Being a parent is a beautiful, rewarding, messy, complicated, magical thing. It's also absolutely not for everyone. We understand not everyone gets a choice in the matter, but quite a few people do - and the ones who do often times just say no.
Some of the responses were things we expected, but others really caught us off guard and made us think. Some seemed almost sad, while others seem like they'd throw themselves a No Kids parade daily if they could... which they can, because they don't have kids who would have a problem with that sort of thing!
50. They're Boring
I knew since I was very young that I never wanted kids. I didn't want to play with baby dolls as toys, I never played with my younger cousins either, I just never liked babies or kids. When I see animals, I have the ability to genuinely say "awwwww" and feel a desire to love them. With children, it's the opposite because I make a conscious effort not to acknowledge them either by eye contact or smiling. I don't want to be bothered with them.
It's not that I hate them, I just don't find them very interesting at all.
49. Unless I'm A Millionaire
I'm in my mid 20's and I'm just wrapping up on my student loans this year. Then I'm determined to move to a new city and get established with a lucrative job while having a small business. I'm hoping to start traveling a lot. Can't travel when I have kids, and I'm really focused on my career. I don't even know if I would want to buy a house.
**Unless I'm a millionaire, kids would definitely impede on my goals. **
There are a lot of things I want to do that would leave me with no time to raise them. There might be a time when I'm at the stage where I'm more than financially stable and I'm emotionally ready enough to have children and take care of them. However, in the foreseeable future, my emotional/financial state, I'm definitely NOT up for the responsibility.
48. Thanks, Teach!
When I was in high school we had a teacher that encouraged us to do an exercise of mapping out expected milestones in our lives based on how we saw it. Eg, in 4 years we graduate from high school, 4 years after that we graduate from college, what age we expect to be married, what age we expect to have kids etc. When we got to the part about kids "leaving the nest" I was excited that that was when I would have my life back while the rest of the class was like "omg empty nest so sad".
The teacher looked at me and said:
"You know, if you're already excited about your kids leaving and you haven't even had them yet you might not want to have any."
It was like a switch just went off in my mind and I realized I had never wanted any in the first place and I could actually choose not to have them.
47. Traveling And Being Selfish Is Awesome
I've always said I never wanted kids, since middle school. People would always tell me:
**"Oh, you'll change your mind some day. You're going to find a nice man, get married and have kids." **
I also said I'd never get married. Never liked anyone enough. Until now. He also doesn't want kids. So we're going to travel and be selfish and save our money and it's going to be awesome
46. They're Not A Retirement Plan
In my country, people don't move out when they become adults. Instead, they stay home to take care of their parents, who took care of them when they were young. I've seen some unsuccessful people decide to have kids as a retirement plan. They raise children while hoping that one day their sons or daughters will become something like a professor or politician. That way they have the money to improve their parents and sibling's lives.
It's like some babies are only born to be the one who will fulfill their parents dream. There's no attempt to hide it. These kids know from childhood that they must make money and that taking care of the family falls on them. That huge responsibility messes with them. It causes low morale and often times neglecting themselves physically so focus solely on work and study for the sake of money. That makes me and my partner never want to have children. We do not like what is expected of them by our culture and in our country.
45. "I Don't Understand Them, And I Dislike Them."
I used to dance around how much I dislike kids, because it gets people defensive, but now I just say it.
I don't understand them, and I dislike them. Now, that isn't to say I'm going to be rude or anything. I try to be nice, and polite, because as a society teaching kids to be nice is part of everybody's responsibility (IMO).
But like... I just don't like them. And apparently that makes me bad?
I once said that kids confuse and frustrate me, and that I didn't want any, and somebody said, "Oh thank God, I was just going to tell you you'd make a horrible mother. You always talk about being worried you'll hurt them. But you're too angry to be a mom."
Yeah! They run around at foot- to knee-height! I sometimes accidentally nudge my cat if she darts in front of me when I'm walking. Like hell I'm not going to be safe around zooming tiny humans who'll cry at a slight provocation (like I used to)!
I don't want kids because one, I don't want them.
Two, they're loud and they cry and I don't know how to calm them down.
Three, I don't want them.
Four, I do get angry quickly. I don't handle stress well.
I refuse to put I child I'm "supposed" to have at risk of being emotionally damaged because of my faults.
44. Love Cats, Not Kids
My mom has made pregnancy absolutely revolting for me. Chafing and stretching, tearing and nonconsensual sewing and tucking... a doctor gave her a tummy tuck while sewing up the C-section to keep her "pretty for hubby," because general consent was considered implied during surgery in the Air Force in the 80's and this happened on a USAF base in Korea.
The plan me and the man have is to start investing in units to rent out and using the income there to work on fostering kittens and cats for homes so they don't get killed.
We love cats. We don't love kids.
43. When Parents Are Strangers
It just slowly happened. However I can pinpoint the final nail in the coffin.
My brother is a sociopath. When he finally went to prison, my parents suddenly went from thinking they had 6 more years of a kid in their house to being empty-nesters. After around 30 years of marriage, they realized they were complete strangers. They didn't know if they had anything in common anymore.
I didn't want kids at that point, but the idea of being with the person I want to spend my life with and someday realizing the only thing we have in common is our kids was a terrifying idea.
I'm in my 30's now. I got sterilized a few years ago and have never had any regrets!
(For anyone interested, they're celebrating their 40th anniversary this year and are still deliriously in love!)
42. Barely Talked About Anything But The Kid
My now-wife and I had discussed kids and were strongly leaning towards no for a variety of reasons, but weren't 100% on board with the idea yet.
We then visited my brother as part of a vacation, spending a weekend with my brother, his wife, and their 3 year old son. I had been looking forward to this as they live several states away and I hadn't been able to spend time with my brother for ages.
