Being a parent can be incredibly challenging - pretty much every parent will tell you that it's one of the hardest things they've ever done in their lives. Strangely, being a parent is also sort of just expected of people.
That seems odd, doesn't it? Marathon runners don't just expect everyone else to run marathons. When you decide to undertake other major challenges, you don't just expect others to do so as well. Somehow, being a parent is different.
There are some people, however, who have no problem standing up against that pressure and saying no - they just don't want kids.
Reddit user Sebulista asked:
Their responses are pretty enlightening! Some have reasons related to family history, some are more interested in fulfillment in their own lives - and some want to know why they should even have to justify it!
A Messed Up Kid
Primarily because I don't want the responsibility, the stress, and they're expensive. I enjoy being around kids occasionally for short times, but having one full-time would not be fun for me.
I know this is kinda messed up to say, but I also don't want the risk of having a messed up kid. If I knew the child wouldn't have any major problems beforehand I would be more willing to have one.
I don't want kids in the same way I don't want to move to North Dakota: I have no reason to, and it seems unpleasant from my point of view.
"But It's Different..."
I don't like kids, simple as that. People say "But it's different when they're your own." Yeah I can't get away from them, making my situation way worse.
You don't need a reason to not want kids. Mine is that when I was a kid my mom threw away my Pokemon cards. She wants grand kids and by denying her grand kids I am getting my revenge.
Being pregnant/giving birth is my #1 biggest fear.
But also I just don't want them, the same way I don't want to own my own business or play sports. It's not something that interests me. I don't find taking care of children rewarding the way others do.
The Family Chemistry LotteryGiphy
Schizophrenia and BiPolar disorder run in my family. My two cousins have five kids between them. With each pregnancy, I was internally screaming WTF are you DOING???
There's two girls and three boys. The eldest are 12. I find myself wondering who's going to win the family chemistry lottery. It should start to show up in about 4-5 years. I wonder how on earth my cousins will handle it.
I told my grandmother that I chose not to have children because of our genetics, and she said "You are a smart girl, because having a child with mental illness will Break. Your. Heart. And it will never stop. Your whole life, it will never stop."
Women Lose Too Much
To me it always seemed like women lose a hell of a lot when they have kids. Your body gets messed up permanently, your career suffers - if you can afford to go back. Childcare is hugely expensive, so a lot of women don't go back to work for years. You never have any time for your own stuff. Men get some of it too, but in my experience I haven't seen it to the same degree.
Above that a lot of women just disappear into being someone's mum, like they never did anything else. I know a lot of women love that, but I really hate that idea for myself. I have an identity of my own and I've worked very hard to get where I am. It frightens me to think that could disappear. Children don't interest me, and for what I would lose in order to raise one, I just don't see what's in it for me.
I guess in a different mindset, I'd think it was worth it, but i just don't care about raising children.
There's No Need
Being pregnant reminds me of Alien, and I just don't want to go through 9 months of agony.
Children consume your life and it's not something I want to trade my current time for. I enjoy my hobbies and I work a 9-5 job.
I want to travel the world throughout my life. I want money to spend on stupid things that I want. I want money and time to give to others that I feel deserve it or are in need.
I'm not maternal, in the general sense. I don't think most babies are cute. I don't want to hold babies. I don't want to care for a baby. I am much happier being in the aunt role.
I just don't feel the need for a child. People around me are having children. The population won't dwindle to nothing, that's for sure. My genetics aren't special. I don't care what my boyfriend and I would look like if we created an offspring and that baby looked like us combined. People who want kids can have kids but there's no reason I need to have kids. My parent's lives won't be less because they don't have grandchildren and my boyfriend and I won't be lonely in 50 years.
Global warming... to ME, it would be unconscionable to bring an innocent life into a world where I couldn't guarantee their safety and health for 80+ years.
Not Worth The Risk
I'm not risking my health for a child.
I'm an unhealthy person in general. I'm fat as hell, I have crippling depression, severe ADHD, and an eating disorder. The medications alone would kill or at least deform the baby. All the other things that happen in my body would yield a very unhealthy baby.
Plus, there's a lot of genetic unpleasantness in my family. We're all pretty smart but all have terrible mental health. I'm not creating a human who's only going to wind up sad all the time.
