Kids Reveal The Most Dad Things Their Fathers Have Ever Done
Kids Reveal The Most Dad Thing Their Fathers Have Ever Done[rebelmouse-image 18347451 is_animated_gif=
Dad jokes are having their well-deserved moment in the sun right now. The wholesome, corny, giggles that only dads can provide are just the kind of thing we all need right now. One reddit user asked:
The responses were a master class in cheesiness and commitment to a joke. To the dads about to rock puns, we salute you. Here were some of our favorite lame and loveable dads.
Swishy Pants[rebelmouse-image 18347452 is_animated_gif=
Mine wears Swishy Pants. Like, I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I've seen him in something else in the last five years and two of those times were funerals. The swishy athletic pants, an inexplicably beat-up pair of New Balance sneakers (he literally just bought them, how do they look like that already??) and a jacket with a (insert name of local sports teams) logo. Oh, and a baseball cap. He has one for our hometown team, and all four of our major regional sports teams' various championship years.
"They Didn't Say"[rebelmouse-image 18347453 is_animated_gif=
My dad picks up the phone and answers "Hello...?" before taking a long pause. His expression widens and grows very worried and surprised. My sister and I are already fucking baited and hooked.
"You don't say..." He says, with a light gasp. "You dont say!?". My sister and I are trembling at this point with curiosity.
He then clears his throat "Well, okay then... goodbye" before hanging up.
In unison, my sister and I ask "Who was it?!"
"He didn't say..."
Hunting And Gathering[rebelmouse-image 18347454 is_animated_gif=
**"I have hunted and gathered and I have returned victorious!" **... Yes Dad, I'm sure ordering pizza was quite the ordeal.
My Newt[rebelmouse-image 18347456 is_animated_gif=
Cleaning out the massive pond they have in their garden, he comes in all wellie'd up holding a small newt is his hand and scares my mum with it.
"What the HELL are you doing?!"
"Just showing you we have newts in the pond. It's a sign of a healthy pond, look at him, he's so cute. I'm going to call him 'Tiny' I think."
"What? What a rubbish name, why?"
Then he goes for the pun on the word "minute" like super small and goes:
"Because he's my newt."
Oh the dad jokes were strong that day, many eyes were rolled and groans were had. I chuckled and felt ashamed.
Lady Gaga[rebelmouse-image 18347457 is_animated_gif=
Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" came on in the car when he was driving me somewhere and he poked my face multiple times during the "Popopopopopo popopoker face" parts.
He also loves Lowes and Home Depot.
Bagel Shop Contest[rebelmouse-image 18347458 is_animated_gif=
I was at my local bagel shop with a friend and a we needed a dad joke for a contest they were having so I texted him asking for a dad joke and he responds with:
"A fish swims into a wall and says dam."
Proud Of A Pun[rebelmouse-image 18347460 is_animated_gif=
My dad got into a terrible accident where his foot became severed and was only hanging on to him by a flap of skin.
There was no way to re-attach the foot while retaining full mobility. If the foot would be re-attached, his ankle bones would have to be fused together, making it impossible for him to bend his ankle. The nerves would be pinched and he would be in a lot of pain. Every doctor he spoke to recommended amputation.
"No," my dad stubbornly said, "I've grown attached to my foot."
And that is the story of how my dad has been living in daily pain for almost two decades because he was proud of a pun.
Al Pacino[rebelmouse-image 18347461 is_animated_gif=
I was on the phone with my mother talking about wanting a frappucino and my dad busted in the room like "what about Al Pacino?"
The Gang Way[rebelmouse-image 18345811 is_animated_gif=
Not my dad, but I kinda wish he was.
My husband and I were on a cruise this past New Years and the captain came over the intercom with instructions on how to exit the ship. He said something about the "gangway" and the kids next to us asked their dad what the gangway was.
"You can't explain the gang way. You just live the gang way."
The kids looked confused but my husband and I were cracking up.
Hanson[rebelmouse-image 18347462 is_animated_gif=
Couple of years ago I got stuck at train station when buses from station were cancelled.
Called Dad to ask for a lift, I'm standing in the waiting pick up bay with tons of other people in the same situation, Dad drives up with MMMBOP blaring out of the car speaker system.
