Reddit user saucetrailia asked:
"What's one trait you have that will more than likely get you killed one day?"
And yeah ... We're all in trouble
If You Insist...
Aleister Crowley Yes GIF by PENNYWORTHGiphy"I am awful at saying no and I'm terrified of being seen as rude."
"So I'd probably get killed by someone who takes advantage of that."
- a_fruitcake
"Just 'May I kill you, please?' 'Well, if you insist...' ”
- Lord-Impressive
Space Case
"I space out. My internal world just absorbs me."
"I am very likely to just walk into traffic obviously one day."
- laney2181
"This was how I wrecked my first car."
"Driving at night, back country roads about a quarter mile from home, thinking about game progression on Borderlands 2 ... aaaand now I'm upside down in a ditch with a face full of airbag because I clipped a deer."
- -AntiVegan-
Friends!
"I will try to friend any animal regardless of it's danger level."
- saucetrailia
"Samesies. All animals are friends!"
"Shark? Sea puppy."
"Hyena? Big catdog."
"Moose? Long antler tall friend."
"Cobra? Wide headed noodle."
"Rattlesnake? Musical noodle."
"Jaguar? Spotted crunch crunch mouth friend."
"Crocodile? Scaly crunch buddy."
"It will undeniably kill me if in the wild long enough."
- Kondrias
"I'll bet women are the reason we were able to domesticate wolves."
- J0k3rA34
"If there is a snoot to boop, then it is your duty to boop that snoot."
- midnight_someone_17
Sausage Stroke
nom nom eating GIF by LaffGiphy"The real answer: I love food, usually the fatty unhealthy kinds."
"Burgers, fries, hotdogs, bacon, chicken fried steak, gumbo, sausage... I want it all in me."
"I'm going to die from a stroke, heart attack, or cancer. Or choking."
- secret-citizen
Interruptions
"I can't help interrupting people, otherwise I forget what I was going to say."
"I also say everything that is in my head, never in a rude way, I'm just always very open with how I feel about things and situations."
- AngelicWooGirl
"Sorry if you're not looking for advice, but I have this problem sometimes."
"When I have something I need to say, I touch my index finger to my nose until I'm able to say it. It looks a little goofy but it's less rude than interrupting all the time, and you won't forget what you're going to say while you're actively touching your nose."
- glitterbugged
"You are amazing. I did this today and it bloody worked!"
"You total legend. Thank you for making me a little less killable."
- AngelicWooGirl
Road Rage
"I'm not proud of it, but after years of denying it I'll finally admit that I've got a good amount of road rage..."
- jo_coltrane
"I know how I'm going to die."
"I'll be behind some idiot clogging up the passing lane. I'll flash my lights, he won't move. I'll honk my horn, he won't move."
"He'll probably brake-check me."
"Then, when I get an opening, I'll pass him in the other lane and he'll shoot me as I drive past."
- UpTheFe
Bait And Reel
smug american psycho GIFGiphy"I gaslight in arguments with random strangers and try to make them freak out and rage."
- fartpie69420
"You realize people literally actually die doing this, right? Not hypothetical."
"Jaco Pastorius did."
- [Reddit]
"I do this too. I love pushing people's buttons even though I hate people doing it to me."
"I won't actively seek out a fight or argument, but depending on the circumstances I can be a real menace and I will have this stupid amused smirk the entire time too!"
- Rocket-Tree
"Yeah... that is not okay. That's psychological abuse. Abusing people isn't funny."
- brushstrokes
Choking Hazard
"My ability to choke on a microdrop of saliva."
- Surviving2
"Omg, you too? I have never met another person who chokes on their own saliva before."
- ClothDiaperAddicts
"I laughed and choked at your comment."
- AdultBabyGoat
Hustle
"I love to work."
"I worked 80 hours a week for 8 months. I told myself it was because I didn't have staff."
"Now I have staff and I picked up ubereats as a side gig. So I am still working about 80 hours a week."
"Money is a small factor, but I just like to work."
"I'll probably work until I die."
- Neblos2514
Monkey Time
"Parkour."
"I jump and climb up rocks and trees and stairwells that are super high off the ground. Several times I’ve almost made a bad jump that could’ve broken my neck."