Weird To JustifyGiphy
I always find it weird to justify why I *don't* want something...
Why don't you want a pet elephant? Why aren't you building a spacecraft?
Cause like, why would I....? If *you* want to do that, go right ahead, but imposing your life's choices as a challenge to someone else is just...weird.
I can't raise kids in this environment. The hate and cruelty just keeps increasing...
The brainwashing is constant.
A Better Question
A better question would be, "people who want kids, what are your reasons?". None of them will ever be able to give you an answer other than "I just do" or something that translates directly to it.
The Feeling Of Relief
Never had the feeling, as i was growing up, that i want to be a mom. I was too busy finding my self, taking care of my self, my needs and my dreams and loving my family, friends an significant other. I love to read, to paint, to play video games, RPG or board games and i love my free time. I love to have a life style that allows me to relax after work.
We tried with my SO for a few years to stay pregnant, but didn't happen for medically reasons. I feel that if that happened then (to stay pregnant) i would be a good mom and I would love my kid. But when that didn't happen, the feeling of relief was huge. And when at 39-40 my menopause started (the women in my family had early menopause. My Mom, Grandmom and Aunt at their 40s but my 2 older sisters still have their periods), the choice of maternity left from my hands and I feel really good. I am 43 now and I love my childless life.
I have the most well meaning parents, but I'm such a sensitive person that it lead me to several mental issues. I don't want to impose that to anyone, because it'll be my decision to give birth to a human being that will inherit a part, if not all, of this sensitivity. Oh and I'm genuinely terrified of expecting and giving birth.
That biological instinct just isn't kicking in. They said it would, but I am nearing the end of my healthy childbearing years, and I'm still like "ew babies but yay puppies."
Birth Is Immoral
I'm an antinatalist so I believe it is immoral. I've been alive for 20 years and I know that life isn't fair. Life is full of pain and suffering. In this world you're either lucky or you're not.
I don't want to bring a person into this cruel world where they could be subject to being destitute, bullied, murdered, tortured etc.
We have so little control of what other people do. You can follow all the rules and be the most upstanding citizen but there are still people in this world who don't care about the rules/laws.
Ex. Your child could be walking home from school and gets hit by a drunk driver. Now your child is a quadriplegic and a vegetable for the rest of their life. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if this happened. To guarantee this will never happen, I will never have kids.
Hold Procreators Accountable
I don't think people need reasons not to have kids. There are way too many reasons NOT to have them. However, I have yet to see a single reason to have them that isn't selfish, stupid or cruel. We need to start holding procreators accountable, there are way too many humans already. There are way too many children being abused and neglected.
I genuinely feel that the environmental damage we have done is to far gone and that we maybe screwed as a species so to have a kid and give it a dying planet doesn't seem right to me.
I Will Turn Out Like My Parents
I did not have a good childhood. I am 25F and I am still realizing that what I considered to be normal is, in fact, not normal at all. Moreover, my parents dreams, pains and beliefs (a lot of them) were handed down to me and I am still struggling with that. I am still under tremendous amount of pressure. There has been quite a lot of trauma. And I am afraid that I will pass down mine to my kid if I ever become a mother.
I don't want anybody to feel the way I feel. My relationship with my parents is strained (obviously). I also think it would be heartbreaking if I have a child, and I make the same mistakes as my parents and I am at the receiving end of so much pain. Sorry for the rant. Basically, I don't want children because I am afraid. I am afraid that they will turn out like me and I will turn out like my parents.
Fireworks Or A Crossbow
I can barely afford to look after myself, why on earth would I drag a kid into that? Also I have my fair share of issues, and I would NOT be a good father. At best I'm that crazy uncle that shows up and gives the kids fireworks. Or a crossbow.
I Have A DogGiphy
I have a dog that I get upset that I have to walk and play with every damn day (I do, don't worry, she doesn't get neglected.) I don't want my kids to have a parent that isn't excited to spend time with them.
Compensate For My Childhood
Reasons I had before for wanting kids eventually was to be happy raising them, share in my hobbies and interests and hopefully raise someone who would just be happy without any significant trauma. Thinking about it more later, it seemed like I would be trying to compensate for my childhood and potentially force them into doing things they didn't like but I did.