A Bath Towel And A Loaded Gun[rebelmouse-image 18347464 is_animated_gif=
After reading all these replies I think my dad is crazy... I remember him screaming from inside my closet "POWER TOOLS" then seeing a drill bit go through the door. Or when I saw him in our front yard in this dying pine tree pouring gasoline down the truck from his unsafe perch in the top few branches. And most recently... I had texted him that there was a possum on the porch (I had just gotten home from work it as like 11pm) and he comes out wearing just a towel and asks me where it went. I said it's under the porch and he goes inside and comes back out still in a bath towel with a .22 in hand laughing like a madman.
I love my father.
Buzz Cut[rebelmouse-image 18347465 is_animated_gif=
My Dad has long hair, whenever he is in a long line of people he likes to wait until the person behind him complains so he can turn around and say "Tell me about it, I had a buzz cut when I got here."
Overboard[rebelmouse-image 18347466 is_animated_gif=
Its just a really typical dad thing to take their hobbies overboard.
If he brews beer he wants a full brewery setup in the basement. If he likes fish he wants a 500 gallon saltwater zoo exhibit. If he likes to grill he wants the brand new Weber Genesis 4-Burner.
Personally my dad was into high end audio equipment. My basement was completely acoustically dead, he had interconnects worth more than my bike, I wasnt allowed within like 2 feet of the stereo.
My husband's dad went to the hardware store for a saw to cut down a couple small trees. Came home with a chainsaw that was the most expensive they sold, and that they actually warned him against buying since it was generally only used by professional lumberjacks.
Next time I visit, he pulls me outside to his brand new grill that cost as much as some cars. He looked at me, took a long sip of wine and said:
"This is the grill I don't ever have to worry about again."
A Guy Named Cliff[rebelmouse-image 18347468 is_animated_gif=
Dad (to screaming sister in the back seat): "If you don't stop yelling I'm going to drive this car off a cliff!"
Brother: "Dad, there are no cliffs in this town."
Dad: "I'm sure there's a guy named Cliff somewhere in this town!"
The Baker[rebelmouse-image 18347469 is_animated_gif=
My dad is a baker. We were walking in a busy area on a family outing, we are passing this really short guy, and my dad says:
**"Haha that guy needs some yeast" **
It was so bad it was funny...
Has A Mustache[rebelmouse-image 18347470 is_animated_gif=
He wears socks with sandals. Has a mustache. Starts a lot of conversations with:
"I'm not paying for anything."
Hot Dog Hand[rebelmouse-image 18347471 is_animated_gif=
My dad called me to ask if i wanted to eat a hot dog. I said no.
Later he comes home, and i see my room door open slightly. Only his hand slips into my room with a hotdog container. He leaves it on my desk thats right by the door, hand slips out, and the door closes.
It was so quiet. So quick lmao.
Oh and the door opened slightly again for a moment for him to slip some ketchup packets onto the desk too.
Cashiers Cringe[rebelmouse-image 18347476 is_animated_gif=
Makes cringey comments to the cashier like:
Cashier: your total is $202.76
Dad: Easy for you to say!
Grandpa[rebelmouse-image 18347477 is_animated_gif=
My grandpa once asked me what I was up to. I casually replied:
**"Not much, what are you up to?" **
He said: **"Oh, about 5'9" **
The Waitress[rebelmouse-image 18347478 is_animated_gif=
When we're out to eat, after he finishes his food, the waitress asks if he enjoyed his meal. My dad with empty plate in front of him:
"Oh, no, we didn't like it at all!"
Every. Single. Time. Help.
Some of the best comedians of all time have passed through the doors of Saturday Night Live over at New York's Rockefeller Plaza, and many of them have gone on to achieve superstardom.
Some of the comic legends of the 1970s include Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, and Chevy Chase, while the 80s saw Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Eddie Murphy.
Cast members making star turns today include Kate McKinnon, Pete Davidson, and recently exited actress, Cecily Strong.
With so many greats that have made millions laugh over the years, people have their wide-ranging favorites.
Curious to hear from fans online, Redditor Nickster1619 asked:
"Who is the best SNL cast member of all time?"
Repertory cast members from earlier seasons get a shout-out.
