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People Who Have Actually Taken A Life Disclose How It Really Affected Them

Life is fragile. That's a realization that hits all of us at different points. One moment, you're here, the next, you're gone.

Unfortunately sometimes the loss of life is caused by human error. And for the people who are on the other side of that life, the people who caused the death--it can be one of the most trying and difficult experiences of their own lives. We don't often get to hear those stories.

u/AlwaysTheNoob asked:

[Serious] redditors who have taken a person's life (whether accidentally or intentionally) - what were the circumstances and how has it affected you?

Here were some of those dark answers.

Ghosts Of The Past

A 12-year-old boy rode his bike in front of my car and died. It messed me up for a long time. I definitely had PTSD. I did a lot of drugs to compensate. I didn't invest in having a good future because I didn't feel like I deserved one. I still don't but now I have a family and they deserve a good future so I make an effort. When my kid got to 12 I thought about it a lot. She's 14 now. I know the accident wasn't my fault but it still feels like it was. I already had some depression before that happened and after it's been a regular battle. There are days where just getting out of bed is a major victory. Over time the guilt and depression have lessened and I have tools to deal with them but it's still something that haunts me.


Professional Help Is Essential

I homeless man jumped out from some parked cars and I hit him. It was raining and at night, and the blood mixed with the water made it looks like a literal blood bath. I could smell the mix of booze and blood in the air.

I had a hard time the first couple of days, then thought I was good. Went back to work but had 0 motivation, 0 energy, 0 emotions, I was just a shell of a person. I had a mental breakdown at the office, they had to call my parents, I was almost 30.

I began doing extreme things to get emotions back. Sabotaging my job, vandalizing property at night, things like that. Anything to get some feelings back.

I knew it wasn't my fault, that the dude was drunk and jumped out in front of the car and I couldn't have really done anything different, but as others have said, if I hadn't been there, this wouldn't have happened. It's a weird process to go through.

I should have gone to therapy much, much sooner. Eventually, after a couple of years it kind of just went to the back of my head, forgotten, but whenever some other crisis happened in my life, it would be compounded by this. I lost a good job, some friends, eventually, compounded with other problems I didn't deal with, I lost my wife.

I finally decided to get help, and while I know there's a lot of work to still be done, I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere with dealing with this, and other issues. Nobody wants to be on the hook for taking someone else's life, but if it does happen, make sure you seek professional help. Don't let one life being taken away cause your own life to be taken too.


A Shortened Range

Was driving to the mall one evening, a car made a left turn crossing my lanes, causing me to t-bone them. Teenage boy in their passenger seat and my girlfriend in my passenger seat both passed away. This was almost 20 years ago, I've since married and I have 2 sons, and mostly, I'm just numb. It's not that I don't care about things, but I don't experience true happiness all that much and just have an ambivalence I never had before that day. I've moved in most ways but my emotional range has never really recovered.


Don't Trust The Trust

Back in 2012 u worked in a mental hospital (UK) I was tasked to get a patient up, showered and dressed in the morning. I took him down to the dining room gave him some toast and left him too go on observations.

I walked down to the staff room to get the folder and walked to his dorm. As I went to leave he walked in looking very distressed. He was choking on some toast, I tried to help by back slaps and stomach compressions. He kept walking to his bed and tried to lie down that he did a few times and each time I picked him up to try and clear his airway. He clasped on his bed and I hit the panic alarm as I was trying to still clear his airway. Other staff took what felt like ages to arrive and later was informed that the alarm system had never been changed and was showing the wrong room and bed. He died in the hospital.

I was riddled with guilt. What was worse was his wife had been also brought in to the hospital and was on the female ward at the time this happened.

When I spoke to the solicitor for the Trust after giving my statement to the police. she informed me I would be looking at 20+ years for murder or best case scenario would be manslaughter.

I was never arrested by the police or placed under caution when I gave my statement. She got it in to her head that I was and that a Coroner would find me guilty. From there I would be arrested and charged. For ages I felt like I was being used as a scapegoat for failings and went into a spiral of depression. My stepfather at the time was an ex criminal solicitor and was trying to reassure me that I had nothing to worry about with her allegations. She never spoke to the Trust about me or the police but she kept on saying I killed him. Before the hearing started she told me to get my story straight this was in ear shot of my mum and sister. We put in a complaint just minutes be it started. During the hearing she was reprimanded by the Coroner several times as she kept objecting to questions being asked. The coroner stated it was not a criminal court and the police investigated and found no person responsible for his death. The next day I took the stand and gave my statement and answered all questions. The solicitor for the Trust never asked me a single question.

