Congratulations! You have a daughter. It's now your job to prepare her for the world at large, teach her how to be the best she can be, and understand that the changes to her body are natural and will happen whether you like it or not.
...This is mainly for the dads of the world who many not have an idea of what they're doing.
Reddit user, u/joho3883, wanted to get the word out when they asked:
Women of Reddit, what are some things a dad should know about raising a girl?
You're Creating A Legacy
How you treat her and her mom is how she will expect to be treated by her partner when she's older.
Let Them Fend For Themselves
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Don't be too overprotective. How long can you protect her? One day she'll be on her own and she'll not know how to. Teach her how to be independent instead. To do things on her own. Teach her self-defense. Teach her to be safe.
Everything They Say Has Relevance
I know you probably don't want to hear about what happened with Sarah and Kyle today in prealgebra or the character break down of her latest teen novel but just listen to her. The moment you dismiss her thoughts and interests is the moment that wall starts going up between. Make an effort to remember some names and details and it'll mean everything to her. Don't laugh at her or get mad when she bursts into tears over something that you perceive as insignificant. Not only is she young and her world is smaller but if she's above the age of ten her emotions are running wild.
Basically just treat her like her thoughts and feelings are valid. It's so easy to forget about how big your emotions feel when you're young. And the reason that I, as a 26 year old woman, still talk to my father weekly and greet him with a big hug is that he listened with empathy.
It's Going To Happen Every Month
I was raised by a single dad. When I started my period, he made it clear that my period was not embarrassing, and he would get me whatever I needed to take care of myself.
Also, if there's not a "mom" around, please, please ask some friends how to manage your daughter's hair.
Seriously. Every. Month.
Just buy her the tampons and don't be embarassed about it. My dad raised my sister and I alone after my mom passed away when I was 11 and he was always so weird about this - MEN, it's not a big deal!!! The cashier knows it's not for you LOL
Words Have Power
If you do nothing else right, speak kindly.
I don't have the best dad, he was always fighting his own demons, and therefor not all that present but he has literally only ever been kind to me and that sticks out more than anything. He praises everything we do, compliments us endlessly, and always made us feel like we were obviously capable of anything. It has always been easy to see/feel his shortcomings really didn't have anything to do with me and were his own personal issues.
That's Why They're Called "Delicates"
do not put bras or underwear in the dryer (single dad to now college age dryer)
EDIT.....college age daughter, not college age dryer (but the dryer is 20 years old as well)
Respect Every Relationship
Don't talk sh-t talk their mother.
Don't poison your daughter's relationship with her other parent if she's lucky enough to have one.
Keep Your Mouth Shut
As she gets older, don't make comments about body hair, bra straps, or exposed shoulders. It's uncomfortable and can cause self image issues.
Keep It Cool, Dad
Don't start acting as though she will turn into a raging monster the second she hits puberty. It's a weird expectation to have placed on you. On that note, don't blame everything she feels on her hormones. Don't lose your sh-t when she starts needing a bra. She has breasts now. So what? A father freaking out or being weird about it will just complicate how she feels even more.
If mom can't take her shopping, have her sized, take her to a store, get her a fitting room. Done. Don't make her feel weird or bad about needing one. Also, it isn't hard to have her sized. My store won't size you, but they will teach girls how to do so properly and provide you with a room, measuring tape, and advice.
Give Them Room
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When they are teenagers, respect their space as it's a tough time for them and honestly it's really difficult to talk to your dad about. We have mood swings and you might think we hate you but we love you dearly! Be there for her when she needs it too!
They Don't Just Want To Know "Girl" Things
Make sure to teach us "boy" stuff, too! I was an only child, and my dad still taught me to drive a tractor, change a tire, hang drywall, and fix things around the house. These skills have come in handy many times in the years since and especially when I was living alone. Plus, it was great bonding time for me and dad :)
Teach Them To Be Ready
She is going to get hit on so much earlier than you think. I started getting whistled at walking past construction sites when I was 11. Teach her the skills to deal with rejecting someone politely but firmly and sticking to her guns (metaphorically)
Make Them Comfortable
Be their friend as well as their dad, so they are comfortable coming to you worry free.
People Change All The Time
Not just girls, but all children's personality change, as they grow up they wont be the same person they were 5 or 10 years ago. So don't expect your kid to be the same person they were when they were 5.
Especially dont glorify the way they were when they were little and painting it like that was when they were at their best, because then that makes them feel awful for changing and developing as a person. Speaking from experience here.
Let's Run Down A Bunch!
Always depends on the age of the kids.
As a father of 5 wonderful girls, aged from 3 to 16, there are a couple of things:
Treat their mother and them with respect (I think that's one of the most important things, and it has also already been pointed out here).
It is normal that they are stubborn. Let them.
It is not normal that some boys are d****. I often hear the argument "boys will be boys", which is often an excuse that some boys are just idiots. I can guarantee you it is not normal. DON'T let them think that this is normal!
As someone already pointed out: if you have to comb the hair, start at the bottom and work up. My girls all love their hair. Take your time, maybe learn how to make her hair (there are a lot of FB groups about it, and youtube tutorials. Daddydaughter hair factory is the first that comes to my mind).
Forget the stereotypes. If they want to watch Ninjago instead of my little poney, that's ok. Girls don't have to only play with puppets. One of mine loves playing with cars, imagining she's a Ninja etc.
Once they hit "pre-puberty" (so the age of 10, when their body starts to transform) they may change their behavior and interests. Help them go through that. It settles after one or two years, usually when they start getting their period.
They don't need to be ashamed when they have their period. And there's nothing wrong if you buy tampons etc for them. Make the first step, and when you buy groceries, write them a message if they need some of these products.
Treat them and their mother with respect (I know, I already wrote this, but it is really important, as you may be the standard of what they are looking from their future partner)
Talk openly about drugs and sex with them. Those things are often stigmatized in our society.
A hug is sometimes better than talking
It is normal that they have different interests than you.
Don't make them feel ashamed when you see their boyfriend for the first time (even if it may be funny). Talk with them about what you think about him, but don't be rude to him. They will meet him anyway. They shouldn't make it in secrecy.
No dad jokes when their friends are there.
Once they have a boyfriend (or even before), make sure to have condoms at home.
Condoms are like 1mm thin. Boys saying that they don't feel something if they use a condom are idiots. Make her know that he should put that thing on.
If someone is their best friend today, it doesn't mean it is also their best friend tomorrow :-)
They shall enjoy their youth and freedom.
Don't lie about their body shape and weight. If they are a little chubby, then tell them (however, chose your words wisely), and if they want to lose weight help them do it. Go with her for a run i.e.
This one may be only my personal opinion: They may lie about some things. Don't be too consequent or harsh about it. Some small lies are ok, as long as they don't lie about the things that matter. But if they lie, they should know that you know it (skeptical look etc)
Make sure that they don't eat only crisps and cookies in their free time, or when they are in school or lunchtime. This could backfire once they are in puberty. Teach them about food.
If you forbid something you make it much more interesting (i.e .softdrinks, cookies, later maybe meeting a boy etc)
No mobile phones during lunchtime (again, my personal opinion)
Treat them and their mother with respect (I can't stress this enough)
What's something you wish all men would know about raising girls? Share it with us!
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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