People Share The Worst Marriage Proposal Stories They've Ever Heard
What's up with public marriage proposals? I certainly wouldn't want that kind of pressure. But even those aren't the weirdest kind. How about popping the question on a game show? Or pretending to break up with someone, only to propose? And I can't even get a text back...
Champagne_tatertots asked: What's the worst marriage proposal story you've ever heard?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Dad - subtlety master.
My parents. They were in the produce section of a grocery store when my dad says "all our friends are getting married we should too."
My mom thinking he was joking just said yea and moved on with shopping. A couple days later she got to thinking about it and with the serious way he said it had her confused.
She goes to him and asks if it was a serious question or if he really was just kidding around. He responds with "well yea I thought we were engaged now" 34 years later and they're still married.
"I say what I mean and I mean what I say" - your dad
Next time just stick with "hi mom."
I remember seeing a YouTube video about a guy who proposed on some light-hearted late night game show or something. Everyone was getting into the fun, happy, late-night vibe except the woman, who had a look of pure horror on her face. Eventually she whispers "Can we.....can we talk about this later? Please?"
The juxtaposition between the humiliated couple and the cheesy party backing music, just made it hilariously tragic.
I think I remember that. I think they had only been dating for a month and the lady was wigged out.
Reminds me of the scene from the office when Michael asks Carol to marry him.
would you like some champagne?
Oh don't cry
How'd that get in there huh?
"You're trash Brock."
If you wanna say no, say no.
I had a Disneyland proposal. My ex and I went there for Christmas after 4 months of dating. 2nd day we were waiting in line for the haunted Mansion, and he suggested we get a pic on the steps.
I'm standing there trying to smile for a picture and he gets down on one knee and goes at it while a cast member takes a video. People are noticing and cheering for us. I was totally blindsided.
I felt like I had no choice but to say yes, even though I really did not want to. The ring was given to him by a friend, and was ugly, not my style, and not even close to my size.
When we got home he manipulated me into letting him move in with me and I was stuck with him for another year until I managed to move myself away, get some distance, and leave him. It was terrible. I should have risked him leaving me on the side of the road in California instead.
This story sucks, but not because of you, but the way you were pressured into it. A proposal should be private!
I don't know the specifics but it kind of seems like the whole situation would've been fixed by just saying no.
Also if a guy gets you an ugly ring it means he doesn't love you.
Gotta admire the courage.
Our 6th grade English teacher told us of how a kid found a ring in the parking lot and proposed to her.
"Bold move Cotton."
"Let's see if it pays off."
I'm on good terms with one of my ex-girlfriends, so I got to hear this story of how her husband proposed to her:
They were sitting around their apartment one day and he asks her, "hey, can you get my phone from the bedroom?" Okay, she gets his phone for him.
A minute passes. "Hey, can you get me a glass of water?" She gets him a glass of water. Another minute passes. "Hey, can you bring me that pair of socks on top of my dresser?"
She gets the socks. The ring is in the socks. He proposes. He actually thought he was being romantic. She thought it was weird as f*ck.
Even weirder, she said yes, and they've been married for more than ten years.
This is so weird and funny! What's with the lead up of making her get other things first?
Maybe he forgot which mundane item he'd stashed the ring in.
"Huh.... not the socks.... bring me the cat."
Sounds like a totally healthy relationship.
My buddy's girlfriend kept telling him that he couldn't surprise her. After college, they were planning to move together to another town.
About 6 months before graduation, he told her he wasn't sure about the move or their relationship. She turned around to cry. He called her name, and when she turned back, he was on one knee. Did it to surprise her.
I'm not sure I want to be your boyfriend anymore...
BECAUSE I WANT TO BE YOUR HUSBAND!
This guy's a douche don't marry him.
A friend of my sister had specifically told her boyfriend she hated public proposals and didn't want a bunch of people there, so what does he do but gather their entire extended family to do it. Ugh.
Did she say yes still? I would take that at as a red flag for marriage
They'd been together for years. He's actually a good guy, just committed this one egregious faux pas.
She said no? Good.
One day he drives her to a surprise location for a date. He takes her to this random house in the suburbs with a dog tied up in the front lawn.