There's also a lot of bad things that can happen outside of the parent's control or the kid's control. Thinking of the worst case scenarios, there's many things that can happen. It's a scary thing. Maybe my mind will change later, but right now I'm happy raising my dogs and I like to think they're happy too.
A good chunk of humanity have a hard time hearing certain truths. We don't want to admit what isn't working, because it's just human nature to be scared of being wrong. It's hard to admit weakness individually, much less as a whole.
But eventually, we need to face the facts, and these Redditors are ready to deliver the harsh truths about what it means to be human. SomeWillingness2960 asked:
What is the truth humanity is not ready to hear?
Let’s start with a few of the light ones, before we dive deep in what we’ve been overdue to hear.
Starting off with a very controversial one.
“The air in chip bags is important.”
“They replace the air (which contains oxygen and water vapour) with nitrogen so the chips don't get soggy or oxidise.”
“And they "over inflate" the bags on purpose to cushion the chips from crumbling during packing / transport.”
A universal work struggle.season 8 episode 23 GIFGiphy
“No matter where you work, or what you do for a living, there will always be That Person that nobody can figure out how they got hired, never mind why they are allowed to continue working there.”
- You actually show up on time
- Your work is
good/up to standardis not the worst and passable
- Your colleagues and bosses
like youdon't hate you the most out of your colleagues
Edit. Adding 4 and 5 based on below discussions which can supercede the above 3 while also ammending the above three slightly
4. It's more difficult to kick you out than to keep you
5. You have some control over those in charge (some kind of relation, having some kind of incriminating evidence, etc)”
What is “normal”, anyway?
“We will never have a good sense of the world's "normal."
News won't focus on it, because it's boring by definition. Social media won't focus on it for the same reason. Word of mouth and fiction too. Statistics may get us close, but they're hard to picture in terms if human experience, and of course, more exciting stats get repeated more.
Our view of the world outside of our own personal experience will always be shaped by the outliers, and there's not much way around it.”
Ok, now it’s time to dive deeper. Prepare yourselves.
This one hurts.
“Most people simply don't care about the things you're passionate about no matter how much you try to convince them that they should be.”
“As I've gotten older I've had to learn that my friends don't find joy in the same things I do. It's nothing personal.”
I’ll never understand this.Mermaid Man And Barnacle Boy Superhero GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
“Much evil not only goes unpunished but is rewarded.”
“Not only that but a lot of evil behaviour is rewarding itself for many people.”
“The loudest among you are mostly a bunch of wankers. Unfortunately you usually let them lead you.”
“A big part of that is because they tell us what we want to hear.
You ever hear a politician go "We're going to have open borders, lower corporate tax rate, higher sales tax, reduced prison sentences, laws forbidding employers from looking into if they're hiring a criminal, a ban on beef, and we're doing it all because that is what the experts say we should do and I have a giant book of sources on that"? No, because even though that's very much what experts advise, it's not at all what people want to hear.
So instead, when you hear someone going "Don't listen to that guy, what we really need is better border control, huge taxes on corporations, no taxes on the poor, criminals get treated like the scum they are, and corporations are the main ones behind climate change, and don't ask me for sources", you're still much more likely to support him. Because when you want to believe them, they're so much easier to believe.”
Those would be some very smart monkeys.
“There's a good chance that humans simply don't have the capacity to fully understand the universe.
A monkey will never be able to comprehend calculus, macroeconomic theory, or how a car works. It makes sense that we too have an intellectual ceiling that will prevent us from ever understanding how the universe works.”
Ready to face the music? Keep reading.
“Humanity is the largest threat to itself. Not some natural disaster or outside invasion. We will kill ourselves off at this rate.”
“Yes. It's sad that the most successful and intelligent species in the solar system is most likely going to cause its own downfall.”
“For most people the last thing left of them will be an eroded name on a headstone.”
“I want to be one of those taxidermied drones.”
Username checks out.
“Are you special? Maybe a little bit. Are you as special as you think you are? Certainly not.”
“We are all the same decaying organic matter.”
Well, I hope y’all aren’t too messed up from reading that. Especially that first one about the chip bags. How dare they.
But in all seriousness, just do your part to make our world a better place. That’s all we can do.
