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People Share Their Worst 'Sh*t, I'm Talking To An Incel' Dating Experience

People Share Their Worst 'Sh*t, I'm Talking To An Incel' Dating Experience
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Even the word "incel" is rather nauseating to say. It's a portmanteau of the phrase "involuntary celibates," a term used by men who blame women––groundbreaking––for the sex they're definitely not having. It's a misogynistic take, no doubt. The incel movement has been called "extremist" because incel violence is becoming all too common and has been likened to a domestic terror threat.

This article from The Conversation lists just a few instances of incel-related violence, including an attack in Toronto that authorities called "incel terrorism." Those of you in the United States likely remember the 2014 Isla Vista killings, perpetrated by a man who wanted to punish women for sexually rejecting him.

As you can imagine, dating can feel like a landmine for many women because there is so much at stake. After Redditor OregonChick asked the online community, "When did you realize, 'Oh crap, I'm talking to an incel' during a conversation with someone?" people shared their stories.

Warning: Sensitive content ahead.


"I was in college doing my internship..."

I was in college doing my internship to become a teacher. I was chatting around with some of the students in the class and this one kid just completely dominates my time and attention.

I sat down to help him with some of the work bc he clearly didn't understand it. He refused to even try bc "Spanish is dumb" and he believed that he didn't need it. Of course, the school offered French, Latin, and Mandarin, but he didn't want to take those either. He also thought that he was going to get into a four-year college with those grades.

He also went on a long rant about how he was smarter than every kid in the school and everyone there just didn't understand how his brain worked.

Then finally, he told me that he was writing a book and he insisted that I read it. It was really painful sitting there reading a terrible draft of a terrible fantasy novel and pretending to enjoy it bc the author is a 17 year old kid and you don't want to hurt his feelings. But it was awful. Maybe if I'd had some background on the premise of the novel? Idk.

Plus, he reminded me of that comic book collector from that episode of Powerpuff Girls. He had the ponytail and neckbeard with the cargo shorts. He also smelled bad, but most boys in high school kind of smell.

He might not have been an incel at that moment, but unless he received a serious wake up call, he definitely became one later.

theoreticaldickjokes

"He also expressed..."

He said women shouldn't complain about being assaulted because "at least they got to have sex." He was in his 30s, clearly incel. He was referring to a girl who turned him down because she had PTSD resulting from a violent attack the year before.

nomoresweetheart

"Somehow the conversation..."

Yeeeeaaars ago when I was 16 and dumb, I was chatting with a guy on Kik. Somehow the conversation went to if the purge was real, what crime would you commit?

I said I'd steal shit from places, he said "Honestly? I would assault a girl." Blocked instantly.

burn-after-use

"He got booted instead."

Gaming, playing WoW for hours, and then I turned my mic on to ask a question. There was a long pause, then one of them said, "You're a GIRL?" I corrected him that I was actually a woman (I was in my 20's at the time), and he asked for me to get booted because "girls always ruin the dungeons." He got booted instead.

gaimeegirl

"I shared a drawing..."

I shared a drawing I did of a woman in a bathing suit to a group of friends and one of them, male, said " if a woman goes out like that she's asking to get assaulted."

fat_lumpkin

"When a co-worker..."

When a co-worker casually said some women are worth the sexual assault charge.

xtra_chromosome

"I tried pointing out the differences..."

The topic was maternal health risks in general. I mentioned fatal risks, like exsanguination. He mentioned the fatal risks to fathers. I asked for clarification because fathers aren't known for bleeding out during delivery. I mean, I could be wrong, as I'm child free, but I'm pretty sure that's not how it works. He explained that a lot of men kill themselves every year when they find out their wives have been cheating and their children aren't actually theirs. He couldn't give me any statistical figures, but he assured me the number is significantly high.

I tried pointing out the differences between women dying from childbirth and men later choosing to kill themselves. He said something about how my callous views are the reason for this public health crisis because no one cares about the men in this country. Also, he said that maternal mortality rates are negligible because of modern medicine, and only women in poor, non-western (read: non-white) countries die from childbirth. I listed several reputable sources that show how the US consistently has the highest maternal mortality rate of all western countries. I also pointed out that women in non-western countries still matter.