Known For Eugene–The Anal Retentive Chef
"Quite possible! It's Phil Hartman."
The Larry King And Burt Reynolds Impersonator
"Idk about the best, but Norm McDonald was always my favorite."
"Norm did a skit where he played a police sketch artist who wasn't any good at eyes or hair so everybody had a giant hat and sunglasses. It was a rip on the Unabomber sketch with the hood, bandana and glasses. It was so dry and hilarious."
Best Weekend Update Host
"Norm was by far the best weekend update. No question. Seth Meyers and Tina Fey were second. I'm a big fan of Michael Che because I've been following him since he was doing stand-up. Who else? Dennis Miller, meh. Collin Quinn, I like the guy but he wasn't my favorite weekend update by a long shot. Norm was the perfect person for that gig."
The "Beverly Hills Cop" Star
"Eddie Murphy. He carried the show when he was on it, and it probably would have been cancelled if he wasn’t there to do so."
"Seconding! Murphy was at a career peak during his time with the show, and his characters - Gumby, Mr. Robinson, Buckwheat - were iconic."
The Church Lady
"Dana Carvey was incredible in his time."
The 2000s boasted these greats.
Now Starring In "Barry"
"I dont really watch a lot of SNL so my knowledge is limited. He just always appeared to be having a really good time on the show and he's one of the ones who could make me laugh sometimes."
"I loved it when he’d get the giggles at something he was going to say and he couldn’t deliver it because of his laughter. That was as good as the joke."
Love To The Ladies
"Gotta send love to my ladies, it’s Tina Fey for me. Amy Poehler is also a goddess but I don’t remember her as much until Parks and Rec. Also Kenan Thompson? He had such a long run!"
Kiss Me, Kate
"Kate McKinnon. She is the most versatile cast member of modern times."
Longtime Cast Member
"Gotta give some love to Kenan. He is often the center and driver of the sketches. So consistent and has been there so long now."
No one made me crack up harder than the great comedy legend, Gilda Radner.
In 1975, the SNL alum was one of the original "Not Ready for Prime Time Players"–the freshman cast of the show's first season.
A character of hers I'll never forget was the know-it-all Weekend Update advice expert, Roseanne Roseannadanna. YouTube clips of her hilarious turn as the wacky consumer affairs reporter show her comedic timing and delivery brilliance.
Unfortunately, Radner left us too soon in 1989 having died from ovarian cancer. She was 42.
As Forrest Gump famously quipped "stupid is as stupid does".
Forrest was right, as far too many people judged him by purely looking at him, which should not have been indicative of his, or anyone's, overall intelligence.
Even so, we've likely all been guilty of judging someone's intelligence based on a first impression.
Likely owing to something outrageous they said or did.
"What makes you instantly question someone's intelligence?"
One Shouldn't Always Be So Confident...
"Being confidently ignorant."- Tattooed-Tangoamanda tanen catwalk GIF by HULUGiphy
Learning Is An Eternal Gift
"An unwillingness to learn new things."- Electrical-Bid-9577
Don't Be Fooled...
"Interest in a pyramid scheme."- GameCox
"When people are really into a MLM scheme."
"I’m not taking about 'I’m a bored house wife so I decided to start selling makeup, leggings, whatever it may be, because I’m bored and this gives me something to do'.”
"I’m talking about the people who consider it their career and are huge into the Boss Babe lifestyle."- MilehighcarsonTalking Season 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"When they post one of those things on Facebook saying 'only a few will share!' or when they comment on one of those clickbait 'God has a blessing for you today say amen!' posts."- se7ensquared·
Do You Even Know What I'm Saying?
"Arguing without listening."- dezx156
"Talks a lot and never listens."- BaronVonOstrichangry daffy duck GIF by Looney TunesGiphy
And Now For Something Completely Different
"When you prove your point in a discussion and the other person explains that it doesn’t even matter because their REAL point is something that’s an off-shoot of that subject in a 'gotcha!' manner."- No-Mud-5854
Loud Is Almost Never Right
"People who can only argue by raising their voice."- malkumecks
"Littering."- CannaPanda69driving eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
They Have No Idea What They're Missing
"Active hostility to books (as opposed to simply not reading them)."- Manganela
"Being proud of never having read a book."- peppermintcreams
"When they repeat a certain statement word for word I get the impression that they memorized something to sound more intelligent than they are."- Armedes369Talking Nigel Thornberry GIFGiphy
How Much Proof Do They Need?