"Just recently on a hike when I was just hopping down from a tree seven feet off the ground, my foot got stuck and I rotated and landed flat on my back."
"If things went a little different, I could’ve broken my leg from the weight or whacked my head against a rock right next to where I landed."
"I badly hurt something really low in my back and started laughing hysterically and uncontrollably from the pain, contemplating the odds of that happening or how much worse it could’ve been or how many other times it could’ve happened."
"That experience haunts me and I’m trying to be much more cautious now, but there is nothing that makes me feel more alive and free and happy than scaling the obstacles of nature."
"Yes, even though I know that just one misstep could bring it all crashing down."
"If there’s anything that kills me before I’m old, I can just about guarantee it’ll be my own dangerous desire to monkey around in places I shouldn’t."
- TrickyTalon
Death is coming for us all eventually.
Some of us, apparently, are more likely to speed things along than others.
Did you see your likely cause of death here? Got something to add to the list?
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Redditor Enough_Letterhead121 wanted to get into the world of true crime obsession. You know you want to... they asked:
"What’s a true crime “cold case” that just doesn’t sit right with you?"
I don't know why but I'm obsessed with these kinds of stories. And they are so gruesome. But I'm ready.
Mary Mary
animation film GIF by POKÉMON Detective PikachuGiphy"The Mary Morris murders. Two women both named Mary Morris that were both killed just a few days apart in a really close proximity to each other."
immadriftersbody
"Probably a very sh**ty hitman killed the wrong person."
A_Guy_Named_Matthew
Heather
"Heather Teague. She was dragged into the woods from a riverbank. The abduction was witnessed from across the river by a man using a telescope."
usedTP
"August 26, 1995 is the day she disappeared from a strip of beach along the Ohio River in Spottsville, Kentucky. The guy who 'saw' her abduction? He was across the river in Indiana, watching through a telescope that he used to peep on women sunbathing, like Heather was. He said he saw a bushy haired, bearded man, with a mosquito net around his face, carrying a gun, drag her by the hair."
"Her jean shorts, white Keds sneakers, and plaid bikini top were found, but no sign of Heather. Henderson County Sheriffs and Kentucky State Police zeroed in on Marty Dill, a local creep. He’d had a few run ins with the law before. They went to search his house and bring him in for questioning, and he barricaded himself inside. Oh… and remember the bushy hair and beard? He’d shaved both off four months before Heather went missing."
"He barricaded himself in his house, until his uncle, a KSP trooper, came in and started talking him down. And then there was a gunshot, or a few, and supposedly Marty Dill committed suicide. Except the evidence doesn’t support that. There was a suspected serial killer in the area. Last I saw, he was in prison in Ohio for a murder he admitted to. He has never admitted to any other murders. Heather has never been found."
Madame_Kitsune98
15 Years
"My aunt was on a trip across some of Asia with her friends. The one friend had planned to go to Hong Kong, but the rest didn’t want to, so they decided they would all just meet up at the next country and let her go to Hong Kong by herself. They heard from her when she got off the plane, and not again. It’s been about 15 years."
The_MRT14
Susan
"Woman and husband are out on the patio. She's texting with friends, all good. Husband goes to bed. Wakes up in the morning with cops knocking on the door. His wife was found in a nearby river. At some point in the night, she (or someone) had driven her car a mile up river and left her car near a bridge. But body was found way down river with no way for it to have floated that far or get past the rocky terrain. Someone staged her car up there, dumped her body further down the river. Police found signs of murder, but won't say what exactly."
Jackandahalf@ss
Indiana
do not cross idris elba GIF by BBCGiphy"A local case from 1977. A small Indiana town with a population of less than 2,000 had 3 unsolved child murders committed in the same year. After the third murder, the killings stopped and the cases remain unsolved."
Cheetah84380
Lord the world is a dark place. There is mayhem waiting around every corner.
Maine
Joaquin Reyes Sherlock GIF by Movistar+Giphy"The owner of a funeral home business went to Camden, Maine with his wife. They had some kind of altercation. The wife disappeared, and was never found. Police in the home town think they know that there was foul play, but have no leads that they can follow. The case is closed."
jbsinger
Ayla
"Ayla Reynolds. An 18 month old baby with a broken arm disappears from her dads house in the middle of the night while her dad, his sister and his girlfriend are 'asleep.' Blood was found in the basement. It’s been 10+ years and no arrests have been made and her body has never been found. This happened in Maine."