He then proceeds to propose and explain how her bought the house of their dreams, dog included, and how they could raise their children here.
The woman (my friend) was so flabbergasted that all she said was something like "wtf, you bought a house and a dog without even telling me?"
He thought he was making this grand romantic gesture, but she was super annoyed that he had apparently arranged their whole lives without even asking for her input.
Needless to say she said no. Last I heard he lived in the house for a bit and then sold it for a loss. No mention of the dog, but I'm hoping it wound up with a good family.
Think fast before you say yes.
My dad walked through the living room and tossed a ring at my mom. 27 years married btw.
"Hey babe, think fast!" chucks ring box at girlfriend.
My grandmother stopped a bad proposal;
After a great night out, my grandfather said "the ring is in the glove box, if you want it"
She demanded he get out of the car and propose like a man. They were married for 60+ years.
Apparently when a friend of mine and his girlfriend got engaged it was because they were arguing in a restaurant and he just said "DO YOU JUST WANT ME TO PROPOSE TO YOU?!".
She apparently took that as an actual proposal and talked about how cute it was to other people. She was a bridezilla during the whole planning stage, they DID get married, and then she admitted that she had cheated on him with an old college boyfriend and was moved out of their apartment before they even hit the 6 month mark.
And people were shocked when his best friend said that he would not give them their blessing... sounds like dude was right not to.
My teeth itch.
Me and my sister went to watch twilight new moon when it first came out and when we walked into the theatre this guy and girl were up in front of the whole theatre giving a speech about how she was his lamb and he was a lion a la first twilight cringe Edward speech to Bella.
He proposed, she said yes, and they then proceeded to sit down and watch that mess of a movie. I was shook and I still feel the cringe to this day. It wasn't even a nice theatre lmao
What year is it again?
I CAN ACTUALLY ANSWER THIS ONE (but it's actually a really sad answer)
My housemate just told me about how one of her friends back home just got engaged.
My housemate comes from a *very* religious community. Like, they have their own shops, restaurants, their own college. They used to have their own high school but it got shut down for some reason.
Anyway, the friend's fiancé proposed to her 20+ times over the course of several months. The church encouraged him to keep on harassing her, and the church shamed her into giving in.
They told her that it was her "duty" as a woman to get married and have children, and that she was getting too old anyway (she's 27!).
Eventually the friend broke down and agreed to marry him. All of her female friends, her sister and her mother are all trying to convince her not to go through with it, but she's made up her mind.
I think they're getting married in April.
the friend's fiancé proposed to her 20+ times over the course of several months. The church encouraged him to keep on harassing her, and the church shamed her into giving in. They told her that it was her "duty" as a woman to get married and have children, and that she was getting too old anyway (she's 27!).
Yikes. I feel so bad for her.
I do too. It's a really sad situation.
I think the saddest part is that she's started to believe what the church told her. She says that breaking off the engagement would be "selfish, because it would be denying her fiancé a wife."
Not bad, just so so silly, and it's all mine
My husband and I had gone to our favorite lake, and he was beyond nervous. I knew it was coming because he's just not able to surprise me lol.
So we get to our spot, and he just stands there shivering with me on his arm, looking over the lake and watching a pair of geese mosey around near us.
Eventually, he asked me if he should pick up a stick that was laying nearby to throw at the geese. My "wtf no?!" shriek startled the geese to go into the water and lazily swim away.
After a few more minutes, he stuttered, "so.. uhh, you wanna marry me?" I knew it was coming, but still my mind went blank, and I replied after staring at him for a minute, "well duh". So we're definitely meant for each other!
He later told me the suggested goose assault was his panicked minds' idea to get him on his knee. What a goof, he didn't have a ring and that just wasn't our style anyway.
We were together 6 years at the time and had been discussing marriage for a while, so his fear was pretty unfounded lol
Married 2 years now, he's my forever person, and now I subconsciously associate geese with romance 😂 ❤
Why not, right?
I know I'm late but I think my wife and I qualify. We were living together, I was working full time and in school, she's working 3-11 shift and 7 months pregnant.
