
It's safe to say your exes are exes for a reason. Something in your relationship just did not work out, and while it may have hurt at the time, you're better in it for the long run. Though, certainly, if all your past paramours were to gather in one place they might have something to say to you.
Reddit user, u/dRPhantom93, wanted to know what your worst fears are when they asked:
If your exes all gathered in a room, what's one thing they would unanimously agree on?
The Times Have Certainly Changed
"HE'S A DRUNK LAZY F-CKER!"
Then my current Fiancee would look very confused because I've been alcohol free for 4 years and I certainly do not behave how I use to.
Change For The Worse
That they all remember me as being much more happy and full of life than I am now.
Simply Out Of It
They'd most likely agree that I was sweet to them and never violent. They'd also all have similar experiences with me appear to 'check out' of the relationship via playing video games and ignoring them. (it's subconscious and im working on it)
I also villainized all of them when we broke up and cut off all contact because it was easier for me to cope. So, that would probably be mentioned.
The First Step Is Self-Awareness
That I was a fun and sweet boyfriend but have too many issues stemming from my super-religious upbringing to survive in long term relationships.
EDIT: For those asking: Jehovah's Witnesses.
Moderation Is Not In My Dictionary
Pretty sure this would be unanimous.
- He is funny. / He can be inappropriate.
- He is a good cook. / He likes things too spicy.
- He really likes beer. / He likes beer maybe a little too much.
Steer Into Your Beanbag Status
That I make a better bed than a boyfriend.
Every single gf I've had has said, unprompted, that I am unbelievably comfortable to lie on
You Might Learn From Them
They'd probably agree that I was a bit too clingy, which is why I've spent the last 4 years single in order to work on myself.
Remember folks, make sure you're stable and happy before entering a relationship - thinking someone else will magically make you happy will not make you happy unless you're with them all the time... hints the clingy part.
All You Can Do Is Apologize
That I am extraordinarily sh-t at break-ups.
Also that I mentally check-out from the relationship when under stress.
And that I am a really good cook.
There Can Be A Positive Spin To It
"She's a wonderful person, just not the right one for me."
All 3 of my ex's, including my husband, either cheated or left me for someone else.
If you, like millions of others, had your little 90s heart held in an unyielding vice grip by Jonathan Taylor Thomas, I'm gonna need you to sit down and take a few deep breaths because I'm about to say something so controversial, yet so freeing for you.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas was not all that and your passionate love for him was classic Disney manipulation. It's not your fault.
You weren't in 90s love - you were traumatized, and it's gonna be okay.
Reddit user Endowedx7 asked:
"90s babies.. who was your first television crush?!"
First of all, nobody followed directions and we jumped from TV to movies to cartoons super fast.
Secondly, the sheer number of people who say Jonathan Taylor Thomas when this question is asked just hurts my soul. He, honestly, was a B-rate heartthrob at best.
His hair wasn't perfectly parted and platinum-like Jonathan Brandis (RIP)
Thomas Ian Nicholas had stronger "3 first names" power.
JTT lacked the shy smile Devon Sawa served with ease.
Even Andrew Keegan started a cult.
What did Jonathan Taylor Thomas do to earn so much adoration?
I theorize that the answer, quite simply, boils down to trauma bonding. We fell in love with Simba, and his little cries over Mufasa, and that was it; JTT was now our forever favorite because of the Circle of Life.
Dang Disney is good - but also kind of evil. Now that you know, you can heal. Go forth in peace.
Bask in Reddits favorite Non-JTT 90's crushes.
Devon. Duh.
"Casper, Devon Sawa"
- ramblinator
"Hard yes at Devon. Casper 'Can I keep you?' wrecked me 😭"
"Also in Now and Then, Idle Hands, Final Destination. They were my faces. Oof, the 90s were a time."
- coma-toaste
"My sister actually just met him at some sort of convention in Dallas. She sent me a pic, because she knew how much I loved Devon."
- ShataraBankhead
"Devon Sawa was my first crush. My friends could keep JTT, I only had eyes for Devon."
- bassgirl_07
"This was the answer I was looking for. He looked beautiful to me at a kid watching that movie."
- Noppo_and_Gonta
A Science Lady
"Scully. I love me a science lady."
- silverblaze92
"Lort yes Scully with that fire red hair and those soft eyes!!!!"
"Underrated crush. She was beautiful!"
- Drops_USMiC
"I still have the biggest crush on her. Literal schoolgirl crush, blush and all."
"It took me like 10 years to realize that straight girls don't like other girls the way I adored Scully."
"Aaaaaand that's how I realized I was definitely bi."
- juniper-mint
"Scully and Velma were my biggest fictional crushes growing up, I just like nerdy ladies. 🤷🏻♂️
- Foofsies
Daddy Shang
"Captain-turned-General Li Shang from Mulan."