I was hoping to hang out with him, have conversations, crack jokes, maybe even try some local beers. Instead the entire weekend was spent with my nephew. I barely got to talk to my brother about anything that wasn't nephew-related, the kid needed constant care and attention from everyone (myself and my fiancee included), etc,. As young children do.
So we went home having not gotten to spend any of the time I wanted with my brother. It was a stark lesson in just how much children change your life. We both were completely convinced that we did not want kids at all after that trip.
41. Wrong To Me
I have a genetic disorder that is a dominant gene, so any child I would have has a 50/50 chance to also have the disorder. There is also no genetic test for my sub-type of syndrome. So super not into the idea of risking it. And yes, I do judge people who have children with my syndrome because we know these odds and we know there is no test.
We all know how painful this is and to subject another life to this just because you want a mini-me is just plain wrong to me.
40. Useless Leeches
Half of my friends are just useless people that leech off their parents hard earned money. I realized the chances of me ending up with a kid like that is just too high, and its not worth the time/effort/money to feel obligated to love someone because they are related to you.
39. It's Forever.
Just the realization that it isn't something you can just let go of. It's not a job you can quit, a relationship you can end, etc. It's forever. That's something I never lose sight of. Especially when it does seem like a cool idea during that cute phase where the kids are between ages 2 and 10. But after that, you're just dealing with and responsible for this random person who never had to exist in the first place.
38. Mommy Monster
I was 12 or 13, riding in the car with my siblings and parents. My mom was being a horrible, as per usual, and she turned around and snapped:
**"I can't WAIT until YOU have kids, so you can see how awful it is!" **
I realized that if I had kids, there was the potential to also be a terrible mother, given that I bore certain unfortunate behavioral similarities to her. Like, that could be me one day sitting in the front seat yelling that to my own kids. And that was when I noped out - I didn't want to be her.
Thanks to that awareness, I've spent most of my life in therapy and counselling fighting the personality disorders I've inherited. I've come a long way and burned a lot of bridges, and it will definitely be a life-long process for me, but it's been worth it to get a semblance of control over the issues.
37. The Breakup
I'm planning on breaking up with my boyfriend tonight for this very reason. There's a fairly significant age difference between us and he wants kids. I realized I can't think of a single beneficial thing a child will do for me, he says he can wait till I'm older and ready but then I just feel like it's an inevitability and he's still not listening. I do not want them. Not I want them later. I. Do. Not. Want. Them.
I don't want to ruin my body. I don't want to ruin my bank account, I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world, how on earth would we pay for a kid? I want to focus on my career. I want to earn money and travel the world one day. Not spend the rest of my life raising a parasite.
36. Tone Change
There was no one moment, we just never wanted any. I'm almost 40 now, and have noticed that the tone has shifted from smug people thinking that I'll change my mind, to pity from people who didn't realize that it was intentional.
Now, I just get a kick out of making people uncomfortable when I say that my husband and I "were never blessed with children."
People get squirmy, some tell me about their cousin's neighbor's sister that had a 'miracle baby' at age 42, and a slew of other fun ways to play with the social lines of acceptable discussion points
35. Early Retirement
It's awesome. Childless by choice, we retired really early (40ish) and have been to all 50 states, all 7 continents, 70+ countries and 282 of 417 National Parks. On our own time whenever we want to go.
34. Medical Exclusion
I'm hypersensitive to sound. Loud and high pitched sounds hurt me. The sound of children crying is physically painful to me, to the point that if I don't have earplugs on me and a kid starts crying, I need to leave the room immediately.
You can't be a parent if you can't handle crying kids.
33. Bad Investment
The Return On Investment just doesn't seem to be there. We prefer a bank account balance that doesn't give us anxiety. Children are expensive and would prohibit me from doing a lot of things. Visiting long time friends and family who now have kids is a total crap-shoot. You go over there to talk and spend a little time with these people you never get to see, and they spend the entire time wrangling their offspring.
I went over my brothers house one day to help him fix some electrical and got yelled at by his wife to be more quiet because the kid was napping. I mean, howdahf*ck am I supposed to work on your house and not make noise?!
But I digress, I love the kids themselves, especially my Niece and God Daughter. I like to spoil them, spend time with them, and then send them home with their parents. When I explain to people that I don't want kids I typically get asked:
_"Aren't you worried what you'll do when you're older and need someone to take care of you?" _
If the only reason you had kids is to secure your twilight years, that's some selfish bull. What if your kid decides that looking after the old man when he's shitting himself doesn't sound like such a great idea...or what if they are physically or financially unable to do so? We just think that you should have kids because it's something you really want to dedicate your life to and something that your financial situation allows you to do properly. That's not us.
32. Sleep, Privacy, Alone Time
I don't mind kids, I like to give them back.
They are so time consuming and I'm too selfish to have kids. I like sleep, privacy, alone time. I used to baby sit my friends kid overnight and during the day until the dad came home and then I'd have to stay to put the kid to bed. Doing that for a couple weeks just solidified to me that I'm not cut out for it. My partner understands but as it stands I'm not having kids and I feel like that won't change.
31. Not in the cards....
When I realized it was an option. When I was younger I assumed that's just what you do, grow up, have kids, deal with the kids. It took me some time to notice that it's possible to choose not to have children, at which point I thought that sounded like a great choice for me. sexrockandroll
30. Free Bird....
There was no such moment. I've never even considered having kids. I feel neither the desire nor the necessity of producing offspring. I like being free, unbound. You can't really do whatever you want, with kids in the picture, can you? Kids become a constant. YouTubeIsAJoke
29. Why am I here?
When I was around 7 years old and thought for the first time "I didn't ask to be born." Reddit
That factors into my decision as well. I've lived a life that most people can be envious of, but I just don't think the world is good enough to forcefully bring someone into. I don't want to subject another person to the flaws of humanity. Zerole00