She just had a health scare and we were laying in bed on Tuesday morning discussing that if something happened to her, her abusive father could, potentially gain custody of our child.
Finally, laying there, I looked at her and said "you know, if we were married it wouldn't be an issue". She said, "are you serious" and I replied with "yes." She thought about it for a minute and said, "sure, let's do it."
We looked at our schedules and decided we would shower and go and get our marriage license before she had to go to work. I found a Justice of the Peace that would perform our ceremony the following Sunday (5 days later).
We told our immediate family who we wanted to attend (my Mom and best friend, her sister, Aunt, and best friend). Somehow, my mother made my wife's dress in 5 days.
Sunday we were married in an old, run down courtroom by a very nice JoP. Then we had our friends over for pizza and soda.
March will be 20 years.
Dad moves fast.
Not really a bad story, but we tease our parents for it all the time. My dad basically told my mom he wanted to marry her the night they met at a party hosted by my aunt (dad's sister).
My mom was like "heehee okay" and they started dating pretty much immediately. Keep in mind they didn't really know each other beforehand, and this dialogue happened after a few drinks.
Later, my dad "proposed" to her with a ring he made out of a napkin while waiting for her to show up to a dinner date, and they made it official with an engagement ring they found together at an antique store.
They're still happily married today with 4 kids (including me), so I guess all's well that ends well.
Somewhat of a cute story, but they're both lucky it worked out, haha.
My sister's husband proposed to her by sitting next to her, taking out the ring, sliding it over to her, and saying "here".
She's really big on romantic proposals. She would have loved the whole restaurant reservation, tapping the glass, proposal speech, and getting on one knee scene.
So it kind of crushed her because it seemed like he didnt make an effort. Not sure what his perspective is.
Yes or no, right now.
This isn't a terrible proposal but more one with a funny twist. My parents where celebrating New Year and my dad in the emotion of the moment said to my mom that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her that why didn't they get married.
There was no ring... Just the thought and the moment. My mom said she was going to think about it. After a month of not mentioning the topic again and my dad all anxious about what did she have to think so much about, asked her if she had already had enough time to think.
She asked "about what?"... Dad: "about we getting married" to which my mom answered "ohh that was serious?" She then took another month to this time really think about it and said yes. 30+ years now and happily married.
My ex lied that he was going to get deported. Gave me a ring that "was his grandmother's" Which was missing a bunch of stones and not resized.
The internet is so fascinating.
Thanks to YouTube and TikTok, so many hours can be spent lost in the world of video.
You pick a simple topic or name to check, and then it's tomorrow... and you've binged every army family reunion story.
And so much time to waste, depending on your keystroke choices.
Redditor imboredaa wanted to discuss all the ways so many of us get lost watching things on the internet, so they asked:
"What are some of the craziest/strangest rabbit holes you’ve ever been down?"
I constantly get lost on talent show audition rabbit holes.
And I am proud!
RestoredSerial Killer Chainsaw GIF by Rise RecordsGiphy
"YouTube videos of old chainsaw restorations. No idea why, but I guess that’s why it’s a rabbit hole. I don’t even own a chainsaw or have a need for one."
"I really enjoy going on a city’s Craigslist, then to 'rooms/shared' (or whatever it is for finding a room mate) and then typing words like 'warning' or 'beware' in the search to see what kind of horror show nightmare room mate scenarios people have decided to write about... it's usually some juicy headline like 'warning!!!'"
"Do NOT rent from this woman!!!! She is a PSYCHO!!….'"
"And after reading it, it’s always a guess to decide who is the actual crazy person, the landlord or tenant. Could be a bitter ex, tenant, or a scam, or whatever. But it’s an easy way to dive quick into some weird corners of the internet that are filled with drama."
After the Ice
"I spent a bunch of time about 12 years or so ago reading about all the details of the Titanic, how it sunk, what happened as it was sinking, who died, who survived. I got into the life stories of the people who died, and what became of the people who survived. And then I very nearly bought a piece of carpet from the Titanic."
"Andrée's Arctic balloon expedition"
"Dumb, then numb, a** thought he could fly a balloon to the North Pole. They had cyanide capsules and all, in case they crashed and were about to freeze to death. Or get eaten by a polar bear during a three month night. He and his assistants somehow managed to do both."