"The first time he took his shirt off made a lasting impact that I was not prepared for."
- g_lay
"Lol it did for Mulan, too."
"It occurred to me recently that she'd likely never seen a shirtless man who wasn't her dad, so that specimen was her first..."
- kdbartleby
"Daddy Shang"
- supholmess
"BRUUUHHHH Shang yes"
- TheObservationalist
"Sign me up for the next war!"
- ElderBrute
Brendan
"BRENDAN FRASER"
- purplehairedcatdaddy
"Came here to say this! For me it was George of the Jungle, the bowls scene changed me."
- sheehosellstheshells
"God he was sexy, especially with long hair."
"He was done so dirty. Glad he’s getting more work now but he deserves more."
- Viiibrations
"Omg, I was so in love with him. I even watched that stupid Dudley Do-Right movie."
"Everybody loved him for his body, but I'd still give it to him today though. Chubby guys ftw."
- Iced_Jade
...And Everyone's Bisexual Awakening
"I came here to say Brendan too. George of the Jungle and The Mummy… 🤤"
- Tough_Raspberry1983
"As a bisexual, The Mummy and The Mummy Returns had me feeling so many ways. Poor young me didn’t know who to focus on more lmao"
- starkrocket
"Lets be honest here, practically the entire main cast of the Mummy qualifies."
- Skylis
"The Mummy was a glorious bisexual awakening for so many people."
- shallowbasketcase
Its Morphin Time
"Kimberly, the pink ranger. She can still get it, wherever she is."
- END0WEDx
"You are the man, OP, for responding to your own question with the best answer. "
"This too was my first tv crush. She was all that back then."
- Mikernoce
"The episode where the Tigerzord and Thunder Megazord get destroyed... She had no right wearing that outfit for us kids but I'm so glad she did."
- [Reddit]
"This is the one."
"I was like 4 watching power rangers in my underwear, and I thought she could see through the TV and I got embarrassed and put pants on."
- TheOfficialTheory
Starfleet Standards
"Jonathan Frakes. That beard fetish has followed me around for the last 25 years."
- Cutegun
"Omg, yes. Daddy Riker has me feeling all kinds of ways that are surely not up to Starfleet standards."
- hardly_trying
"Ohh yeah. There’s a reason why he was always written as the one seducing (or being seduced by) hot alien women."
"And yes, I too grew up to love men with beards. 😆"
- tourmaline82
"It’s unsettling to re-watch the first season before his beard was a cast member. Deeply unsettling."
- lunaleather
Flintstones
"Halle Berry from the 1994 Flintstones movie."
"Oh. My. God. I was obsessed."
- ImLikeLicorice
"I remember thinking 'wtf is that cleavage doing in a PG Steven Spielberg movie?' But at the same time, I was perfectly ok with it."
- Ooze3d
Shakira Shakira
"I remember watching Shakira in a music video on MTV when I was 9 and being completely mesmerized 😂"
- MoAdibbb
"Yes, same for me. I was 8 and Whenever Wherever was everywhere on TV and radio."
- lucitribal
"Me too! She just did it for me and I was like 4... It's literally one of the earliest memories I still have."
- Dazius06
Merry Christmas
"Aaron Carter on the Christmas episode of Lizzie McGuire…. Lol what a time!"
- illbeokayeventually
"I met him when I worked at the airport. Came in wearing a beanie and a bathrobe."
"He was super friendly though 😅"
- evergreenxsage
"I was scrolling for this answer! I can picture the Christmas episode in my head!"
- Helpful_Cat0808
"I swore I was the only one who saw this and just never said it out loud."
- sheisvoid
The Static
"I hope video games count!"
"I remember walking up to the TV to kiss Link."
"The static made it more fun lol"
- mommasoggydoggyup
Hexes And Homos
"The Hex Girls from Scooby-Doo! and The Witch's Ghost"
- TheMissingChapstick
"Oh the Hex Girls are required crushes for every young gays development."
- [Reddit]
"Honestly I should've realized I wasn't straight sooner, those hex girls were FINE"
- Azusanga
"I'm convinced the Hex Girls singer Thorn was the reason so many guys my age were into scene girls when they were younger."
- What----------------
"The hex girls definitely awakened something inside of me when I was younger."
- abloobudoo009
Something Awesome
"April O'Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
- N_Tracer
"I just remember thinking there was something really awesome about that yellow jumpsuit"
- Crazyjaw
"My God, that Yellow jump suit."
- AdamBombTV
"If my mom would walk in the room while April was on the screen I would get so nervous and awkward like she walked in on me watching porn."
- Japhysiva
Peter
"Jeremy Sumpter in Peter Pan"
- Obvious-Olive8241
"OHHHHHH weee you just took me down nostalgia lane. That boy had me dead for a solid week straight."
