Sometimes walking and talking can be hazardous to one's health. Heck, just walking and breathing can be a detriment. We're not always on guard from injury 24/7, how can we be? Danger lurks around every corner. Some of us are just prone to falling down and causing a spectacle. The world is full of so many lovely distractions. I'm not able to see every step or car or person. I'm too busy updating my romance app. Hello.
Redditor u/itsoscilatingagain wanted everyone to fess to those moments that are shameful and oh so hilarious by asking.... What is the dumbest way you injured yourself?
Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
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Dropped a bottle of shampoo in the shower, bent over to get it, sneezed, slipped and gave myself a concussion. JimmyL2014
I did something similar when I was 10. Bent over in the shower, hit my head on the door handle on my way up. Knocked myself out and I fell through the glass door. Not my finest moment. CassyOoo
Not the Face. Never the Face!
Assumed a stapler was empty because I saw someone attempt to use it, then they put it back (it was jammed) tried to trick my mate into thinking i was gonna staple my face... miraculously un-jams and to a group of people it looks like I just felt like stapling my face. vipervsrabbit
Swing Low!
The only black eye I've ever had... I gave to myself while playing wii boxing. Won the game though! oogilyboogilytoo
I accidentally punched myself in the face/nose 2 weeks after a nose job, barely 4 days after I got the splint off. That was fun. eventhestarsburn
Broken Limbs....
I forgot that I had legs, so I slammed the car door while my leg was between. eipeif
I've posted this somewhere else, but when I was a kid I had the habit of closing doors on my arms and/or legs. So one day, I was super focused on ya know... not doing that, so I was paying a lot of attention to the location of my limbs. In the process of doing this, I forgot about this other really important thing - my head. Slammed my head in the door. Real slick. cloud_brick
Eyelid Fail!
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My eye was cold so I put a big round Christmas light that had been on for awhile on my eyelid and burnt my eyelid. My step sister was the only one who watched it play out and just said from across the room, "Um what the f**k!" blackmidianxiety
The car is like a coffin!
Slammed my finger in the top of the door to my jeep. I was stuck and I couldn't pull it out, had locked the door, and dropped my keys at the same time. It was really hurting. I was just able to reach my keys and unlock the door. It hurt so bad. Nail turned black and blue and eventually fell off. eac555
Leave the Stick... you're not a dog!
I found a big stick in a field and threw it like a javelin. I didn't think about the fact that it was L shaped so it hit me in the back of the head and I fell over. leest
I was pushing on a dead tree with a quad to try and knock it down for firewood and a branch broke off, skimmed my head, and tore my ear. That was a fun thing to explain at the ER. Rust_Dawg
Golf ids Risky!
Watched my grandfather cut open a golf ball to show me what the core looked like. After he did it, 7-year old Ricky decided to replicate the feat.
Some Key differences:
1: he put it in a vise. I used my soft fingertips.
2: he used a power saw of some kind (I don't remember, I was 8). I had my dad's handsaw.
Needless to say, the shape of the golf ball and my inexperience with tools led to more blood than I had ever seen in my short life. RistaRicky
Beware the blade.... any blade!
I was using a butter knife to scrape excess wax out of a little glass Christmas candle. The glass shattered. The knife went right into my palm. Blood everywhere. Yep, I stabbed myself with a butter knife. larebareblog
I cut my top thumb tendon via knife stab. They had to cut the wound bigger so they could reach the ends of the tendon. I remember that you could see the shape my tendon through my thumb skin because it got fatter due to the fact that it wasn't stretched out anymore. Like how a rubber band gets thinner when you stretch it. Anywho, pretty traumatizing but I do have a cool lightening bolt shaped scar now. _Mynameis_JUDGE_
A pop is never good....
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My dad tore his ACL putting on a sock. Was sitting on the bed, went to cross his legs to put the sock on, ACL just popped. tcguy71
See, this is what happens when you don't warm up first!! Licensedpterodactyl
Oil is a Weapon.....
I heated up my pan of oil and lazily plopped my steak in my cast iron pan. Sprayed hot oil all over my face. Thank God I have glasses, had some splotches right where my eyeball would be.
