Reddit user jnsxx asked:
"What was the creepiest confession made on Reddit?"
In less than 3 months over 2,500 comments were posted. Here's the best:
45. The Power of 3...
The lady lactating from her 3rd nipple in today's confession thread. packerken
44. Come Home! Be A Phoenix!
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I cut off all contact with everyone I know and moved to Kenya, I tell people a fake name and a fake background and have made it appear to my family that I died on boat trip in the Pacific. No I am not joking. I am dead in the United States. Tomgoldaccount
43. I See You!
I still have "imaginary friends." I'm almost 30.
I lost them for a while. I don't know why or how, but it they were gone. I couldn't see them or hear them any more, not the way I used to when I was younger. It made me was miserable. I kept hoping for a way to get them back.
Two weeks ago, I somehow managed to finally break through whatever the barrier was. I have spent the past two weeks hanging out with, and talking to, a character from a well-known TV show.
I can't really "see" him visually, but I can see him with my mind's eye. He goes almost everywhere with me. He's sitting on my bed right now, waiting for me to get off my computer. (I promised I would get off a little while ago, but I had to check reddit one last time.) He's been coming to work with me every day for the past two weeks. I share my food with him. (I kind of mentally duplicate it for him, since he can't touch it in reality.)
I love it. I'm happy again. I realize most people would say he isn't real, but something about him is. I don't care. He's real to me. 863 points· 6 years ago·
42. Lead with forgiveness....
That guy who travelled far away SOLELY to beat the crap of a guy who scammed him online, and turned him into a paranoid cripple. DAVasquez-
41. UTOPIA?
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The story of a guy who met this creepy guy who seemed inhuman named Jimmy C. Who claimed to have committed suicide by jumping off a bridge and that he was meant to kill him. He's gonna kill him the next time he sees him and he'll be driving a black Mercedes with the license plate UTOPIA. scaredog20
40. That Stinks....
There was this guy obsessed with girls pooping. He talked about some girl on campus he had a thing for so he'd frequently follow her into the bathroom so he could listen in the next stall while she pooped.
He also talked about how one of the greatest moments of his life was when he got to watch his sister poop, and then was privileged to be able to wipe her butt. He described it all in graphic detail.
It all ends on a sad note. I believe he was a combat veteran with PTSD. The last post of his I saw implied he was planning to take his own life. I don't remember his user name. BarneyMorphine
39. Meow Mix....
The one that still bothers my sleep is the guy who accidentally cooked his girlfriend's cat. I can't find the thread anymore, but I felt bad for the guy because I like animals and I could see something like what happened to him happening to me, so I always double check my oven before turning it on. I think he was engaged and she dumped him. MrDreamThief
38. A Dangerous Woman....
A post on /r/relationships about this guy with a crazy wife. Everyone ended up giving bad advice like "Just suck it up and divorce her you dummy!" which led to him doing it (despite not wanting to in fear of his children) and his ex-wife killing his children. NumbuhOne
37. Unlucky 7....
A cop accidentally killed seven people in a car using carbon monoxide poisoning... Not a day goes by without him thinking of those seven people. MarieLuminous
36. Just Say No!
The one guy who tried heroine and got addicted. He made a post before he tried it and a few more afterwards about his addiction and recovery. Here's the link to his first post. birthmom1220
35. Trespass!
I once helped out my a female friend's family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend's diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife. ThrownAway2389
34. Medium or Well?
Wasn't there a man that ate a corpse while his neighbor was watching? Pheeck
33. There Will Be Blood!
A bit of revenge towards someone that irreparably damaged a loved one I care deeply for. I deleted it because I felt fear for what I had said even though i was vague enough to leave out any information that could be used against me. I'm still afraid of that part of me, but I regret nothing. ZombehPlatypus
32. The Healing Waters....
Definitely the pee dungeon. Guy relieves himself in a urinal only to see an eyeball in the drain. Later he sees a guy covered in pee running out from the shop and they discover a small alcove made under the urinal large enough for a person to rest their head. Pinkfeatherboa
