Book smarts and common sense are two wildly different kinds of intelligence. Let's just say they don't always co-exist within the same person. Combine that fact with the way our minds tend to function on autopilot and you've got the perfect recipe for smart people doing some seriously dumb things.
Oh, you thought you were the only one? Nope. Not even close.
Reddit user MaterialImportance asked:
Normally smart people of reddit, what is the dumbest thing you've ever done?
The sheer number of people who have autopiloted their way into stupidity is just ... breathtaking, honestly. So kick back, relax, and enjoy the stories of other people going down in a blaze of idiotic glory. You know you've done it, too. Solidarity, brethren.
E or F
Okay so several years ago I worked in a craft store. When we were going through the aisles cleaning up, we were supposed to grab any damaged items and put them in a specific bin. At the end of the night, the manager would kind of quickly go through it just to make sure everything in there was in fact damaged.
So the one night she's digging through it and pulls out a wooden E. "Who put this in here?" She asked. I said I did. She asked why. I told her, "It's supposed to be an E but it's missing one of the prongs."
My manager stared at me for a few moments before informing that it was, in fact, an F.
The Break
Took a quick break at work and went to get a drink.
Stupid brain went on autopilot and I drove home (not that far), walked in, took off work shirt, plopped on couch, turned on TV, wondered where my girlfriend was cause she's usually home when I get off work, looked up at clock, realized I had 3 hours left on shift.
Cursed a bunch, got up, put shirt back on, grabbed soda, and went back to work.
On A Hunt
Once searched high and low all over the house for like 25 minutes for a certain pair of shorts that I just could not find. I had them on.
- thwinks
A Cup Of Water
Giphy
I put a cup of water in the microwave, but the cup was too tall so I poured some water out and tried to put the cup back in thinking that would make it fit.
Magnets, How Do They Work?
In my 20's I briefly convinced myself that all rocks became magnetic under water, because when I dropped them under the surface, they would fall onto the bigger rock floor, as if they were being pulled magnetically. Took me a good 3 hours to remember gravity existed. Not my proudest moment.
Wine
I was once eating delicious table grapes and asked my wife and her friends: "Why haven't they made booze out of these?"
I forgot wine existed. I thought I had invented wine. We drink A LOT of wine. They were kind of shocked and still tease me about it.
Oops Antiques
Wandered into the bathroom of an very old antiques store and take a dump. Once I finished I realized I was in a storage closet with antique bathroom fixtures - none of which were hooked up to actual plumbing.
How To Work A Cup
I was at the zoo buying a fountain pop from the cafe when the staff didn't give me a straw. I asked for one and he said that they do not give out straws due to the free roaming animals on the zoo ground.
I asked, "How am I supposed to drink this?"
Without breaking eye contact, he took the drink and removed the plastic lid.
Thank You
A random girl asked me to take her photo at the park so I agreed and replied with a chill 'sure'. After taking the photo, she thanked me and apologized for being bothersome. My dumb self replied to her 'thank you' with a
"No, Thank you"
Instead of a 'You're welcome'
At that moment I realized I sounded like a total perv and was like ... did I really just say thanks for taking HER picture??? Please excuse me as I go jump off a cliff...
I hate being socially awkward.
- aleshuu
Cinco De Mayo
A bunch of co-workers were talking about getting together for Cinco de mayo. They asked me if I wanted to join. I said, "Sure, when is it?"
That's the day I learned Cinco de mayo meant May 5th.
Log Pile
I was like ten when this happened. I was with my friends looking for a nice place to go on adventures and shit.
We found a stack of lumber that attracted our attention. Old guy, who owns the lumber tells us not to climb up there, or if we do, just be careful.
We climb on it anyways. I find a way INSIDE just to get stuck between two huge logs.
We had to alarm the fire department and they had to cut me out of there.
At that point literally the entire town was across the road watching me.
In Your Hand
Giphy
Once I wanted to play on my DS (few years back) and I spent 10 minutes walking around the house asking my mom where my ds was.
It was in my hand the whole time.
Spent almost an hour searching my house for my phone....while on the phone with my Mom. She heard me getting frustrated and throwing things around and asked "What's wrong?" And I replied, real pissed off, "I can't find my phone anywhere. I have been looking for it the whole time I have been talking to you....oh."
I decided to end working on homework, and arose from my desk searching for my phone. I probably wanted to relax and lurk or do something else of the sort.
It was dark in my room, so I couldn't see anything.
I then thought, "Hey, let me grab my phone here and use the flashlight to try and find my phone!" ...
I grabbed my phone, turned on the flashlight (as well as the light in the room), and spent a good five minutes looking for my phone with my phone.