An overwhelming majority of us have plenty of things we are annoyed by every single day, and also lack the power to doing anything about them.
That unfortunate, infuriating state is just the norm. We walk through life seeing, hearing, and enduring daily pitfalls whose existences make zero sense to us.
But if we did have the power to outlaw just one of those annoyances, how hard of a choice would that be?
Apparently for some Redditors, the choice was clear. They were happy to share their selection.
Redditor jinxy_wolfy asked:
"What would you ban?"
Many people have absolutely had it with the annoying aspects of using the internet every day.
"That damn fake 'x' button to close out mobile game adds" -- WebbedRose103
"Or when it's a real x button, but they make it so small that you click the ad anyway." -- tomuglycruise
"That and the moving button that makes you click on ads as it loads more and more ads." -- Maester_erryk
Others spoke specifically about the world of advertising and constantly encountering people trying to sell something. The lengths they'll go are endless.
"You're no longer allowed to advertise a lower price than what the customer will pay. No more $29.99... plus $100 in fees."
"Calling someone you don't know to solicit. I get 12+ calls a day and block each one and still get 12 more the next day. I'll hang up on them because they're calling while I'm using GPS and they'll just immediately call and interrupt the map again."
Glue and Plastic
"selling food that looks significantly different in person than it does in advertising/food glamour shots." -- skepticones
"This is why I like eating out in Japan. There are plastic examples of dishes in the front window. If something looks good, you go in and ask for it, and it matches the one in the window every time!" -- EmEmPeriwinkle
And others set their sights on the toxic elements of human culture that seem to make everyone worse off.
All About Context
"Too many loopholes in current law. For instance Dr. Oz would lose his medical license if he told a patient in his office the same things he says on TV. But broadcasts aren't technically doctor-patient relationships, so he gets away with misleading millions of people."
"Puppy mills" -- godhasmoreaids
"Backyard breeders too imo. I see a lot of poorly bred dogs who have major issues because a family wants a payday." -- EmEmPeriwenkle
Poor All Other Animals
"MarineLand and all zoos that mistreat their animals."
Genuine nature preserves that respect and care for their animals, with lots and lots of room, hey, more power to you. But establishments that keep animals as exhibits in tiny spaces have to be stopped."
"Child beauty pageants, just fu** off with that sh**" -- Russian_Terminator
"Yes. It is disgusting to see little girls caked with makeup parading around in adult clothing.Gross." -- glenarbourgal
Of course, none of us will get the chance to ban any of these things. But we can dream, can't we?
From our childhood through our adult years, one thing we all dream of from time to time is all the things we could do if we had unlimited resources. Buy a castle and become your own anti-hero, solve world hunger, adopt ALL the animals, live on an endless cruise around the world, heck, buy a whole political party *cough cough*.
Most of us would be content making sure our family and friends were set for life and bettering the world the best we can.
Redditor ApArAmY wanted to hear what everyone else dreamed of doing if they had no limit on funds.
“What is the first thing you would buy if you had infinite money?"
Dreaming of affordable health care? Must be from the US...
“Every single medical provider facility in the world. Make healthcare free for patients. Since I have unlimited money, I can afford whatever drug/device/material/salary/etc that would treat patients.”
“Then everyone can get on with living life knowing that they'll get good medicine and not be saddled with high costs. And taxes could go down because governments wouldn't have to pay for healthcare.” Specialist-Ad475
20 trillion, no big deal...
“I'd fund all efforts to further the fight against climate change, global warming, pollution, etc. I'd probably try not to spend that much money for a while so as to prevent inflation, but adding ~20 trillion dollars to the global economy wouldn't be that bad, right?” PixelGMS
The orange one wouldn't like this idea...
“I'd buy Mar a Lago, make it into a homeless shelter and install wind power turbines on all 18 holes." Mr-Warmth
Someone come get their dad!
“A new butt, my old one has a crack in it!" drewdwagy1966seth meyers dabbing GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
Human rights and green energy...
