Life is full of surprises. There are sometimes when it feels like things have come out of left field completely. When you make the discovery that life isn't exactly what you think it was, it can totally change your outlook on the world around you. For kids especially, it can alter the course of your entire life.
Possuliini asked: Adopted people of Reddit. How did you react when you heard that you are adopted?
They definitely have a good attitude about it.
"I was adopted very soon after my birth, I found out when I was 6. My parents sat me down and talked to me about how they tried and could not get pregnant and they got me. They stated if I ever wanted to know anything feel free to ask and they would be 100% open and honest and would even help me contact my birth family. I honestly was like "ok, now back to what we were talking about before" it never changed anything for me.
I have never reached out, my parents who raised me are my parents, it doesn't matter who gave birth to me. We have been through good and bad, they have picked me up and supported me, they have taught me life lessons and been who I go to for problems and advice.
They have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. 99.9% of the time I forget I'm adopted the only time it ever comes up is for family history in med exams.
I did look up my birth family on FB and other social media platforms and I do have a ton of half brothers and sisters I'm talking 6+ range, and this sounds very judgmental and I'm sorry but based off what I've seen my birth mother did the right thing. I would not have the life I have today or the opportunities if she would have kept me. I will always thank her for that. Maybe one day we will meet but as it sits now I have no desire."
Sometimes it's a little obvious.
"I was adopted as a baby and I was aware of it from the start. It was never a big deal. It would have been stupid to try to lie about it anyway, given that they're both white and I'm Chinese."
What a relief.
Giphy
"Not me, but my best friend is adopted. He was telling me that when he was like 9 or 10 his parents were trying to subtly bring it up to him by giving him a bunch of kids books about adoption. He interpreted this as his parents saying they were going to put HIM up for adoption.
One night at dinner they were like "Friend, we have something to talk to you about."
So he bursts into tears thinking they were about to say they were putting him up for adoption. But instead, they told him he was, in fact, adopted. He told me he was like immediately relieved and didn't even care because he was so scared of being torn away from his family. All was well and he apparently adjusted to the news really quickly. Funny story with a wholesome end."
You'd think SOMEONE would've told them.
"I found out when I was 23 because I had recently moved into a house of my own and my birth mother found out, went to the house and tried to tell me who she was. I told her she was crazy and to get off of my property. I called my dad about it and told him what happened and he asked if I had told my mom about it and I said no. About 30 minutes later he asked me to come over and showed me the folder with all the documentation. I told them that I was ok with all of it and it actually helped make sense of a lot of the stuff my parents had done over the years and questions I had asked in the past.
One weird thing is that my buddy had gone over to my house while I was at my parents and I walked in and told him to guess what I just found out. He saw the folder in my hand and said, "They finally told you you were adopted?" I had no idea that his entire family had known all of this time and never told me. I found out that my ex also knew about it because she had looked up my medical records when she worked as a nurse at a hospital and saw it. I realized later on that she probably found out about the house because I had apparently added my half brother on Facebook a while back even though I didn't know who he was at the time and he had been keeping tabs on me for years."
Heartwarming.
Giphy
"It's something I've always known. I can't remember a time I didn't know. At the time, it was a pretty bold decision by my parents to tell me because I was adopted in the early 1960's and most people tended to keep it a secret. I guess this was due to the stigma surrounding illegitimate birth or the idea that the biological mother must have been "loose."
Instead, my mother always told me that the woman who gave birth to me cared enough about me to realize that she couldn't look after a baby and ensured that I was brought up in a home where a child was truly wanted. That gave me the confidence to stare down anyone who tried to tease or shame me. My parents always said they would support any decision I made about searching for my biological parents, but I never felt any need."
Kids just get it.
"I was adopted as a baby. I don't remember being told, but I knew from a very young age.
I asked my mum how she told me. Apparently when I was about 4 years old a heavily pregnant family friend came to visit one day. After she left I made some comment to my mum about how fat the friend was.
Mum explained that she wasn't fat but had a baby growing in her tummy. I asked if I'd grown in mum's tummy. Mum said that I'd grown in someone else's tummy and that made me even more special.
I have a faded memory of thinking how cool that was and telling eeeeeveryone at preschool about it."
Roll again.