"Kept rewatching Peter Pan again and again to pretend I was Wendy 🥺😭"
- a_sunny_disposition
"Same, even convinced my parents to take me to L.A. to a Ronald Mc Donald race in Griffith park to meet him, and the day of the race we got lost and didn’t get to meet him."
"I almost cried when i saw everyones picture with him on this forum called Jeremy’s angels."
- Aggravating_Row2179
Gargoyles Need Love Too
"The female gargoyle in the Gargoyles cartoon."
"My siblings made fun of me for this for like 10 years until they forgot about it. I hope they never remember lol."
- Spirit860
See?
TONS of non-JTT options for all tastes!
We can finally be free, my friends. Free!
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How did these scam calls become such a problem.
They're an epidemic.
If I get one more robocall today, I may through a phone through a window.
I've go to start scaring these people off.
Would that even work?
Redditor vmcards17 wanted to hear about how we can get creative with those non-stop phone calls that are driving us mad!
They asked:
"What’s the funniest way to answer a scammer’s call?"
My first thought is... "LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
Blood
"Don't say 'hello' just pick up the phone and say 'it's done, but there's blood everywhere. I'll need your help cleaning it up. Bring bleach, trash bags and that large saw from the garage.' and then just hang up."
FinnbarMcBride
Pretend
"Pretend to be elderly and confused. You’ll hook them immediately and can then proceed with wasting the most of their time."
Bananaman1229
"This is my go to, my record is 8min of slowing asking them to repeat it and ask about my benefits or what the package includes. If it’s the solar guys I ask about the panel type and what crew they will use. Sometime I tell them I just moved or ask about the weather."
brapo68
language by language...
"I gave the phone to my neighbor who talked to them in Pennsylvania German. My neighbor is Amish. Then the person on the phone tried to use regular German, but all they knew was 'Sprechen Sie Deutsch.' When my Amish neighbor said yeah and then rattled off in a mix of German and dutch the scammer hung up."
"Then they called back not 20 minutes later. So I spoke to them in Chinese. But they kept telling me to speak in English. They hung up after about two minutes."
elanrach
Hold Please
"In a forum online, a girl answered a call with a Caller ID that came up as fraud. She answered breathlessly, 'Can you hold on? I'm having sex.' She clicked on porn and set the phone next to the computer's speaker. The guy listened for half an hour."
SciFi_Author
HOW?!?!
"HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?!?"
"Answer every phone call that way."
RogueNine
Why did I not think of some of these sooner?
Hey Bob
"Bob's orphanage, you make 'em we take 'em."
Spicy_French-Fry
Gotcha!
"Wasting time of scammers? One of the most fun activities to do. Have wasted the time of one guy who wanted to scam me with steam cards and such.. I impersonated a local I know and talked like him, acted like him and mocked the scammer in subtle ways. Was really funny, I streamed that entire sh**show to my friends."
"Me mocking a scammer and giving them useless steam-gift codes, even telling them that they are like any other guy out there trying to scam me and such. It's really hilarious when you think about that me telling to that guy that he is like any other guy who wants to scam me made them trying even harder instead of acknowledging that he was completely played by me the entire time."
"We had five hours pure fun together, the scammer lost five hours of lifetime."
ShadowLemon313
Tricks and Treats
"I once worked for a legitimate call centre where we called people who ticked boxes, on forms and stuff, saying they'd be interested in X product or service. It was a crap job and I got out of it ASAP, but it paid by the hour (not commission). People would hang up, pretend it was the wrong number, pretend not to speak English, and all kinds of stuff (even though I'd be happy to just remove their info if they asked, and I always offered)."
"But when people pulled the whole 'Just wait a minute' trick, and left the phone down, it was a welcome break. I could just doodle pictures, browse the internet, and generally relax, because the system had me down as on a call. And I was still getting paid the same."
"I once spent an hour and a half like that, before the woman picked the phone up, realized I was sill there, asked me what the hell was wrong with me, and hung up. This may well have been a similar thing."
BadgerSituation
You Win!
"In your best Announcer's Voice:"
"You've reached KSCM 99.3 The River, you're on the air and you are the seventh caller! Are you excited? ARE YOU EXCITED???"
Hysterical_Realist
I'm trying all of these. And also... "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"
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Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.
There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.
In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.
And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.
So what do we do?
We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.
Let's hear some...
Redditor CrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:
"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Life can change in an instant.
It can always change for the better.
Just ask any lottery winner.
Sadly, life can also take a turn for the worst and leave people shattered beyond repair.
Watching someone's life fall apart in a short amount of time is difficult.
You have to wonder if there really is such a thing as karma, bad luck, or Voodoo.
Redditor OkImagination5852 wanted to hear about the times we've been witness to personal disaster. They asked:
"People who witness a person's life crumble in a single day, what happened?"
