Ninety percent of the time, our children are what we make them. If you're a parent with an active role in your child's life regardless of your marital status you're going to inevitably rub off on them. Now you hope for that best, that they follow your more appealing traits and not your Dr. Hyde mentalities, but life and child rearing isn't a perfect science. And we all tend to forget.... they are always watching.
Redditor u/ADyingInfadel wanted all the divorcees out there to fess up a few secrets about their kids that they aren't crazy about....
Sticky Fingers Jr....Giphy
Take money from my wallet secretly. NerdyishGuy
You should get that ultra violet light ink/powder stuff that you can put on your wallet so that rather than wonder if they've done it and feel guilty about wondering if your kids have stolen from you, you can just check their hands with a UV torch, tell them they are terrible people and give them coal for Xmas.
It may seem harsh, but it's far harsher to let your kids grow up to be users. Se7enworlds
They say "acrosst." No idea where that "t" comes from but it needs to die. onejdc
The contempt in their voices when they talked to me. I didn't realize just how much they had picked it up from him, until he left. It was hurtful to me, but I also realized that it wasn't good for them to grow up thinking that was an acceptable way to treat people, *especially* people you loved.
It took a bit of work - me correcting their tone and words in a loving but firm way. Telling them "it hurts my feelings when you talk to me like that, I don't appreciate it. I speak kindly and respectfully to you, and I expect the same." I know it sounds like a weird script, but I needed that to keep from having the emotional reaction that their father brought out in me.
I didn't want to fall in to this awful thing where I was mad at my kids for being like their dad, but I also didn't want to be told I was a piece of crap all the time either, by tone or the actual words.
It's been several years and it really didn't take that long to help them change it. They are much older now and of course there were normal teenager things that are frustrating for all parents, but thankfully they don't talk down to me anymore. NerdySciFiChick
So... the basics...
Lie, cheat, and steal. hardstripe
Everybody's doing it. Reddit
Viva la Raza? swampy13
No. More. TOWEEEEELLLLSSSS!!!Giphy
As the kid- I wasn't allowed to use a towel to dry my glasses after cleaning them, because that's what my father's family did. I had to use a tissue. contractjunkie
My former brother in law is a vapid and materialistic individual, whenever my oldest nephew is returned to my side of the family he is an incorrigible little fool for a few days. My niece is depressed and the youngest nephew is the wisest of them all and essentially ignores his father. Their father isn't a bad guy, he just never grew up past 23 and that is not really a good trait when you are trying to raise teenagers. Leucippus1Leucippus1
2 boys. One is extra sensitive like his father. I'm not talking about sensitive like "this is a sad movie". I'm talking sensitive like "What do you mean you don't like this hat? I'm never speaking to you again! Why do you hate me????" Bubbysgrl
My ex used to refer to his family's possessions as his. The business his parents owned was his. Ex FIL collected antique cars which my ex claimed he owned. On and on about his house in X, his boat, his (insert valuable object her). He didn't purchase any of the fine things his parents owned but had no problem proclaiming himself the owner.
One of my daughters picked up the habit. Drives me nuts to hear her brag about her stuff!! peace-love-and-paws
Kid is 8.....
Has a crazy irrational temper and likes to blame everyone else for his issues... like father like son. Kid is 8. Jeez. Don't worry, he's making progress in therapy, unlike his father. ayoungcmt
As a kid of divorced parents:
I really hate it when I get compared to one of my parents by the other. Damn you made me yourself!! Of course I look and act like you. 2goof_4u
Exes can either be great or awful and it seems like there's no in between. But a defining moment is right after the breakup. You can really tell what an ex was truly like as a human once the breakup has happened.
Here were some of those stories.
Love Doesn't Mean ThisGiphy
She moved out first, then when that didn't work, she filed for divorce. In her delusional mind, this was what she needed to do for me to prove to her that I loved her.
This was shortly after we'd been in counseling and I had pointed out that my mom always threatened my dad with divorce. He would always beg her not to leave him, which was pathetic. I said I would never do that. She set out to prove me wrong, which I didn't realize at the time, but true to my word, I didn't try to get her back, which made her mad because her plan had failed.
Later, she found out that she had filed a year too early to make me pay spousal support the rest of her life, so she tried again to get me to get back with her.
A Tale Long Past
Well first he told all my friends he broke up with me because I cheated on him (wrong, I broke up with him because he was abusive). Then he started calling me at 3am begging me to just come hang out. Then he got fired from his job and kicked out of his apprenticeship and moved back in to his parents basement. I guess me waking him up to go to work really was the only reason he went?
I hope he's doing better today. At the time I thought he was young and immature and needed some help and could grow in to a good dude. Maybe I was wrong though, hard to say since we're not in contact at all anymore.
Choo Choo All AboardGiphy
Technically I broke up with him, but he printed off naked photos that I'd sent to him, annotated them and posted them to my parents house addressed to them.