“Buy Amazon, Nestle, and as many $1billion+ corporations as I can. Once I'm CEO, I would stop every human rights violation they cause and give all the profits (since i have infinite money I won't need it) to charities and funding to green energy and stopping climate change." crispier_cream
“It sounds silly, but an ice cream sandwich. Several years ago, I was living paycheck to paycheck and had a fair amount of credit card debt. I fell behind in my mortgage and lost my home to foreclosure. Shortly after I was notified, I drove over to a 7-11, bought an ice cream sandwich, and ate it while crying in my car.”
“Unfortunately, every time I eat an ice cream sandwich, it's still a bittersweet feeling. I always think of the day my favorite childhood comfort food became forever intertwined with my sense of complete and utter failure. After coming into life-changing money, I would hope that an ice cream sandwich would taste as good again as it did when I was a kid.” Steve-in-rewrite
“Just….. a huge chunk of land.”
“Land. Just….. a huge chunk of land. Build a house for my parents, one for us, and one for my In-Laws, and another small house for the family to stay at when they come to visit. Maybe two. We got a big family. And then just spend my time building my farm." Unusual_Amphibian_20
Just make sure to funnel it through a PAC first...
“A US Senator! Or several of 'em. I've always wanted my own senator.” a_dangerous_noodleSusan Collins Thank You GIF by Election 2020Giphy
The who’s got a bigger one game...
“Judging by the world we live in, apparently I'd enter into the private space race.” Cool-breeze7
Back to the bartering system perhaps?
“I would distribute it all evenly so that it's literally worthless. I would expect this to collapse the economy but what do i know, I'm not an economist.” Jham_jam
It seems like mostly these Redditors want to help others and the planet. Although for that one person, may all your ice cream sandwiches be delightful.
I admit that I am not a picky eater by any stretch of the imagination. I eat just about anything. I also consider myself pretty adventurous; when I travel, eating good food and trying the local cuisine is at the top of my list!
But even I would be hard-pressed to eat durian or even balut.
Would I say absolutely not? I'll have to get back to you after a trip to Southeast Asia. The jury's out for now.
People had very strong opinions on the food they want nothing to do with after Redditor KentuckyFriedEel asked the online community,
"What dish/food can f*** right off?"
"The edible KFC nail polish. Imagine you are spending the day touching public door handles and keyboards and stuff and then sucking your fingers for chicken paint."
This... this exists?
I'm so happy I've never actually run into this. I was doing just fine without this knowledge.
"Canned whole chickens. Not sure if anyone's seen those, but I want to vomit right now just thinking about it."
I can only think about how slimy it must be from all that congealed fat and it grosses me out.
"Pufferfish. I mean, you need like 2 to 3 years of training to serve it and if you accidentally eat the wrong part it will kill you. The poison has no known antidote and 1 needle can kill 30 adult humans. Other than that, it's just a fish. There are thousands of fish all over the world, just eat a different one"
Yeah... I love seafood but I'll pass. I don't want to be that person. I'm good, thanks!
"For those who aren't familiar..."
"Gefilte fish. For those who aren't familiar, it's like a ball of fish guts packaged in a jar. It's a common food eaten during Pesach."
"Shark fin soup. No taste, no nutritional value. Only to be had to show wealth/status in certain countries. Most importantly, it's really f***** up the shark populations."
Environmentalists have done some splendid work getting people to stop eating this––and imitation shark fin soup seems to be more available than the real thing.
God created the heavens and the earth, and everything in his creation.
He allowed Satan to create one thing... one at all, and Satan created the durian."
"Natto/fermented soybeans. It's sticky and disgusting. It's like Death and Hell had a sticky baby."
"I'm sick of people..."
"Celery. Useless vegetable, no nutritional value at all and just tastes disgusting. I'm sick of people ruining perfectly good egg/potato salads and soups with freaking celery. It's just unnecessary."
Celery's only crime is how inoffensive it actually is. Does it deserve this hate? Probably not.
"Liver. I mean... it's a filter. Why would anyone want to eat a filter?"
You can pry my liver out of my cold, dead hands. I'll have yours if you don't want it!
"I thought I hated..."
"Canned Spinach. I thought I hated spinach for half my life. Nope, I love it, just not that snot in a can. Why did you feed me that mother? Why?"
Okay, what I've learned today is... I could have done without the thought of canned whole chicken. My stomach wants to reject it and it's not even in my stomach. That should tell you something.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us all about them in the comments below!