Lord our brains work in mysterious ways, don't they? How is it we seem to lose control over what words fumble out of our mouths at the most inopportune times? Who isn't guilty of spewing verbal craziness that leaves us and our witnesses utterly speechless? Who hasn't born the brunt of faces screaming... "do you NOT hear you?" Be honest. I'll wait.
Doh... or Duh?Giphy
I opened the dictionary to a random page once and my finger landed on the entry for "window" except I read, out loud, the phonetic spelling, win*doh.
So there I was, surrounded by friends, asking, "Win doh? What the hell is a win doh?" Enunciating the syllables like an idiot.
I read the definition and realized what a doofus I was. Ryan59479
Was looking for my socks, couldn't think of the name, called them "footpants." Photon_Torpedophile
Did the same with swing once, the noun. Came out with jingle-chair. Reddit
If they can make seedless oranges why can't they make boneless chickens? GargantuanCake
Well, it wouldn't grow so far, would it? VoyagerCat
I'm always saying "sorry" to the furniture I bump into. chinchuberry
I did this on Friday with a skeleton in Anatomy lab. lidlpizzapie
I say "please" and "thank you" to Alexa. It's good to show kindness to inanimate objects. goose_of_reddit
My wife asked me if her jeans makes her butt looks fat.
I said "it ain't the jeans."
I'm not a smart man. Wrong_Answer_Willie
My boyfriend at the time answered "it's not the dress that makes you look fat it's the fat that makes you look fat" (...Silence...) i wasn't even wearing a dress.
Years later I reminded him of this, and he said he was just quoting a movie.
I ended up marrying him, and learned to never ask that question again. KotZaBoulSheat
"I know every language in the English dictionary." KarinLoos
"Isn't English is one funny compilation of languages?!" Shikher_07
To Be Eaten....
Definitely not the dumbest thing I've ever said but this one was pretty recent. My parents were talking about having a lot of leftover food while cooking and my brain struggled to say either "people will eat it" or "it will get eaten." I ended up saying "people will get eaten." absoluteambiguity
told a "your mom" joke to a buddy to try to cheer him up. This was at his mothers funeral. I felt so damn stupid a millisecond after I said it. ecksit
Walked up to Starbucks cashier and asked, "You guys don't happen to have water do you?"
She replied sarcastically, "Um no we don't have water I'm sorry"
Just at that moment she looked down and in front of me is water bottles and water cups for the water station 🤦🏼♂️
My girlfriend never lets it go now though, she's always like "Oh maybe you can ask [insert restaurant] if they have water too. ChrispyCherrios