No Mom, No. 

My mom told me that if I like a girl I should just follow her everywhere she went and give her gifts, like a vial of my blood (actually said that).

No mom. No.

- huazzy

Sleep.

"Never go to bed angry."

This was written in lots of wedding cards! We totally ignored this advice. Because if you're tired and getting more cranky you're more likely say something you will regret. We just sleep on it and in the morning, if its still worth discussing, you can go in with a clear head - or sometimes its not worth bringing up and you can both move on with your day.

- _northernlights

Never Trust The Roommate

Dating a girl in Uni, her roommate told me she "loves an*l, but is shy about saying it."

I learned:

A) Always discuss an*l in advance

B) Never trust the roommate

- billbapapa

No Effort Needed

To not put any effort into finding a partner. Just sit back and it will happen.

That might have worked once when people were more social and went to church regularly and things like that. Also it was common in the past for older people to make an effort to introduce single people to each other. Society just isn't like that anymore.

When I was single, my way of life put me into contact with very few people who were actually single and eligible and interested in me in return. If I hadn't put the effort in to meet someone I would have remained single.

- Waitingforadragon

Your Parents Don't Know Everything

My parents encouraged me to go to a University that costs $63,000 with no financial aid when I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. "You'll figure it out" they said. They also had me deny the federal student loans I was granted through FAFSA as it wasn't worth it.

I transferred, graduate in May, and that 1 year in school is 45% of my 4 year aggregate debt. Declared a Finance major so I can make informed decisions and not rely on their advice. I'm trying to get into one of the best Macc programs in the country and that debt level is seriously inhibiting my ability to go if I get in.

Your parents don't know everything.

- kingbrownied1

Change Him

"Marrying him will make him change."

Followed by...

"Having a kid with him will make him change."

Followed by.....

"Having a second kid with him will make him change."

Followed by....

divorce papers and child support.

- ghost0427

Because Other Men...

I was once taking my buddy's girlfriend for a walk because he asked me to keep her busy while he was at work. While we were walking, I stumbled upon an old high school classmate of mine who gave me that look of "damn, what you got there?"

I didn't pay any attention to it and just kept walking. After a while he sends me a message on my phone, asking me if that's my girlfriend. I told him she wasn't, I told him she was only my buddy's girlfriend who I was keeping busy. He told me to "steal" the girl and I obviously told him that's ridiculous and that I would never do something that disgusting.

His advice to me was: "Just do it because other men will always do it to you." The most ridiculous piece of advice I have ever had the displeasure of hearing.

- SirOberon

Just Do It Fast

I was learning to drive and kept nosing out to turn but couldn't see if a car was coming (I am turning they would be going straight). My friend that was teaching me simply said, 'Just do it fast'.

- Bodymindisoneword

Not Allowed

Both the worst and best advice... I'd just finished my first day of work for a company who'd hired me to work as a DB admin. Instead of doing anything related to the job title, they had me doing data entry all day in excel. I was alright with it, believing that it was just a temporary introduction type thing. Certainly wasn't what I wanted to do.

Brother asked, "So how was your first day?", "Eh, kind of lame. Data entry in excel is boring and I don't get anything out of it."

To which he responded, "Word of advice, you're not allowed to not like any part of your job. You can like some things more, but never dislike something."

I quit the next morning after having a complete nervous breakdown resulting from thoughts like:

"Is this what working is? What's the point of even existing if I'm not allowed to dislike (and subsequently try to avoid) jobs? Why would I ever want to go through life doing what I hate and trying to smile about it like it's alright?"

I certainly reacted more poorly to that experience than I had to any before in my life, but it made me realize that I would rather be homeless or dead than live working a job I hate for someone I've never even met in a company that doesn't care about me.

I work for myself now, and sure there are still things I have to do for my own business that I may not like... and I may not be all that successful, but everything I do now is for me. I love what I do and wouldn't trade it for any amount of financial security.

- cascade_olympus

Break Up Because You're Happy

Some of my high school friends told me to break up with my boyfriend because we didn't fight. Apparently that meant there was no passion in our relationship. We didn't fight because we discussed problems in a rational manner, rather than screaming at each other in public displays (which were common among this group of friends).

Fifteen years later, I'm happily married to said boyfriend, and haven't talked to those 'passionate' friends since high school ended.

-othybear

Hate Who You Love

My mom gave me awful relationship advice: you have to hate who you love. It makes no sense to me. She's been in a terrible loveless marriage which explains the advice .... but ye gods woman! Keep that shit to yourself.

- Skittlebrau77

WTF Is A Gay Laundromat?

My former friend's dumbass husband was asking me once why I don't date. I'm a gay woman and, at the time, I lived in a smallish town south of Boston. There were opportunities, but I had grown tired of the search. So I just told him something like "I don't know, I guess I don't know where to look" ... and then he told me to go into the city and find a gay laundromat to do my laundry at and then I can meet people. I just kinda tipped my head and looked at him and said "sure...,.great idea."

What the f*ck is a gay laundromat?!

-erinkp36

"Free" Money

Borrow against your 401K to buy yourself "toys". His logic was that you only owe yourself money so its basically "free" money.

He was 41 and I was 20. That man will never see retirement. lol

- Archer_F

Just Get Fake Ones

"You don't have to take care of your teeth, you're gonna get your adult teeth and even then, you could just get fake ones," said my dad to 9 year old me. So as a kid I formed a shit habit and then depression took hold and made it a billion times worse.

Now at 27 years old I've got an appointment on Friday for approval to get dental surgery to remove 7 teeth (4 of them wisdom teeth) and already had 2 teeth taken out a few years ago. It's my fault of course, but his advice didn't really help anything, lol.

- CharlieAintHere

Setting You Up For Failure

My former boss advised me to buy a house about a week before he laid me off.

- Siiw

See What It's Like

I don't want to have kids but my mom told me to just have one and see what it's like. Mom, there's no free trial to parenthood and it sounds totally not worth it either way.

- tangledlettuce

The Bad Cells

At my local barber a very old patron declared we could cure breast cancer if the president would make breastfeeding mandatory. I quote "it sucks the bad cells out".

- Ediolon

A Mountain Of Privilege

"You need to find yourself! Don't rot away at some horrible office job! Go climb that mountain! Seriously, what happened to the dreamers out there?"

I had no words since I worked my ass off to get a stable cushy office job that pays decently all in an air conditioned building with free coffee. College debt, working through college, living with parents for a long time, the sacrifices they made so I could get a job like this, etc etc.

F*ck you for thinking what I do is terrible. Issue is, she was a white suburban girl that had wealthy parents. Go figure.

- SomeSortOfMachine

The Reason

To view everything with "everything happens for a reason" in mind.

Depending on how you look at it, it's either a great saying or a miserable one. Yes, everything happens for a reason. The reason is what you actually control, not from some higher up spirit that is controlling each and every action.

"Oh no I failed my exam."
"It's ok dude, everything happens for a reason!"

Yeah you failed your f*cking test because you didn't study. THAT was the reason.

There are so many things that you are in control of in your life, and you'll never learn from failure/disappointment if you just chalk everything up to being chance instead of recognizing some fault of your own.

- EqualBad

Just Stop

In a private hospital with severe anxiety 6 weeks after watching a fella die trapped in a car in front of me. "Just stop thinking about it". Yes Thank-you for that gem.

- skibba25

If I'm in the mood for some confrontation, I ask them to explain, in details, how not to think of something.

- high_pH_bitch

"Just stop wanting to not be alone" thanks Karen, I'll just flick off the switch that makes me horribly codependent and compulsively lonely. Best get back to your f*cking barbecue or whatever.

- wamirul