Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

Becoming a parent is one of those things that should be a way bigger decision than society makes it out to be. Let's be honest, it's kind of weird that people are just expected to make more people.



Increasingly, people are making the conscious choice to live child-free.

Reddit user "foxscream" wanted to know the reasons, so they just asked. Clear communication, we love that for them.

"People who don't ever want to have kids, why?"

So if you've ever wanted to know - now's your chance. It turns out "you're just selfish" and "you'll change your mind" aren't really effective arguments. People have real, legitimate, reasons.

The Gene Thing

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"It's expensive and I don't wanna pass on my genes in particular." - mie11004

"The gene thing in particular hits me hard. I have an incurable autoimmune disease, and there's at least a 20% chance I pass the disease I have on to my children, and not to mention the possibility of an even more severe autoimmune disease like lupus."

"I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself if I passed that on to a child, especially with how much I struggle with my own disease. It's one of the issues that bothers me most about whether I want to have kids or not." - casswie

Cutting Off The Cycle

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"In psych class we learned about a study where they separated monkeys from their mothers at birth. The monkeys grew to be anxious and twitchy."

"When those monkeys had their own kids, the mothers didn't know how to care for them."

"I was raised horribly so I don't know how to raise someone well. My parents had children even though their parents abused them. My grandparents' parents probably also abused them. I'm just cutting off the cycle." - Spencer2091

Keeping It Simple

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"Freedom."

"My husband and I would probably be pretty good parents and we're in a good spot financially, but we feel complete with each other. We have fun together and want to spend the rest of our lives without the responsibility and stress of kids." - billieaspen515

"This is my husband and me too. We love our life as just the two of us (plus our dog)."

"It's wonderful that we can, for instance, wake up whenever on a Saturday morning and say 'what do you want to do today?'

"We also do not feel like we're missing out by not having kids. If our friends have kids, then we plan to be awesome aunt and uncle to them." - moosetopenguin

In This Economy?

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"Kids? In this economy?"

"No, I'll just settle for my cat." - AllWomenAreQueens


"My friend will be a parent next month. He and his wife are both doing fine with good-paying jobs of more than $55k."

"They ran the numbers and found that with one kid they can opt for day care. But if they had twins+ or decide to have another child one of them would need to become a stay-at-home parent because the second income wouldn't be enough to cover 2 kids in daycare."

"That's not including things like... Braces... Teenage food intake. Band or a sport or an extra curriculum activity."

"It boggles the mind." - Feralbritches1

Children Deserve

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"Because I believe that children deserve parents that will love them, always put them first, spend quality time with them and make sacrifices so that their children can have the best opportunities. But at the same time have the strength to set boundaries and discipline them in a healthy way so that they grow into good human beings."

"Also because I don't currently have a partner or much financial stability in my life at this stage and I don't want to be a single parent or bring a child into the world if I'm not in a position to provide for them."

"And I don't trust myself to be unselfish enough to be everything that I believe a child deserves. I sometimes catch myself thinking that children might be nice; but until I'm sure of myself, financially stable and in a steady relationship a child is unlikely to be in the picture." - VixterLKirby

Pregnancy And Birth

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"Birth and even the stuff that happens before birth always struck me as being a type of body horror. There's a part of me that thinks I would freak the f*ck out if I tried or was forced to carry a pregnancy to term." - mahoujosei100

"My aunt became pregnant when I was 16. I remember one day she came into my bedroom and said 'Hey! Check this out!!' and lifted her shirt."

"Her belly was rippling and moving. You could see huge bumps moving across her skin. At one point, I swear I saw the outline of a tiny footprint for a few seconds."

"She thought it was adorable. I couldn't bear to look at, let alone touch, her stomach."

"She insisted that it didn't hurt at all, but it honestly looked like something from the movie 'alien'. If you're really curious, you can look up videos of babies kicking from inside the womb on YouTube to get an idea of what I'm describing."

"I decided there and then that I did not want kids. It was honestly a relief when I realized I was a lesbian and that I would never accidentally become pregnant."

"Pregnancy is absolutely a form of body horror. I don't think I would be able to even look at my own belly if I ever somehow became pregnant." - travellingcats

All These Milestones

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"Lack of desire to become a parent or have kids."

"You know how some people want kids so bad, they suffer mentally and emotionally from not having them or knowing they can't have them?"

"How people say they feel hormonal, wanting kids real bad, they can't control it? Their ovaries are exploding? Baby fever? Or any other colloquialism about wanting to have a baby real soon?"

"Never had that."

"People kept telling me that as I'd grow older, would reach my 30s, find my soulmate, my friends start having children, etc., I would start to have that feeling."

"I went through all these milestones and I still do NOT have that desire for kids. And I don't think it's necessary to have kids if one does not have the desire for it."

"Kids should be wanted." - ChibiSailorMercury

Before we go, I thought it was important to take a moment, as a parent, to speak up and say kids are some of my favorite humans. They're amazing. They're hilarious. They have so much to teach us.

And they absolutely SHOULD be a thing you put serious thought into before you have them. Choosing not to have them is valid AF.

Parenting is hard. The way kids have zero sense of self-preservation is one of the most magically frustrating things I've ever witnessed. How has humanity survived if children are like this? Just kickflipping off the appliances ...

Just because parenting is satisfying and rewarding doesn't make it easier, but don't listen to me. Some other parents wanted to chime in on the thread.

From The Parents

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"I have kids and never wanted kids. If you don't want kids, please don't have kids." They're adults(ish) now.

"I always laugh when I hear someone say 'No regrets.' I have long lists of them but looking at my kids now I would say no, I don't regret having them."

"That's said, if I could go back in time I would live a very different life." - B-Town-MusicMan


"All I ever wanted was to be a mom, my whole life, and I finally had my daughter two years ago."

"It can be HARD. And this was something I desperately wanted, for over 30 years. I love my kid more than anything in the entire world, and would die for her. But it's still F*CKING HARD."

"So if people aren't sure, or are on the fence, just don't." - bbbbears

"I wouldn't want to wish my children not to exist, but if I had it over to do, I would have followed my desire not to have kids.

Another way to look at it: if I lived dozens of lives, I might choose to have kids in one of my lives But since I only have one life, I would have preferred not to have spent it as one with children." - JohnBarnson


"My mom had 4 kids (last one unwanted, with like a 20 year age gap), and her whole life was sacrificed caring for us. She did her best, but I feel bad she gave up all her own dreams so we could have ours."

"I would not blame her AT ALL if she told me she wouldn't have had us all if she could do it over. I'd be shocked if she said otherwise (and know it's a lie)."

"I also know she loves us, and her "doing it over" idea only came AFTER she already bore the fruits of her love and nothing will erase that love... even her occasional regrets as to her personal life she gave up."

"It'd be like if someone saved my life but got injured in the moment. Then later they say they are glad they saved me but knowing what they know it entailed, they wouldn't have done it."

"May not sound pleasant but the good deed is done, they suffered for it, I benefitted, and their regret about the damage they suffered is 100% understandable."

"Humans are complex. Best to learn empathy. Parents are not saints, they are people struggling like you and me." - Kryptos19

Remember, reproduction is a choice. It should be taken seriously.

Also kids all smell weird. Just sayin'.

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God grow up.

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