It was awful at the time, but now it's been a few years and a restraining order I think it's pretty hilarious - mostly for the effort he went to to annotate these horribly blown up, A4 printed early-day-smartphone quality pics.
We'd only been together 3 months, so I'm not sure why he got hit so hard by the crazy train.
Our O'erhasty Marriage
For the most part I have no idea - I know that she got engaged about 2 weeks after I did, but I found that information out by accident. When I decided to remove her toxic a** from my life I made sure to swiftly remove her from everything except for having her phone number [simply because I had some texts from her that would incriminate her and that I knew I would need in the future]. I hear from her about once per year. 2 years ago she had her family lawyer send me a letter to which I was thankful I kept those texts from her. This year she texted me almost exactly one year later with a backhanded apology for all the sh!t she did and trying to reinforce that she was a good person [she wasn't]. I simply told her she had the wrong number. That part of my life is over and I don't have any care about what she does.
The Six Hour Rule
Called me a b*tch in social studies (8th grade) when kids in the school were spreading rumors about me and later realized he was gay. A total twink and everything.
Another one had a new girlfriend SIX HOURS after I broke up with them. Had brought that girl on a date with me as a friend, paid more attention to her the whole time. Definitely had something going on with her while we were dating.
The Long Distance ChallengeGiphy
(LDR) We didn't really have the best relationship, and as a result, didn't have a very great breakup either. He had begun to hardly talk to me, and was acting shady. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl who was still very obsessed over her own ex. I went with someone else that I had met around that time.
After recently returning to a game, I was informed by an old mutual friend that he and the girl he cheated on me with had apparently broke up not even a year into it because things were very rocky -- but this is coming from another person, so I don't know if it's true or not. Regardless, it's none of my business. Other than the "supposed" break-up he had with that girl, I don't know where he is or what he's up to. Hopefully, he is doing a lot better nowadays and has found the person he deserves.
I broke up with him, and he spent a week or two calling and texting and trying to convince me to move back in. I couldn't cut off contact completely for two reasons: first, all my sh*t was still there, and second, he had emotionally and psychologically abused me for so long that I still couldn't manage to stand up to him.
Finally he realized I wasn't going to get back with him when I started blocking his calls and hanging up on him, so he showed up at my parents' house where I was staying, broke in the door, and threw me around before pretending to attempt suicide and calling 911 on himself. Cops showed up and took statements and pressed assault charges on him.
This is a long one and I'm not sure if this counts but he knew I was going to break up with him from our phone conversation that day and he did it to beat me to it. I said I would like to still be friends and he started messaging me non stop for the next 3 days and got angry when I didn't reply or show immense interest in what he had to say which was ironic because one of the things I had an issue with whilst we were dating was that he never wanted to spend time together or put effort in to have conversations so this was highly unusual behaviour. The final straw was when I told him I couldn't talk to him that night because I was going to dinner and he decided to message family members to confirm that because he thought I was making stuff up to avoid talking to him. Our families are friends with each other which is important to know for later on. After I found that out I told him I wanted space and to not to contact me; he again got angry but left me alone.
I went on a weekend away with some girlfriends shortly after our last conversation and he called me the day I was leaving to 'talk about our breakup' but because I was in a shopping centre and suggested meeting up the following week to talk so we can cut all ties, he got mad and ended with him calling me a slut, liar and evil because I didn't want to talk and he thought I was going away with a guy which was not true at all. He texted my family members again and told them what he said to me on the phone and how I would never get anyone as good as him and guys would be stupid to date me and I didn't appreciate him.
Skip forward like two months and I start seeing someone and he finds out via social media. He spread rumours to my family through his family that I got fired from my job, dropped out of uni and was being physically abused by my new boyfriend. I had to show my family proof that I was still working and never got fired, still enrolled in uni and when I showed them that they knew he was just lying about everything. Whilst he was doing that he messaged my friends, and tried to convince them that I was a legitimate prostitute working in a brothel (I'm a paralegal and study law so I was quite shocked he reached that far) and tried to hook up with one of my friends which respectfully declined and blocked him.
Six months after breaking up he contacted family members again because he said he needed 'closure' and wanted to know how our relationship broke down because he was trying to be a better person. No-one wanted to get involved especially because during this my work got calls of a man asking for my personal info and one of my family members saw him in his sisters car outside my house during this but they were worried for his mental health and pressured me to respond to his message on social media, so I did. I was polite and didn't blame anyone and basically said that these are the reasons why I knew it wasn't working and you must have known too so it's all fine and a learning experience and there's nothing to talk about best wishes. He took that as an opportunity to tell me how he cheated on me through out our relationship (Lying) and asked if I was still a prostitute and that he got it from a 'credible source' that I was doing well in the prostitution industry and getting physically abused by my new boyfriend. I ended the conversation there, asked him to remove the profile picture he still had of us two as a couple on his social media pages, told my family members what happened and that is the reason why I didn't want to talk to him as I knew better. I also told them that they should tell his family to keep an eye on him as I dont think he was dealing with it well from all of his past behaviour and reblocked him.