"Plot twist: Andree, the worst captain of all time, noticed the balloon was leaking the night before they were about to leave, pumped it up a bit, and said 'f**k it that'll do.' It did not do."
"An Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Started with 1 and ended up with a 20+ collection."
"Uncle John's Bathroom Readers are so addictive."
Toilet time can be knowledge time.
Living Sky HighCity In The Sky Vfx GIF by PBSGiphy
"Turning old planes into houses! About 10 years ago I found a company that would do it for you. The wings were decks and the plane was mounted to a pedestal that allowed it to be rotate with the sun!"
"Mega tsunamis. Thousand foot walls of water moving at hundreds of mph? It happens more than you would think. The Azore-Gibraltar fault will cause one one day. There evidence they happened a few times in the Pacific. It doesn't take a meteor to happen, it could be an underwater landslide (Doggerland), or a large section of a volcanic island shearing off and falling into the ocean (Oahu). Doggerland is another rabbit hole that is worth googling."
Hitting the Keys
"Mechanical keyboards. I wanted to buy one, so I started researching and watching videos of reviews. I went deeper and deeper, seeing special cables, obscure companies, the tons of switches, etc etc."
"I stopped when a Youtuber I watched made a video asking her viewers and discord users to stop bullying and harassing her for using some kind of switches or keycaps. I bought my keyboard and never went back to that crazy fandom."
In the Sky
"I worked in administration at an aviation academy for a few years and decided I’d start listening to aviation podcasts since I didn’t know much about it. I came across a plane crash podcast that talks about crashes in history and how it improved the safety of flying."
"I was fascinated by it, and found myself gradually needing to know more and listening to more of the same type of podcasts, watching videos, and listening to black box recordings. It was eerie but interesting at the time. Now, I regret it tremendously because since then I’ve developed horrible anxiety when flying."
The Big Questionssteve harvey lol GIF by TV Land ClassicGiphy
"Spent a lot of time in the 'quantum consciousness' rabbit hole. I had just deconstructed from religion and wanted answers about life, death, and reality. It was long before I made peace with not knowing. I spent around a year obsessed with quantum experiments, psychedelics, and the general philosophy of consciousness."
Lives (and chores) can be put on serious hold when you find a juicy enough topic to research!
Well, what rabbit holes have you gotten lost in? Let us know in the comments below.
People Describe The Most F**ked Up Thing They've Ever Seen That Still Haunts Them
CW: Graphic imagery and accidents.
No one leaves this life without scars.
We witness so many awful things on a daily basis.
How could we not be followed by it all?
Messed up things are just part of the deal of living I guess.
One minute you're walking along on a bright sunny day, then boom, you're a witness to a murder.
Or some such craziness.
That's why I stay home a lot.
Redditor Who_Did_You_Expect1 wanted to hear about the things from our memories that still haunt our nightmares, so they asked:
"What's the most f--ked up thing you saw that still haunts you to this day?"
Living through peril is unimaginable. I've been luckier than most.
TragicSad Best Friends GIF by Lisa VertudachesGiphy
"I watched cancer kill my baby brother. He was in grade school when I was in college. 25 years, and I still see it in my dreams."
Ay Dios mio, Dios mio!
"When I was about 8, my sister and I were walking with my mom to a bus stop to see my grandma in Mexico city. There was a lady on a bike crossing the intersection that we had just crossed ourselves but she didn't stop in time to the next one and didn't look both ways, she didn't have time to stop her bike. All I remember is the lady making the beginning of a scream as a white old muscle car ran over her (bike and all) at a high speed."
" remember the sound it made as it broke everywhere. My mother took her sweater off as she screamed and covered both my sister's and my head from looking, but it was too late. I remember looking at my sister with tears in her eyes, and I was too shocked to react or comprehend what I had just seen happened. A lot of people immediately surrounded the place, and the driver came out of his car and held his head with his hands after seeing the lady on the pavement."
"I didn't look at the lady anymore. I remember hearing people screaming in shock. My mother told my dad later as she cried. I remember hearing her wake up screaming for weeks after this saying: ay Dios mio, Dios mio! Still makes my heart race when I think about it."
