People Share Stories About When Their Best Friends Crossed An Unspoken Line
Our best friends know us better than most people which means they know what buttons we don't like pushed. What happens when one of your best friends crosses an unspoken line?
regularkat asks:
Have you ever had a close friend cross a "line" in your relationship? If so, what happened?
Get ready for the drama!
The moocher
We were friends during year 1 in university. She was kind of lonely and so was I. We were both new to the city and ended up having a "family" like relationship. We hung out nearly every day, cooked food together, did assignments, binged netflix and so on.
Then after a year or so, she started going out with this dude. I was happy for her and totally got that she didn't have as much time as before. But then, weeks went by, months went by. I soon realized that the only times she ever contacted me was when she needed something.
One time, after about four months, she called me out of the blue and asked me if we wanted to hang out sometime. I was really happy and told her "sure". Then she said "Oh, good, because I really can't afford my rent and was wondering if we could talk about if I can start living with you or something". I was caught off guard, and being a person who has a hard time saying "no" I'm pretty sure she thought I was going to say yes. However, I was able to say "I don't think that's possible. We can still make dinner sometime though". Her response was something like "Oh, okay. No problem. Yeah, I'm really busy this week so I can't do dinner".
Fastforward a year and the only time she's contacted me was when she wanted help on an assignment. At this point it is really clear that I am just something conveniant for her. So everytime she calls, I'm always up for dinner or netflix if she wants, but I am not up for helping her. I would do anything for my friends, but it has to go both ways. It really does.
Kitty gurl
She kept acquiring more cats. She couldn't afford to spay/neuter them so they bred and instead of finding them homes kept them all while she continued to buy more and more cats. She was living in the basement of a small town house. The tiny space was about the size of 3 dorm rooms. In this space she had one dog, a bird, and 18 cats. She couldn't afford to feed them all. I tried to help her, and get her food for the cats but she just used my help to justify getting more cats. I made her promise to not get anymore cats until all of her were spayed and neutered. She said yes, then bought two grey kittens. I just couldn't be friends with an animal hoarder.
Not the best person to have around
Well, after a few months i realized this dude has nothing positive to say about anything other than himself.... Ever.
He crossed the line though when he yelled at my girlfriend about "inturupting while the men are talking". Burned that bridge in about 12 minutes after we got home.
How low can you go?
Yes. I had a friend who told me not to lose weight. Mind you, I was reaching dangerous territory. Had a baby, became depressed due to PPD, ate a lot to accomodate that, ect. I pretty much just stopped caring about my weight. Until one day, my doctor advised me to lose weight. So I started doing that.
My best friend at the time wasn't happy about it. She tried sabotaging my diet, saying I was the fat friend and then she managed to lose 20 pounds and spouted on Facebook about it. I decided to do some low contact with her since she wasn't supporting me and lost 60 pounds within 8 months. I started studying towards a new career and developed a lot more hobbies.
She was not happy about that. She cried over the phone about it, saying I was becoming anorexic. Then I realised that I was some sort of f* up commodity for her selfish reasons. She took me to meet people herself and berated me in front of them in passive ways about my weight and I'm sitting here right now thinking of how much of an idiot I was.
She crossed the line and I honestly cannot understand what makes a person think this way.
Sometimes you can't trust an old friend
A close friend from college days asked if he could live with us "for a few days" while looking for employment in the area.
Instead of a job search, he spent his days hanging around the house and taking advantage of our "hospitality."
He crossed the line when I came home early from work one day and caught him with his hands in my S/O's bedroom drawers (looking for things to steal).
That was it - out he went, then and there.
When your friend almost kills your brother
When I was 12 and my brother was 10 I had over one of my only friends at the time. (Moved a town over, new school, I was awkward.)
He liked to throw knives into trees. Odd thing to let a 12 year old do but hey, boys are weird and we liked ninjas. On day he threw a knife into a wall in my house. Not that big of a deal to 12 year old me but it happened to be a foot away from my brothers head. He knew what he did, thought it would be funny and said he knew it would miss.
I lost my shit. I literally threw him out of my house and didn't speak to him for years.
The ultimate betrayal
He tried to get my gf at the time to break up with me so he could date her. Luckily she saw what he was doing. He and I were not friends for long after that. I was pretty torn up by that betrayal.
Some people are desperate
Finally a question I have an answer to. Basically I had a friend throughout high school. Seemed like a pretty chill guy, a bit of a dick but so was I so I just went with it. Between my junior and senior years though I went through some pretty major lifestyle changes, namely not being an asshole to everyone I met. He however did not. The thing that really ended that friendship for me though was when he faked being suicidal and abusing drugs in an attempt to get one of our mutual friends (now my girlfriend) to date him. It was honestly one of the cruelest things I've seen a person do in an attempt to get with a girl. Somehow though that wasn't enough, and he still borderline stalks her to this day. Creepy as hell, and I wish I had drawn the line a little sooner. Live and learn I guess.
