Love is a beautiful thing. it is a core gift of life. To be able to find that one in a million person to spend this life and eternity with is something we all dream about. One of the worst feelings in the world involving love is not having the love you feel reciprocated. And hey... we've all been there. Thank God for vodka and good friends.... and Adele.
One Reddit asked everyone to be brave and share... People who are in love with someone you can't possibly be with, how do you cope?
Start with the obvious.
GiphyKeep yourself busy and try and move on.
This. I went through a breakup earlier this year and this works. When I would start to think about him I redirected myself to something else. Pick up my phone and play a game. Put an audiobook on and concentrate on it. If a song came on and it made me think of him I changed the song. Essentially I avoided thinking about him as much as possible but at the same time acknowledge its ok to feel sad. I just tried like hell to make it a point to dwell too long.
Love Hurts.
Not well.
Make sure to plan things to not be reminded of her. Don't look her up etc. And find things to occupy your time that involve other people, maybe a new hobby. It's always easier once you start enjoying others company.
Just general advice, if you've done that stuff then good luck my man. (Or woman).
GiphyBy being a workaholic with no personal life.
Been there, but in my case, the one I was interested in was the workaholic, and ended up dying because of a blood clot passing through his heart.
It's you not me!
Convince myself that the person I thought they were never existed, and face the reality that they are not a good person. It's true in my case but hard to accept.
They'll never change...
My ex. She seems to become a better person every single day. I cope by... I dunno yet. The ship has completely sailed on that one. I just try to be a good father to our daughter and a great co-parent.
You're out!
GiphyI cut her out of my life completely. It's not healthy for me to be around her.
Agreed. One of my exes reached out to me when my fiancé and me broke up, and my heart just about exploded. But she's married and has kids and I'm not a home-wrecker. At least not a wrecker of other people's homes.
I've been in love with my best friend for years. We went on a few dates when we first met, had the "conversation" about what our relationship was, and mutually decided to be friends. I've seen him date other girls and I've dated other guys, but we've remained intimately close over the last four years and I found myself comparing every conversation with any other guy to my conversations with him. About two years ago, he moved across the country and we've continued our relationship as friends long distant. We talked via FaceTime for hours every couple weeks.
I finally broke down a few months ago and just laid it all out. I told him that I wanted to know how he felt about me because I was ready to start something with him. I finally told him that I have loved him and wanted to be with him because we can talk about everything and spend days together without getting sick of each other and I feel like there's not much else in this world that you need in a relationship than a person who has your back and you have theirs. Again, he told me he was flattered but wanted to date other people and keep our friendship the same. I told him I couldn't do it anymore and we left it at that. I stopped calling and texting for about a month and he gave me that space but somehow, putting us on pause was more painful to me than a clean break in a relationship...I knew it was the right thing to do, but I found it incredibly difficult and lonely.
We finally revisited the conversation where I was the most open, honest and in control of my emotions than I've ever been with another person. I told him that I loved him, but deserved someone who loved me the same way back. He agreed and told me that he cared for me and if I wasn't in his life, it would be really hard for him and when we hung up...I realized that I had never felt more empowered. I'm a little behind on the times of dating and being in a relationship...but I've never told someone exactly what I wanted, in the exact way I wanted to say it. It was liberating and has helped me at least come to terms with the fact that I've done everything I can and deserve to be loved. We are still friends, but I'm at least in a place where I am in control of how I feel about him.
I don't think I can truly answer this question honestly because I'm not sure I would recommend keeping the relationship open with that person as a healthy way to cope. But because he does mean a lot to me and we have been there for each other through some really messed up times, being honest and straightforward after years of just hoping things would change made me overcome feelings I thought I never could and has at least opened up the possibility of another person occupying that space.
You're dead to me! Thank God.
GiphyIn business, there is a term called "managing expectations."
I get asked by a lot of people how to deal with this or that heartbreak, and I always say, "cut off all contact, and expect that the feelings will continue for about five years afterwards."
We don't know that we expect to get over past loves quickly, but because we are an optimistic species, we subconsciously do. By setting the expectations to something more realistic, it can at least make the process easier.
Sweet Nightmares...
GiphyI think about her at night, pretending a disaster happens and we are the only two left. I try to fall asleep with these thoughts so they will turn into dreams. I'm sure that's unhealthy, but it's led to some good dreams.