TorchesLightTheWay
Dale
"Dale Hay. His girlfriend Dana was terrorized and followed to her house by a truck after she passed it because the driver was too slow. The driver drives away once, comes back, Dale goes out to yell at the guy and the truck took off but returns later on. So, he chased the truck in his jeep."
"After he was gone a few hours, his girlfriend and son went looking for him and Dale was found dead in his jeep with a single bullet hole in his head. It sounds like road rage but it also seems like the driver wanted someone to come out after them. Maybe they wanted to murder Dale or maybe they wanted to kill Dana and settled for Dale."
Applesintheorchard
Kyron
"The disappearance of Kyron Horman. The kid was at school with his stepmom, she saw him walk down the hall in the school and he was never seen again. Gone. Disappeared without a trace. There's no evidence at all. People like to believe the stepmother killed him or something but there is no sound evidence, and I believe the search for him was the most money Oregon has spent on a missing person case. Over 10 years later and there's still nothing."
EliDrInferno
back in '95...
Consider True Crime GIF by Dateline NBCGiphy"Jodi Huisentruit. Disappeared after telling a coworker she overslept and was running late. Signs of struggle outside of her apartment but they never found her. This was back in ‘95."
Emorrisette
The Family
"That family that got murdered in the French alps and the cyclist who came across the scene and the little girl stayed still under her mum's dress for 8 hours Does anyone have an update on this."
Chiditch
"Her sister survived also, despite being shot multiple times and pistol-whipped on the head. They're teenagers now and being re-interviewed for any new leads. Poor girls. I kind of agree with the other commenter who replied to you... sounds like it was a professional hit. Left the gun (shattered, in pieces) at the scene of the crime. Shot the cyclist execution-style. Freaking horrible."
Chetanzi
The Schoolboy
"Philip Cairns. Schoolboy who disappeared while on his way back to school after lunch break in Dublin, Ireland. His school bag was found a few days later in a lane way near his home but no trace of him was ever found."
ruanner82
Midlothian Texas...
"Murder that happened in my town a couple years ago, Missy Beavers in Midlothian Texas? Not sure if anyone knows about this one but she was my grandmas friend and a fitness instructor, while at a church preparing for an early morning workout class someone walked in and was caught on camera wearing what looked like a full swat team uniform."
"And killed her with a hammer basically just destroying her head from what I heard. Apparently they brought in the FBI and they have repeatedly said they have a suspect but no one’s been arrested yet."
sausage-bob
Victims
"It’s not necessarily a cold case, but There were several (2-5) of John Wayne Gacy’s victims who went missing while Gacy was confirmed to be out of town. IIRC, the bodies of those victims were all under his house. That means someone else had to at least kidnap and hold the victim until Gacy returned if the accomplice(s) didn’t actually murder the boys."
YayAdamYay
Engulfed
Samuel L Jackson Reaction GIF by Coming to AmericaGiphy"Jessica Chambers. She was set on fire inside her vehicle, and was found by paramedics walking down the road fully engulfed in flames."
1GamingAngel
THAT Case
"The Black Dahlia case, the fact that such a gruesome act of murder was committed, and that the lead suspect is very likely the killer, but didn't serve jail time sickens me. Also its quite interesting how one of the suspects died on the anniversary of the last time she was seen alive."
alghihieri
"I know there were several suspects, but I assume you are referring to George Hodel. And if so, it baffles me that his family even thinks he did it. So much so that his son became a detective in part to try and prove his father was guilty."
PennyoftheNerds
Sunderland, UK...
"Nikki Allan, a young child abducted and murdered in Sunderland, UK back in the early 90s. The police arrested a suspect and forced a confession, the judge at the trial threw the confession out due to the police tactics. He walked. Was he the murderer? No one can say for sure."
"He did lose a civil case by default (he never entered a defence,) but has always claimed his innocence. Either way a child murder is free and possibly still walking around. Some people have linked serial killer Steven Grieveson to the case but it doesn't fit his M.O at all."
