Love... will make you want to forget love. Searching for love is one of the most exasperating "adventures" life has to offer. Half the time, the journey for love... will fail you. It's part of the gamble. If you're searching online, it makes it that much more nerve wracking. The crazies are running amuk out there. Sometimes the bumble isn't worth the buzz.
Redditor u/dannyboy8323 wanted everyone to band together and share some love stories gone awry by asking.... What's your biggest fail when it comes to online dating?
Not realizing how much can be lost in the absence of voice inflection and physical social queues. ealoft
This is what so many people can't seem to grasp when I explain to them I don't do online dating. If they've never experienced what it's like to have this happen they just can't understand it no matter how much I try to explain it. And, to me, it's a huge part of my attraction (or lack of) to a person.
Edit: it's not like I don't date or have issues getting dates, I just don't do online. I still meet people in real life, I just don't like online and feel my real life connections tend to work out better for me. seh_23
I still cringe.....
Oh man, the first time I contacted someone (it was via The Onion personals, which were really a thing in 2005), I just made fun of a band she said she liked. I wrote something like, "My only problem is that you are into (band)" She replied (as she should have), "My only problem is that the only thing you offer is a criticism". I still cringe. dinnersateight
Getting hundreds of matches on tinder but not going on a single date with someone I initially met from the app.
Edit: I am a male. I've set up many dates, but get ghosted the day of. alaf44
but good lord was I a naive fool....
Matched with someone on a dating website (before Tinder). Got to talking, seemed like a chill dude, even though there were red flags (he insisted we were dating before we met and I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone). Agreed to meet up with him at a cafe by work. Organized with my receptionist she would ring me at an allotted time and tell me I had to come back to work, so I had an out. Met with the guy for coffee, it seemed well enough, then my girl rang me, so I told him I had to get back. His response was "I've got my work van here, do you want to jump in the back and have a quickie?" I noped out of there and went back to work.
A couple of months later he ended up coming into my work to see my boss. I made polite small talk with him then when he left my boss called me into her office to ask how I knew him. Turned out he was married to my bosses niece and I dodged a bullet.
Update: sorry to leave you all hanging. Boss believed me, and we never spoke of it again. I was too embarrassed to raise the subject again because I keep my private life private, and her because i assume she kept that crap between her and her niece. My boss was also a black belt in jujitsu so not the person to mess with.
Yes, i should have known better when he got possessive straight out the gate, but I was young, insecure, and lonely. It's not a crime to want to be wanted, but good lord was I a naive fool. Fen_Misting
Dated a guy who was in a Poli-sci PhD program (confirmed) who had a law degree (confirmed) but had "left practice because he didn't enjoy it." Nope. Had been arrested for a federal hate crime as a neo-Nazi and was ineligible to practice. Thank god for google. doctaliz
When I connected Spotify my bumble profile and unbeknownst to me, 3 of my top 10 artists were the wiggles, hi-5 and blippi. Pretty sure I missed a few connections because of that! kwisssy
What's Your Password?
Not trying it sooner. At the end of the day, we're all just people looking to connect and share a Netflix account. toaster_jack
A female friend then thought it would be fun to create a tinder profile & swipe for me during a party. Spend the next few days being mind blown at getting matches, sucking at texting, progressively getting better at it. A few months later going on a ton of dates, getting better at that as well, and finally finding my current girlfriend of soon 2 years. Developed more at flirting & understanding dating in those 6 months than from birth up until that point. Sairony
Using Plenty Of Fish, the free dating site. It was like the Netto of dating sites. I chatted briefly with one woman before telling her I was going out for a few drinks.
Next day I checked my messages and she had sent some. It started with "why don't you come round to mine and get drunk together", progressing to "why are you ignoring me", then to "I think you're gorgeous and we will be good together" and finally "don't you ignore me".
I sent her a message the next day to never contact me again. zetecvan
Match to browse.
I used the free version of Match to browse, then decided to sign up. Quickly realized it didn't have anything to offer me, so I cancelled and got a refund. I then had 20 different emails about different women interested in me. Way too coincidental. cowbellhero81
3 Days In.
I once told a guy (via text) I had to go because my lunch break was over. When my shift ended there were tons of angry messages from him asking where I was and why I left so suddenly. I told him it was because my break was over and I can't text when I am at work. He then started apologizing to me and told me he was afraid he had lost me and that I hated him. We had "known" each other for 3 days and we had never met in real life. AtWarWithEurasia
She was way hotter than me.Giphy
I met with this very attractive woman off Upper middle class tinder (Bumble).