When I asked him to back up his claim with data and cite his sources, he said he wasn't going to bother arguing with me anymore.

Beorbin

"That shattered how I saw our friendship."

I had a friend I was close with for a year. He was a pretty cool guy and seemed to like the same things I did.

When I met him I had a boyfriend but we broke up and i met someone knew. Well, my friend was angry at me and said "Its not fair you are dating him. It was my turn next."

That shattered how I saw our friendship. Not only was he friends with me to get with me but he saw me as property. Not just that, but he changed so quickly when he didn't get his own way. I don't speak to him anymore.

Suicunetobigaara

"The last straw..."

My computer fritzed at a cafe, and the guy next to me offered to help me out with it. I refused, and the guy wouldn't take no for an answer. In the coming weeks, he would try to eavesdrop on my conversations with other people. He would follow me on campus if he was nearby, and tried to befriend the guy he thought was my boyfriend.

The last straw was when he heard I was going to a skills/written exam for one of my classes and showed up for the whole day, waiting for me to do the skills portion of the exam. I had to ask the test proctor to clear the room.

BlueSkiesAboveMe

"Also worth noting..."

He was new and I tried to be friendly with him. Very early on he mentioned Joe Rogan and "the philosopher Jordan Peterson," and I said "Yeah I've heard of them" and he dropped the subject. I figured we could still get along okay and just avoid the topics.

I go to lunch with him and then he says to me "Don't you think it's really hard to date women because of feminism?"

Also worth noting that this is in Japan, not the most socially progressive country.

themonsterinquestion

"We had the last day off..."

I was with a coworker in another country for a series of meetings. We had the last day off and during lunch he said how he preferred women wearing skirts instead of pants because when it's windy you might be able to see something.

Radioactive_Shroud

"He was surprised..."

He somehow brought up in conversation that if a woman is being raped, she should just lie back and enjoy it.

He was surprised when I unfriended him and blocked his number.

Lil_Manace

"When he blurted out angrily..."

When he blurted out angrily how "Humbert Humbert from Lolita did nothing wrong because "Lolita knew what she was doing, she knew what sex was and yet allowed it to happen––therefore it's not abuse."

I tried explaining what child grooming is, but this asshole literally told me that there is "no such thing" because (and I quote) "teenagers and kids already know what sex is."

awkwardlydancing

"I was appalled..."

I worked at Jamba Juice in high school. This one jerk coworker knew I was LDS (Mormon) and he asked me, "Mormon girls don't have sex before marriage right?" And I confirmed that was true. He then scoffed and said, "if I dated a Mormon I'd make her have sex with me." I was appalled and told my manager, but she didn't like me for some reason and only offered to make sure I was never scheduled with him again. Thinking about him still makes my skin crawl.

HarrisonRyeGraham

"I had a crush..."

I had a crush on a different guy who was friends with the incel. He had the neck beard to top it off.

I met Jake (placeholder name) at a party. He was okay in person? But then he dm'd me when I got home. I was being a little extra nice to him because I heard from other people that Jake had a severe mental disorder, I can't remember what it was. He started asking me about my interests so I said I liked tarot because that was one of my hobbies for a time. Jake responded, "Oh! You have interests!" And I reply confused and asking him what he means by that. He immediately shoots back,"Most girls don't lol." I should've stopped there but no, I let him continue. Figured one polite conversation with some guy I'd probably never see again couldn't hurt.

Jake then proceeded to tell me he was psychic, a load of crap I don't remember and tell me he wanted to go on a hike with me. At some point I stopped answering.

I met his mom once. Really nice woman but definitely a helicopter parent holy s***...

onepigeon

"I spoke to this guy..."

I spoke to this guy from a Facebook group. He would talk about how he wanted to save me from being a "degenerate slut" and that I would make such a good housewife. Really thought he was God's gift and had this idea that women secretly wanted to kiss the ground he walked on.

I found his insanity interesting for a while but it got old pretty quick. I blocked him on everything but he made several accounts over the next few months to message me.

ragdollxx

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People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.