Redditor mysterywife901 wanted to hear people's thoughts on opening their relationship status, so they asked:
"What would you say if your spouse said they wanted to try swinger lifestyle?"
Reddit was ready to rock and work through this thought experiment.
Try It
Old People Senior Citizens GIFGiphy"I would laugh my senior citizen @ss off and tell him to go for it, but the viagra stays home."
Careful-Self-457
Pull On
"I'd know she was pulling my leg; she is even less of a people person than me."
primal_machine_22109
"You would be amazed at how many shy women are into the lifestyle."
Island-Potential
"But what if it’s someone else’s leg… their third leg!"
SeveralEmployer
For the Marriage
"I would laugh and laugh, as they would never say anything like that to me seriously. 'Hey, you know what, I'd really like it if my intimacy issues gave me a lot more stress and anxiety, what's the absolute worst situation I could put myself in.'"
SaltyDangerHands
"I hope you're actively working on your issues and getting better. For your marriage."
PicanteDante
"I'm not sure what about that you're taking so deadly serious, but they're not my issues, they're my partner's, and the whole comment is tongue in cheek. The whole point is that the idea of cheating would stress them out immensely, that's... that's not a huge problem for a relationship in which neither party wants to cheat."
"I'm honestly not sure if you're insulting me or genuinely wishing me well, but in either event, I assure you it's not necessary."
SaltyDangerHands
“This One”
"I’d be interested in discussing it but cautious. I don’t believe anyone can fulfill someone else’s complete set of curiosities and desires and I am not a codependent type who sets all my expectations of happiness on someone else’s shoulders."
"We could identify what she wanted out of that lifestyle. How frequently. How we’d handle things if there was any change of heart or jealousies. Basically just communicate and explore."
"I’m into a relationship to help each other have the best life possible. Not to be 'the one' who has the expectation of being everything I dream them to be."
darinfjc
Good Luck
beyonce queen GIFGiphy"Help them pack their bags. I'd even help them load the bags in the car, and give them a hug, and tell them, Best of luck, because they're going to need it."
TripleAWingingIt
It certainly isn't for everyone. But communication and boundaries do seem to be key.
Contract Change
Sign Here Go Ahead GIF by Kat DurstGiphy"Tell her our relationship was not built that way. You can't switch up the terms after you are already in. If we had started this way then I am for it. After we have been living as if we both want to be monogamous? Nah. I can just go be with other people without her baggage."
vivazeta
What?
"I'd be very confused. My husband is open minded in the sense that whatever consenting adults want to do in their relationships is fine, but he has no doubt that he only wants a monogamous relationship. I'd wonder if maybe he'd been hit in the head."
Potential-One-3107
Let's Chat
"When she brought it up I said let’s talk about it. We talked through it for several months and decided to give it a try. It’s only been about 6 months and our relationship is better than ever. The communication we are experiencing as a couple is amazing, she is more my best friend than ever before. We have a complete open and honest relationship now."
tbed64
YASSS!
"Lessf**kinggoo! I mean 'sure honey, let’s try it out.' The wife and I communicate well. I’d be open to discussing it. We’ve had threesomes before. Communication and setting clear boundaries is key. The moment either one of us is uncomfortable or not cool with it, we both stop and Chuck it up as an experience we won’t be repeating. I’m not the jealous type and after 15 years of marriage have a solid foundation."
WindowlessCandyVan
Who are you?
What The Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy"I'd wonder who replaced my wife with a robot. She's got a very strict moral system and couldn't imagine doing something like that. Actually, neither could I."
Totalherenow
Now This?
"If they want to see other people they can just tell me they’d like to break up instead. No need to be so roundabout in telling me I'm no longer good enough."
"Why be in a relationship if you don’t want to be exclusive? That’s the whole point, unless you’re doing some kind of arranged / immigration marriage there was never any love in to begin with."
Yukisuna
If you're gonna do it, make sure you communicate and set some ground rules.
Well, dear reader, how would you respond in this situation? Let us know in the comments.
Redditor SilentPrints wanted to discuss what the future may hold, so they asked:
"What is something that is generally accepted today that in 30 years, future generations will find unacceptable?"
I'm hoping the two political party system sees some updates.