31. Paging Dateline....
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There was a guy who sold his house with an underground bunker attached to it or something like that. He proceeded to continue living in the bunker for an extended period of time, coming and going at night, unbeknownst to the new home owners. Details might be different, maybe someone can find it and link the comment. ECircus
30. I can't Listen!
Not a confession, but the creepiest thing/link/post I have ever seen on reddit was the link to the audio file of the Jonestown suicide thing where you can hear the kids crying because they don't want to take the cyanide pill. The parents are promising them it will be all right, but they are literally killing their kids on tape. not_a_russian_bot2
29. The Confessional...
There was a guy who got arrested after he used confession bear to admit to the murder of his sister's abusive boyfriend. He said he was a drug addict, so he gave him too much, and the cops ruled it an overdose. Until he made the post and got caught... dorkmax
28. The Poo Flinger!
I once took a poop In the bathtub and then realizing what a horrible mistake I'd made, I flung poo Into a hole In the wall.
My parents renovated and patched up the hole. So now there Is a ~15 year old turd in between the bathroom and kitchen wall of my childhood home.
Not even using a throwaway because I have no shame. ahemsoaptin
27. Pay Attention Parents....
I came very, very close to committing a school shooting
I was picked on A LOT in high school. I think it was because I tried so hard to be cool and everyone saw right through it. There were these 4 cowboy jock types that gave it to me the worst. After being publicly humiliated and beaten in front of a girl I liked (as she laughed/cheered), I decided that none of it was worth it anymore. I had no support at home being an only child and having parents that worked constantly, and cutting and burning myself didn't make me feel better anymore. So I got my dad's handgun out of the gun-safe (he uses the same combo for everything, the idiot) and brought it to school with me the next day.
I can't adequately describe to you guys how ready I was to kill these four. I had absolutely no fear or doubt in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone what happens when you push someone over the edge like they did. I had the gun tucked in my waistline. I was wearing this baggy pair of cargo shorts that i wore a couple times a week that day. I remember walking towards the cowboy's table, so damn ready for it to be over, when the gun fell out of my waistline, down my left short leg and made the loudest sound as it hit the cafeteria floor. I tried my best to grab the gun real quick, but people saw what it was and screamed, and one of the instructors tackled me to the ground.
They eventually concluded that I had brought the gun to school to impress people, and had no intention of using it. I was expelled and sent to live at a youth ranch in Idaho until I was 18. I did have the intention of using it though. I was going to kill all of them. I'm 24 now, and I still think about it all the time. I have not recovered from high school. I'm still terrified of people in general, and avoid having relationships because of what I fear I'm capable of.
I'm not looking for pity. I know that what I did was wrong, it just feels good to tell the story. Thanks Reddit. Reddit
26. Chastity is rough!
One of the weirdest was the dude that posted the three part saga about his wife who kept him in Chastity. Not for any kink or anything, but because she was scared he would cheat (she was out on business a lot). Of course she was cheating all along. They got divorced and he ended up with nothing but sounded so happy drinking his beer in his garden chair with pizza in his little flat. woodsoffeels
25. Married to Your Stalker
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A guy confessed that he stalked a lady for a year by hacking her love interest's computer, planted a load of proof that love interest had been stalking her and was into a load of weird and creepy stuff, revealed it to the lady, helped girl to get a protection order on love interest, used that as his own way in with the girl, and finally married her.
24. Wedding Bell Blues
Somebody said that he was supposed to cheat with his fiance's best friend the night before their wedding, but she died in a car accident on the way to the hotel.
23. The IT Guy
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...a guy that was hired as the second guy for what had been a one man IT team. He had a crush on a coworker and found out the main IT guy had a crush on her as well at the same time as finding out he was doing some illegal stuff with the payroll and financing software.
Guy reports the main guy who gets fired and he takes over the position as head IT, a position he uses to get access to HR files to essentially get inside info on the girl he fancies.
21. Tragic Accident
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The one where the guy confessed to burning his house down accidentally as a kid which claimed his family.
Still haunts me.
20. Recognizing an Unfaithful Husband
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Some guy casually talking about being unfaithful to his wife. Curious, I glanced at his comment history. And recognized him....
My old roommate's brother. I was new to Reddit back then (old account from years ago I've since deleted) and didn't know the rules against outing people. I commented "Wow, [the dude's name], is that you?!" He messaged me telling me to take his name out of my comment.