"I was a news photographer for a while in the 90’s. I got called out to an accident. A high school girl ran into the back of a semi. As I was shooting, I noticed her wallet was on the ground. It had a plastic picture holder and the wind was flipping back and forth. I saw her prom pictures and shots of her with her family."
"I quit being a news photographer shortly after. I never forgot that day, and it still haunts me."
"I saw the aftermath rather than the actual event. A woman was walking home from the grocery store late at night. She crossed the road without using the crosswalks and got hit by an SUV. The two images cemented in my mind are of her, embedded in the windshield, and the driver of the car standing a little ways down the street vomiting. I've never seen someone look so utterly broken as the way the driver looked. I can't imagine what he was going through."
EverydaySad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy
"When I was 16 I was in a car wreck with my best friend since 3rd grade. I pulled him from the car with a broken shoulder while he was bloody, lifeless, limp. He died within the hour, not long after the ambulance got us. It’s been 18 years and I still think about it every single day."
I couldn't imagine living with that.
I also couldn't move...
"Coming to after getting hit by a vehicle as a pedestrian. Was face down, all I could see was blood soaked road and thought 'f**k, that doesn't look good.' I also couldn't move. The last thing I remember seeing before that was the grill of the vehicle. I still get jumpy when I catch a vehicles grill out of the corner of my eye and I'm not expecting it to be there."
"I'd seen a lot of accidents prior to that, but something about it being my own blood hit different."
"And yes, I had the right of way and was crossing in the proper place, at the proper time. Driver plain a** wasn't paying attention. It was daylight to boot, so no reason they couldn't see me."
"I was volunteering with my k9 working with NYC emergency services and chief Patell during 911 WTC attacks. We were in the middle of where the twin towers used to stand The thick gray dust, horrible smell of burnt things and dead people was all around but when the dogs started to find bodies and body parts it really freaked me out and I will forever live with this reality that seems like a bad dream."
MissingConfused Wile E Coyote GIF by Looney TunesGiphy
"A family of four that had burned in a plane crash. I used to do a woodland search and rescue, and we saw a lot of wild crap, but I still have dreams about what I saw when we went to look for a missing plane."
Goodness life is dark sometimes.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down Obvious Signs To Tell If You Have Sexual Tension With Someone
Let's just be honest: the dating scene can be rough, especially when you're not sure if that person likes you back or not.
Some people, however, are very comfortable with their dating histories and believe there's a certain "cheat code" to confirming if someone is interested.
But for those of us who have always been bad at flirting and consider ourselves "oblivious" to other people's advances and compliments, maybe there could be some hope for us after all with these tips.
Redditor Independent_Slide932 asked:
"What are signs that there's sexual tension between you and someone?"
Their Undivided Attention
"It's serious eye contact for me, like when they would rather admire you than look anywhere else. It just makes it so obvious."
"For me, it's not just the eye contact itself, but when the eye contact is made, the two of you are in your own little world. There’s communication happening in that eye contact that you aren’t having with other people."
The Thrill of the 'Chase'
"To answer the actual question OP asked, it’s finding reasons for eye contact."
"It’s 'accidentally' making physical contact. It’s always ending up sitting next to each other in a group."
"It’s a tingly tight feeling in your guts."
"It’s a beautiful pain to experience. It’s almost more fun than actually 'getting' the other person."
Literal Physical Attraction
"Angling. Always feeling like your center of gravity is shifting towards them."
Interested or Not?
"There's a regular who comes into my work who makes serious serious 'seductive' eye contact with me and has a smile that looks flirty."
"But he's also hot as f**k. He's just incredibly attractive. So like, just because it's making me turn to jelly doesn't mean it's anything other than just being friendly and having a regular smile to him."
It is, Indeed, ...Tense
"It's that awkward, 'I want to f**k this person, and I'm pretty sure this person wants to f**k me, but I'm not sure enough about it to actually make a move.'"
"That's sexual tension."
"It can manifest in a lot of ways. Usually, sexual tension develops when two people are attracted to somewhat attracted to each other. The funny part is, sometimes they aren't even fully conscious of it, or want to acknowledge it."