It was the most stressful and upsetting time of my life.


I have the opposite. I regret trying to save a life.

Im a nurse and I had a patient who was way into her late 80s. Had multiple issues. Had very advanced cancer with mets. She was very weak and had advanced dementia. Couldn't even tell me her name.Very debilitated and underweight.

Well her family was very conflicted in making her a DNR. Half her family wanted it, the other didn't want any more measures taken. Unfortunately the daughter with the medical power of attorney was the one wanting everything done.

It was late in my shift. I was working a night shift so daughter was asleep on the couch. I had noticed the patient was declining in status. Very rapidly. This poor frail 40kg women should have went peacefully. For a split second i told myself to pretend I didn't notice the decline and let her pass in her sleep.

Instead I panicked and began CPR. Daughter woke up and insisted we do everything. I was doing compressions with one hand, could hear the snaps and crunch of her ribs. Her mouth was foaming blood as we intubated her. Her eyes blood shot staring blankly at the ceiling. Her face sheet white and cold. Yet we continued to assault this poor soul because we were legally obligated to do so. She later passed the next day. We had prolonged her suffering by a day. Forced her under the agony of a ventilator.

Her death haunts me. I regret not letting her pass with dignity.


A Rare Situation

I was 19, first apartment, i had been moved in a few days and my roommates had gone out of town for the weekend, i had just bought a shotgun at a pawn shop because the neighborhood was pretty rough. I wake up around 2:30am to the front door being kicked in, i jumped up, grabbed the gun, and look down the hall, i see a guy walk into the living room, (my room was straight to the back from the door) i yelled to get the hell out because i had a gun, he turned, raised a pistol, i just started shooting as fast as i could pump it, fired five rounds and hit him with two or three before he got out the door, and took off. Neighbor heard the shots and called 911, police followed the blood trail into a backyard about a block away. He died on the way to the hospital, apparently was high as hell on meth when he broke in. It bothered me for a long time, but at the end of the day, in my eyes, it was him or me. Hope to never be in a situation like that again.


The Sad Tensions

Probably not the answer your looking for but my mom and twin sister died when i was born. My sister was going to struggle they knew that she might not make it but my mom started bleeding and they couldnt stop it. My oldest brother said my dad was different before. I know my dad loves me but theres always this weird feeling between us.


Life As A business

I've effectively killed plenty of people as a former ITU nurse (I lost count after a while, but I worked in a number of major trauma centres, so quite a few). All the evidence indicated that they were going to die, but by extubatung (pulling their breathing tube out), switching off their ventilator and life-sustaining drugs, I was the one who expedited their death.

To be honest, it never seemed to bother me as much as a lot of my colleagues. We'd often get support if we'd had a lot of deaths over a short-term period, and we'd have to go through all our feelings; but I'd usually end up giving them the answers they wanted to hear, because they wouldn't really get that I genuinely was fine.

Most days if you had a death you'd end up with another patient shortly after. I'd support the relatives as much as I could and wouldn't want them to feel in any way rushed, but my focus after they left would be on admitting and stabilising a new patient.



I don't know if it counts as "taking a life" but I do feel responsible. I was in 5th grade and visiting my grandfather, there was no one in the house but us. He started having a stroke or a heart attack and he was reaching towards me because the home phone was near me. I just froze and watched him die, hours later I didn't even call the police or my parents. I've come to be very anxious when I see an elderly person and I try to avoid them, which has damaged the relationship between me and my grandparents that are still alive. I'm also a bit anxious when I'm in a house alone with one person, my boyfriend has been wanting me to move in with him but I prefer living at my parents' house with my parents and siblings.


Simply Trying To Help

I'm a nurse and my preferred specialty is hospice. The medications for pain relief we give also slow respiration and aid in the bodies natural process of death. So by giving these I essentially take a life. As a hospice nurse I have also been bedside for people who do not want these medications. 9 times out of 10 I feel relieved giving these medications and helping it along because death is a painful process. I feel that it is a way I can care for them and send them off loved and comfortable so I do not feel guilt at all.


People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.