She was way hotter than me.
At some point during the evening, she leans forward on her bar stool, narrows her eyes and goes "I know there was some reason I swiped right on you".
Because at this point she could not remember 😂. ThatsASaabStory
crap happens mate....
Met with a girl at a bar in Philadelphia on a Friday night around 6PM. It was fun and we drank a lot, but I noticed that she was pacing MUCH faster than me. I had around 4 beers in the time it too her to drink 7 martinis ($15 a glass). We are getting along well and she says that she needs to use the rest room. She took her jacket and purse to the restroom. I didn't think much of it but after an hour of sitting at the bar alone waiting I realized that I got used for a heavy pregame.
The bartender kinda realized it. When I asked for the tab he shrugged and was like "crap happens mate. I took two drinks off your tab." djm2491
Since I'm a weirdo.....
I had about given up on dating in general after I broke up with another loser I had met on there. But I decided to revamp my profile a little and put exactly what I was looking for. I.e. looks don't matter, but you have to have a job, and not live on your mom's couch at 33, and have some goals regardless of how big or small they are, etc. I included that I am a professional with my own place, car, full time job, and college degree and though education isn't a deal breaker I just want someone I can have a conversation with. It was pretty straightforward.
I included that I like fun stuff too, because I am not a very serious person I just was tired of getting involved with losers. I went from getting several messages a day from guys to maybe a message a week.
Since I'm a weirdo, I made a second profile. I had zero pics of my face, and only partial body pics. I had pics of me with boxes on my head, wearing weird masks, etc. I put how I only read the necronomicon and I have antlers, and I glow in the dark or some weird shit. I got a crap ton of messages to that profile.
One of them ended up being my current partner of 6 years. Lol... once I sent him an actual pic of me he said he recognized me from my other profile. I asked later why he didn't message me on that one and he said I seemed scary or something.
Now I know that asking for a guy with goals is scarier than potentially being an antlered necromancer. jahlove24
Mix It Up.
Putting all my eggs in one basket. Once I start a conversation with one person, I just stick with that person until I know it's not going to go anywhere. I can't deal with trying to remember stuff about two+ people at the same time. I don't mind though if the person I'm talking to is talking to more than one person as long as if we're on a date, they're not on the phone to them or mix us up. hotchocolatelover
Agreeing to meet someone with a topless profile pic. My God he was vain. Sinnes-loeschen
From the Bots.
I matched a girl who looked really cool and complimented her hair. She responded with something along the lines of "I'm so glad you messaged me, most of these guys just match and never message." I've seen almost exactly the same line before from bots, so I assumed she was a bot and said something snarky about it.
She replied, upset, and then unmatched me. D_Thought
Not being exciting or witty enough in the text game. In real life my expressions and demeanor save me, not so much online. brucekeller
I'm the opposite, I'm so smooth over text but super awkward in person. My texting personality and in person self are basically two different personas, which is probably off putting. Lightning_Larry_
She was being flirty but I just kept asking "how's your day going" "what are you up to" and other generic questions until she stopped and never messaged me back. hayisforhorses101
Step yo freak game up son. satanvacation
Chatted with them a year by phone, once we met we had nothing to talk about and it was the most awkward encounter of my life. MattSouth
Sometimes chemistry fails to translate to IRL. If it was a good fit, you would still have had topics of conversation. greywolfau
You have no idea how many neglected wives are out there online and they love to omit the fact that they have husbands. Watch out for the milfs. She'll break your heart and her husband will break your neck. syringelol
Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?
You're not alone.
Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.
Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.
AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"
Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.
"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015
"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo
"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz
"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades
Take Your Pick
"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100
"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer
"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er
"Lembas" -- Roxwords
"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister
Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.
The One and Only
"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox
"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits
"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo
"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified
"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85
"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy
Get a Big Old Chunk
"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."
Slurp, Slurp, Slurp
"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox
"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM
"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun
Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.
That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.
What's In It??
"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes
"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth
Slice of the Future
"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91
"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros
As Sweet As They Had
"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon
"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes
"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade
Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.
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When a movie rakes in a ton of cash at the box office, the studio that made it has only one thing on its mind: "How do we keep shaking this money tree?"
Unfortunately, that means they make sequels, sometimes sequels on sequels on sequels.