28. Zero Sorries....
I have never wanted them. I'm a 40 year old female and have zero regrets. I like kids, they are cool, just have never wanted my own and have never wavered even for a second. Lindsey-905
Same here at 37. I like kids aged about 5 and up and was even a teacher for a few years, but don't care for babies and actively dislike toddlers, so I'm not sure I could cope with those early years. I can't remember any point in my life at which I wanted to have kids of my own. LogicalBike
27. Counting the Coins....Giphy
When I looked at my bank account. GorillaS0up
Probably the worst financial advice anyone could dispense. I don't think people truly realize just how expensive kids are. summerofsmoke
26. Nintendo First...
I got a nintendo switch and realized I'm no where near done being a kid. mrsplackpack
Kids: $200,000 Switch: $300 I don't know about you but I've made my decision. max_costco
When I was like 14, in health class. The teacher was talking about pregnancy, stuff I thought I knew (period stops, you feel great until birth) was turned upside down and I realized holy sh!t, that's terrifying. Especially when he talked about being able to see the baby's fists and sometimes a slight outline of its face on his wife's stomach. I became tokophobic from that moment on. catinthexmastree
24. Break the Cycle...
Quite understandable. Actually, another reason I don't want kids is that my grandmother would get very angry very quickly and not always rationally, and I've inherited that tendency. It doesn't last, and I know I would love my kids to death the rest of the time, but I think it's extremely likely that I would occasionally get frustrated and snap and treat my kids the way my mom and uncle were sometimes treated, which sometimes crossed over the border into child abuse. I don't think it's fair to put kids through that. So I totally understand how you feel. LogicalBike
23. Save the Vagina!
There wasn't a single moment for me. I always knew it was the option I wanted. The earliest moment I can remember clearly is when I was about 3 years old and my mom told me that babies come out of your vagina. I thought that sounded horrible and I didn't want that for me. (Bless my mother for being so honest with me. I'm thankful she didn't keep secrets.)
From then on, the more I discovered about motherhood, the less I wanted it. I was horribly afraid of the idea of pushing a baby out of me. I didn't want to give up my freedom.
I've had dreams of being a popstar, traveling the world, and starting a business, and it would all be much harder with a child. I've no doubt I would make a great mother, but I would be miserable. Just the thought of a fetus growing inside me makes me cringe.
There are selfless reasons too: less environmental impact, fighting overpopulation, and better resource allocation. If I took all the resources I could spend creating a child and gave it to someone who already exists who really needs it, I will have reduced the total suffering in the world. Lil-Miss-Anthropy
22. I'll Pass....
I hate that people act as though you're some kind of sad sack because you don't want kids. It's as though everyone who has children is so happy and illuminated. We all know that's not true. Most parents I see say they love their children and don't regret having them, but they seem so stressed. It's just not a life I want to live. Reddit
Thats the thing I always find amusing, people always say no one is ever unhappy to have a kid, but I think it is more that they don't want to admit it was a mistake. I think I would even have a hard time admitting it to myself. Securitron81624
I'm still on the fence, but I know for sure I don't want to have kids of my own. I'm short, fat and socially inept. I don't want my kids to hate their bodies/personalities as much as I hate mine. Plus, pregnancy freaks me out in a way I can't fully explain. The idea of a human just growing inside you makes me squeamish.
Babies in general are gross. I love babies, and I love my friend's babies with all my heart, but they're gross. I had to change a diaper once and thought I was gonna vomit.
So if I ever decide kids are for me, I want to adopt an older kid who at least is capable of cleaning up after themselves. There will still be messes, but of the much more manageable variety.
Plus, older kids are cool. They can tell you all about their day, likes/dislikes, etc. My friend's kiddo is just now mastering her words. Again, I love the little nugget, but I'm psyched for when she'll be able to really talk about herself. The_Late_Gatsby
20. Not a Fail!
There wasn't really one moment, but...when I was in my last year of college I had a condom failure. I took plan B, but that really screwed up my hormones, so first I bled for like 10 days and then my period stopped for 3 months. I was almost hysterically, irrationally convinced I was pregnant anyway. I started looking up late term abortion providers across the globe. I was so ANGRY my body could do this, I just argued with pro-lifers online to let off steam. It was not a mentally healthy situation. Sure I was young, but I wasn't 18, either - yet I realized how viscerally disgusted I was by the idea of pregnancy. A friend of mine got pregnant later that year, just before graduation - she kept it, and was fine with it.
I realized my feelings were very, very different from women who wanted kids - even when I was saying I'd have one "after I was 30" before. I realize that "after I was 30" was basically some random time in the future I never really thought was going to happen.
Around the same time, my grandmother became badly disabled (she was blind already, but more issues arose with age), and we decided to care for her at home. For me, this meant it sort of ended "fun" stuff I did with my mom, like going to the movies, because one of us always had to stay at home or we'd have to pay a nurse. Now I loved my grandma, but I hated every second of freedom taken away.
I decide I never wanted that again. I want to be able to get up at any time, and go anywhere I want. I know I wouldn't, because I'd love my kids as I also loved my grandma, but I'd resent them for it, too. Kay_Elle
19. Natural to who?Giphy
I feel this idea so hard. I like having my life be my own. Sure there are things I have to answer for - school and work and maybe at some point a partner - but I'm not in a field where if I need to not be present for a while someone is going to die. With kids that's a big risk, and you're selfish for even wanting time away from them, you terrible himself being, you.
