JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!
Image by Sammy-Williams from Pixabay

You can't be serious? I have lost track of the amount of times I've said that to someone, and then nobody specific. The things that fall out of people's mouths can be shocking. Certain oratory moments make you regret having ears. Like how do some humans function? I wish more people would acquire restraint before they speak, or become a mute.

Redditor u/VandalM was hoping everyone would share all the things they wish they could un-hear by asking.... What is the outright dumbest thing you have heard someone say?

PUSH....

Season 5 What GIF by Friends Giphy

"Pregnancy doesn't have to hurt. It's a myth that it does."

Saxsquatch365

Stop the Babies! 

From a pregnant girl in high-school:

"Smoking doesn't affect my baby because it hasn't developed its lungs yet." This was about 17 years ago. For a catholic school in small community we had surprisingly progressive sex education classes that started in fifth grade. Sex-ed was then taught as a part of the more general health classes that started in middle school and continued through to the end of high school.

As that was the case for us, I don't know what the answer is to cure that kind of ignorance.

aardvark1231

many many many kids....

I work in bankruptcy. One day, a new potential client came in. He was in his mid 30s. He was a truck driver, and had been for about 15 years.

During this time, he'd fathered more than 10 children all over the United States, like he was setting up franchises, or something. However, he'd since settled down, gotten married, and he had two kids with his wife.

The only debt he had was unpaid child support, but it was in the amount of over $50K.

There was nothing we could do to help, as child support obligations can not be eliminated in a bankruptcy.

But at one point in the conversation, he actually said to me, "I can't afford all this child support, I've got a wife and kids!"

Yes sir, you do have a wife, and many, many, many kids. That is an accurate statement.

ArmyOfDog

No Crusts

Judge Judy Reaction GIF by Agent M Loves Gifs Giphy

When you toast white bread it gets healthier for you because it turns it brown like whole wheat bread.

Edit: same guy told me I should put my TV on a stand and off the floor because the heat from the TV will coagulate around the bottom and around the TV and mess it up. Yes he used coagulate.

sparkylocal3

Look out Below

One guy tried to prove to me that you can jump out of a falling plane when it is low above the ground and survive by doing a somersault.

RSF-guy

Someone once told me that as long as you land on your side you will survive. I think if I'm ever in a situation where I'm falling with no parachute with no chance of being saved, I'll do a somersault and land on my side. I'll let you all know how it goes.

rleash

Language Arts

"You know, if we had lost the Revolutionary War, we'd all be speaking English right now."

MozzellJames

I was once in a lift* in Vegas and the most yokel redneck I have ever seen asked my mate where we were from and then followed.it up with a classic...

"Oh ya'll from England, what language do you speak there?"

I had no follow up

  • You may know this as an 'elevator' but you are wrong. Engels33

Let's Pray

Catholics weren't Christians and didn't celebrate Easter.

Elbatcho

When my very Catholic dad came across anti semitism in a book he was reading to me and my little siblings, he would stop reading, point to our pictures of Mary and Jesus that we had, and remind us that all the first Christians were, in fact, Jewish.

wanttotalktopeople

Tuesday?

friday the 13th 80s GIF Giphy

What day is Friday the 13th? -My 24-year-old brother.

kaczmarek224

How Healthy

My flatmate saw me scraping the burnt bits off my last piece of toast. She gasped with horror and shrieked,

"OMG do you have any idea how carcinogenic that is?!"

I suggested she go finish her breakfast cigarette outside and then we'd have a conversation about carcinogens.

ArtisFarkus

Oh Daenerys

game of thrones deal with it GIF Giphy

Heard someone saying dragons were extinct. lol

immajustgooglethat

Sounds Like....

'Q... for cucumber'

CheeseIsExcellent

W for Why.
A for Are.
E for Eye or Ex.
C for Cue.

UpsetMarsupial

The "Eyes" Have It...

saturday the 14th bats GIF Giphy

Was working retail and tried to make a joke with a customer that I had "eyes like a bat".

He chuckled, I thought all was well until he looked up at me and said, "Bats don't have eyes."

Shook me to my core.

YEEyourlastHAW

When have YOU had to work?

"If someone can't find a job I don't see why they just don't go back to school, get a degree, and apply for better jobs."

Guy was 27, very sheltered from a wealthy family, and had no clue that you need income for the time you're in school.

Kick on top was he thought all colleges everywhere in the U.S (where he lived) were free. He thought they were like public libraries, just walk in, grab books and sign up for whatever classes you want.

03throwaway03

Location. Location. Location. 

My ex-gf once asked why the nazis went through the hassle of the Anschluß, because "Austria is a different country, and how did the Army even get here when they only invaded France later?"

Apparently she mixed up the location of France and Germany her whole life.

We're Austrian. We don't even have a French border.

JuFo2707

Freaky Treat

hocus pocus halloween GIF Giphy

Wouldn't it be funny if Halloween fell on Friday the 13th?

blackmilksociety

Go Away #2....

While sharing random facts to welcome a new coworker. This is a verbatim quote.

Coworker 1: I was born dead.

Coworker 2 (genuinely concerned): OMG! Did you survive?!

collective pause and staring

Coworker 2: ... that was the dumbest thing I've ever said.

KieselguhrKid13

Up in the Sky

From a grown, 30-something year old woman (I was 22 at the time)

That the moon and sun were the same celestial body. Just at night it's not as bright, because it's night time.

She started crying when I simply pointed up at the moon in the daytime sky, then to the sun in a different part of the sky.

I felt bad. I didn't mean to make her cry. But, Damn!

rhymes_with_chicken

"the dark body"

That Earth is hollow and we live inside. Sun and moon are small balls in the middle. Also there is "dark body", that would be the night. Reason why we can't see sun or moon all the time is, because light does to travel in a straight line, but in spiral and at night sun is hiding behind this black body.

MentalMeltdownDaily

Slow the Puff Bruh

Dog Dude GIF Giphy

10 years ago a friend of mine argued there are more babies on Earth than adults. His reasoning being babies are born every day, adults die every day.

SelfDerecatingTumor

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

REDDIT

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Image by Sammy-Williams from Pixabay

When a movie rakes in a ton of cash at the box office, the studio that made it has only one thing on its mind: "How do we keep shaking this money tree?"

Unfortunately, that means they make sequels, sometimes sequels on sequels on sequels.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Henryk Niestrój from Pixabay

Oftentimes I like to do my best Ghostface impression and aggressively ask people what their favorite scary movies are. Because I personally have a lot! At the same time, I'm also terrified that at any point, I could end up getting my head punched off by Jason Vorhees (Part 8 of the series--best one IMO).

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Sammy-Williams from Pixabay

I hate hypocrites. They are the bane of my existence. All you have to do is stand behind your words. How hard is that? You said them. I especially get peeved when people bloviate on a topic and condemn and holler but then when it comes to them doing it... silence.

Redditor u/ErrForceOnes wanted to know about the moments people chose to curiously "pay no mind" by asking... What is a GIANT hypocrisy that no one seems to mind?
Keep reading... Show less