"They aren't open to changing their beliefs when given new information."- Pretengineer_825
What Are They Trying To Prove?
"Oddly enough, when they try and tell me their IQ."- manwithoutcountry
It is often the people who try to prove how smart they are who end up doing just the opposite.
A truly intelligent person would know better than to do that.
It's hard to ignore gossip and rumors at work, whether at the water cooler, in the bathroom, or in an email sent to the wrong recipient.
Of course, sometimes gossip is nothing more than just that, with no truth or validity to it whatsoever.
Other times, however, it turns out to be accurate, and what's more, should it become public knowledge, it could become truly damaging to the company's reputation and business.
Hence why many companies make all their employees sign an NDA, often preventing them from sharing information about whether they continue to work at the company or not.
Not all companies are as careful, however, resulting in some employees leaving with the knowledge that could one day force the company to go under.
Redditor broadway96 was eager to hear the juiciest information people learned about their former workplaces which they weren't supposed to know, leading them to ask:
"What's a company secret you can share now that you don't work there?"
Off The Books, But With Good Intentions
"This isn't a company secret, but:"
"I worked part-time at a Domino's franchise in college."
"The owner was, at first glance, a short-tempered, critical penny-pincher who did everything he could to save a business money, right down to watching over your shoulder to make sure you didn't put too much cheese on a pizza."
"Cheese is called 'white gold' in the pizza industry, even back in 2002."
"But after working for him for a while, you realized why he was so specific about the margins."
"Twice yearly, he would send out generous bonuses (in the form of money orders made out to his employees from his own personal savings account) to the college students working for him."
"the checks/money orders contained the memo line 'keep learning!'"
"The amount of the money orders would be directly correlated to the profit margins of the stores he owned. The dude did legit profit sharing."
"After I graduated, I heard a rumor that he was trying to start up a small education grant trust that would benefit applicants of the Farmer School of Business at Miami University, but I don't think anything ever came of it."
"This owner also played favorites when hiring."
"Every single one of his managers was a former employee."
"Three of the four managers at his stores when I worked there had graduated from my college with business degrees."
"All four of them had a small portion of their education paid for by Marvin Covington."
"Marvin Covington, Oxford, Ohio Dominoes owner from Vevay, Indiana, died in 2017."
"That dude knew how to do business, and do it right."- sunward_LilySeason 1 Netflix GIFGiphy
It's all in the branding
"I worked at L’Oréal."
"The cosmetics from L’Oréal and Lancôme are practically the same."
"But Lancôme costs like $20 more."- BayBel
A Literal Comic Book Villain
"I worked at a comic book store that offered a service where you paid a small premium to have sent in rare comics to have them graded at CGC."
"A few months later we had many customers coming in to check the status of their comics."
"We contacted the owner to see what was going on, and he would always claim that there was some distribution problem."
"Fast forward a few months, we found out he was taking customers graded copies and selling them online while trying to return back issue versions of their original comics."- ZealousidealWay1139
The American Healthcare System Everyone...
"Health insurance dude."
"When you file a claim, it is often denied because they're counting on you not escalating it."
"Once you do, your case goes to a 'medical management group' which ought to be called the 'we don't wanna pay' group."
"Keep escalating and involve your doctor."
"Fight for the insurance you paid for."- theUttermostSnarkPop Culture Politics GIF by PBS Digital StudiosGiphy
"The vehicle modification shop at Chillicothe Correctional Institution in Chillicothe, Ohio dumps waste coolant from the machine shop into a storm drain that empties directly into the Scioto River, because the chemical disposal tank is a 55 gallon drum in the paint shop, and that's much too small.
"They can't throw me into solitary confinement for complaining anymore."
"This happens about once a year, when the machine's coolant reservoirs are emptied and the coolant replaced."
"It's not on a schedule, it's one of those things that you do when work is slow."
"Each machine holds 15-20 gallons, and usually you just add more as it evaporates, but eventually it gets nasty and needs replaced."