Also I've never met anyone who got that body betrayal thing. "It's what your body is naturally meant to do!" If I had the option I would be an amorphous shambling mist that lives on the edge of the moors and devours the souls of wicked men, does any of that sound like I'm concerned with what I'm "naturally" supposed to do? shiguy
18. The Cons Outweigh!Giphy
There wasn't really a moment, I've just never felt any desire whatsoever to have kids. I can't think of a single benefit they would provide to me. I probably wouldn't even love them if I had them. Rpgwaiter
17. What if?
I once dated a man who wants kids and tried to want them for him, but I couldn't help but fear that I would get pregnant, push this thing out after 9 months, hold it in my arms, and feel nothing. How are you supposed to know you'll love it? How is anyone? Lil-Miss-Anthropy
16. IT JUST IS!
There was never "A Moment." I've just never wanted kids. I never felt that maternal instinct, I didn't play with dolls as a kid. I don't feel some biological clock ticking. I never woke up one day going "Nope! No kids for me!" It's just always been a thing. DesperatelyRandom
15. Learned from the Best!
I don't think there was a moment in particular, but it was more of a gradual thing as I saw friends and family members start to have children as well as listening and learning about other people's experiences. tengolacamisanegra
Little sister was born and no I don't hate her people who have had toddlers as siblings will understand. topkek565
14. Is that you?Giphy
When I met my sister after she had a kid. She's not the same person I knew (and not necessarily in a good way). She thought that having a kid would make her happy. But at this point in time, she's not. Maybe it 'will' make some people happier, but that a risky gamble on you, your partner, and the child. Especially since, society in the 'west' do not 'invest' in a kid as a life insurance anymore. Salt_is_Enough
13. I'm not suitable!
You are treated as the least important part of giving birth and you are charged an insane amount to do it, everyone judges you for how you raise your kids and everything you do is wrong and you're violently messing them up in every way, your life is no longer your own, I'm way too angry, I can't stand sudden loud noises, and I have too much hereditary stuff growing on my family tree to ever want to risk passing it along. I'm miserable, why would I want to make another person I know is going to be miserable too? shiguywhy
I may adopt one day, if I'm ever in a financial situation where I would be able to take care of that kid in the way they deserve, but a kid of my own making is a possibility I will never entertain. I've felt that way since I was seven years old. shiguywhy
12. Can't take the sick.....
I am extremely phobic of vomit. I know I could never be a good mother if my child was sick because I would be locked away in full-on panic mode.
I also was severely abused, beaten, and tortured as a child, and I have days where PTSD/Anxiety overcome me and I cannot function properly. No child should be subjected to that. I feel guilty my husband is subjected to that.
Also, my husband and I barely make enough to stay afloat. It isn't fair to the child if we don't make enough money to provide for them.
Plus, people are too quick to blame parents for things nowadays. Back when I was a kid, my mom would leave us at home while she worked and we would just wander off into the forest or go play in the creek. Now, parents get charged for things like letting an older sibling babysit or letting your kids wander off to a park by themselves. Booner999
11. I'd rather stay calm....
There's not really a defining moment. I've never wanted them. Ever. I'm 31 and not once in my life have I wanted a kid. Seeing kids in public tends to reinforce my decision.
I'm also selfish, especially with my time. A kid would just piss me off more than anything just because I could never do what I want to do. Keinichn
When I realized how many people's problems can be traced to childhood traumas. I realized I didn't want that responsibility. Also all my co workers just complain about how their kids kept them up all night and etc. XPTranquility
9. Adulting is a NO!
At 16 - "So I have some nasty genetics that I shouldn't pass on so I'll adopt."
Early 20s - "I kinda like traveling, maybe I'll be on team adopt one and done."
Me now - "How the hell do you adult? My adulting cannot even take care of me let alone a kid." rainfal
8. For the greater good....
As someone with a slew of mental health issues (bipolar, depression, OCD, anorexia, etc.) I realized that, just like there are people who physically cannot have kids for whatever physical complications, there are also people that are mentally unable to have kids, yet they still do because that physically can.
I recognize my mental limitations and simply do not want to be a parent who is mentally incapable of caring for their own child(ren), even if my body allows me to have them. It's not fair to the child, myself, or the rest of the world. SofaKeenGrad
7. 21 & Over....
I'm only 21, but have no intent to have children. I have known I didn't want kids since I was a kid myself. I never played house, never played with baby dolls, etc. I have grown up knowing I was not meant to be a mother. I have pretty intense parental issues with my own parents, and would be terrified I would totally ruin my kids life. There was never a "moment" for me, as it's something I've always known.
PS.) I mean this kindly, but please don't tell me I will "change my mind" about having kids. No, I won't. I'm sick of people telling me I'll DEFINITELY want kids when I'm older and how "heartless" I am for not wanting them in the first place. I do not want kids...I will never want kids. I also DON'T HATE KIDS!!! For some reason people equate not wanting kids to hating them. I like kids, I like being around kids, but being a mother just isn't for me. adcable2018
6. The Crazy Guncle....
When i realized i was gay, not that gay people cant be good parents, but I also think Im much more of a cool uncle then a father, plus i think people like me were born to love the idea of love, ill probably end up as "crazy uncle that owns a nature reserve in Montana." Killgarth
5. To Child or not to Child...
I keep saying it and people keep telling my I'll change my mind. I'm only 22 but I've seen so many examples of parents who do as much as they can to be good parents and their kids still end up crap heads. My step dad's daughters are older than me by a few years and the entitlement factor they both have is like that of a 14 year old; they don't ask for his money, they just take his credit card... And not for stuff like shopping, (although they do that too) but one of them just decided she needed invisalign braces and didn't even ask first... He's such a good guy too; he knows how to discipline but loves the crap out of his kids and it kills me the way they treat him.
I also don't understand why it seems like a requirement of marriage for it to be fulfilled. I want to get married one day but when I get married I don't know why I'd want to give up pretty much all of my free time when, between working, I'll barely have any time to give to the love of my life. Without kids, I'd be able to afford more time off to spend with my wife, I'll be able to afford trips and nice things for her and for myself and I'll be able to take opportunities that, whilst having kids I wouldn't be able to take.
