The Cues...
"Not realizing how much can be lost in the absence of voice inflection and physical social queues."ealoft
"This is what so many people can't seem to grasp when I explain to them I don't do online dating. If they've never experienced what it's like to have this happen they just can't understand it no matter how much I try to explain it. And, to me, it's a huge part of my attraction (or lack of) to a person."
"Edit: it's not like I don't date or have issues getting dates, I just don't do online. I still meet people in real life, I just don't like online and feel my real life connections tend to work out better for me."seh_23
I still cringe.....
"Oh man, the first time I contacted someone (it was via The Onion personals, which were really a thing in 2005), I just made fun of a band she said she liked. I wrote something like, "My only problem is that you are into (band)" She replied (as she should have), "My only problem is that the only thing you offer is a criticism". I still cringe."dinnersateight
Poof. Gone.
Giphy"Getting hundreds of matches on tinder but not going on a single date with someone I initially met from the app."
"Edit: I am a male. I've set up many dates, but get ghosted the day of."alaf44
but good lord was I a naive fool....
"Matched with someone on a dating website (before Tinder). Got to talking, seemed like a chill dude, even though there were red flags (he insisted we were dating before we met and I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone). Agreed to meet up with him at a cafe by work. Organized with my receptionist she would ring me at an allotted time and tell me I had to come back to work, so I had an out. Met with the guy for coffee, it seemed well enough, then my girl rang me, so I told him I had to get back. His response was "I've got my work van here, do you want to jump in the back and have a quickie?" I noped out of there and went back to work."
"A couple of months later he ended up coming into my work to see my boss. I made polite small talk with him then when he left my boss called me into her office to ask how I knew him. Turned out he was married to my bosses niece and I dodged a bullet."
"Update: sorry to leave you all hanging. Boss believed me, and we never spoke of it again. I was too embarrassed to raise the subject again because I keep my private life private, and her because i assume she kept that crap between her and her niece. My boss was also a black belt in jujitsu so not the person to mess with."
"Yes, i should have known better when he got possessive straight out the gate, but I was young, insecure, and lonely. It's not a crime to want to be wanted, but good lord was I a naive fool."Fen_Misting
Googled.
"Dated a guy who was in a Poli-sci PhD program (confirmed) who had a law degree (confirmed) but had "left practice because he didn't enjoy it." Nope. Had been arrested for a federal hate crime as a neo-Nazi and was ineligible to practice. Thank god for google."doctaliz
Sounds Off.
Giphy"When I connected Spotify my bumble profile and unbeknownst to me, 3 of my top 10 artists were the wiggles, hi-5 and blippi. Pretty sure I missed a few connections because of that!"kwisssy
What's Your Password?
"Not trying it sooner. At the end of the day, we're all just people looking to connect and share a Netflix account."toaster_jack
"Same! Spent 9 years trying to find a girl going to parties & the club. Turns out I'm fairly crap at that which probably wasn't all that good for my self-esteem either."
"A female friend then thought it would be fun to create a tinder profile & swipe for me during a party. Spend the next few days being mind blown at getting matches, sucking at texting, progressively getting better at it. A few months later going on a ton of dates, getting better at that as well, and finally finding my current girlfriend of soon 2 years. Developed more at flirting & understanding dating in those 6 months than from birth up until that point."Sairony
Rotten Fish.
Giphy"Using Plenty Of Fish, the free dating site. It was like the Netto of dating sites. I chatted briefly with one woman before telling her I was going out for a few drinks."
"Next day I checked my messages and she had sent some. It started with "why don't you come round to mine and get drunk together", progressing to "why are you ignoring me", then to "I think you're gorgeous and we will be good together" and finally "don't you ignore me".
"I sent her a message the next day to never contact me again."zetecvan
Match to browse.
"I used the free version of Match to browse, then decided to sign up. Quickly realized it didn't have anything to offer me, so I cancelled and got a refund. I then had 20 different emails about different women interested in me. Way too coincidental."cowbellhero81
3 Days In.
"I once told a guy (via text) I had to go because my lunch break was over. When my shift ended there were tons of angry messages from him asking where I was and why I left so suddenly. I told him it was because my break was over and I can't text when I am at work. He then started apologizing to me and told me he was afraid he had lost me and that I hated him. We had "known" each other for 3 days and we had never met in real life."AtWarWithEurasia
She was way hotter than me.
