Doh... or Duh?
GiphyI opened the dictionary to a random page once and my finger landed on the entry for "window" except I read, out loud, the phonetic spelling, win*doh.
So there I was, surrounded by friends, asking, "Win doh? What the hell is a win doh?" Enunciating the syllables like an idiot.
I read the definition and realized what a doofus I was. Ryan59479
New Names....
Was looking for my socks, couldn't think of the name, called them "footpants." Photon_Torpedophile
Did the same with swing once, the noun. Came out with jingle-chair. Reddit
De-boned.
GiphyIf they can make seedless oranges why can't they make boneless chickens? GargantuanCake
That chicken's going to grow up...
Well, it wouldn't grow so far, would it? VoyagerCat
My Bumps.
I'm always saying "sorry" to the furniture I bump into. chinchuberry
I did this on Friday with a skeleton in Anatomy lab. lidlpizzapie
Love Alexa....
GiphyI say "please" and "thank you" to Alexa. It's good to show kindness to inanimate objects. goose_of_reddit
So Dumb.
My wife asked me if her jeans makes her butt looks fat.
I said "it ain't the jeans."
I'm not a smart man. Wrong_Answer_Willie
My boyfriend at the time answered "it's not the dress that makes you look fat it's the fat that makes you look fat" (...Silence...) i wasn't even wearing a dress.
Years later I reminded him of this, and he said he was just quoting a movie.
(What?!)
I ended up marrying him, and learned to never ask that question again. KotZaBoulSheat
English What?
Giphy"I know every language in the English dictionary." KarinLoos
"Isn't English is one funny compilation of languages?!" Shikher_07
To Be Eaten....
Definitely not the dumbest thing I've ever said but this one was pretty recent. My parents were talking about having a lot of leftover food while cooking and my brain struggled to say either "people will eat it" or "it will get eaten." I ended up saying "people will get eaten." absoluteambiguity
Hush Please.
Giphytold a "your mom" joke to a buddy to try to cheer him up. This was at his mothers funeral. I felt so damn stupid a millisecond after I said it. ecksit
H20 Hunt.
Walked up to Starbucks cashier and asked, "You guys don't happen to have water do you?"
She replied sarcastically, "Um no we don't have water I'm sorry"
Just at that moment she looked down and in front of me is water bottles and water cups for the water station 🤦🏼♂️
My girlfriend never lets it go now though, she's always like "Oh maybe you can ask [insert restaurant] if they have water too. ChrispyCherrios
Say What?: The Dumbest Things People Have Ever Said Out Loud
Reddit user A_Lice_in_Wonderland asked: 'What is the dumbest thing you've ever heard someone say?'
Sometimes, a person can be mature and intelligent and still have some thoughts or theories that are truly stupid. And sometimes, that person says something truly stupid out loud.
It usually makes for a funny memory.
When I was in middle school, a group of my friends were talking about a movie that had just come out and where it was filmed. One boy said it was filmed in New York. A girl's response made all of us cringe:
When someone told her Manhattan was in New York, she didn't believe it and insisted that was not true! Four years later, she graduated third in our class. Guess she eventually figured it out.
Redditors know people who have said truly dumb things out loud as well, and are eager to share.
It all started when Redditor A_Lice_in_Wonderland asked:
First Time For Everything
"“Well she never got pregnant before,” after his girlfriend got pregnant and after asking my friend why didn’t he use protection."
– tuotone75
"I've never died before so I won't ever."
– Rakgul
"Should’ve checked to see if there was a history of pregnancy in the family."
– hogliterature
Time Difference
"I was microwaving some food, I hit the 1 so it would automatically cook it for a minute. My friend asked “Why did you put it in for a minute? I usually put mine in for 60 seconds”. I had to explain to him that it’s the same thing. We were in high school."
– Gambit_Finale
"I have a similar one. Had to explain to someone that 0:90 on the microwave was the same as 1:30. They kept insisting 1:30 was more, and that I was crazy."
