Sarah L. Voisin/The Washington Post via Getty Images

Even when J.K. Rowling isn't making random additions to the canon of the wizarding world––and the moments when she isn't, at least these days, seem few and far between––there are a slew of problematic things about Hogwarts, and today's burning question from Redditor MagicNoodle ("What's the sh*ttiest part about attending Hogwarts?") is an indication that attending the place would probably not all it's cracked up to be.

"Moaning Myrtle..."


Moaning Myrtle sexually harassing you as you're taking a sh*t.



Vainly trying to get an education while Harry Potter's in your year.


"People can..."

People can steal one of your hairs and turn into you.


"Gradually losing..."

Gradually losing all your Muggle friends at home because you can't really contact them.

Or, being scapegoated as evil at age 11 because you're sorted into Slytherin.


"The time when the school..."

The time when the school is like, "We're suspending sports for this year so you can all watch 3 or 4 kids have a competition."


"Dorms with lots of people..."

Dorms with lots of people and all the toilets and rooms have ghosts so where would you go for a some self love?


"Have you seen..."

"Pranks" could be lethal. Have you seen some of the spells these students have available to them?


"The lack..."

The lack of responsible adults.

First years get caught out of their dorm? Send them into the dangerous forest as punishment with the guy who's not supposed to use magic.

Host a "tournament" that young wizards and witches have died in. Include "magical contract" bullshit so that an inexperienced 14 year old is forced to compete.

There are more examples, but these come to mind first.


"Like come on..."

Probably having to use a quill and ink well for writing assignments. Like come on you can totally at least upgrade to a pen/pencil and notebook instead of parchment


"The fact..."

The fact that so many "ordinary" things can kill you. There's a random tree somewhere on school grounds that can pummel you to death. There's a step among the thousands of steps that you have to specifically remember, and if you don't and you're alone? Have fun drowning in liquid stair.


"We might hate it..."

The fact that you are not learning any basic knowledge as we do in muggle schools, like math, English, biology, physics. We might hate it, but it is pretty good to know a thing or two on those subjects.


"Imagine if..."

The fact that once you're assigned a house at age 11, you have to stick with it for the rest of your adolescence.

Imagine if you get placed as a Slytherin but your personality completely changes in the next few years. You're basically identified as a pureblood racist kid for all of your youth. That would suck.


They serve tons of food, but don't have physical education. Their most active sport involves letting broomsticks do all the fast movement. They should all be obese munchkins.

Also, the idea that doing magic doesn't set you up for life. You know how in The Magicians (the books), Quentin views magic as a solution to his depression? Oh, if only magic were real, how cool would that be?! A lot of people in their 20s seem to feel the same way.

But one of the most subtly horrible things in the Harry Potter universe comes from a single line in the seventh book. When Harry's causing a diversion, he notes there are a bunch of "bored-looking witches and wizards" making interdepartmental memos from stacks of paper.

Yeah, that's right.

Magic is real, but if you don't do well in school, you'll end up making flying paper airplane emails for a living.


"Terrible governing."

Terrible governing. Could never live in a world where the government is so useless, doesn't do anything right, doesn't know what's going on, and only cares about PR.

If I lived in a world like that I'd.... Oh wait...


"Having no..."

Having no internet and no technology. Like seriously? Why did they stop at the 1800's? Why couldn't we have hover bikes, enchanted guns and iphones that let you cast spells?

Also given the fact that muggles will eventually discover magic and how to use it themselves. Why not just save everyone the effort and combine our worlds into one? We'd all be far happier living in the techno wizard utopia.



Probably the fact that some poor girls would have to ask Snape for help after having their first period.


"There wasn't..."

The food. There wasn't a single bottle of hot sauce anywhere, and no collard greens.


"I kind of have this feeling..."

I kind of have this feeling that, somewhere in the school, there are a group of students who worked their rear ends off to save the school at some point...but Harry Potter did it, too, and he did it bigger and better and at the same time as them, so they got no recognition. They try to tell the professors and they're like, "Shush. Harry Potter just did a thing." It's kind of like the end of The Cursed Child where Albus and Scorpius uncover a plot to save Voldemort and Harry's just like, "Move out of the way, kids! Time for a heart-wrenching scene where I watch my parents die for closure!" and that's all anybody really cares about in the end. Screw the kids.



Absolutely zero privacy. Not once was Harry alone, always a ghost or some shit. Besides, there are only public bathrooms, and for me, that's a biiiiiig no-no. I like to shower in private, thank you very much.


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