"That is where the tension lies. There is a reason why both are not participating in healthily acknowledging attraction for each other. It can look like tense awkwardness, constant fighting, overt flirtatiousness without any progression, and even consciously ignoring/avoiding the other person."
"It's a shared gaze that at once leaves you both relaxed and on edge. It's like being old friends with a stranger."
"It's like an inside joke that isn't funny, it's sexy. I mean, it could be funny or sexy, but you see what I mean, it's a common understanding."
"It's like, 'You've got a secret, and I know it, and I've got a secret, and you know it, and the secret is the same thing, and we both know it, and it's so f**king delicious that we both know that without discussing it. The secret is nothing and everything, it's the knowing and sharing and the edging that is wonderful."
"It is something that is involuntary, but also once you've experienced it (enough), you can put yourself in that mode, make eye contact with a sexy stranger, and they may respond positively. It won't be as good as spontaneous mutual attraction, but you can put the signals out, 'Hey, I dig you, are you interested?'"
"Some people that you have that intense mutual attraction for aren't the right one(s) for you, except that they are the right ones to practice making that connection with. The person who is perfect for you might be someone who grows into the right emotional responses... and that's true of you, for them, as well."
"And lastly, you can choose to ignore both the mutual and asserted versions; the right relationship choices are both an emotional and intellectual decision, don't rely on one exclusively."
A List of Obvious Signals
"Reading signals is tough, I’m glad I don’t have to date these days."
"But some legit signals I’ve learned, in no particular order:"
"Prolonged or suggestive eye contact."
"Body positioning mirrors yours or stands closer than typical in your culture."
"Playing with hair when you interact."
"Light unconscious brushing up against or touching."
"If seated, leaning forward towards you frequently and/or touching you hand in a friendly way."
"Flushed or light blushing when they interact with you but not others."
"Excessive awkwardness that isn’t the case with them around other people. Especially if they straight up start babbling like a loon."
"Awkward silences you could cut with a knife but they still keep seeking you out."
When Someone Gets It Wrong
"It’s hard to explain. Basically, it’s a nervous, delicious breathless feeling when they are close to you. You both go out of your way to stand just a little bit closer to each other."
"The sad thing is, some people think they 'feel' this with someone just because the other person is being friendly and misread signals. I once had a guy insist that we had sexual tension simply because I twisted my hair."
"He told me that twisting my hair was a 'mating signal.'"
"I told him that I had been twisting my hair has been a nervous habit of mine since I was a toddler, but of course, he wanted to believe I was interested and insisted that I must secretly want him."
Obvious to Other People First
"When other people pick up on it."
Responding to Looks
"When they suddenly look and hold eye contact and then look away. (Low)"
"When they look and notice you're looking then they run their hand through their hair. (Medium)"
"When they notice you looking and suddenly gently bite their lip looking away. (High)"
"When they notice you’re looking and do something to draw attention to their body either stretch and reveal skin or adjust an intimate part of their clothing. (Extreme)"
"Each of the above will make you get butterflies as you know that she knows AND that she knows that you know."
Trying to Keep the Conversation Going
"When there's a lull in the conversation, and eye contact is maintained while you both are trying to figure out what to say next."
Looking But Not Looking
"Catching glances, by either party. The kind where they’re looking at you and don’t think you’ll look up or at them. Then suddenly the ceiling is really interesting to them when you make eye contact."
The Classic Note Trick
"When they hand you a piece of paper that says:"
"'Do you think that there is sexual tension between us?'"
"'[ ] Yes or [ ] No'"
While we'd all love for the dating scene and general flirting to be straight-forward, simple, and stress-free, this thread serves as a reminder that it comes easily for some while being a puzzle for others.
At the end of the day, if you're interested in someone, the easiest thing to do, though it's terrifying, might be to ask them.
Anyone with any amount of dating experience knows at least a few things that they love in a relationship and a few things they find unsavory.
Just like discovering our boundaries and what qualifies as a relationship deal breaker, most of us generally have a few rules that we tend to live by in every relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional.