"It's supposed to go in a waste tote to be disposed of safely, which is what every non - government machine shop does."
"Being able to prove this is being done would require knowing when they're going to do this, and that's a decision that's often made spur of the moment - hey, work is slow, let's have a clean up day."
"There aren't any phones in the machine shop, either."
"A container to store the waste properly costs $200."
"Why waste taxpayer money when we can just poison the taxpayers instead?"- Pariahdog119
Neat Freak! But It Paid Off...
"I don't think it's a bad secret at all."
"But back in college, I delivered pizzas for Papa John's."
"The store manager must have had an undiagnosed case of OCD or germaphobia or something."
"Because every night, he would assign someone to do the cleaning duties (mopping floors, double checking expiration dates/throwing away expired stuff, etc.)."
"And every night, he would absolutely lose his temper and berate whoever was doing the cleaning."
"They were going too fast, they weren't cleaning everything, whatever."
"After that, he'd always take over the cleaning himself."
"He was amazingly picky about the cleanliness and food quality."
"'Expiration date is three days from now? F*ck that, I'll order more'."
"Throw that sh*t away, we're not serving it'."
"He would also go out of pocket to buy special cleaning products 'because that worthless bullsh*t that corporate wants us to use doesn't get the job done'."
"He also went out of pocket to hire some kind of specialist to clean out the fountain drink dispenser, ice machine and all that stuff."
"'The machine needs to always be as close to brand new as possible!'"
"One stand out moment for me was when he reduced a cashier to tears by hollering 'Would you eat off this floor? No? THEN IT'S NOT CLEAN ENOUGH!'"
"He wasn't telling her to eat off the floor."
"He was just making a point."
"After we'd closed the store, he'd kick all of us out, lock up behind us and stay until something like 2am cleaning the place."
"You always knew when he closed because you could smell the chemical scent still lingering in the air."
"The end result of this was the store, the food, the equipment and the facilities were always in squeaky clean condition."
"Customers (somehow) picked up on what a perfectionist the store manager was and bought from us all the time."
"Because there's a lot of peace of mind that goes in with knowing your food was cooked by someone willing to throw ingredients away BEFORE the expiration date, stay in the store until God knows when cleaning everything, etc."
"The true irony was how much the boss hated himself because he didn't think he was doing a good enough job to run a clean restaurant with fresh ingredients."
"It didn't matter how many compliments he got from customers or how many service industry veterans said they'd never worked in a place as obsessive about freshness and cleanliness as his Papa John's store, he was convinced his store was still a filthy barn."
"Eventually, he got promoted to some kind of higher level corporate position (district manager?) that required him to visit other stores and make sure they were all up to spec."
"The end result of that was a LOT of stores in this area all improved seemingly overnight."- EponymousTitularSeason 10 GIF by FriendsGiphy
Easy Way To Get Attention
"If you pick up a wall phone at Home Depot and push '7' it activates the store wide intercom."
"This works in every store in my province afaik."- _Zoko_
Be Careful What You Say...
"If you were on Live Chat with Customer Care, I could see what you were typing before pressing send."
"I watched people work through grotesque, racist, sexist statements, fraudulent lies and mistruths, meticulous grammar fixes, and their whole range of emotions in real-time before deleting and typing 'ok'.”- BariatricPressure
2 Secrets For The Price Of One
"Ford parts from Mexico are way more reliable than Ford parts from Detroit, or at least they were before 2020."
"I worked in Detroit and we had some customers who were fussy about us always doing repairs with Michigan parts, but when we had a problem that wouldn't stay fixed we would always secretly switch to the Mexican parts, which did solve things."
"I was a prison guard a decade ago and we installed some facial tracking software in the surveillance cameras."
"One of the inmates panicked while cleaning the unused solitary confinement cells--which is usually a desirable job, it's easy as f*ck and nobody pays attention to you, and he insisted that he be moved out of that job because there was a ghost."
"The ranking officers decided to check the new cameras, and the security software claimed it saw a face behind the inmate at the same time as he was visibly startled in the camera footage."
"We're all aware there are mundane reasons why a new facial recognition system would think it saw a ghost, but since the inmate and the security software both thought there was a ghost it was decided that the inmate should be immediately transferred at no penalty."- NoAnTeGaWaseason 9 GIFGiphy
If some walls could talk!