I responded by saying I just e-mailed a link to his account to his mother-in-law (I didn't really, I was just being a cheeky monkey.) He thought I was serious and called his wife to do some damage control... and inadvertently outed himself and later got a divorce.
Oh, and he went through my comment archive and found out who I was (never take selfies in uniform!)
His whole family absolutely hates me now.
19. Reckless Driving
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I remember one where the guy as a joke while driving with 4 friends reached over and jerked the steering wheel to mess with his buddy.
The car crashed claimed the other 3 people but left him alive. He never told anyone he caused it and has to live with it every day.
18. Revenge
My best friend dated my ex. I got revenge by sleeping with his mom.
[deleted]
17. Accident or Negligence?
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The apartment manager who confessed:
I put a rag into a new water heater exhaust to keep debris out and installed it in a rental. I get a call a week later, there's been an accident. I show up and there's a ton of EMS and police. They ask me where the gas shutoff is, and I go down to shut the gas off and see the end of the rag I forgot sticking out of the top of the heater.
Ripped the rag out, shut the gas off and head upstairs only to be told all the tenants had passed.
I drink all day now and sleep. It's killing me from the inside every single day, but if I say anything my family is ruined. We have a bunch of rental properties and we'd be shut down.
16. Stranger Danger
A guy who confessed that he would go into people's houses if they left their door unlocked. He would check doors, if they weren't locked he'd let himself in and just sort of wander around their house looking at their stuff and sometimes helping himself to their food.
[deleted user]
15. Your Eyes
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It's crazy how a picture can affect you. You're simply scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and- BOOM. There they are. Looking right back at you.
You. Can't. Move.
You lock eyes with this person like you have a thousand times before, only they can't see you this time. No, this time you take the opportunity to drink them in like you regret not doing before. You're overwhelmed by this wave of nostalgia mixed with something else... Pain? Love? Resentment? You don't know. But you stare into those eyes like you did all those times before, and it's like you're in each of those individual moments all over again.
You remember melting into those eyes when they first captured you. You remember dreaming of those eyes when he first told you he loved you. You remember gleaming into those eyes when he proposed. You remember surrendering into those eyes when he promised himself to you in that church. You remember searching for answers in those eyes for the very last time... when he left.
It's crazy because there was a point in time when you knew everything about this person. It's nearly impossible to think that you were once the most important person in their life, as they were in yours. It continues to blow my mind how I used to know every Thing about him... And now the only thing I know about those eyes is that they're staring at her everyday- the second set of eyes looking back at me in that picture.
Two months after my divorce, and my ex-husband is engaged.
So I keep scrolling, and that's that.
14. Reality Check
Everything that I do, everything that I say, everything that I see, I stress that what I think I'm experiencing isn't what other people are experiencing.
I could be doing the most normal thing like walking my dog, and then a thought in my head pops up "what if you're actually not walking your dog, instead you're just dragging a leash around looking like a maniac", a thought that makes me reach down to pet my dog to make sure he's real, then afterwards, scold myself for thinking otherwise.
But then it comes back, what if I was just dragging a dog leash around looking crazy?
I don't know, there's a strong feeling in my chest that I'm not really doing the thing that I think I'm doing, instead, I'm doing something else entirely that is making others really uncomfortable.
I'm so scared man.
[username deleted]
13. Looking For Answers
You were in my dream last night. It's the only place we see each other now. I haven't seen or talked to you in over a year.
I asked you why you broke up with me and you said I was too depressed for you. And now I'm awake and upset that I'll never see you again. I wish that I could just forget you.
[username deleted]
12. Loosing Control
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I'm not writing this for any reason other than that I have to need to make sure others know how badly I messed up. Most people have bad things happen to them from chance or minor mistakes, but I ruined not just my life, but so many others in an awful way and can't keep silent anymore.
I left for college several years ago. I had the chance for a full ride scholarship, but for reasons I still can't remember, I threw it away and decided to take out a loan (with my parents as cosigners!) for the same amount to go to a prestigious university many hours away from home instead. College life started off well, but I did not pay attention to my mental health and wound up cracking under the stress. I returned home, but rather than taking time to recover, I decided to go straight back to college into a similar program that I hated, albeit closer to home and with several friends.