Giphy
"I was adopted within a few days of my birth. I've known about it for as long as I can remember, it was never a secret it's just been part of life for me. I've occasionally joked that I took a free re-roll on the parents chart at character creation. It's certainly played a lot into my feeling that family is those who care for you and you care for in return and that blood is ultimately irrelevant."
They're definitely better off.
"The woman who raised me was a very unkind and mean spirited person. When I found out she wasn't my real mother (around the age of eight) I was relieved. I was terrified of being like her."
F**k it.
"I was adopted at near birth, however my parents always told me I was born in the city I grew up in that was their mistake. When I was an adult I needed my birth certificate for something and when I read it I saw that not just the city I was born in was different than what they told me. It was an entirely different state!
I told my brother and we both went to ask our dad what the deal was. My dad started trying to make up some story then he says "Ah f**k it. Kids sit down."
My brother being the smart a** he is blurt out "He is going to tell us we are adopted." My dad's only reply was "Actually yes..."
It was a very surreal moment. Later found out me and my brother are actually half brothers, we also have a half-sister who grew up with our biological mother.
My biological mother was a friend of my aunt's ex husband's sister, who knew my mom (adopted mom) couldn't have kids and my biological mother (I have nothing against her and actually want to meet her) wasn't well off and convince her to give me up for adoption. (As I said I don't blame my biological mom, If her or my sis read this know that I don't harbor any ill will)
I've met my sister, she knew about us but couldn't say anything until we both were adults. Heck, her friend (My adopted aunt's ex-husbands sister's daughter) visited us at times but she was not allowed to tell us. but all in all it's still a bit surreal to find out both me and my brother are adopted but it really didn't change anything other than added to the people I consider family."
Problem child.
Giphy
"I found out after watching the movie problem child at age 8. Dad use to say I was a problem child jokingly and during the movie I asked, as a joke, since I'm a problem child does that mean I was adopted? They said yes.
As far as my reaction, I didn't really have one. This new information was just something that made me more interesting and unique, as I saw it, from most other children my age that we're around me. For a while I would mention it in most every conversation I had after I learned it.
As an adult I don't really even think about. I should add I have met my birth mother and doing so I met a bunch of my half siblings, so the outcome has been I got a larger family."
I'm a smart person. I read, I study, I comprehend. But certain types of math can send me to the funny farm. I tried trigonometry in high school. I needed a therapist after a week. My brain hates math. It is what it is. I give up trying.
Louder!
Meme Reaction GIF by reactionseditorGiphy"I can't comprehend why any company would think I'm more likely to buy their product if they make their commercial 20db louder than all other commercials. Instant boycott."
The Scale
"The sheer size and scale of the universe. Like the fact that you can fit all the planets of the Solar System between the Earth and the Moon. Now realise how far apart all the planets are in the Solar System. This is practically next door compared to the distance between our Sun and the nearest star."
"There are billions of stars in our Milky Way (with the majority having planets of their own). The sheer scale of the vast emptiness involved means that even when our galaxy merges with the Andromeda galaxy in 4.5 billion years' time, there will be very, very few actual collisions between stars."
"Then there is the void between galaxies, and that it takes billions of years for light, at its speed (massless, and the fastest speed possible), to travel between galaxies, speaks of the sheer emptiness and distance in that void. I can't quite fathom it."
The Before...
"What was there before the universe, what was there before that, and that and that and (you get the idea)."
"The problem is we are using English words that have implied meanings that are familiar to humans on everyday experience to describe events that are outside everyday experience."
"Before" implies that time exists on both sides of an event, but that is not true when we are talking about the universe. Like how there are no positive numbers less than 0, there are no times before the beginning of the universe."
In the Words...
"Language, the fact that we all collectively decided separately and divertingly that certain sounds have meanings and that other sound mixed with those can change the meaning."
"Thanks for all of the upvotes and the award :3."
"Adding onto what I said, sounds are just vibrations in the air that out brains interpret into the sensation of hearing. Really we're vibrating the air at each-other and those air vibrations to your brain contain meaning. When you think about it like this language is not too dissimilar to the internet in a way. Makes you realize how crazy and unique of a skill language really is, with-ought it we wouldn't have a civilization."