Between the worry of doing my best, and still ending up with a shit kid, and closing a shit load of doors, I don't think kids seem as fulfilling as everyone tells me. If I want my life to be fulfilled, I strongly believe I'd be able to do a better job doing so without children. ItsBaithoven
4. I'm gonna barf....Giphy
i was vomited on. I was told it was cute. Im out. I am a sympathetic vomiter, meaning when someone vomits so do i. i would literally be vomiting on my baby for years. plus i have a genetic disorder that is a dominant gene, so any child i have is 50/50 to have it. and yes I do judge people who have children with my syndrome because of these odds and lack of test. We all know how painful it is. and to do that to another life just because you want a mini-me is just wrong to me. ThermohydrometricZap
3. Rule of 3
- I am autistic, and have an extensive family history of the condition. I can't do that to myself, and my potential offspring
- I honestly don't think I'd be a great parent. I get overwhelmed and emotionally withdrawn more easily than your average adult, and if I can't rely on myself to keep it together, why would I force some kid to attempt it?
- I work with kids through a program at my church, and while I enjoy working with kids, I'm adamant that parenting is not for me.
That being said, my four month old niece is my main motivation to look after myself, and to keep it together, and I am absolutely thrilled at the concept of being a loving and fun uncle. frontios1996
2. The Life Suck....
There wasn't one single moment. It was a gradual thing that I became more certain about as time went on. When I was in my 20s, I thought I'd want kids someday because it seemed like the normal thing to do. Then I entered my 30s, and I wanted kids even less. Unless I have a sudden change of heart, I don't think I'll ever want them. I see my friends posting pictures of their kids all the time, and it doesn't affect me like it does some people. It makes me feel sorry for them if anything, because all I see is a drain on time, money, and other resources. catching_signals
1. No Guarantees.....Giphy
I don't want to live 18 (or possibly more) years of my life dealing with a human who can potentially grow into an antisocial psychopath just because a bunch of other kids picked on him/her. In the end, I would have to take the blame on how my kid turned out to be. I lived a shitty childhood and wouldn't wish that on another human being.
I wasted enough time in my teens and early 20s. I just managed to pick up on a career again, and I don't want to waste another 20 or so hindering it for another human being. Reddit
I was at my sister's house hanging out with her and her then three year old. My sister got up to go to the bathroom and the kid wanted to come with her. My sister said no, and kid absolutely lost her crap. She was wailing and throwing a fit and banging on the door trying to get in cause she wanted to be with her mom so bad. I need my alone time and if I can't even go to the bathroom for peace and quiet I am never going to be completely happy, and I can't give the kid what they need. amandaalorian
For all the crime or mystery shows people watch perhaps the scariest instances are the tragedies that happen in real life. The most startling thing is while many murderers display red flags, a large amount tend to be seemingly nice people. Criminologists have found that in domestic-violence-related homicide in particular the perpetrator tends to employ an outwardly charming, charisma-filled act as part of their method.
Have you ever met a murderer? It leaves you feeling gross. There was one murderer in our small wooded town that I met a few different times. He was a business owner of a run down pawn shop and the apartments above it since I could remember. Also since I could remember-dude was creepy.
As even teens if mom needed to run in to grab something like a cheap small appliance or movies we had to wait in the car. When older and working teens my sister had to deliver pizza there once. When she walked in the owner and a couple of guys hanging out there just stopped, then went "oh a wo-man!" and blank stared at her until she left.
We always heard the town rumor mill how he would rent to women in exchange for "favors" etc and he was on the state offender registry. You could just tell there was something wrong there. I personally only went inside the shop twice in my life and left quickly because of the odd atmosphere.
Years go by, the now old man is still running his increasingly rundown pawnshop and rentals and then BOOM police tape everywhere, scanners going crazy, his name is all over the news. Apparently after a conflict his older son went and confessed to helping his father clean up the crime scene.
This man had been involved with a woman and she had gone missing in 1998. No leads ever come about and people decided she must have runaway. It turns out that after a conflict the owner had murdered her cold blood. He then called his son to help him. He had dismembered her and burned her body in the furnace of the pawn shop.
He then continued to stay and work right there every day until he was convicted in 2013 of the henious crime.
While many red flags were noticed many of his oddities seemed to get brushed under the rug following the "poor people are crazy but people with money are just eccentric" rule while enjoying the privileges being a business owner in a tiny town offer.
Wanting to hear others encounter with real life monsters Rediitor White-cherries asked the online community:
"People who knew murders before they killed someone, what are some red flags you didn't notice at the time?"
The answers were plentiful and disturbing.
"He never had a sense of right/wrong.”
“My childhood friend killed his parents. His dad was my dad's best friend. Red flags? Drinking at an extremely young age, like 9."
“He never had a sense of right/wrong. Cruelty to animals. It reads like a profile of a future murderer. Heavy drug use did the rest of the work and he killed both of them for oxy."
“Since he was my friend, I guess I missed it all at the time. But my parents got me away from him with a quickness once I mentioned some things to them.“ andrewfnluck
The school bully...
“I went to school with three eventual murderers, but only one showed red flags to me. He was an extremely violent bully. He'd just attack people in the halls.”
“Trying to punch guys in the balls. Grab your nipple and twist. Punch kids in the arm or back. Typical bully stuff except he put everything into it. You wouldn't know he was even around and suddenly he was attacking you.”
“He murdered a classmate of ours who I really liked. It was in 7th grade and he beat him to death over a bag of pot. He was convicted of 2nd degree murder and was released 6 years later and has a long rap sheet.” GrandUnhappy9211
“So I went to a big university that had a weird close knit feel. There was this girl that I knew but I wasn't friends with. She was nice but very over the top bubbly, enthusiastic about EVERYTHING and super extroverted. She was just a little much for me. Good in very, very small doses.”
“She started dating this guy who was the opposite of her, shy, quiet, followed her around like a little puppy. I can't remember now if it was over a holiday break, like thanksgiving or Christmas or if it was just a weekend but we all found out that his parents, younger brother and dog were all killed in a house fire.”
