Dating is tough enough on its own but it becomes more complicated when you reach that breaking point. When you finally decide enough is enough: It's time to hold potential romantic partners to a self-created set of standards.
This can feel awkward, since you're turning away people who haven't yet done anything to you, but what they haven't done. It's important to have standards, to have expectations possible partners need to hit because if they don't, you'll spend the rest of your dating life settling. And who wants that?
Reddit user, u/Zoni6, wanted to hear what you have in mind for a potential partner when they asked:
Talk To Metalking homer simpson GIF Giphy
When I met my current bf we had both just gotten out of horrible relationships and we both agreed that communication was key because our past partners kept secrets and lied to us. We both wanted to make sure that we could be open and honest with each other at all times and that we would tell each other if something was wrong.
It's worked well so far. 11 years and counting. Still high level of communication and still very very happy with each other.
I just want to be with someone who I can truly be myself around. I believe I have a lot to offer to a relationship but for me opening up and being completely myself is the hard part. So if I had to pick a requirement I would probably want her to have supportive qualities.
They're Comfy And Easy To Wear!
They're gonna have to learn to appreciate (or at least tolerate) my hardcore dedication to wearing shorts as often as is reasonably possible.
"Reasonable" being "So long as it doesn't pose a safety risk, like say when welding or handling radioactive materials"
Interesting Take On Ex's
Just that they are funny, interesting, and that they don't say all of their ex's are crazy. Like they have to be the problem if they aren't on decent terms with one or two of them. I'm a girl if that's relevant.
Finding That Perfect Balance
I require them to not constantly shove their political or religious beliefs in my face. If they do they're not for me.
For me it is important that someone has more or less the same values, and part of this is communicated trough political opinions. If someone doesn't like politics and doesn't want to talk about it all the time I completely get it, but I would be curious to know where they stand.
Understand Their Feelings
Don't be misogynistic.
Treat women like people with feelings and not just little pretty things to make love with
Love 'Em Or Leave Me
For me, they have to like cats in particular. I'm not getting rid of mine when we move in together.
Can We Talk For Longer Than 2 Minutes?
Being able to hold an intelligent conversation is a must for me.
Not. The. Same.glow homer simpson GIF Giphy
I lose all interest in someone as soon as they try to tell me that astrology is just as legitimate and real as science
Oh Yeah. Dedication.
Show interest, show love and support, and MOST IMPORTANTLY - don't cheat.
My ex cheated on me, and it still mentally f-cks me up a bit.
Think It Through
She has to be able to both think and act independently and logically.
I can say living with siblings who cannot do either of those has caused far too many avoidable problems.
Two Words: Shared Interest
They must enjoy flying. I have my pilot's license and I love taking people up in small airplanes and just sharing the experience of flight. So it's very important to me that anyone I date would be fine with me just saying "hey let's go flying today." and actually enjoy coming along.
Don't Make Me Play Games
Be open about their feelings, sry but I'm ain't gonna guess everything, your mood, where you want to go to eat, or what I did wrong
We Don't Always Have To Be Doing Something
The constant need to be out doing something is what drove me further and further away from my ex. They ALWAYS had to be doing something with friends. There was no such thing as a night in watching a movie. It got old real fast. While that life works for some people, I really appreciate quiet nights in.
It Seems Obvious, But Some People Won't Accept This For Themselves
If they're not interested, then I'm out.
it sounds obvious but too many women just look at their phone all night expecting me to buy them a meal
Time Is Important
Be on time.
Date was 90 minutes late for a first date. There was no 2nd date
90 minutes?! Holy sh!t man I'm surprised you didn't go home, or started eating alone.. depending. The situation that'd be a bigass no for me lol, I'd just blow off the first date.
We were meeting at one of those town fair things, so at least I was able to walk around and stuff. After an hour of waiting for her, she said she was still 30 minutes out. Thats when I left and said forget it haha
In This Year, EspeciallyHomer Simpson Hug GIF by Animation Domination Giphy
The amount of people walking around without feeling empathy for their fellow man is staggering.
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The problem with history is we never get to see how any of it turns out until long after the fact. Who was right? Who was wrong? Was 2020 the worst year of the current century? We'll never live long enough to know the answers to these questions (except that last one, because, come on, this past year was horrendous) but the following entries have people already breaking down some well-known historical lies.