Mackem101
I don't buy it...
"About three years ago there were suddenly a rash of ladies throwing themselves down garbage chutes in Chicago to commit suicide. All within a year or so timeframe. Generally in the same area downtown. Everyone was saying it was random suicide or just bad luck. I don't buy it."
"I think there was a serial killer or something operating in the city. If you've ever lived in a high rise you know it's damned near impossible to accidentally throw yourself down a garbage chute. And I just don't see most women choosing that as their way out."
ssshield
The latest theory...
"Michael Dunahee. Posters for this kid were everywhere when I was a kid. He disappeared from a playground in Victoria BC in 1991. The latest theory is that he's out there somewhere with no memory of who he was. RCMP recently released a composition of what he might look like now in hopes that it will trigger him to remember and come forward."
Whatshername_Stew
20 years since...
"Shannon Paulk. 11 yo girl kidnapped and later found murdered in my hometown, Prattville Alabama. It’s been 20 years and they still don’t know who did it."
lariet50
"I lived in Prattville. That case still haunts me."
kurinevair666
Every single one of these cases needs a documentary or podcast immediately. I'll be watching.
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Redditor BrunoDeFarnese wanted to hear about all the stories that still haunt lawyers. They asked:
"Reddit lawyers, what is the scariest thing a client has confessed/said to you?"
I've always wondered about this. It happens in movies. But does it happen in real life?
Unbearable
Sad Season 9 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"I once had a client’s mental state deteriorate over time. They went from relatively normal to complaining of ghosts in their home and their house being bugged in a matter of months. It was equal parts scary and very sad to watch it happen."
ghostdogtheconquerer
The Worst
"Their murders."
berklythrowaway
"Admission of guilt to your lawyer makes it harder to defend a client, at least where I practice, that takes any defenses off the table where you argue they didn't do it. So now you not only have the trauma of knowing these details, they've also made your job way harder."
Disruptorpistol
Criminal Law
"Had a client who was charged with assault with a deadly weapon against his wife. He had a few past charges that were similar. Fairly typical domestic violence situation. He claimed it was blown out of proportion, yada yada. I got a pretty good plea deal for him and advised him to take it."
"He told me he wanted to go to trial. I told him that when his wife testifies against him, he’d lose pretty fast. He looked me in the eye and told me that his wife would not be attending the trial. I knew better than to ask questions. Sure enough, his wife did not attend the trial. Case dismissed for lack of witness."
"A win for the good guys? I hope he just made up with her and she chose not to appear, but I’ve always wondered if he did something to make sure of it. He sounded pretty confident when he told me she wouldn’t be there. I got out of criminal law in a hurry after that."
LooieKablooie
Grandpa
"I work in patent law, so we don't really get 'scary' per se. Grandfather came in with several inventions... actually the entire family came which was weird. He was very proud of his inventions, and explicitly stated that they needed the money the inventions would make and the money would go to the whole family to support them. His family getting an inheritance basically rested on these inventions."
"The inventions were extremely simple concepts that had been around for probably 30+ years. I politely got all of the information. I then put together a report, and it was honestly scary. How do you write something that shatters this elderly mans (and his families) dreams?"
lordnecro
The Robot
Steve Little Lawyer GIF by The GrinderGiphy"His wife was an alien robot and so was the President, and he was going to kill them and all other robots. Straight to the psych ward for paranoid schizophrenia."
It_Could_Be_True
Details
Sad Science Fiction GIF by Paramount+Giphy"They killed someone when detailing the case to me."
Huuntergamer45
Intertwined...
“'I am a Mexican cartel member' —US Immigration Attorney."
Odd_Author_76
"In LATAM, organized crime and everyday life intertwine quite often, it is quite common to bump into people with some degree of involvement or who had dealings with them in the past, I live in an upper middle class neighborhood and all of the businesses around my house had yo get an 'ok' to operate."
Much_Committee_9355
Hidden
"My husband was the lawyer not me, but one guy had been hiding in the attic of his small apartment building and when my husband went to talk to him he was so out of it on meth and paranoid that he accused my husband of working for the county whatever that means."