“Everyone felt so bad for him. Her family took him in. Support poured out from everywhere. Then we find out he killed all of them and then set the house on fire to cover it up. Shocked everyone.” Mom-tired_send-wine
“Nothing. I would have told you he was truly one of the nicest, kindest guys I'd ever met. He was a regular customer at a place my SIL bartended at. He was always nice, friendly, funny, a genuinely good guy."
“When the Husband and I would visit SIL at work he'd chat with us like we were old friends. He obviously had a bit of a crush on SIL but she was involved and had a small child and he respected that. Never even hit on her."
“There were many nights he'd stay past close to help her clean up, take trash out, lug kegs for her. Sometimes they'd go over to the after hours bar with a couple other people. They got to know each other quite well over several years (or so we thought)."
“Then one night SIL' s friend was at the bar and had too much so she couldn't drive. He offered to drive her home. SIL would never watch an impaired friend go out alone with just any customer but she never thought twice about this."
“In fact, she even thought it was so like him to offer... Such a nice guy!! She was happy her friend would get home safe ... They found her friend's body the next day."
“She had been strangled to death. He apparently drove around with her body until almost sun up not sure what to do with her when he decided to return to the bar."
“He dumped her body in the back alley next to the dumpster. SIL had to testify against him. In court it was brought to light that he had a history of violence against women (no murders, but several assaults). We were all absolutely shocked. BTW - He got Life." Kteefish
When a dv victim decides to leave they are at the greatest risk of fatal attack.
“My cousin's husband. When they first got married, he was a decent guy though I had only met him after they got married. I thought it was weird that she had a kid that wasn't living with them, but I was young and brushed it off. Over a decade later, I find out he was abusive and she was divorcing him. He shot her outside her workplace. It was on thr news. Thankfully he was caught not long after.” KosherWitch
“I always think about that one interaction.”
“So I worked with a guy, and one day he seemed upset. He got married young and he feared his wife, who separated from him, was starting to date his ex best friend. I said, "that's tough, sorry to hear it, you're young, next…"…..he immediately got this intense look and said he'd kill them.”
“I told him you don't want to say that, and blew it off. It seemed like blowing off steam kind of comment, but I was surprised at the Intensity…normally an extremely laid back guy. However, I felt it strange enough that I wanted to walk away.”
“Six months later he went to his old apartment at 6am, and the two were in bed. He entered their bedroom, put them on their knees and shot each in the head. He then put the gun to his head and ended it. The girl flinched at the shot, and survived a head shot. The new boyfriend died. I always think about that one interaction.” CLO54
“They were just shady a** people...”
“My friends husband killed her after they broke up by bludgeoning her to death and then took the car and her body and burned it in the woods. Big red flags from this guy was, he was still with his ex wife and they were in a polyamorous relationship with extreme jealousy, he was a total douche, didn't work, very possessive and jealous, and had hit her a few times before that I knew of.”
“He killed her because she broke up with them and was taking the house they had bought. He fought chickens and dogs also. He was using her for a free ride for insurance and financial support. His ex wife and son (17) were also in on the murder and helped to plan it.”
“They were just shady a** people and the world would have been a better place if they had never existed and had a child. We reported her missing an hour after she did not show from work and her daughter had found evidence that something had happened at the end of their driveway, she wasn't found for a few weeks but we all knew who was behind it as soon as she went missing.” AeBS1978
Creepy red flags...
“I worked with Edward Paul Morris right up until the point he murdered his pregnant wife and their children. Can't say it was so much missed signs as much as signs that are even more disturbing in hindsight.”
“On the surface he seemed like a polite, friendly guy if a little awkward. He would make small talk with me in the office breakroom, almost always complaining about his wife and stress at home. He treated it like chit-chat but it was clear he couldn't stop thinking about it.”
“When a mutual co-worker and I moved into a rental house together he offered to come mow the lawn (he did some yard maintenence work on the side). We didn't have curtains up yet and I was in my new bedroom putting clothes away when I realized he was outside, lawn mower running but just standing there and staring at me through the window. Creeped me right the f**k out.” serenidade
“A guy I knew from HS stalked an ex GF, ran through her sliding glass door, shot and killed her then killed himself. He had evidently been stalkerish with some other exes as well but because it was in another county it wasn't easy to find. There was a push to create a central register of people with protective orders like they do sex offenders in Texas because of him.”
“He hid it very well. I knew he had some substance abuse issues but he had stopped drinking and started going to church. Turns out that was even BS, he was going to the church his ex went to so he could talk to her. Edit: Monica's Law” TheProle
Remember that if you think you or someone you know is or could be experiencing domestic violence you can get ahold of the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime by calling 1-800-799-7233(SAFE) or by texting START to 88788. If you see something say something by calling either a hotline to local law enforcement.
Many people would rather focus on the scandals associated with celebrities notorious for bad behavior.
This is a shame since many of their phenomenal talents are overlooked in favor of a juicy tabloid.
But what about the genuinely well-behaved celebrities? Well, they are not without haters too, unfortunately.
For instance, stars like Taylor Swift – who has been a positive role model and ally of the LGBTQ community – still has her share of critics no matter how hard she tries to shake it off.
"Who's that one celebrity that has like no haters?"
These Canadian comics were found to be simply irresistible.
The Actor From 'Honey I Shrunk The Kids"
"Rick Moranis. The guy stopped acting to take care of his kids after his wife's death."
Aspiring Football Player
"My favorite John Candy story: Joe Montana was playing for the 49ers in an important game, may have even been the Super Bowl. His team is down, they've got a lot of ground to cover and not a lot of time to do it."
"Montana comes into the huddle and starts calling the play, then stops and points to the stands and says:"
"Hey, isn't that John Candy?"
"Teammates look over, and it is, indeed, John Candy. Turns out he was a big football fan."
"Montana returned his focus to the game and went on to lead a game-winning drive down the field."
These European personalities won the hearts of many people from around the world.
The Dowager Countess of Grantham
"Professor McGonagall is the most underrated Harry Potter character in the series."
"She is so funny, even when she is strictly serious! But I mostly praise Maggie Smith for her line delivery in general."
