Listen ... Sam Rockwell...
He's never going to read this article, but on the off-chance he does, I am totally open to him emailing me or sliding into the DMs.
I have nothing of any real importance to say, just that I've been weirdly obsessed since his indie movie days and I like the way he ... um ... makes words? And says them good? On a stage/set?
See? See why I don't talk to people?
Sam has played some of the most awful characters in the history of film, made me laugh til I made weird little pig snorts, and I'm pretty sure Guy Fleegman is singlehandedly responsible for me falling for my partner.
Yes, Rockwell is incredibly talented, but I'll be the first to admit my "thing" for him goes beyond my appreciation for how hard he goes in every scene he's in. It's longstanding, a little weird, and rooted in I-have-no-idea-what.
But there it is. Sam. Rockwell. I don't get it, I can't stop it, and I'm done hiding it.
Reddit user Ordinary_Owl_795 asked:
"Who are you weirdly attracted to?"
And honestly, the responses made me feel less alone. Turns out, LOTS of people have a weird "thing" for someone that they kinda don't even really understand but also can't fight. They're not all celebs either!
For some people, it's just a random person in their life. So let's get into it.
The Bus
Waving City Bus GIF by Connect TransitGiphy"There is always this one woman on my bus in the morning."
"Comfortable clothing, no make up, glasses, always reading a book and probably nearly twice my age. (40s I would guess?) I sometimes just can not stop looking at her."
"I never had this with another person." - MoneyRough2983
"There used to see this girl who I would always notice getting on the bus early in the morning on my way to work. We never spoke I was usually reading a book but I would always notice her."
"I moved and stop taking that bus and maybe a year passed, and I had forgotten about her."
"Then I was in a local bar and there was this girl having a drink. We started chatting and after a little while I realized it was the same girl from the bus. We ended up dating for about a year until I had to move away." - mtheory007
Attracted To The Obnoxious And Obsessive
the incredibles syndrome GIFGiphy"Okay do not ask but I used to have a weird attraction to Syndrome from Incredibles when I was younger. I never voiced it out loud and it was mostly because of his personality (like that makes it any better lmao)"
"To this day I still hate myself for it." - xxminie
"To be fair, Mirage seemed to have had something of a relationship with Syndrome, since she got annoyed enough to help the Incredibles foil his plans."
"Even though she played a pretty big part in killing other heroes, her life suddenly being in danger and being disregarded so flippantly by Syndrome was the catalyst in her turning on him."
"At least you didn't have a near death experience to realize that wasn't a good idea." - J_B_LaMighty
Snape
harry potter GIFGiphy"Snape. Not Alan Rickman. Alan Rickman as Snape." - think_worry_repeat
"When I say I had a crush on Snape just from reading the books. Alan Rickman fit my image of Snape perfectly. It was a very confusing time in life lol" - keriously
"Soft spot for Snape because his story was truly the most heartbreaking in the entire series." - pileodung
"My second awakening definitely involved Snape. Why is he SO hot?!"
"The voice most definitely. And sternness and slight angst also got a soft spot after learning his past. RIP Alan Rickman, you beautiful man!" - PM-me-your-portrait
Sir Ian
Ian Mckellen Tea GIFGiphy"Sir Ian McKellen. I'm a straight woman in my mid 20s. He's an elderly gay man. I don't get it." - BraceBraceBrace
"Gandalf could totally tap it. And low key, OG Dumbledore. But maybe 20y younger than he was in HP&tPS only cause I wouldn't wanna shatter his bones with the sex." - alpacasaurusrex42
The Grocer Lady
Dance Shopping GIF by Save A LotGiphy"There's a green grocer in my neighborhood. A woman in her late fifties runs it with her husband."
"She has an elegance that is difficult to put into words. Beyond her elegance is a tranquility that permeates the space around her."
"I know she's caught me stealing glances as I pick apples and oranges from the produce carts. It doesn't seem to bother her. We lock gazes every so often."
