, I told him there was nothing I could do and he shouldn't have come in. I still to this day don't know and didn't ask who actually turned the knife on him and was clear on the witness stand that while I am not sure exactly who stabbed him, they saved our lives that day. Two of the friends (the two who were in the fight outside) ended up going to jail for manslaughter, but I can honestly say, not sure that I would be writing this had they not. EhhEhhRon
We'll call this kid Bill.
Didn't happen to me but I was there. We were doing karate and the teacher sent the higher belts to the back of the room to practice. One of the kids back there is actually my friend and we get along really well but he has temper problems and they were especially bad when he was young. We'll call this kid Bill. One of the other kids must have said something to piss off Bill and Bill jumped on him and started beating the crap out of him. The teacher had left to make a phone call and we didn't know what to do since we were like 6. Bill's Gramma had bad legs and she was trying to get over there as fast as she could.
The third kid at the back of the room pried Bill off of the other kid and held him until Bill's Gramma got there. But the kid who had gotten beaten was scared because Bill was screaming death threats at him. By this time our teacher had come back to see what was going on. Bill broke free from the other kids grasp and tried to jump back onto the other kid. In self defense this kid kicked Bill's face sending him down and splitting his head open on the floor. The rest is a blur but I remember hearing Bill had gone into a coma and his heartbeat had completely stopped a couple times in the hospital. sprucee_goosey_96
"Excess of Self Defense"
I was walking home after a night of drinking. I used to be a welterweight semi-professional MMA fighter.
Suddenly three guys walked up to me and demanded that I give over my wallet and cell phone. If I had been sober, I would just have given it to them.
Material things can be replaced, and it doesn't really matter how well you are trained, three against one aren't good odds and you never know if they are armed, which isn't too uncommon with robbers.
But as I said, I was drunk and wouldn't take it. One of the biggest regrets of my life. I thought "Pick the biggest guy". I did. Can't exactly tell what it was that killed him, but when he went down I stomped on his face multiple times. I guess that was it.
It all went down pretty fast. The other two guys attacked me and pulled knives. Then I just ran for my life. The next day, I read the police report. They were already looking for witnesses.
I turned myself in and was released immediately after I made my statement. I was initially charged with manslaughter, because they denied they tried to rob me. But since they were already registered offenders and convicts, the story that I attacked three men out of the blue didn't really hold, and when they were about to be sworn into oath, they changed their statements. Charges were reduced to what we call "Excess of Self Defense", but I was acquitted because the attack continued after I had killed him.
My attorney later said to me that I could have killed the other two guys as well and still probably would have been acquitted. The only problematic point was that I hit first. But since self defense follows the rule of "The law doesn't have to give way to crime", I was within my rights of protecting my property and life.
Being acquitted didn't really help. Families can be vengeful. The aftermath wasn't easy. DoctorFlamel
Not my story, but a friend's. When he was younger (like 15ish) Anon went on a fishing trip with his brother, a family friend, and the friend's dad. The rest went out to set up food, clean fish, and whatever. Anon stayed to clean up rods and such on the boat. Some homeless (by the sound of him telling the story, possibly drugged out) woman got aggressive when asking for money, and started climbing on the boat. He started it and tried to drive off but she was already on. While trying to push her off he ended up knocking her to the back, she clung on and he ended up drowning her. Blargathas_mom
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
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Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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