"Another interesting thing related to this is when people call your name. Even if your in a crowded area with hundreds of people talking around you and you think your tuning them out if you hear your name you immediately notice, Some part of your brain must be constantly listening."
"Here are some other things my mind can't quite grasp:
- Computers, the fact that my phone is performing countless mathematical operations constantly.
- the plank length, if I understand it right it's the smallest distance anything can move, like a pixel of space.
- the human body and animals in general, were a collection of (large number but idk how large) cells all working together in various systems some how sustaining a brain that is able to be conscious, it's a miracle animals work at all let alone what they're capable of.
- why my ankles crack when I walk.
- what the future will be like, the world is changing so fast it's likely the future will be nothing like we think and it's coming." - Flaer15
I'm Empty
Fun Floating GIF by Tomas BrunsdonGiphy"My little brain can't comprehend the vast emptiness of space and the fact it supposedly just stretches on forever and never has an end. Kind of wild when you try imagine it."
Like any other muscle or organ in the body, we have to listen when pain is inflicted. We have to recognize discomfort and deal. Why don't we allow the same respect to our brain? It will tell us when enough is enough.
Simplicity...
Work Working GIFGiphy"How a simple calculator works. I can do math. I'm actually very good at it. How does a little plastic box do it though? Always boggled my mind."
Dammit!
"Dates. I am considered a historian by my family due to my knowledge on most world history, but God dang dates... I could be talking about WWII and say it happened the same date as WWI."
Billions of People
"That all the others persons I talk to or see, have their own thoughts, own inner dialogue and own life. For gaming analogy sometimes I just feel like others are NPC and I just can't comprehend that there are more than 7 billions person just like me."
"Sonder...
The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it."
Now That's Too Much!
"Quantum physics."
"I have a PhD in astronomy and MSc in Physics, and had to take ~2 years worth of quantum mechanics courses. It's one of those things where you can take solace that even with all that education on it all I can say is no one else really understands it either."
And the Dark?
"Light isn't affected by time. So... other things could just exist outside of time? Like, if you were a photon that traveled at light speed for a million years and then hit an alien's third butt, you'd experience it as instantly being a million light years away."
- Delica
"A photon moves at the speed of light through space, but is standing still in time."
"A person at rest moves at the speed of light through time, but is standing still in space. When you accelerate through space, you're simultaneously decelerating through time. That's why observers will see your clock slow down when you begin accelerating at relativistic speeds. It's referred to as time and space dilation. Makes more sense once you realize that."
The Process...
"There are people who don't have an internal dialogue with themselves. So, they never question if they are right or wrong. They never wonder if they are treating someone fairly, or if they are nice or mean."
"They can change their minds with no information, but it doesn't involve the process most of us go through when confronted with an opinion, or new data. It's not common, but it's not entirely rare. When I learned about this, I just couldn't understand how it was even possible."
The End
Season 2 Episode 10 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"Death, obviously I understand why people die and all that but just thinking what happens afterwards. What's it like for the said person that died, is it just blackness? Is it like they're dreaming??? Reincarnation?? This probably sounds very stupid but I don't care 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️"
There is so much to learn, and even more that we'll never know. And that's ok. When the brain is full, it's full. Seems like just a part of life. The mysteries will sometimes stay illusive.
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I wanted to give up, I was flustered and spent way too much time trying to get a great grade in a class that just wasn't clicking for me. What did I do? I had to take a step back and reflect on what I would tell a friend in the same shoes. I would tell them they don't need to be perfect, that getting a C+ in one class wasn't going to wreck their whole GPA, and for the love of God drink water too won't just coffee.
Self-care and stealing extra sleep, even just an hour nap, can go a long way to refreshing your drive. The takeaway really was just to show me the same love and support I'd been putting out to those around me. You deserve it, too!
Redditor peachyjams asked:
"What are some tips for a burnt out student?"
The Reddit community gave this user some wonderful tips and tricks to help with student burnout.
Go at your own pace.
“Don't pressure yourself into 4 years. It's OK to take it slower. Balance out your schedule with more enjoyable elective credits if you can, or just take less courses in a semester if possible.”