Giphy"I met with this very attractive woman off Upper middle class tinder (Bumble)."
"She was way hotter than me."
"At some point during the evening, she leans forward on her bar stool, narrows her eyes and goes "I know there was some reason I swiped right on you".
"Because at this point she could not remember 😂."ThatsASaabStory
crap happens mate....
"Met with a girl at a bar in Philadelphia on a Friday night around 6PM. It was fun and we drank a lot, but I noticed that she was pacing MUCH faster than me. I had around 4 beers in the time it too her to drink 7 martinis ($15 a glass). We are getting along well and she says that she needs to use the rest room. She took her jacket and purse to the restroom. I didn't think much of it but after an hour of sitting at the bar alone waiting I realized that I got used for a heavy pregame."
"The bartender kinda realized it. When I asked for the tab he shrugged and was like "crap happens mate. I took two drinks off your tab." djm2491
Since I'm a weirdo.....
"I had about given up on dating in general after I broke up with another loser I had met on there. But I decided to revamp my profile a little and put exactly what I was looking for. I.e. looks don't matter, but you have to have a job, and not live on your mom's couch at 33, and have some goals regardless of how big or small they are, etc. I included that I am a professional with my own place, car, full time job, and college degree and though education isn't a deal breaker I just want someone I can have a conversation with. It was pretty straightforward."
"I included that I like fun stuff too, because I am not a very serious person I just was tired of getting involved with losers. I went from getting several messages a day from guys to maybe a message a week."
"Since I'm a weirdo, I made a second profile. I had zero pics of my face, and only partial body pics. I had pics of me with boxes on my head, wearing weird masks, etc. I put how I only read the necronomicon and I have antlers, and I glow in the dark or some weird shit. I got a crap ton of messages to that profile."
"One of them ended up being my current partner of 6 years. Lol... once I sent him an actual pic of me he said he recognized me from my other profile. I asked later why he didn't message me on that one and he said I seemed scary or something."
"Now I know that asking for a guy with goals is scarier than potentially being an antlered necromancer."jahlove24
Mix It Up.
"Putting all my eggs in one basket. Once I start a conversation with one person, I just stick with that person until I know it's not going to go anywhere. I can't deal with trying to remember stuff about two+ people at the same time. I don't mind though if the person I'm talking to is talking to more than one person as long as if we're on a date, they're not on the phone to them or mix us up."hotchocolatelover
So Vain....
Giphy"Agreeing to meet someone with a topless profile pic. My God he was vain."Sinnes-loeschen
From the Bots.
"I matched a girl who looked really cool and complimented her hair. She responded with something along the lines of "I'm so glad you messaged me, most of these guys just match and never message." I've seen almost exactly the same line before from bots, so I assumed she was a bot and said something snarky about it."
"She replied, upset, and then unmatched me."D_Thought
Be Wittier....
"Not being exciting or witty enough in the text game. In real life my expressions and demeanor save me, not so much online."brucekeller
"I'm the opposite, I'm so smooth over text but super awkward in person. My texting personality and in person self are basically two different personas, which is probably off putting."Lightning_Larry_
Freak On.
"She was being flirty but I just kept asking "how's your day going" "what are you up to" and other generic questions until she stopped and never messaged me back."hayisforhorses101
Close Encounters....
"Chatted with them a year by phone, once we met we had nothing to talk about and it was the most awkward encounter of my life."MattSouth
"Sometimes chemistry fails to translate to IRL. If it was a good fit, you would still have had topics of conversation."greywolfau
Her What?
Giphy"Her husband."
"You have no idea how many neglected wives are out there online and they love to omit the fact that they have husbands. Watch out for the milfs. She'll break your heart and her husband will break your neck." syringelol
On second thought, we'll stay single.
Do you have similar stories to share? Let us know below.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.