I finally decided to look at my hand, and was disappointed in myself for the rest of the day.
I was on the phone with my boss he was asking me if I was at work yet I said no I wasn't. He asked me why not. I said I couldn't find my phone. He said "Do me a favor look at your hand." I told him I was looking for my phone.
He sighs and goes "Shut the hell up and look at your hand."
So I look at my hand and tell him it's empty. He goes "No you dumb sh*t look at your other hand."
So I then looked at my hand that was holding my phone. After a long pause I just said "I found my phone."
He told me to get to work.
Teaching Preschool Is Exhausting
Preschool teacher here! My coworker lost her Northface jacket at work, and had to leave during nap time. She, I, and a third teacher all spent about 20 minutes searching for this jacket while tip-toeing around our combined classes of sleeping 3 year olds.... just for her to realize that she was wearing it the entire time.
Physique
I was once on a job interview for a large car manufacturer for working the assembling line. When I was asked "What's your biggest flaw?" I told the recruiter "My physique."
Needless to say, I didn't get a callback.
- cellaz
Foil v. The PhD
Just last week I wanted to reheat some leftovers in the microwave. I put them in and pushed "start"... with the aluminum foil still on.
Some frightening sparks got off before/while my dumbass realized what I'd done and hit "cancel."
...I have a PhD.
Phonetic Phanatic
I grew up outside of Philadelphia and went to college in Louisiana. On the first paper I wrote for my Civil War and Reconstruction class I kept writing how the generals were PHANATICS - because I actually thought that was how it was spelled. Until I was 19.
When I showed up a few weeks later in a Sixer's jersey the professor stopped the class in the middle of a lecture and said, "Oh my god, you're from Philly. Oh my god. Is that really how you think fanatic is spelled?"
And I said "How else would you spell it?"
To which he responded "The right way???"
It was traumatic.
Inventing Tennis
Giphy
My friend and I were in gym class playing ping pong. After a while we got to talking about how there should be a bigger, court-sized version of ping pong with larger paddles, a larger ball, a larger net and maybe 2-3 people on each side. Fully content and proud that we had invented a new game, we continued playing.
5 minutes later, my friend started dying laughing and, once she was able to stop laughing, pointed out that we had just invented tennis.
Never Assume Pregnancy
I'm a bicycle tour guide, this happened in front of the entire group of 16 people, quarter way into an eight hour tour.
To everyone, loudly: "OK the next toilet break will be one hour from now!"
To small heavily pregnant Asian-American lady: "Except for you, there's a toilet opportunity in 5 mins if you need it."
I then flashed her my cheeriest smile. She responded by just giving me a look of confusion - and that's when my panic set in.
Me: "You are with child, correct?"
Her: arms drop "No, just fat..."
The group recoiled as a collective, the poor woman looked absolutely humiliated and her husband went beet red. My panic gave way to total flight mode and I awkwardly half-yelled my response.
"GOOD, BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ANNOYING HA HA!"
dies inside
The Oil
I may be accident prone, but it's usually because of outside forces. However, the second time I was trying to make donuts, I had the biggest blonde moment of my life.
And yes, I am blonde.
Finished everything up, and was cleaning, cause my mom usually gets on my case when I don't clean up after baking. Had wiped down all the counters, put the ingredients away, and all that was left was the hot oil.
My dumbass proceeds to forget what happens when hot oil and cold water do when mixed.
Proceeded to get second degree burns on my dominant hand, and need to call an ambulance because no one is home to the hospital. After I got back, with a newly bandaged hand, my mom got on my case for not cleaning up the oil.
Love you too, mom
Pizza Pandemonium
Threw a frozen pizza in the oven for my son. A few minutes later the house starts filling with smoke. I open the oven to discover I had put the pizza in upside down.
- Sullt8
Giving City Block A New Meaning
I was trying to charge my phone and I plugged then cable into my phone. It wasn't charging. Then I realized I was walking through the city with the block dragging behind me.
Chili Powder Panic
My dad couldn't get the chili powder to come out no matter how hard he smacked the bottle. So he turns the open bottle upside down over his face and smacks it hard. Cue the screaming when the chili powder drops on his left eye.
Rather than rushing to the kitchen sink less than an arm's length away he runs down the hallway, still screaming, to the bathroom at the farther end of the house.
I asked him why he didn't use the kitchen sink and he yelled back "NOW YOU TELL ME!?" and ran back into the kitchen to use said sink.
I asked him again why he ran back just because I asked him the question, "I DON'T KNOW!!" he told me.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
Giphy
Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
Giphy
See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
Giphy
Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
Giphy
Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
Giphy
The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
Giphy
"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.