Chutneyonegaishimasu
Panama papers...
"I do corporate structure and wealth management so I don’t get much action, but I’ve had clients admitting over the phone casually to every white collar crime known to man, insider trading, money laundering, tax evasion schemes I would get once a week. I’m pretty ok if what you are doing is fu**ing over either some big corporate or the government."
"But probably the scariest stuff, was during the Panama papers, while I was still an intern, I got a call from my boss off hours and to get to the office ASAP, I just went to the office had no idea what was going on and started shredding clients papers who might or might not have something to do on tax heavens."
Much_Committee_9355
To the Grave
serious joe pesci GIFGiphy"I had to surrender my law license last week b/c of an early dementia diagnosis. Although I no longer carry a bar card, the secrets disclosed by clients, over the last 30 years, will die with me."
PraylikeTomAmes
Asking for a friend...
"I was always told you never lie to your lawyer or doctor. If I killed someone would a lawyer want to know the truth to better prepare for a case or do I keep my mouth shut? If I do admit to a heinous crime can the lawyer just refuse to defend me and then testify against me. Asking for a friend."
crusttysack
calibrated...
"I feel like my meter is calibrated differently, I feel like what is scary to some people doesn't phase me and I can't even think of really scary things. Except the time I worked with some mentally ill defendants and when visiting, he pulled a pen inkwell that he had sharpened out of his ass and threatened to harm himself in front of me."
"I was behind glass and safe, but having to talk him down was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. He probably couldn't have seriously injured himself, but the moment was very scary."
jonesie1988
Period GIF by ALLBLKRIP
"I had a client who’s employee got drunk, went home and beat his wife to death R.I.P. it was in the paper!"
Thewhitewhale22
Criminal
"Other than a few cases, I didn't mind my criminal clients. I felt bad for the majority of them. They weren't bad people, they were people who were horrible childhoods, didn't finish high school, some kind of addiction problem, etc. They literally did not have the knowledge or ability to make good decisions. And a couple of bad people thrown in there.But Family Law? No thank you."
unabashedlyabashed
Secrets
"I became a lawyer b/c of Brendan Sullivan at Williams & Connelly. I was fortunate enough to also be a law professor (evidence and the law of testamentary privilege). Sullivan once said in an interview that he wanted his epitaph to read 'here lie the secrets'. I want nothing less and if I were to tell secrets, it would rob me of my professional pride and dignity."
PraylikeTomAmes
Godspeed, Esquire...
"My former boss, a lawyer of more than 40 years, passed in 2015. I know some of the secrets with which he was burdened but I know there were much, much worse things he carried alone. When he got sick in 2013 and knew dementia would eventually come for him, he would often joke and say, 'Now, when I lose my mind, don’t think you’re going to get any secrets out of me.'"
"Although those of us around him didn’t feel so confident, he’d made up his mind. And he didn’t. He told us he was still married to his long-departed first wife. He had fabulous visits with his mother, who had passed on more than 30 years prior. He lived a lot in his college days."
"Not once, however, did he utter a single clients name. Not the most eccentric family law client nor the most dangerous criminal client. Not a single one was mentioned. I sense you to have made up your mind. I’m sorry for your diagnosis but know you’re obviously a hell of a lawyer. Godspeed, Esquire."
Shiftn4ward
Season 2 Lawyer GIF by MartinGiphyThe 22...
"Its a catch-22. The real answer is it depends. There are several possible ways to defend such a case. First is to make a strong case that it wasn't you. Second, is to impeach the prosecutions case, and undermine the certainty that it was you such that you get let off on reasonable doubt."
"Third, is some type of justification or mitigation defense: You did it, but it was legally justified, or you did it, but here is why you should get the lesser charge. Knowing the truth will help your lawyer formulate trial strategy, and better advise you during plea negotiation."
"However, when you admit doing it, it becomes hard/impossible to ethically present evidence exonerating you, that your attorney knows to be false. It is generally a bad idea to try to commit fraud on the court, your attorney cannot knowingly help you, but if your situation is desperate enough, it may actually be your best bet, but you can't ask your attorney about it!"
monty845
It's a good thing I'm not a lawyer. I'd be taking out AD space online with these stories.
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