Then again, any jilted employee will likely do all the talking for them...
Don't let people fool you when they say it doesn't.
Yes, it isn't everything.
And yes it can corrupt.
But it can also be immensely helpful.
It's especially helpful in large sums.
A windfall of cash in any amount can be life-changing.
Redditor SheemieRayVaughan wanted to know how we could have some fun with a major windfall, so they asked:
"How would your life be changed by winning $20,000?"
Please someone send me $20,000!
I'll even take $10!!
LivingKisses GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"Replenish my emergency fund that was depleted from my cancer bills this past year. My out of pocket max + deductible was 5k and now just paid 1k to get a prosthetic (had salivary gland cancer which left a hole in my soft palate). Hopefully part of that will be reimbursed from either dental or medical insurance."
"As I'm homeless ATM it would mean a whole f#*king lot! I'd buy some fruit first tho! The biggest pineapple I could find! 😂."
"Umm about £2 so like $3, ah you've very kind thank you! But it's ok I don't even have a knife or anything to get into one and I've no Venmo or PayPal or anything like that. Really do appreciate the very kind offer all the same! ❤️🙏."
"If you find a way to receive it I will also Venmo you pineapple money. I’ve not been homeless but I’ve been 'no money for fruit and veg or literally anything to bring light to my life' poor. $20k would still be life changing but I have enough pineapple money to share now."
"I'd literally be out of debt for the first time in my entire adult life 😅."
"Same 40 this year and I've just given up on the idea of owning property. Settled for a council house in the sticks in Scotland. Gonna make this house our home, try to clear the debts and just try be comfortable is the aim."
"Actually doing it on the other hand is near impossible when my outgoings of just rent, food and power take my entire wage. At the moment bankruptcy is looking like my only way of actually ever achieving being comfortable let alone buying property."
"It wouldn't change."
"I’m in the same boat that it wouldn’t change much. 1/10 of my student loans would be kinda nice I guess, but when I’m drowning, I prefer they just drain the whole pool instead of 10%."
"Same. It would just get rolled into a current or future investment."
"I'm with you. Would split it up between Roth and savings. Excitement would last just a moment. I know that sounds spoiled but the question was asked. I answered."
TimelessEpisode 9 Hug GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"$20k would cover rent, bills & food so I could take time to spend with my dying parents."
Time is precious.
HELPCartoon Network GIF by CNLAGiphy
"I'd be able to get the medical treatment and dental work I've been avoiding. I'd probably be a lot happier being able to chew more things."
"I would lose my disability and be more f**ked than helped, honestly."
"If I spent it incredibly under the table, then yeah. But if I did anything noticeable with it, it's still a risk. I borrowed money from a friend once to buy a cheap a** van (to live in, yay, leeching off the government is so profitable /s) and they drilled me about where I got the money to buy it."
"To get them off my back, I even drew up a contract stating that I was never in possession of the money and was on a payment plan to pay it back. It can be hell to get disability, but they'll rip it away in two seconds."
A little here and there...
"I have $54k left on my mortgage. No other debt. Don't need a car. So almost no change."
"Same pretty much. I don't 'need' anything and the one thing you could argue I could use, you can't buy that for $20k. So literally would not change my life at all. Maybe someone else would be a better recipient."
"I mean, it wouldn’t change my life, but I could park it somewhere for my son later on."
"My mom died and had an insurance policy that paid out about this amount. It allowed me to buy my first ever new car. Everything works in it! Especially thrilled to have heat and defrost. Reliable transportation really does make life easier."
The EverydayBugs Bunny Money GIF by Looney TunesGiphy
"It would help immensely, I'm living paycheck to paycheck with $12 in savings. I get by, but the fear of an unforseen expense is crippling at times."
Debt be Gone!
"Pay off some consumer debt and the rest of my car loan. It would basically just push the timeline for my wife getting a new car up by a year, granted that would mean that the debt we paid off would be replaced by a new car payment. Aside from her no longer driving something questionably reliable (we've had major issues), nothing would change."
Money isn't everything... but it certainly helps!
What would you do with the money? Let us know in the comments.