"I effing LOVE her story about how Walt Disney waited for her to give birth before filming Mary Poppins. Keep in mind at that stage Julie Andrews was nothing more than a mildly successful West End/Broadway actress. The fact that one of the biggest film producers at the time wanted her specifically to play Mary Poppins AND he was happy to wait until after her pregnancy is a true testament to her phenomenal acting and singing ability."
"It paid off too: Julie Andrews won the Oscar for Best Actress for her role as Mary Poppins, her feature film debut too!"
A.K.A. André René Roussimoff
"Andre the Giant."
"i was fortunate enough to catch a screening of The Princess Bride in Nashville a couple years ago; Cary Elwes (who plays the love interest) was there after the show and told some stories about working with different cast members. when he got to Andre, he recounted how he was the 'mood maker' of the cast and always had a smile on his face. he even broke his foot during one of the last scenes but powered through it because the other actors had been filming all day and wanted to go home."
"a real shame that he passed away so prematurely."
These real American idols are truly adored.
The Good Neighbor
Viggo Wherever He Goes
"He once gave my mom some chocolates, she still talks about it haha. In an industry rife with ego and jerks, he's a great guy."
"She had me at, 'It takes a lot of money to look this cheap!' She does plenty of good in this world."
"Google her variety show. A ton of people hated her because she wouldn't fire her black costar. She pretty much told those people to f*** off for lack of a better term and it makes me love her even more!"
I can confidently assume Dick Van Dyke has no haters.
How could he? He's a lovable icon and is a very affable person to work with.
I would know. Although it was a brief blip in my performing career, I had the honor to share the stage with the Disney legend known for playing Bert in Mary Poppins.
He was extremely gracious and he shook hands with all of us in the ensemble of our show while looking at us individually with a glimmer in his eye.
He loves people. You could tell. And we love him.
Everybody loves to hate a villain.
Usually, we think of villains in relation to novels, television shows, comic books, and movies. But history books and popular culture have a knack for drawing lines between good and evil too.
But, as we know, history is full of bias and injected with human emotion. Subtle exaggerations or scapegoating ploys add on to one another over years and years.
And eventually, even good people can be labeled as the scourges of our past.
Redditor blackwraythbutimpink asked:
"Who is seen as a 'bad guy' in history but was actually ok?"
Of course, Hollywood has a lot to do with it. A good script needs conflict and a villain, even if that means stretching the truth a bit.
Full of Heart, In Fact
"More so sports history, but the film Cinderella Man portrayed boxer Max Baer as a murderous psychopath who gladly killed two fighters in the ring."
"In reality, he was personally devastated by these deaths. In the one he was most directly responsible for, he ended up giving his winnings from his next few fights to the fighters family."
"William Murdoch was the guy who shoots two passengers and then himself in 'Titanic.' "
"In reality, while there were reports of an officer shooting two passengers and then committing suicide, there was nothing confirming it to have been Murdoch."
"In fact, Murdoch was in charge of launching life boats on the starboard side and had launched more than half of his fully loaded lifeboats before anyone else launched any. No one knows for sure what happened to him aside that he was lost with the ship."
Not All Rivals Are Evil
"The play Mozart and Salieri (and later the film Amadeus) popularized the idea that Mozart's rival, Antonio Salieri, was a huge jerk who ultimately killed Mozart..."
"...but in reality there's no indication that Mozart was poisoned, or that Salieri had anything to do with his death. Also Salieri was a philanthropist and probably a lot more decent than theater/film made him out to be when they needed an antagonist for Mozart."
An Impressive Navigator
"Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty. Portrayed as a monster in novels and films. He was actually a well thought of Naval Officer who when forced off his ship sailed a small craft 4000 miles with minimal provisions."
"When there was no suitable craft available he and his crew then built their own and sailed from East Timor back to England. He was exonerated by the courts, and had a successful career as Governor of New South Wales."
Other people set their sights on the historical figures who were cast in the wrong light by the inaccurate, prevailing narratives about them.
"Khrushchev was actually the bigger man during the Cuban missile crisis. He initiated the negotiations and even let Kennedy look like the hero by keeping America's side of the bargain secret."
"Not to mention all the measures he took afterwards to prevent something like it from happening again."
A Man of Principles
"Brutus. He's gone down as committing one of history's greatest betrayals, but what he actually did was choose his Republican ideals over a man he personally loved (who had sparked a civil war with an illegal invasion of Italy, and was unquestionably acting like an autocrat)."
Ousted, But a Good Leader
"Thomas Sankara. When he lead Burkina Faso it was probably the most progressive African nation at the time, and even by todays standards it would be up there when compared to them."
"He was also responsible for not only making it less reliant on France, but also it's name (which used to be 'Upper Volta'), and interestingly since he was a guitarist he also wrote the new national anthem."
"He was assassinated in 1987 after a coup."
And others set their sights on the figures who found themselves in the tabloids and discussions of popular culture.
It Was Actually Terrible
"The lady who sued McDonald's for giving her third degree burns." -- skittlkiller57
"Dude, yes. She got fucking third degree burns."
"She was burned so badly it fused her labia. All she wanted was for them to pay for her medical bills due to their obscenely hot flesh searing coffee, which had already been the subject of numerous complaints." -- ARabidDingo
"Monica Lewinski. Gonna leave it at that." -- PetiteSymphony
"Pretty fu**ed up how the world blamed the young intern for the sex scandal instead of the powerful, much older president..." -- AkechiJubeiMitsuhide
Smearing Pee Wee
"Paul Reubens. For decades of my life I was under the impression that Pee Wee Herman was guilty of some child-predator sh**."
"But no, dude was just spotted in a porn theater. I don't think the masturbation claims were ever even substantiated. Meaning he lost his career because he legally watched porn in his personal free time."
It's a list that may drive you to check twice when you hear everyone bashing a historical figure. Perhaps some enemy of theirs began all that bashing.