At times, the sequels are solid. They tie nicely into the first film, emphasizing the qualities that brought folks out to the first one, while immersing them into that world for another great couple of hours.
But sometimes, it's wildly clear that the longterm planning behind a sequel was minimal at best. These part two's are truly terrible experiences, made even more disappointing by the excitement created by everyone's love for the first.
Some Redditors shared the worst examples.
Sullivans97 asked, "What is the worst movie sequel ever?"
Plenty of contributions to the thread were noteworthy simply because the Redditors' deep hatred for a sequel spurred them to write a very entertaining review.
"Son of the Mask. Worst sequel. Worst movie. Worst piece of entertainment. Worst experience to sit through as a human being."
Oddly Specific Analogy
"Independence Day: Resurgence."
"What the fu** was that giant heap of steaming camel sh**?"
Two Key Elements
"The plot is mostly driven by Mushu acting like a real piece of sh**, and Shang gets turned into the butt monkey of the movie as a consequence."
"Vastly inferior to the first one."
Just Horrible Decisions Every Step of the Way
"Where is Speed 2?"
"Speeding cruise ship (Zzzzzzz)"
"WTF were they thinking?"
Other people chose to discuss the sequels that, for whatever reason, chose not to include the key attributes that made the first movie so good.
Whether it was the absence of character, actor, or overarching theme, the experience was as puzzling as it was frustrating.
Insert Muscle Here
"Kindergarten Cop 2. Yes it does exist and it is a bad as it sounds. Dolph Lundgren takes over the role of Schwarzenegger." -- TheBassMeister
"Bro, don't be such a jabroni. Imagine, a super ripped, super smart cop-in a mesh tank top-named officer Dolph Lundgren." -- why_not_fandy
"Ugh wtf the movie was great why make another one" -- c_girl_108
"American Psycho 2. It wasn't even originally intended to be a sequel, they just shoved the name on it and added loose references to Patrick Bateman. Awful." -- Mountain_Situation89
"Mila kunas who is in it was told it was a different name and was pissed when they ended up making it a 'sequel' " -- Imfrank123
"Yea, that's the thing. The movie would have been a decent film if it was just a serial killer film and not an AP sequel." -- JennyBean2000
"It had some okay parts, but what they did to Justin Long's character completely undercuts the meaning of the first movie. And no Ryan Reynolds."
Last, some people realized that any film franchise that goes beyond two installments is just asking for things to go downhill in a hurry.
Once you cross three--and even four--your just too far from the source.
What Even Is Home Alone 5?
"Home Alone 3, 4, and 5" -- theWet_Bandits
"I honestly enjoyed 3, sure it made no sense at all, but I can look past that and really enjoyed it. 4 and 5 on the other hand, I barely remember what 4 was about and had completely forgotten that 5 existed until just now." -- botbattler30
End of the Mummy Era
"The third Mummy movie." -- goshawkgirl
"Fun fact: The trailer for Mummy 3 has Brendan Fraser saying "here we go again" and Ben Stiller thought that line was ironically hilarious in terms of cranking out soulless sequels and it inspired the 'here we go again....again' line in the fake trailers at the beginning of Tropic Thunder." -- Call_Me_Koala
Part of the Reboot Frenzy
"Not to repeat others here (hopefully), but the 4th Indiana Jones movie should never have been made."
"For what it is worth, The odd numbers are great, the even numbers are terrible with the last one being one being Steven Segal bad."
So there you have it. A full list of movies to avoid at all costs no matter how bored you are flicking through Netflix lists.
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Oftentimes I like to do my best Ghostface impression and aggressively ask people what their favorite scary movies are. Because I personally have a lot! At the same time, I'm also terrified that at any point, I could end up getting my head punched off by Jason Vorhees (Part 8 of the series--best one IMO).
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.the simpsons react GIFGiphy
My friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
Don’t you hate when that happens?Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy
I was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.Giphy
I am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
I hate hypocrites. They are the bane of my existence. All you have to do is stand behind your words. How hard is that? You said them. I especially get peeved when people bloviate on a topic and condemn and holler but then when it comes to them doing it... silence.Redditor u/ErrForceOnes wanted to know about the moments people chose to curiously "pay no mind" by asking... What is a GIANT hypocrisy that no one seems to mind?
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphy
Italian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDSGIF by MOODMANGiphy
People screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
FashionFashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphy
If a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016Giphy
Politicians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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