My Heart Is Cleft In TwainGiphy
We remained friends. Clearly still love each other. A week after we went to a show out of town together (already had tickets) and got a hotel (already bought) and we had a good time as friends until we got back to the hotel room were I sat on the bed and she pushed me down and crawled on top of me and kissed told me she missed me and still loves and part of her wants to get back together. Nothing happened we went to our separate beds and went to sleep.
Next day for most of the drive back we talked about the possibility of us getting back together. We get to her house and we continue talking as she hits me with "but there's a reason we can't, I'm falling in love with someone else and we've already had sex." I don't care about the sex. But falling in love. We were broken up for 10 f*cking days and she's already falling in love with someone else. It's been almost 3 months and it still hurts. Found he was just using her. I don't talk to her anymore. I deleted her and her friends off my social media and their numbers. I locked away the notes she gave me and the ring I gave her. I've been cheated on. I've been ghosted but that. That was the worst someone could have ever done.
Out Of The Woods
This will probably get buried but a day after he broke up with me he made this really long Facebook post about being heartbroken and insinuated I cheated. I only found out because my best friend was still friends with him on Facebook and told me about it. A few months later my ex called me and told me he had an STD (I had just been to the gynecologist the previous month and had just been tested for what he said I might have).
He facebook messaged a friend of his from grad school (who had never met me, only saw pictures of my face, and called me "pretty for a big girl") and told her to check his relationship status. Then he immediately jumped into a relationship with a subordinate at his job. I found all this out when I had a suspicion he'd been having an emotional affair before he broke it off and logged into his facebook account.
No Concept Of CostGiphy
My sister's boyfriend bought a second-hand car and then made sure to tell all of my sister's friend that he'd done that with the money he'd put aside to "start a family" with my sister.
It was maybe 7000€. They'd been together for 5 months.
I'm still trying to figure out if he wanted her to move into the car with him and live there, or he had other grand plans for those 7000€.
Dangling The Prize
Sent me photos of the girl he "traded me in for", then asked if I wanted to join him at a bar and sends me another photo of him with two girls on his arm.
Honestly it was the saddest thing I ever saw. Why did he have to prove to me that he was "doing better"? He dumped me for the purpose of being with these other women. He broke my heart. He told me about a week before he eventually wanted to marry me. Like what's the point of being an asshole after that? What do you even gain? I didn't even talk to him after the night he broke up with me so I hadn't instigated anything. Jeff if you're still out there, I hope your dick rots off.
Begging Ain't Cute
One locked himself in his bedroom for 2 days. (Learned that per his roommates) he was 20.
One immediately got engaged. So I am sort of assuming I was "the other woman" and just didn't know it.
And one mass fb messaged all my friends he had met begging them to talk to me and get me to take him back OR give him advice on how to get me back.
Bit Of An EscapeGiphy
One had a depressing couple months before we started talking and then entered into a secret on again off again relationship. Eventually we ended it for real and I had no idea what he did, but from what I can see now he's very happy with a long term girlfriend. They seem very happy together and I'm very happy for them!
The next one I broke up with for being an annoying clingy git. He tried to get back into my life through my friends, who didn't understand why I had ended it with him. The events he attended I just didn't go to, and eventually my friends got tired of how clingy he was, and stopped inviting him. No idea what he did after that, (all that was 8 years ago?) But he's married now, and they seem happy together, so that's good!
The one after that I also broke up with, we just weren't compatible long term. I'm not that sure what he did right after, but it wasn't long before he met his now wife. They seem really happy together, and a far better match than we were, so I'm happy for them!
It's easy to be happy for them because I'm happily married, and have a beautiful baby. My ex's were all good people, just not right for me, so the fact they all found people more compatible than me just brings me happiness.
They're called exes for a reason. Before you think about taking your ex back, take a second to reflect on all of the reasons why you left them in the first place. Everything happens for a reason, and for these Redditors, the reasons are abundantly clear.
Kindaherekindanot asked: Why is your ex an ex?
It's safe to say your exes are exes for a reason. Something in your relationship just did not work out, and while it may have hurt at the time, you're better in it for the long run. Though, certainly, if all your past paramours were to gather in one place they might have something to say to you.
Reddit user, u/dRPhantom93, wanted to know what your worst fears are when they asked:
Woman's BF Wins Lottery And Wants To Help His Ex-Girlfriend, And Current GF Worries What It May Stir Up
Redditor u/FarRush1 has a quandry. Money always leads to trouble if you're not careful. It can cause issues you've never even dreamed of. For instance.... My [24F] boyfriend [26M] won a lot of money, wants to help his ex.