WHAT an Idiot I was right then. TabascohFiascoh
I Believe I can Fly!!
When I was 8 I was swinging on a swing and I had an idea to jump off it. I jumped too late, flew 2 meters in the air and landed on my right arm. I couldn't move this arm for a week. M1ODEK
My twin bro and I used to jump out of swings all the time! One time, we built sand castles to use as targets. The sand on our hands made it much harder to grip the chains. Twin Bro ended up falling backwards out of a swing, landing on his wrist, and breaking it.
We were then prohibited from jumping out of swings, which just meant we couldn't do it when Mom was around and we had to use other excuses to explain any injuries (usually scraped knees, because shorts). insertcaffeine
Getting Raked....
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Trod on a rake cartoon-style, so it stood up and hit me in the face. Twice. The same day. SpoonhorseNice
! I did this with a shovel, just once though. Got whammed in the face with the handle while climbing out of a ditch. ChipsAndTapatio
My sister did this to a pitchfork, she still has a scar on the top of her foot. I don't know how it happened. Trey5169
Don't use just anything!
I was around 11/12 years old. I was in the "I wonder what stuff I can use to assist in jerking off" stage. So I was taking a shower and I see the different lotions and such so I figure I give it the old college try. So I take some shampoo and I start using that. It didn't work that well. "Oh well" I thought. Finished my shower and got out.
The next morning I wake up and go to the bathroom. OUCH. All the skin on my penis was BURNING. CRACKING. Severe pain all over. Peeing was not fun. Getting an erection was the worst. I had no idea what was wrong. But of course fear kept me from getting help. I did eventually asked my dad, he wasn't able to tell much other than nothing was seriously wrong. I showered again. I was fine.
The problem? I forgot to wash the shampoo off my penis. cricket9818
Never look down the Barrel!
Back in the day when you pumped up nerf guns, I was in the toy store checking them out. I pumped one up until it wouldn't pump anymore. when it wouldn't fire, what did i do? looked down the barrel and pulled the trigger of course. caught a suction cup dart right in the eye, point blank. original_4degrees
Of all things... Scope?
I burned my urethra because I had run out of soap in the shower and figured I could wash my genital area with Scope Mouthwash... let me tell you something...I can still feel the pain 22 years later. It felt like someone poured Lava into my pee hole... don't know what I was thinking. GetaGoodLookCostanza
Getting Nailed...
When I was like 4 or 5 I was at my babysitters ranch (I lived in Wyoming) and was hanging out with my sister and the 13 year old babysitters son. We always liked to climb up this shed with a wavy tin roof. It rained recently. I slid off. Landed on a rusty nail.
There was a large red gash on my thigh and I still have a (kinda) scar there to this day. lvl69bard
The Best Way Down....
In kindergarten our teacher took us to the park that was across the street from the school. In there she devised a contest about who could climb a tree the fastest (yeah... this wasn't a very good school). I won, and since all the rest of the kids were also on the tree I ended up being the highest one. We pretty much looked like this and then this incredibly talented teacher decided, once we were in that position, to do the same contest but this time to see who would get down the fastest.
She underestimated my genius. I won by jumping down and fracturing my arm. Transferred schools very shortly afterwards. Kypt
How are you alive?
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An old friend and I found this old refrigerator in his back yard. Had the bright idea to start hitting it with an axe and sledge hammer for craps and giggles. As it fell I part I attempted to pull the sheet metal off and sliced my the back of my hand. I some how didn't realize I cut my self and got bored so we started throwing a football. About 5 minutes later I felt my leg get all wet and looked down to see my hand wide open and about passed out at the sight of all the blood. 32 stitches later I'm left with a nice scar on my hand. We were like 15 at the time. uselesknowledgeadict
Good Ole Ivy League Fun.
At a frat party I was so drunk I tried to slide down our two story stairwell and when I went to climb On it I fell off the other side. Somehow didn't break any bones but I couldn't walk right for a week and my entire right thigh was black and blue. Joonthedoomdood
So a normal university kid? green_bin_coon
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.