Curious to learn some rules to live by, Redditor aytmamatov_musa asked:
"What relationship rule have you memorized forever?"
Actions Speak Louder than Words
"I can't remember the exact wording, but something to the effect of: Pay more attention to how invested your partner is in the relationship, not how much they say they are."
Know Who Holds the Power
"I remember when I first realized that the person who has the most control in a relationship (especially ending it) is the person that cares about the relationship the least."
"When I thought of all the relationships that I had been in (not just sexual) and how one person decided sometimes months ahead of time that the relationship was over, I remember how oblivious the other person was when it ended."
"By the way, this can also be applied to employment relationships as well."
Don't Fight for Someone's Attention
"If someone does not want to hear you, there is no way you can phrase anything to make them listen."
"This applies to all types of relationships, but I learned it from trying so hard to have a healthy relationship with my mother. Then when I left at 25, she responded by filing a missing person's report, hiring a PI (Personal Investigator), harassing my friends, and hacking my email and bank accounts to monitor my activity."
"This also ties into: abusers see you taking away their ability to abuse you, as an egregious theft of their rightful property."
Be a United Front
"Problems aren’t You vs Me. They’re Us vs The Problem."
No Codependent Relationships Here
"You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped."
Be Honest About Your Feelings
"Listen to how you describe your partner to friends, or how you think at the moment how you're describing your partner to them. That will tell you a lot about how you feel about them."
"If you're nervous about introducing them, listen to why. If you're apologizing for their actions, pausing to reframe positive ways to speak about them, or ignoring the red flags, then listen to that instinct. If you're constantly talking about the problems or hiding them, pay attention to why."
"I remember being in one relationship and having those feelings of, 'Should I introduce her to the family, when I talk to others about her, I'm exhausted from some argument, etc.'"
"I remember another relationship, thinking, 'Oh, I would love her to meet the family, she'd get along with everyone's kids, my friends would love her, I just had this great moment with her, and I wanted to tell people about it, I enjoy talking about her.'"
"When you experience that difference (and you have the wisdom and experience to know you're not being deluded by things like abuse or newness or getting caught up in a big fire that's going to burn out fast), it tells you so much."
Be Mindful of Reciprocation
"Something a friend of mine once told me was, 'Always ask yourself if this relationship isn't taking more from you than it is giving you.'"
"It saved me a lot of heartbreak."
"If they don’t respect your boundaries while dating, they won’t respect them in marriage."
Cheaters Gonna Cheat
"My best mate got with a woman who cheated on her then-boyfriend to be with him. Then my mate and she stayed together for four years, but she ended up cheating on him with another guy that she is now dating."
"I warned him in the beginning and advised him not to get into a relationship with her to start with. If she can do it with one guy, she can do it with another."
"His argument was that her then-boyfriend was not good enough for her which was why she is cheating on him. But what he failed to realize was that no one is the best in the world, and if she decides that he isn’t good enough for her in the future, then she will cheat on him too. And that is exactly what happened."
Acknowledge Red Flags
"Red flags look like normal flags when wearing rose-colored glasses."
Common Interests Aren't Everything
"Having a lot in common doesn’t equal a good relationship. It’s just a decent starting foundation."
Don't Go to Bedroom Angry - Or Do?
"I wouldn't say forever, yet, but since becoming a wife, I have learned that it's okay to sleep off a fight. Don't have to 'resolve' everything right then and there. Give each other space to let steam off and talk in the morning."
Be Loved for Who You Are
"Do not change your personality if you don't want to... I didn't realize until the breakup, that my ex did not like me, just the idea of what I could be..."
Know the Difference
"When an argument comes out of nowhere, ask 'Are you yelling at me, or to me?'"
"It's helped with a lot of arguments. Sometimes we just need a backboard to scream at, and nine out of ten times, that backboard is your significant other."
"A lot of arguments get bad just because they don't know you are releasing anger, which is healthy in the right way."
Some of these seem pretty simple, but they can make a huge impact in a relationship, if not also to the trajectory and health of a person's life. By understanding our own worth and how it's valued by others, we gave give ourselves a much happier ever after than we might have otherwise settled for.