Changing generations lead to changing standards. What used to be good for our grandparents to learn may not be enough for the chldren of today. Call it the power of hindsight, or just call it a learned experience, but sometimes those old parables are just straight garbage. "Rub some dirt in it," anyone?
Reddit user, u/Seriously_Wet, wanted to know what's not great for kids today when they asked:
What should parents stop teaching their children?
Were You Gifted It Or Did You Work For It?
That they're naturally intelligent, or "gifted."
I know some people who were "gifted" when they were younger and often received praise for it. As a result, they started to slack off and did poorly in higher levels of education. I think parents should praise children for their hard work instead.
You Set The Standard
Giphy
I don't have evidence for this, but as a Primary School teacher I strongly suspect that parents say phrases to their kids like "Oh I was never good at Maths at school" and this instantly signals to the kid that this is an area they'll never excel at so why bother. Instead kids need to be taught that concerted effort and FAILURE lead to mastery, no matter your family history.
Don't Grab It Unless You Can Comfortably Eat It.
To clear their plate.
I am all against food waste, but I wish I had learnt to stop eating when I was full instead of when there was nothing left on my plate. Would have saved me lots of body weight struggles.
Not Even Family, Sometimes
Parents should really stop with the "The only people you can trust in this world is family" mentality. It ends up being more dangerous and hurtful to the children than they realise
Body Agency Matters
To hug people as a way of being polite.
Don't force kids to hug people they don't want to. Teach them manners, sure, but teach them physical agency.
My friends are teaching their daughter about this, and it's so cool to watch. When I was her age, I'd learned to shut up and tolerate people grabbing me and picking me up regardless of whether I wanted to be held. Reluctantly hugging people when I didn't want to be touched, and caving quickly to people guilt-tripping me into showing fake affection.
She's over there planting her foot and saying "I don't want to do this." and "I don't want a hug" - AND the opposite "Can you throw me again?" and "Can I have an extra-big hug?"
"Let Them Be Kids!"
That they can do whatever they want to do. I've seen a surprising number of parents letting their children do anything in public places. Absolutely the worst.
"They're kids, they're just playing,"
No f-ckface, your spawn is literally going through my coat's pockets right now, teach it how to behave itself. True story.
Nothing Wrong With Time Wasted
That "wasting time" is bad.
Adults are so time poor that there's a lot of stress on doing it perfectly the first time so as not to waste time. I moved out of home at 22 unable to cook because it was always faster if my mum just did it herself.
I pay people to mow my lawn because I'm really slow when I do it myself. I don't really have anything else to do, so time isn't a concern except that hiring someone is faster.
I have students that can't research themselves because the parents just do it for them at home.
Other students can't sit there contentedly for a few minutes without doing something because they're "wasting time" when they legit just need a brain break for a few minutes.
The Ol' Parent Double Standard
Saying that they should always tell the truth, then proceed to get mad after they tell them the truth. Any double standard, really.
Nothing Makes Sense
Giphy
That life is fair, there's some sort of cosmic justice, and if you're a good person everything will work out.
There's always some manipulative bastard waiting to take advantage of people who think that way.
Critical thinking and skepticism should be taught young
If you teach this to kids when they are really young they will internalize an appreciation for fairness and justice. That way they treat others with respect and fairness. When they get older, like 9+ they can be taught that sometimes it's not going to happen and that is okay. Your reaction to minor inconveniences still has to be one of resilence. And also that their reaction to major injustices should be proactive rectification.
The Worst Part? It's Not Usually A Stranger
Stranger danger.
My wife teaches self defense and on a questionnaire she asked high school girls, when would you not fight back? they all said if it was someone they knew. But also on the surveys were responses about teachers and coaches and boyfriends doing inappropriate things. We teach kids to be scared of strangers, but most abuse comes from people we know in some capacity
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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