“Obviously things like financial aid, living costs (if not living at home) and others may play a factor in how many courses you need to take or how quickly you need to complete college, so if you can't take less courses, talk to your advisor or counselor and work with them to carefully plan out each semester so that your coursework is balanced IE: You don't end up accidentally taking Calculus + "Fun," art class that was 1000x more work than you thought it would be in the same semester.”~zachtheperson
“Burnt out doesn't begin to cover it.”
“I feel very qualified to answer this. I have been in college continuously since I was 18, and I'm now 32. I have 2 years to go before finishing my doctorate. I currently have an associate's, bachelor's, and master's. I have also worked the entire time. Burnt out doesn't begin to cover it. Here is how I stay sane:
- Give school as little bandwidth in your life as possible. "Good enough" are the two most beautiful words in the English language. Get Bs on things. Write your assignments and due dates on a master calendar, block off times to get them done, and try to avoid thoughts of school outside of those blocks.
- To increase productivity during your work blocks, use Freedom or something similar. I paid for a lifetime subscription and in one class alone it paid for itself. It just blocks access to your distractions on the phone and computer while you get stuff done.
- Tackle other hobbies in life that you see progress in outside of school. Even if it feels like school will never ever end and you're on a treadmill of misery going nowhere, you can go somewhere in other areas of your life. I'm currently training for a marathon, just started learning cello, I mentor first gen college students, and I'm in a book club. Pick your poison, but try to put away the laptop and push yourself in a non-academic area.
- Your social needs may vary, but try getting together with other people not in your circle of school misery. Join a sports league (yuck for me but maybe not for you). I host regular dinner parties. Volunteer. Now that vaccines are out, make sure you get one then connect with other people.
- DO NOT TAKE A BREAK. When you stop school even for a semester you know what it's like to be happy and not have the weight of misery pulling you down. You won't want to go back. Slog through and just do it.
- Don't reward yourself with damaging things. Don't eat or drink your rewards for school or you will be unhealthy and unhappy when you're done. Reward yourself with something positive instead."
If I had to recommend one book, it would be 'Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle'. Basically, it goes into the science of feeling burned out, why it's bad for you, and how to fix it on a physiological level."
“If you don't want to read the whole thing, if I could distill the most useful information it would be: exercise. The author digs deep into the science (which I love) behind why it works SO DAMN GOOD, but if you hate science and reading, trust me. Go for a run a few times a week, lift weights, dance a lot, just get your heart rate up. Good luck. School sucks."~bicycle_mice
You don’t have to be perfect.
walking dead love GIFGiphy“If you're an A student I would suggest lowering your personal bar. Being constantly burnt out isn't worth the 0.2 difference in your GPA and if you're worried about career prospects there are always comparable fields that aren't quite as competitive.”
“Trying to get an A in every class takes disproportionally more work. If you can get A's and a few more B's while getting to chill every once and a while and not stressing, do that.”~SlightlyOvertuned
Lists are seriously underrated.
If your sensation is of being overwhelmed (i.e. you have an impossible amount of work to do with no end in sight) more than burnt out (you are exhausted and becoming detached from the work), then two tips:
- Realise that it's not infinite. If you stick it out until graduation (and I hope you do!), then many of the problems you're accumulating will be wiped clear. Perhaps your GPA/final grade won't be as good as you want, but remember that whatever you're facing now - this too shall pass. Knowning that there is an inevitable light at the end of the tunnel is useful for me.
- Make a list. If you are the under-organised type, making a list of things to do each morning on a sheet of paper dramatically reduces the stress level that those items cause you. You can implement some fancy to-do software if you prefer but tbh a daily todo is simpler and more effective...”~alexandicity
A book and a blanket? Make it so.
read new york GIFGiphy“When I was a burnt out student I took solace in a comfort zone activity. Something unrelated to my school work that I could dive into for a little while when I needed a break. For me, this was reading the Lord of the Rings.”
“What works for you depends one what's in your comfort zone, but it should be something that you can easily pick up and put down again when it is time to get back to work.”
“To this day, I still read the Lord of the Rings when I get stressed or overworked. In fact, I am reading it now, for the 48th time.”~khendron
Healthy Routines...
“Lots of things you could try! Sleep. 8 hours a day, wake up spontaneously without an alarm and if you feel the need do a 30-90 minute power nap in the afternoon.”
“Meditate daily, 5-30 minutes to start in the morning or whenever you feel comfortable. Limit the consume of caffeine.”