"Every time I go I feel nervous and expectant. If she wasn't married, I think I'd try to get to really know her." - LiterallyOutToLunch
The Dentist
Dentist GIFGiphy"My dentist."
"I've been seeing him for like 15 years. He's way older than me and not a man I would look at twice if he wasn't my dentist. But his presence is really comforting and the intimacy of his hands in my mouth has always been weirdly arousing."
"Never would do anything, but it's fun to imagine scenarios when I'm lying in the chair and he's leaning over me." - A_Dazzling_Method
Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This...
sweet dreams 80s GIFGiphy"Annie Lennox from the Eurythmics."
"I think and will forever continue to think she is an absolute babe even if people think she looks too masculine. I remember seeing the music video for "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" when I was younger and got introduced to how stunningly gorgeous and powerful a woman with short orange hair in a suit is."
"She's also done tons of stuff involving humanitarian efforts, philanthropy, political activism, and is an overall genuine and kind individual." - ImAKnuckleChut
"Am I Ugly?"
gene wilder suspense GIFGiphy"Gene Wilder. When I told my husband he just got quiet then said with 100% seriousness, "Am I ugly?" Lol" - IndianaJonesIsBae
"YES. What was it about him? Something about him was seriously sexy." - schplookie
"Dude, he's so beautiful!" - SaltNorth
Dream Big
boardwalk empire resignation GIFGiphy"Steve Buscemi and Micheal K Williams (RIP) I would dream of a 3 some and I have watch Boardwalk Empire and FARGO like 10+ times" - girlwithnoprez
"I was just rewatching Boardwalk Empire and I can't believe how f*cking hot everyone is in it. Maybe it's the costumes?" - J3553G
"Same! Steve has always been oddly hot, and Michael K. Williams was absolutely beautiful. Boardwalk was where I first saw him, and his presence was amazing." - KweenKunt
The Cartoon
The Little Mermaid Live GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"Ursula from Little Mermaid. Yes, the cartoon. Also Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty. No, not Angelina Jolie… again the cartoon." - Sadnaloneonchristmas
"I feel you. My "odd" crush is Bruce Wayne/Batman from The Animated Series. Then again, Kevin Conroy's voice is doing most of the work there. But the tall, dark, wildly handsome drawings help, lol." - MrsRoughKnight
Congrats, turns out all of our weird crushes are ... actually pretty normal. So let's celebrate. Who gets your gears going for reasons you don't understand?
An unwillingness to learn
"I feel like the classic example is being unable to change your opinion or idea when you are presented with new information."
"You don’t have to set everything you believe in stone."- Rusty_of_Shackleford
"I think a key thing that separates the intelligent from the less intelligent is curiosity and how far you actually go to learn."- TuxedoWolf07
When even they don't know what they're talking about.
"Maybe not unintelligence but ignorance."
"People getting angry when I ask them to explain what they just meant as I want to understand them and not misunderstand."- smokinstuff·
"Getting angry when someone ask them to explain their point."- SuvenPan
Working Julie Andrews GIFGiphyIt's never attractive to gloat
"Obsessively telling everybody how intelligent you are."- terribleUsername18
It's ok to admit defeat every now and then...
"Playing 'last word' in an argument you've lost."- LennonMcCartney65
"Being defensive when corrected instead of just accepting it."- Marthstewart123
"Claiming they are always right but not being able to argument why or have a serious debate about it."- GReatChinook
Drop The Mic GIF by In Real LifeGiphyAre you sure about that?
"Constantly saying 'facts' that are extremely false."
"Gets on my nerves."- Sharkifish
Read the instructions!!!
"I just started driving for UberXL."
"The amount of people who think they can fit 8 people with all their luggage into a midsize SUV is astonishing."
"You can see which car comes to pick you up and it says fits 5 people."
"If you have a piece of luggage each then it's more like 3 people."
"I had one group sit there and stare me down like they didn't understand."
"I swear some people just have a mental limit for figuring things out and they all find each other and never get anywhere."- predict_irrational
One should always reserve judgment, as one never knows for sure what lurks beneath the surface.