The bad advice
Told me to make a false police report against my ex to get custody and then acted like I was the weird one when I said there was no way in h** I'd do that. Lost all respect for her after that.
What a mess!
My best friend of five years began nightly belittling me over a group chat. I was having a really hard time in life, but he found humor in making me a public joke.
He crossed the line, not when he told me that my issues were stupid and that if I was serious I should just kill myself, not when he wrote a letter to my boss telling him to fire me, not when he threatened to call a lawyer on me and sue me for xy & z (I can elaborate at the end **) , but when he posted my address and phone # on Craigslist saying I was ready for a hookup and that the men should just come right in.
Yes, I did go to the police and got a cease & desist.
_*_he was going to sue me, because after I blocked him on Facebook, his mother reached out to me and asked me what even happened. I told her I couldn't handle him belittling me over a nightly chat. Turns out, his mother never contacted me. He logged into her fb account and screenshot what I said and told me that what I'm doing is defamation of character because I'm 'attempting to' make him look bad in his mother's eyes
A turn of events
I was dating a guy for about a month, told my best friend all about him and how much I liked him. My friend and I had tickets to a music festival and the guy decided last minute he was going to come also because he liked some of the bands that were there. Went to the festival, had a great time and got an uber back to an air bnb we had rented for the weekend. Walked in, guy I was dating went to the room we were sleeping in to lay down. I go into the kitchen to get water, hear guy yelling my name, walk in on my best friend on top of guy straddling him. Uncomfortable confrontation ensues.
When they turn on you at work
Got him a job in my company so he could move to the city his girlfriend is. Then he started going after my position - friendship over. Don't work with friends.
Thhat secret that made things awkward
Had a close friend who was in a multiyear relationship with a great guy. He treated her like gold.
Out of nowhere she goes on a date with another guy. She tried to explain it as "just keeping my options open," and as no big deal, and something I shouldn't share with him.
It really changed how I saw her. Jeopardizing her relationship was bad enough, and now you're telling me about it and telling me keep it a secret?
I was happy that she transferred to another department and we quickly lost contact.
Major damage
My best friend for 6+ years was having an affair with my then girlfriend behind my back. I then forgave him under the condition he'd seek psychiatric help ("I'm depressed" was his excuse) and he claimed he made an appointment. He never did and instead invested money into bitcoin. I basically told him foff then and there and he sent me all the messages of my ex girlfriend talking s and playing me for a fool behind my back. Left me with severe self confidence issues but I'm slowly recovering and glad he's gone.
That was definitely a line not to be crossed
We're not close friends anymore. Or even much of friends. I just have trouble cutting ties to someone I've known for 16 years.
He was like a brother. We both ran away from home as teens and called each other first. When his parents kicked him out, my family took him in. I was his POA while he was deployed. He stood with me when I got married.
Then one night, when we were drinking together while my husband was at Basic Training (beach bonfire trip, very common with various people), he tried to sleep with me. And let it be known that he'd always wanted more. And asked for more when I said no.
Yeah.
Kinda killed the friendship. And eventually he got married and his wife dislikes me. And my (ex)husband will punch him if he ever sees him again.
Bad move, and it's always when they are drunk
We had been really close friends for years, spoke every day. A nice platonic girl/guy friendship. Told him from the get go I was never interested in anything other than friendship (I'm engaged as is he). He got drunk one night, sent me a pic of his junk. Told him he crossed the line and I was never interested in seeing anything of that nature. He apologised. Things were fine for a while after then he sent another. Chewed him out for crossing a clear boundary I had set out and told him if he couldn't respect my wishes to not contact me again.
Don't mess with pain
I suffer from chronic migraines. I cancelled a camping trip last minute because that week my migraines had become unbearable and I couldn't stomach anything. The line was crossed when she lost her temper and said, "Well I taught my tumbling class today and almost broke my neck. That's real pain that you don't understand. You can't just cancel plans." Cue me in the hospital 3 days later after a week of migraines and losing 10 lbs because of the nausea and vomiting. We're not best friends anymore.
Needless to say, don't ever tell people their pain is unfounded. You don't know.
That's a line crossed for sure...
She told me on my birthday that she'd been mad about me for months and then 3 days later f* my boss.
We are no longer friends and I am no longer employed!
A different kind of crossing the line
Not the running theme of the thread, but when I was 24 my lifelong friend (since preschool) kissed me and crossed the line from friend. We have been together since (about 4 years). We are still madly in love, moved in together last year and just got a puppy.