Breaks Required
Greys Anatomy Help GIFGiphy"Forcing doctors to work 24-hour shifts. Do you feel safe knowing that this happens all the time, folks?"
Dork_Magician_Girl
"I would definitely hate to think that the doctor doing my life-saving emergency procedure is on his 24th hour."
rowenaravenclaw0
Stay Home
"Going out/to work while sick. I thought we would already have seen this behavior driven out by the pandemic, but in our desperation for normalcy, we've largely chosen to revert to how we used to handle that, it seems. I think as time moves on and we develop better methods for handling this, such as social norms and testing, we will see future generations act more appropriately, given the general public is now more aware of how varied people's responses to a disease can be."
Techerous
Stay Private
"Posting kids on social media."
Anna_Rapunzel
"I find this one to be a truly interesting answer because of how the current younger generations (both young parents posting their children pretty much since birth and children/teenagers with phones) publicize most aspects of their lives on social media that it’s almost impossible for them to comprehend a time prior to them being on it - on the flipside internet privacy, safety, boundaries, and consent with children are becoming topics that are being explored a lot more than they may have even 10 years ago."
Wowufuh
Money Matters
"There will still be an overwhelming shortage of physicians with population growth and the continuation of profit driven healthcare. At least in America, if you don’t remove the profit model from medicine these things won’t change. A lawsuit is cheaper than the salaries, especially if you are at a teaching/ learning hospital that has caps on the amount that they can be sued. It shouldn’t be this way but unless you can come up with more money than the insurance companies, it won’t change."
FairReason
SCREAM!!
Episode 11 Mike GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy"Hopefully collecting/selling data about people. Also telemarketers and spoofing numbers. Being on the Do Not Call List isn't enough."
idratherchangemyold1
"Just insult them or start to scream, they will never call again and you will have a good laugh. Got the last call 2 years ago and I kinda miss it tbh lol."
xBingChilling
This data collecting is scary. Not good.
Just a Hello
"$7 greeting cards."
boxcar-violet
"Holy sh*t right. I'll see the most basic cards for $7-8 from Hallmark and anything fancy is like $10-20. Hell I even saw miniature cards, the size of like 4 stamps for $5 there."
starfire92
Quality
"5 day/40 hour work weeks."
henshep
"The company I work for just changed over to 4 day work weeks. It’s amazing for quality of life."
"Hopefully it’s something that can get more traction, but I doubt it. Especially when so many people seem to be proud of working long hours to make others rich like it’s some badge of honor."
cha0ss0ldier
Save it All
"Being wasteful about resources, especially food, water, and energy. In 30 years, those things will be even more scarce."
Devi1_May_Cry
"Not necessarily disagreeing because idk, but the wording 'even more' doesn't make much sense here. Food water and energy are less scarce now than they've been in human history by a ridiculously large margin."
multiple4
"Exactly. And unless there's an absolute catastrophe, the continuing development of technology will make it even less scarce."
Zealousideal-Bell-68
It's my $$$!!
"ATM withdrawal fees."
steaknife2107
"Agreed I think there is going to be a shift with all the little extra fees, not just ATM. But all of those little extra service fees on things like delivery. I'm hoping for things to just be labeled as the exact cost across the board. like coffee is say $3 and everywhere you go coffee is going to be $3 enough with the math question everytime I try to exist please."
_rosie_365
Unlike...
Social Media Facebook GIFGiphy"The way in which people consume connection based social media on a pathological and sometimes addictive level. Some day we'll look back on how crazy it was how kids and grown people alike became infatuated getting likes on mundane posts. Craving social approval like a commodity."
Vupant
Labels
"Whatever inoffensive terms we have now for certain groups of people. They’ll be considered offensive labels thirty years from now. Just look back thirty years at terms we used then that we don’t use now."
tangcameo
Streamline Learning
"On a lighter note, those 4-5 useless projects given by schools for each subject that need craft supplies to be bought, need many hours of work, and are judged by the aesthetic/decoration rather than the content. After evaluating, they then get tossed out by the teacher in the next few months."
"Absolutely no respect for the time and effort spent on it. The same time could have been used for other actually useful tasks and enormous amount of wastes could have been prevented."
Competitive-Claim750
Well I don't know if this is all good or all bad for the future.
What predictions do you have? Let us know in the comments below.