It was an environment that was on par with any frat house, but I had to live in it. Once again I would wind up failing out of school due to my inability to stay on top of things or manage my well-being. I was pretty much the stereotypical successful high school student who failed out of college due to wanting to party and poor study habits. I didn't stay in touch with my parents, most of my friends, or even myself. The story doesn't end there though.
When the lease expired, I had the chance to go back home, but I could not face my family. Massively in student debt, and with a low paying job, I decided to continue rooming with these people that I had considered my friends. And they were my friends, it was my fault that my life had deteriorated to this point. But now, out of school for a year, and with a job that does not even cover my monthly expenses, I slowly sunk into debt, hiding myself away from the world until it was too late.
No matter how much trouble I caused, or how much ruin I bring on myself, my friends and family still showed me love and support, and I can't bear to see them in this condition. Now, bills are finally catching up, my friends are realizing how I have skimmed the house's finances to make rent, and my college loans are crippling my family. I could have had some sort of decent life, but instead I chose chaos and ruin and spread it to everyone I know. I have lived for several years with nothing but hatred for myself, and have had every chance to turn it around, but I only tightened the noose around my neck.
I'm not sure how much longer people will remain in my life when the full details of what I've done come to light.
11. Step Away
I'm very attracted to my partner's stepdad. I would like to say I very much love my partner. He is my first real relationship with a man, I even moved across the country to be with him. Before all this happened we were in a long distance relationship where I would occasionally visit and he would do the same. He met my family we all got along great. When it was time for me to meet his mom and step dad we decided to go to dinner.
The time came and as soon as we walked in the door this very good looking man caught my eyes and attention. As we kept walking we were getting closer and closer to his table and then it him me, that was his family, his mom was sitting in the same table I just hadn't notice anyone because I was so distracted by this man that had just pulled all my attention towards him.
Fast forward after me moving my sexual attraction only got stronger and I actively started to try and flirt with him discreetly. He would send me mixed signals and even between the both of us there was always this attraction where I would catch him watching me from across the room during family functions.
My head tells me to not touch this situation with a ten foot pole and let it be and not ruin my relationship or his.
10. For The Children
I married a guy. He admires other girls and he's embarrassed by me... so I cheated on him. And we're pretty much only together for our son...
9. Crushed
Almost 20 months ago, a practical stranger left a note on my car confessing his crush on me. I told him I had no feelings for him. We became friends after he confessed a secret to me, and for the next month everything seemed fine.
Then he told me that he still had feelings for me. I told him, again, that I had none for him.
He ended up betraying me. Big time.
That was when I knew that if I played this correctly, I would be on top of a very good opportunity.
So I forgave him. And I began playing him. I teased his feelings out. I was subtly flirty, friendly, and caring. Six months after he had first confessed his feelings for me, I told him I would be willing to attempt to have a relationship after he wrote me a letter once again confessing his feelings (but I told him this under the guise that I had mixed feelings towards him, and I was still working it out).
Then we went back to college, and I met someone and fell in love. For the most part. My relationship was honestly a sinking ship. But I persisted with it. Out of stubbornness and out of spite.
During the entire eight month relationship, I continued to spend time with my now best friend. We did everything together. We were in the same clubs, classes, major, minor, etc. We even ended up living together when I moved in with my boyfriend (who conveniently lived with my best friend).
We got closer and closer. He started taking me on 'dates' because my boyfriend would not. He started rubbing my shoulders, buying me presents, showering me in gifts. When he was losing faith in my loyalty to him and my promises that I was to be his future husband and that this was just a step in my 'training' on how to be the best husband on the planet, I moved my pawns so he wouldn't topple his king. Ever time he wavered, I was there.
He kept a diary, mostly related to us (we had a stupid celebrity name). I stole the password from him and read it every night to make sure my next move wouldn't upset him too much, but just enough so that it would hurt.
Finally, my boyfriend broke up with me. I was heartbroken despite the issues (I still loved the guy...).
We fought less and less in the months that followed. He began trusting me blindy, and finally he asked if we wanted to start a relationship.