– Atheist_Alex_C
Where Does Our Food Come From?
"That there's no difference between turkey and ham because "they both come from birds."
"I guess pigs really do fly in their world."
– JustForKicks36
"I had a friend in college who asked me very seriously, "so if beef comes from cows, and pork comes from pigs, what animal does chicken come from?""
– not_ur_avg
And When Does It Come Back?
"“How long does it take the meat to grow back on a cow when you shave it off?”"
– Bright_Ad_2848
"Average "Hay Day"-player."
– The-One-Winged-Angel
"Making hamburgers is not an outpatient procedure."
– tritium_awesome
This Is The Real World
"A new hire at the cotton mill that had dropped out of school to go to work:"
""How long do we get off for spring break?""
– TrailerParkPrepper
"Oh welcome to real life you poor child."
– Bucksin06
Poor Guy
"This involves a conversation with a guy I used to work with who was trying to lose weight so he was cutting down on pasta."
"Him : I've been doing pretty good, haven't had pasta in 2 weeks."
"Me : That's awesome, what's that you got in your hand there?"
"Him : Mac and Cheese."
"Me : I thought you said you haven't had pasta in 2 weeks?"
"Him : I haven't, this is Mac and cheese."
– highfivesforgod
Not How It Works
"If you drink a coke & then a diet coke, the sugar cancels out."
– ScribblingOff87
With Magic, Sure
"I was solving a Rubik's cube and a guy asked me how many sides it has and if I can make them all blue."
– MrLambNugget
Yikes!
"Friend and his girlfriend were over. Watching some TV when an ad for an Anne Frank documentary comes on."
"GF: "oh, wasn't she like Hitler's daughter or something?" The room became very quiet for awhile."
– 1WaldoJeffers1
"I guess it's "or something""
– candangoek
"A moment of silence for a dumb friend."
– sunpies33
*Cringes*
"The question right above this in my feed is: “Why’s a square called a square when it has six sides and eight corners?”"
"The sub was NoStupidQuestions"
– 12345_PIZZA
"The premise of the sub has been disproven. Time to shut it down."
– cbusalex
""Sir, that's called a cube.""
– ThisWasAValidName
It Never Did
"“What year did this happen?”"
"We were watching The Lord of the Rings."
– OverTheCandlestik
Not The Lakes
"I was in seventh grade history and the teacher asked a student which ocean Christopher Columbus crossed to get to America. She said she didn’t know and the teacher replied by asking “how many oceans can you name? It’s gonna be one of them.""
"The girl thinks for a moment and says “Lake Champlain… Lake Geo-""
"The teacher cut her off by saying “if it has the word lake in it, it’s probably not an ocean.”"
– thecrimsonf**kr23830
The Whole Country Does
"Was on the bus headed to class in Honolulu, a Southerner got on and asked the driver"
""Do y'all take American Dollars?""
"The driver pointed at the American flag sticker on the window and with extreme exasperation said"
""You're in America.""
– revjor
Coffee Conundrums
"When I worked at Starbucks it was frequent question from customers to explain the difference between a hot and an iced drink…"
– Real_Pea5921
"I work at Starbucks, holy sh*t our customers are a different breed."
"I had one lady ask why her drink had so many small bits of ice in it when she wanted it blended."
"I have had more than one person ask for hot coffees but iced and vise versa."
"I've had people ask if cold brew was/could be made hot."
"The list with Starbucks customers goes on and on..."
– PanPenguinGirl
"Can I get hot coffee cold? No I don’t want cold coffee! I want hot coffee but cold!"
– Surviving2
...Well, Yeah
"I heard a similar story about someone who had driven across border from the U.S. to Canada."
"To paraphrase: "They checked my ID and inspected my entire car! It was like I was entering a foreign country!""
– anfrind
Oh My Lord...
Enough said.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comment below.