Even if more often and not, you are left with little to nothing which encourages you to see what's there.
Overprotective parents tend to be evasive about discussing the birds and the bees with their kids because they feel it's not up to them to have that conversation.
Remember Carrie White's religious mom who refused to talk about intimacy with her 16-year-old?
We all know how that turned out in the classic Stephen King novel.
Anyway, parents turning down an opportunity to have the uncomfortable convo or having their kids miss out on sex education can lead a child to potentially develop damaging misunderstandings about their body and puberty.
The effects of which were explored when Redditor sparklingshanaya asked:
"What’s a sexual misconception you had for way too long?"
It helps to have an earlier understanding about your body when you're younger.
Sex Education
"As a girl, I had no real idea of where/what the vagina was until I was like 11 or 12. My mom didn't give me a real sex talk, just a puberty/body book that said 'the vagina is between the woman's legs' and just had a full frontal diagram (legs closed) of a woman with an arrow pointing to her pelvic region. I also didn't know a period lasted longer than a day until I got mine at 14, and then wondered why it was still going on the next day."
"When my mom realized how abysmal my sex education was, her solution was to rent a video from the library about it and make me watch it on the big family TV in the living room at like 3pm. Granted— it was a very educational video but I won't ever forget one of the educators (a 50 year old woman) talking about how to give a satisfactory blow job."
– ash-on-fire
Hard Epiphany
"Ok so I grew up in a VERY conservative household. Was not allowed to take sex ed in middle school and they helicoptered in high school. Any internet access they had access to view so I never watched porn/looked at pics. Absolutely nothing. So for a long time I thought penises were shaped like a smaller pringles can. I thought it was just like...a straight up cylinder. Moved out at 17 and googled some things and man I had men's anatomy SO wrong."
– WholeLottaIntrovert
Wrong End Of The Stick
"Friend of mine has a similar background and I just about lost my mind when she said the balls are the END of the penis. Like she had seen those doodles and had it upside down so they just dangle off the end of the shaft lmaooo."
– xchakrumx
Let's get verbal about getting oral.
Satisfy A Woman
"Learn to go down on a woman, like become a master at it. Do this."
– ecallawsamoht
Excuse For Supper
"I second this. Been married for 20 years and it's something I'm happy to do."
"Get involved, people."
"Edit: thanks for the medals and upvotes, people! Be assured that I'll be celebrating tonight."
– AhabVanCleef
Semantics
"Friend of a friend thought it meant kissing. And they were like 19. So glad they found out through a conversation and not through a dude asking for it, or her talking about it. That would've been extremely confusing for everyone."
– SilverWaters793
Pucker Up
"My friend back in middle school thought a blowjob meant to literally blow on it. I still tease her about it to this day."
– Ashurii_desu
Failed Expectations
"Man, I thought I was gonna get so many blow jobs. That’s just not true."
– Studying_Politics
As young adolescents, these Redditors got these terminologies mixed up.
Dirty Talk
"When I was around middle school age I thought that oral sex meant talking dirty :’)"
– strawbrykat
"I used to sext with my girlfriend in high school. When we broke up, she just went crazy and told everyone in our grade that I was great at 'oral sex' (she meant sexting💀) School hasn’t been the same since then."
– Particular-Ad4356
Learning By Example
"I was kind of sheltered growing up, and like most sheltered kids, I learned a lot about sex through porn. I kept seeing 'blowjob' videos, and (i had no idea what a blowjob) assumed it was some kind of sex blooper. Like, something got messed up and the director said 'Oh darn, you blew it! Let’s take it from the top.'”
– Danny_my_boy
I had sex education in sixth grade after my parents gave the school permission for me to attend the special assembly centering on the topic.
But I remember how vague the instructor was. By the time I eventually had my first nocturnal emission, I remember being terrified, yet simultaneously elated. It was very confusing, and I didn't know what happened.
I remember reflecting back to sixth grade and thinking the school must've skipped that part in sex ed.