I told him I had to figure out how to love him. That I was working every day to figure out how to love him. That I was dedicating my SOUL to trying to love him.
He said he would wait for me forever. That he was in love with me. That he has been in love with me since the first day we met and he knows that we were destined to be together. That he would try to become perfect for me. That he would only think of me when he had fantasies, that he would never touch another guy until I was ready to seal the deal.
I'm planning on using him for the next two years to continue to get free stuff and food and attention. Then I'm going to tell him that he has been worthless to me this whole time, and that this is all because he devastated my trust four years ago in a parking lot at my high school.
8. WOW
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On the day of our 10 year wedding anniversary I found that my wife had been talking to a guy online, trading pics, talking about possibly leaving me for about a month and a half. I sort of knew the guy through the Guild my wife and I were in (world of warcraft). The night before when I got home from work she was telling me some jokes he had told her and I found it strange that she found them as funny as she did. I felt like it wasn't something she would normally laugh at. So while we were on the couch watching TV, I logged into her discord account and the first thing I saw was "I'd send you butt pics but I'm being supervised".
I immediately excused myself and went to bed, I didn't know what to think so I just shut down. Upon waking up in the morning I googled a script that would download their chat history from discord and I read it all. My heart broke when I read "I'm so angry at (husband) when he's not with me, but I'm fine when he's here". My heart shattered the first time I saw her say "I love you" in the chat logs. It shattered again when I saw "I thought banging (husband) a bunch would cure my horniness but it hasn't). I haven't cried in...
I can't even remember the last time I cried but I cried 3 times while reading the logs. It was a sick train ride of deep sadness, despair, and anger seeing the progression of this happening. Getting further into the logs I see them arguing, resolving said arguments and then arguing again. At one point she exclaims to him she doesn't know why she's doing this and that she really loves me but he's like her kryptonite and she can't help it. I can see both of them pushing each other away, yet still trading pics (presumably through Snapchat although I can't prove it) every so often. It seemed like any relationship had run it's course and they were just mechanically (or habitually?) doing this.
I confronted her. Said "happy anniversary.... Do we have another year?" Told her I found the logs and read them. She explained how it happened, that we did have another year, she didn't know how to end it once she realized what she was doing, that she didn't REALLY cheat on me (eyeroll), that she would immediately block him on everything.... I was pretty catatonic for almost a week. It's about 6 weeks later now. We seem to be doing fine now I think.
The trust is still broken though, and I still find myself wanting to log into all her accounts to check on things if she leaves her phone out or computer on. I am doing mostly ok at this point, though sometimes I'll hear or see something that reminds me of everything (like when I saw this post title) and I'll have... an attack of depression...? I guess. Hard to explain. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I still love her and I don't want my family and friends to hate her.
Now, I feel like I should note why she was angry with me since I mentioned it but didn't really explain. She was angry because she felt like I wasn't doing anything/enough around the house. She talked to me about that (while she was already talking to him). Now, I felt like I was doing plenty and she just wasn't recognizing it. However, I still took her complaint seriously. So I started writing down EVERYTHING I did around the house in a sort of daily journal: from picking up trash, cleaning up cat puke, taking care of the 'lil one, to picking up her old coffee mugs and used Splenda packets.
I'm still doing this, because I realized while I was doing things around the house before I started the documentation it was hard to say how much I was actually doing because most of it seems inconsequential by itself and I would forget what I had done making it hard to say I wasn't just being lazy. when tracking it though it's much easier to remember (without looking at the journal) and it all added together is actually alot that I do. Plus, it's just satisfying to see the pages fill up from margin to margin with all of that stuff.
[deleted]
7. Bottled Up
Over a two month period earlier this year, I unexpectedly dropped about 30 lbs of weight from 220 lbs to 190. I was urged by friends and family to seek medical help, so I did. I was diagnosed with gastritis. After failure to successfully treat it, they realised there was a misdiagnosis. I've been misdiagnosed since then with crowns disease, diverticulitis, and ulcerative colitis over a few months. Last thursday, I received the diagnosis of stage four gastric cancer.