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People can't function sometimes without being a magnet for drama. The good thing is, these people are also usually extremely bad at hiding their propensity for being involved in said drama.
People who put things on their social media like "I probably hate you," or something of the kind. You know immediately to run in the other direction.
Here were some of those answers.
Soyyy Drama Free
"'Drama free!! F**k the haters! I'm so real everyone else just can't handle it, people are just soooo fake.'"
"Usually embroiled in drama nonstop and their personality is about as deep as an inflatable toddler pool."-inducedjoy
Def The Kid Who Said "DIDNT WE HAVE HOMEWORK?!"
"Calls all mandatory meetings at 4:30 on Fridays."
"She will also push those meetings last minute to 5:30 because she's on client calls and regularly schedules stuff at noon because 'that's when everyone is available, you can just have lunch later.'"
"No, we can't... The one hour we're all available is lunch is because we're busy the other working hours of the day. The lack of respect for the team's time is wild."
"When we suggested maybe noon and 5:30 weren't great times for all hands meetings that should have been an email, she started scheduling them for 7:30am to respect our time. So considerate."-A_giant_dog
This Is Just Rude
"I was hanging out with the cute co-worker in the dining room between service. I guess the sunlight was shining on me, and she says, 'Y'know Bokb, I really love how you have such bright blue eyes and brown hair!'"
"I simply nodded and smiled really big, and she continues: 'I bet you were really handsome when you were younger.'"
"Yeah, big oof."-Bokb3o
Like, when someone does or says these things, you can't help but think about how much you'd rather they just sink into the void of oblivion.
Not Worthy Of Accolades
"If a person makes a big deal out of doing something that they should be doing anyway."
"EG: 'I take care of my kids,' 'I always tell the truth,' 'I'm always on time for work,' 'I shower regularly' etc etc that person is best avoided. They're usually anything but what they claim to be."-Johhnymaddog316
Run Away! Run Far Far Away!
"I have a co-worker that will cut your story off mid sentence to one up you with their own story that's barely even related to the topic at hand."
"They are so self involved (and long winded) that people will see him in the break room, and decide to take the elevator to one of the other break rooms on another floor. Lmao..."
"To clarify; Most of his stories are about how awesome New Jersey/New York is and how stupid Washington Staters are."
"After a while of being made fun of by him, I just wanna scream 'If you love Jersey so much, then MOVE BACK TO JERSEY!'"-conflictmuffin
Yeah, Don't Be A Jerk To Retail Workers
"Yelling at a checkout clerk at Walmart."
"I mean like seriously what could they have done to you to make you that upset. Maybe you need some anger management training."
"This happened at the self check out lane so I don't know what the Walmart check out clerk could have even done. I was in the next lane and my back was to this woman so I didn't see what happened."
"But this women kept yelling at the clerk 'I want to talk to your manager right now !!!'"
"Eventually they both walked up to the service desk together to get a manager. I felt sorry for the clerk ( and the manager !)"-Tuesday2017
You Really Need A New Outlet, Bro
"I know a guy that radiates insecurity about his masculinity."
"Any times he sees a person park slightly too close to his car, he starts going off about hypotheticals where if they scratched his paint, he'd slash their tires or he'd pull out his collapsible baton from his trunk and beat them up."
"He generally lies about anything and wants everyone to know that he is the strongest person in the room. He once told us that he did 100 lb arm curls with his shoulder dislocated."
"And how he has to constantly fight his sister every time he goes home because she is always trying to stab him, and that's how he learned hot to knife fight."
"Of course he also get really angry any time you even hint that he is exaggerating. He no kidding once punched himself in the face 5 times and spent the rest of the day pouting when someone told him that they didn't believe his stories.
Needless to say, no one enjoys talking to him."-ExplosiveMel
A moment around these people is enough to want to spend a lifetime avoiding them.
Just The Worst Person Ever
"Overly competitive for no reason, even on co-op games. If you win they get butthurt, if they win they throw it in your face. Makes jokes at other people's expense. Also can't ever take a joke back."
"Never grew out of the middle school days of bulling (wet willies, bean dips, wedgies, etc). Yells in arguments of any sort in order to 'win' the argument or not letting the other person talk."
"Pretends like they have never done anything wrong, even if they just did 10 mins beforehand. Finds the most low self esteem person in a group and puts them down to make themselves feel better about themselves."
"Will literally say something along the lines of: 'Yeah I know I'm an a**hole, you can ask any of my friends.'"-AskinggAlesana
Always The Victim, Never The Perpetrator
"Had a boyfriend for years who's ex wife was constantly making 'new best friends' with everyone. I finally met her, she seemed nice enough. Next thing you know she's inviting me over, wants me to do all kinds of stuff with her."
"My bfs mom called me and said don't trust her. His brother said don't trust her. My stupid self trusted her."
"Our 'friendship' posted about two weeks before she called CPS on my kid for mooning her kid. They were both 7. She said 'What about the trauma my child and I suffered because of you and your child?'"
Leave It In High School Bub
"There was a guy I went to school with up until the end of high school, and everyone (even teachers) hated him. He would constantly annoy everyone."
"He'd start sh*t with people for absolutely no reason. He'd interrupt the class regularly. He tried to act tough but when someone stepped up to him, he'd run away. He was nearly universally disliked everywhere he went."
"I had the misfortune of running into him a few months ago and he's still the same sh*t disturber he always was."
"He hasn't grown up, and he tried dragging me into petty drama that I frankly don't have the time nor patience for anymore. I told him not to speak to me again, and blocked him on everything I could think of."-yeetgodmcnechass
These people are peppered throughout the world and thankfully, are walking red flags that people can spot from miles away. However, that doesn't mean you can't start with caution in case one of them is hiding amongst the "normal" people.
The victims, the drama stirrers, the jerks, the bullies-they aren't worth your time or space. Don't give it to them.