JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!
via Getty Images Tannis Toohey / Contributor

Lord our brains work in mysterious ways, don't they? How is it we seem to lose control over what words fumble out of our mouths at the most inopportune times? Who isn't guilty of spewing verbal craziness that leaves us and our witnesses utterly speechless? Who hasn't born the brunt of faces screaming... "do you NOT hear you?" Be honest. I'll wait.

Redditor u/Shikher_07 wanted everyone to share all the shockingly stupid things that have fallen out of our mouths at the worst times by asking.... What is the dumbest thing you've said out loud?


Doh... or Duh?

Giphy

I opened the dictionary to a random page once and my finger landed on the entry for "window" except I read, out loud, the phonetic spelling, win*doh.

So there I was, surrounded by friends, asking, "Win doh? What the hell is a win doh?" Enunciating the syllables like an idiot.

I read the definition and realized what a doofus I was. Ryan59479

New Names....

Was looking for my socks, couldn't think of the name, called them "footpants." Photon_Torpedophile

Did the same with swing once, the noun. Came out with jingle-chair. Reddit

De-boned.

Giphy

If they can make seedless oranges why can't they make boneless chickens? GargantuanCake

That chicken's going to grow up...

Well, it wouldn't grow so far, would it? VoyagerCat

My Bumps. 

I'm always saying "sorry" to the furniture I bump into. chinchuberry

I did this on Friday with a skeleton in Anatomy lab. lidlpizzapie

Love Alexa....

Giphy

I say "please" and "thank you" to Alexa. It's good to show kindness to inanimate objects. goose_of_reddit

So Dumb. 

My wife asked me if her jeans makes her butt looks fat.

I said "it ain't the jeans."

I'm not a smart man. Wrong_Answer_Willie

My boyfriend at the time answered "it's not the dress that makes you look fat it's the fat that makes you look fat" (...Silence...) i wasn't even wearing a dress.

Years later I reminded him of this, and he said he was just quoting a movie.

(What?!)

I ended up marrying him, and learned to never ask that question again. KotZaBoulSheat

English What?

Giphy

"I know every language in the English dictionary." KarinLoos

"Isn't English is one funny compilation of languages?!" Shikher_07

To Be Eaten....

Definitely not the dumbest thing I've ever said but this one was pretty recent. My parents were talking about having a lot of leftover food while cooking and my brain struggled to say either "people will eat it" or "it will get eaten." I ended up saying "people will get eaten." absoluteambiguity

Hush Please.

Giphy

told a "your mom" joke to a buddy to try to cheer him up. This was at his mothers funeral. I felt so damn stupid a millisecond after I said it. ecksit

H20 Hunt. 

Walked up to Starbucks cashier and asked, "You guys don't happen to have water do you?"

She replied sarcastically, "Um no we don't have water I'm sorry"

Just at that moment she looked down and in front of me is water bottles and water cups for the water station 🤦🏼♂️

My girlfriend never lets it go now though, she's always like "Oh maybe you can ask [insert restaurant] if they have water too. ChrispyCherrios

REDDIT

Image by Mary Pahlke from Pixabay

There are few things more satisfying than a crisp $20 bill. Well, maybe a crisp $100 bill.

But twenty big ones can get you pretty far nonetheless.

Whether it's tucked firmly in a birthday card, passing from hand to hand after a knee-jerk sports bet, or going toward a useful tool, the old twenty dollar bill has been used for countless purposes.


Keep reading... Show less
Image by Jan Vašek from Pixabay

I realize that school safety has been severely compromised and has been under dire scrutiny over the past decade and of course, it should be. And when I was a student, my safety was one of my greatest priorities but, some implemented rules under the guise of "safety" were and are... just plain ludicrous. Like who thinks up some of these ideas?

Redditor u/Animeking1108 wanted to discuss how the education system has ideas that sometimes are just more a pain in the butt than a daily enhancement... What was the dumbest rule your school enforced?
Keep reading... Show less
Image by Angelo Esslinger from Pixabay

One of the golden rules of life? Doctors are merely human. They don't know everything and they make mistakes. That is why you always want to get another opinion. Things are constantly missed. That doesn't mean docs don't know what they're doing, they just aren't infallible. So make sure to ask questions, lots of them.

Redditor u/Gorgon_the_Dragon wanted to hear from doctors about why it is imperative we always get second and maybe third opinions by asking... Doctors of Reddit, what was the worse thing you've seen for a patient that another Doctor overlooked?
Keep reading... Show less
Image by nonbirinonko from Pixabay

When we think about learning history, our first thought is usually sitting in our high school history class (or AP World History class if you're a nerd like me) being bored out of our minds. Unless again, you're a huge freaking nerd like me. But I think we all have the memory of the moment where we realized learning about history was kinda cool. And they usually start from one weird fact.

Here are a few examples of turning points in learning about history, straight from the keyboards of the people at AskReddit.

U/Tynoa2 asked: What's your favourite historical fact?


Keep reading... Show less