Finally, one of the doctor's I've been seeing decided to do an endoscopy, where they run a tube with a camera down into your organs to get a better look. They found a tumorous growth inside of my stomach. It proves to be malignant. Theyve found that it has spread to nearby lymphnodes and I have an appointment tomorrow for them to check other organs they now believe may have also been affected. I do not know how to tell my family about this.
My symptoms have been persistent nausea, blood in vomit and stool, disinterest in food and even when hungry I feel full after a couple bites, I've continued to lose weight and am now down to about 175 (I haven't weighed 175 since middle school.) I'm constantly fatigued, which sucks working 60hrs a week doing physical work. Fairly constant discomfort in my abdomen as well. I've been diligent in hiding all of this from my wife, kids, parents, siblings, coworkers, and friends. I never told them much after the diagnosis of Crohn's disease and diverticulitis.
I do not want anyone to treat me differently or try to do things for me that I can still do. I just want to stay useful for as long as I can. I don't want to burden anyone with such news, and I'd like to keep my dignity for the time being.
This is my secret, and I will keep it from everyone but you, Reddit. As nobody in my personal life uses this site, I can rest assured you will keep it too. It does feel much better to get that off my chest, I appreciate those who took the time to read it.
[deleted]
6. Silent But Deadly
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I fart in my coworkers small office all the time.
We're friends and all, so it's nothing malicious.
I know when he leaves and usually how long he's going to be gone so I'll hold my farts and when he leaves I'll walk into his office and air out.
It's honestly hilarious. He will sometimes comment about it. He thinks that it's because he shares a vent with the bathroom 2 doors down the hall (He doesn't) but the office between his and the bathroom never stinks so there goes his theory.
Sometimes I'll go let one off then like 10 minutes later get an IM like "Dude, this office man. It fucking reeks in here. I don't think they've changed the carpets in years. This is nuts"
Meanwhile I'm holding my sides in laughter.
5. Lars In Real World
I own a 5 foot tall love doll while living with 2 grandmas & my mom. It was interesting ordering the doll and getting this big box weighing 80 pounds into the house with no one noticing. (I sat outside waiting for UPS to arrive just so no door bell was rung.) Had to go through the front door- through the hallway then into my room.
Somehow I did it with no one seeing. After owning her for about a week it's a real trouble trying to keep her clean with people around - so strategizing clean up times in the bathroom sure is a chore. One time I had her in the bathtub to clean up and just took a shower so no one would question, then I open the bathroom door to see my grandma waiting to use it.
I just had to pray she didn't open the shower curtains while doing her business- in which she didn't. So a few months go by, some family needs to move in. I would now share my room with my brother and his girlfriend temporarily. I hide the doll in a big enough box, inside my closest. No one knows I have this life sized doll- and I would rather keep it that way.
4. Mamma Mia
I had a baby when I was 15 and he was adopted. Closed adoption. Most painful thing I've ever gone through.
He turns 18 in a few months and if he so chooses, he can find me. I'm married & have kids now, and my kids have no idea he exists. I really, really want to meet him, but I'm terrified he's got mental disorders like his biological father (who is now in prison for murder.)
3. Brain Drain
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I have two:
1. That I have night terrors that I can't even explain. Usually dealing with bizarro scenes you'd see out of an American Horror Story episode. Usually about friends, family, acquaintances, old friends I haven't seen in years. Literally anyone to the point of waking up crying and being scared to sleep.
2. That I think I am actually developing Alzheimer's at age 23. I have a hard time remembering anything nowadays. I couldn't even tell you what I did yesterday. It's as distant as being 5 years-old in my mind.
I don't tell anyone because I don't like the feeling of people thinking there is something wrong with me. I already struggle with the idea that I actually have autism and everyone just interacts with me to be nice.
2. Warped Reality
I think that I am beginning to hallucinate every once in a while. Its mostly little things that are there, and then they aren't.
1. Meeting Your Maker
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I'm deeply afraid of death. I'll remember that I will die some day, and have a panic attack. It's been happening on and off since I was a child, and the first ones were around xmas, so I now hate it. No one but my close friends know, and it sucks because everyone I talk to a therapist about it, they write it off as something else, like being afraid of growing up (dude no, I just told you, it's death). Now that I'm single, I'm finding these panics harder to manage. I don't know what to do.
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