“Plan a healthy diet you can stick to, reducing the amount of junk food first to focus later on the composition of your main meals, snacks and so on. Eat plenty of greens, fruit, nuts and drink mainly water or sugar free drinks.”
“Take cold showers. Those are a huge boost, especially in the morning. Decompress. As someone said, take the days you need to just do nothing during your week. Last but not least, workout! Start small, build the habit and stick to it!“~Tha_Sin
“...it's pretty normal in our over worked society.”
“Burnout is real. It means you have given too much of yourself to something, and you need to recover. While deadlines don't wait, professors often will. “
“You have to communicate with them if you are struggling. If they are worth their pay, they will do their best to accommodate you. It's unhealthy to continue under so much stress. Be kind to yourself.”
“Nearly everyone experiences this at some point in life, and it's pretty normal in our over worked society. Do what you can to clear your mind. Assign yourself a certain number of hours to completely shift gears away from all these responsibilities.”
“Set an alarm if you have to, but give yourself enough time to reach a stage of full body relaxation. You can try walking, meditating, sleeping, whatever your body needs. Just listen to it! There is no shame here. You must care for yourself and keep a balance. Deep breaths, often.”~VaginaWarrior
“Yes to this advice!! Let teachers know ASAP that you are struggling and often they will be able to make accommodations or offer help. Also, looking into counseling services that are offered through the school is definitely worth taking advantage of while that stuff is accessible and free.”~shannonbta
“because a b*tch needs water...”
“My bad day thing is I have to get up, eat (even if it's takeout), put on fresh bedsheets because if I'm having a bad day in bed it might as well be comfortable and smell good, have a shower (even just shoulders down) and go for even a small walk, even if it's to the shop or to get myself that takeout."
“They're not huge things to do but they're very difficult on some days. And I don't always do them all, maybe I just eat and shower, or go for a walk, or just change my bedsheets. But all of them are small tasks that feel like mountains but once I do one or two of them they're so so easy, and I benefit from them all mentally or physically or both."
“And I have a litre bottle of water and cup of tea at my side at all times because a b!tch needs water and there are few things as comforting as a good cup of tea in a warm mug to me."~thisisausername-2021
“I didn't pull a single all-nighter in my 4 years of undergrad.”
- “Don't listen to your fellow classmates who boast about study 60+ hours a week, they're either exaggerating, straight-up lying, or have an incredibly inefficient study method. There will be times where you really need to be studying hard for extended amounts of time (ex. finals week), but for the vast majority of the semester it is completely unnecessary to do that in order to get a good grade.”
- “If you do find that you need excessive study in order to do okay in a course then you need to reach out to your TA(s) and professor. Most universities have free tutoring services, use them.”
- “Seriously just take more breaks and get more sleep. I didn't pull a single all-nighter in my 4 years of undergrad and now that I'm in med school I don't have any need for that either. Without real breaks and sleep your brain's ability to actually store and organize all the information you've studied goes out the window. This is harder to do if you need to work to support yourself but you need to find some semblance of healthy sleeping habits if you want to be able to make it through all 4 years.”
- “Eat real food. Don't just live off of snack foods and coffee, your brain isn't going to work properly if you don't fuel it. It's generally cheaper to buy canned and frozen fruit and veg so if you're on a budget try those aisles. Additionally, most places have some sort of charity or community pantry/soup kitchen, use it if you need to.You don't need to be completely destitute in order to reach out for help from these places, if you are struggling to make ends meet get help from your community. It is not weak, it is not shameful, it's being smart enough to accept that everyone needs help now and then.”
- “I mean it, don't pay attention to classmates and social media influencers who say they spend all their time studying. They almost definitely aren't and if they are they have an unsustainable view towards work/school that will bite them in the butt later on.”~JSD12345
Treat yourself to a mini-vacation.
“If you have any extra money (I know, easier said than done) book the cheapest AirBNB you can find within the area you can get to with the transportation you have available. Go alone or bring a friend, and have a mini-vacation, just for a night or weekend. It's very refreshing to have a change of scenery, even if it's in your same city.”~goshawkgirl
These are some great ideas to help cope with the all to real burnout. Remember to show yourself the grace you give to others because your best is all you can do.
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