Changing generations lead to changing standards. What used to be good for our grandparents to learn may not be enough for the chldren of today. Call it the power of hindsight, or just call it a learned experience, but sometimes those old parables are just straight garbage. "Rub some dirt in it," anyone?
Reddit user, u/Seriously_Wet, wanted to know what's not great for kids today when they asked:
Were You Gifted It Or Did You Work For It?
That they're naturally intelligent, or "gifted."
I know some people who were "gifted" when they were younger and often received praise for it. As a result, they started to slack off and did poorly in higher levels of education. I think parents should praise children for their hard work instead.
You Set The StandardGiphy
I don't have evidence for this, but as a Primary School teacher I strongly suspect that parents say phrases to their kids like "Oh I was never good at Maths at school" and this instantly signals to the kid that this is an area they'll never excel at so why bother. Instead kids need to be taught that concerted effort and FAILURE lead to mastery, no matter your family history.
Don't Grab It Unless You Can Comfortably Eat It.
To clear their plate.
I am all against food waste, but I wish I had learnt to stop eating when I was full instead of when there was nothing left on my plate. Would have saved me lots of body weight struggles.
Not Even Family, Sometimes
Parents should really stop with the "The only people you can trust in this world is family" mentality. It ends up being more dangerous and hurtful to the children than they realise
Body Agency Matters
To hug people as a way of being polite.
Don't force kids to hug people they don't want to. Teach them manners, sure, but teach them physical agency.
My friends are teaching their daughter about this, and it's so cool to watch. When I was her age, I'd learned to shut up and tolerate people grabbing me and picking me up regardless of whether I wanted to be held. Reluctantly hugging people when I didn't want to be touched, and caving quickly to people guilt-tripping me into showing fake affection.
She's over there planting her foot and saying "I don't want to do this." and "I don't want a hug" - AND the opposite "Can you throw me again?" and "Can I have an extra-big hug?"
"Let Them Be Kids!"
That they can do whatever they want to do. I've seen a surprising number of parents letting their children do anything in public places. Absolutely the worst.
"They're kids, they're just playing,"
No f-ckface, your spawn is literally going through my coat's pockets right now, teach it how to behave itself. True story.
Nothing Wrong With Time Wasted
That "wasting time" is bad.
Adults are so time poor that there's a lot of stress on doing it perfectly the first time so as not to waste time. I moved out of home at 22 unable to cook because it was always faster if my mum just did it herself.
I pay people to mow my lawn because I'm really slow when I do it myself. I don't really have anything else to do, so time isn't a concern except that hiring someone is faster.
I have students that can't research themselves because the parents just do it for them at home.
Other students can't sit there contentedly for a few minutes without doing something because they're "wasting time" when they legit just need a brain break for a few minutes.
The Ol' Parent Double Standard
Saying that they should always tell the truth, then proceed to get mad after they tell them the truth. Any double standard, really.
Nothing Makes SenseGiphy
That life is fair, there's some sort of cosmic justice, and if you're a good person everything will work out.
There's always some manipulative bastard waiting to take advantage of people who think that way.
Critical thinking and skepticism should be taught young
If you teach this to kids when they are really young they will internalize an appreciation for fairness and justice. That way they treat others with respect and fairness. When they get older, like 9+ they can be taught that sometimes it's not going to happen and that is okay. Your reaction to minor inconveniences still has to be one of resilence. And also that their reaction to major injustices should be proactive rectification.
The Worst Part? It's Not Usually A Stranger
My wife teaches self defense and on a questionnaire she asked high school girls, when would you not fight back? they all said if it was someone they knew. But also on the surveys were responses about teachers and coaches and boyfriends doing inappropriate things. We teach kids to be scared of strangers, but most abuse comes from people we know in some capacity