I have lived through a lot of bad days. But thankfully they've been one disaster at a time days. So I guess I'm lucky.
Horror
"A friend of a friend had his entire family killed overnight. He was from my college and was home visiting his family. His parents, siblings, and extended family were all there together. One night, while they were all asleep, his father got up, took out a gun, and went on a shooting spree. He then killed himself."
"Everyone except this guy died on the spot. When my friend visited him at the hospital, the guy was still in shock. He had no idea why his father did that. This was more than a decade ago, and I have no idea how he's doing now."
DeadOnDeparture98
The IRS Called
"Knew a guy who had a nice house, wife, 3 kids. Machine shop in his garage, Snap On tool truck, sign out front, great mechanic. Never incorporated, didn't pay taxes on his business, cash only. Took nice vacations, bought a boat, then a camper. Five years later, the IRS came. I don't know what they estimated he owed but they seized everything. He lives alone in a trailer now."
Nobody_Wins_13
2 at Once
"My mom’s dad and dad’s mom both died on the same day. Completely unrelated. We were pretty messed up for awhile. It was 2010. Mom's dad had emphysema (lifetime smoker) and was pretty sick for a few weeks. I was in college at the time and came home to be with him, because we knew he was about to pass. Dad's mom was in the nursing home, as she had had a stroke and also had dementia (she often thought I was my dad, she thought we were in the 70s, etc.)."
"She took a turn for the worst, and so my dad left the hospice my grandpa was at and went to be with her. The towns they were in were about an hour apart, so I stayed behind with my mom to comfort her when her dad passed. A few hours go by, and he passes peacefully (huge thanks to the hospice workers for their respect and grace during this time)."
"Within an hour or so of his passing, we get a call from my dad saying that his mother had passed as well. It was a terribly dark day in our family, and the next couple years for me in college were pretty much a blur. Thankfully, things got better in time and we are all doing well now."
She lost everything...
"Her husband left her after previously persuading her to remortgage their house to save his business and he's already made her take multiple credit cards out in her name. She lost everything. He did it the week after their youngest turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He'd obviously been planning for years."
Ieatclowns
a black sheep...
"My cousin was in a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend died. She broke her back. When she was in the hospital she learned she was pregnant. It's been 16 years and we're still trying our best, she took an all too familiar path of drugs, burning bridges and more pregnancies."
"At this point she's fairly stable and clean as far as I know but a bit of a black sheep. Her mother has custody of all one of her kids. She has her youngest and seems to be doing good by her, but who knows. It's been hard on everyone, especially her mother and her brother."
Paradigm6790
Well this is the stuff of nightmares. I'm grateful for every moment I have alive.
Several lawsuits are filed...
"Here is multiple lives ruined in an instant. A friend was over at some other people house, drugs were involved. They had been playing with a gun. My friend points the gun at a girl, pulls the trigger and shoots her in the head. Girl dies, friend gets locked up until he turns 18. Parents at the house get arrested because they knew what the kids were doing. Friends mom goes into a depression and ends up getting evicted from her house. Several lawsuits are filed."
sentondan
Gone Forever
"It was me... got in a car accident and suffered a traumatic spinal and brain injury that I had no chance of surviving... a 7 vertebrae spinal fusion, yrs of physical and mental therapy... 18 yrs later and the pieces, though many forever gone, are finally coming back together."
2boneskuLL
A Bad Night
"He trashed his fathers vacation house with an axe before setting it on fire, stabbed the neighbor nearly to death, stole their car and then crashed it into a cop car so bad the cops were injured. He also got his girl pregnant, so once he is out of prison they're gonna start a family."
Dumbing_It_Down
"dangerous"
"Pregnant friend found out husband (43) was having an affair with young woman (19) who was a volunteer at their ecolodge. Friend had 'dangerous' pregnancy and had to spend a lot of time in bed. This betrayal destroyed their marriage, split the little town where they lived and caused two employees to quit because witnessing the affair going on was just too painful."
"She had a beautiful baby girl (to go with her other two girls, lol) and after the breakup was clinically depressed. Worked hard and got a divorce (she had a great lawyer); got the business back on track; beat her depression and now is planning a great vacation trip with her girls."
"Meantime, Dad has generous visitation but just 'hasn't gotten around to' buying a car seat so he can pick up the baby and for a long time asked my friend, 'Can you drop the girls off at my Mom's?'"
NoBSforGma
Lost it All...
"Recently, I know of a guy that had borrowed all his family’s life savings for the most part to participate in the whole game stop stock thing happening… he lost every penny of his money (credit card advances), and his parents retirement, and every other dime he could get… it makes me sick to even think of it."
Bangbangsmashsmash
Well those are A LOT of bad days. Good luck to all of you.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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