Probably Should Drop This Stereotype Soon<p>That France surrenders at everything. France has the highest count of victories tho.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj06pto?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">sly_vixen</a></p><p>Hell, just under Napoleon alone, the rest of Europe had to ban together to fight France off 5 times, and they were close affairs at that.</p><p>For most of its history, France was pretty darn good at winning.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj0r02s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">badcgi</a></p>
He Was My Idol...<p>Salieri and Mozart actually got along quite well. If they did have a rivalry, it was merely professional.</p><p>Salieri didn't promise his chastity to god, or if he did he didn't follow through because he got married and had kids.</p><p>Salieri didn't have to manipulate the emperor to earn favour with him. He was a well respected composer, and one of the richest men in the country at the time.</p><p>Amadeus is a great film, but it's a good thing that it doesn't start with "based on a true story". At least it's honest... I'm looking at you Braveheart!</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj12145?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">epsonabcdefg</a></p>
This One Comes Up Quite A Bit<p>That Napoleon was short, he was of average height by those times. </p><p>French just used the different scale of measurement.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj0egvj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Tallandstrong170</a></p>
Selling Your Own BS<p>Hitler didn't become a monster because he was kicked out of art school.</p><p>He was a neckbeard bouncing around Vienna filling his head with all sorts of bullsh-t "philosophy" and well on his way to becoming a monster when someone suggested that he look into an art and architecture program at some school. He made a half-a--ed application which was denied and he continued to sell little paintings to get by while he read all his crazy books. He trumped up the kicked out of art school story in Mein Kampf.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj0azt0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Thirty_Helens_Agree</a></p>
A Classic Naming Mixaround<p>That Iceland was named Iceland by the vikings to try to try to trick colonists into not colonizing when in fact the reason is that when the first people landed on iceland it was winter and the viking that named it saw a lot of ice and promptly named it as such</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj0ge82?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">PickyIcky1234</a></p><p>Are you sure you aren't confusing this? The story I have heard is that Greenland was named that way to trick colonists into sailing there and wasting time and resources.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj0ho20?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Kitlun</a></p>
The Transition Of Ages Is Not So Cut And Dry<p>That the Roman Empire fell in 476 AD and then it was the dark ages.</p><p>In reality, a peasant living through 476 probably wouldn't have realized they were living through the end of one age and the start of another. The beginnings of feudalism had already started back during Diocletian's reign, barbarians warbands and barbarian roman troops had been a fact of life for generations. The barbarian king who deposed Augustulus still considered himself a rightful representative of the Empire, etc. In some ways, the fall of Rome was sudden and traumatic (the population of Rome itself absolutely cratered in the 400's, after all), but it was really more of a gradual, centuries long transition than a fall.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj0bta9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">bigblindmax</a></p>
Simple Solution To Simple Problems. All You Have To Do Is Look.<p>"NASA spent millions on developing a pen for space. The Russians used a pencil." [suggesting NASA isn't very intelligent]</p><p>They were perfectly correct to make a pen for space. A pencil would have released loads of tiny graphite particles during use, which would float around and interfere with electronics.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kvsurz/what_are_some_historical_lies_that_people/gj17jtl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">wombey12</a></p>
Maybe Not The "Hottie" In The Way Modern Society Would View<p>That Cleopatra was some sort of otherworldly beauty who mesmerized every man she met. Ancient historians were more impressed/scandalized by her intelligence and ability to manipulate as easily as she breathed, and it wasn't until centuries later than she began to develop this reputation as a sexy seductress. <br></p>
Sounds Like The "Nikola Tesla" Of Ancient Libraries<p>Almost anything involving the Library of Alexandria.</p><p>No, the Library of Alexandria was not the sole repository of knowledge in the ancient world. There were many other great libraries such as the one in Pergamum as well as many, many other collections.</p><p>No, we did not lose countless important works that could only be found there. The Library worked on copying works, and any important writings could easily be found in other libraries around the world.</p>
I have always had a fascination with cults. As you can imagine, I've read a fair amount of books on the subject. Helter Skelter, which tells the story about the Manson murders and was written by the lead prosecutor on the case, is highly recommended. Raven, a deep dive into The People's Temple and the notorious Jim Jones, is another stellar read. Films on the subject, including the recent The Endless, are well worth the watch.
But what makes people join these cults and what would get them to leave?
After Redditor theotherweatherguy asked the online community, "Former cult members, what made you realize you were in a cult and that you had to get out?" people shared their stories.
"My mother realized..."<p>My mother realized there was something wrong when our head minister publicly called her a wh*re, because she was one of the few women who WOULDN'T cheat on her husband with him "in the name of Jesus." She left, taking us (the kids). My father, the husband she refused to cheat on, stayed in the cult for a couple more years.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyivtx/former_cult_members_what_made_you_realize_you/gjid2hf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ufonyx</a></p>
"After this got to be too much..."<p>I was born and raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Got married to another witness when I was 19. Around age 23, I started questioning the intense level of control they have over our smallest choices: What we wear, look like, what we watch or listen to, who we spend time with, etc.</p><p>Things really started falling apart when my cognitive dissonance was reckoning with the fact that I've worked with several hundred non-witnesses, and they were every bit as intelligent, compassionate, and loving as the best witnesses I knew, yet the Organization taught me that non-witnesses were selfish, horrible people, and they were all going to die at Armageddon (which has been constantly and urgently imminent for the last 150 years), I'll drop a link to some of their quotes regarding this in case you're curious.</p>
"I felt insulted..."<p>They told me I devoted too much of my time studying instead of praying/proselytize/going to gatherings/so-called 'family time.' I even explained that I study because I want to one day contribute to the alleviation of poverty in my country. They confronted me one day. They said that studying is more important to me than God, that it would be better to save myself a seat in heaven, and that all I could do is pray for God to provide for the poor. </p><p>I felt insulted because they were Americans and it seemed like their privileged life blinds them from how humiliating it is to not be able to eat. I personally know how many generations that have passed that have prayed for poverty in our country to end. After that exchange, I was so shaken with disgust from what I just heard. It was then that I decided I should get out. I'm a spineless coward, so I composed a letter detailing my leave and handed it to them rather than confront them directly.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyivtx/former_cult_members_what_made_you_realize_you/gjhteya?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kablaaw</a></p>
"When they told me..."<p>When they told me I couldn't leave and if I did defy them and leave, I would be excommunicated.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyivtx/former_cult_members_what_made_you_realize_you/gjgjp7f?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">_chaos_control</a></p>
"By the time they let us go home..."<p>In the early 2000's I went to the Church of Scientology as a 20-year-old. My dad was an Evangelical pastor and I was really turned off of Christianity (still am, even more now). I had heard that Scientology was kind of crazy but hadn't heard anything about what we now know their beliefs to be. When I first went, I really liked the idea behind how they viewed it as "tech" and not really religion. They start you off slow and you don't necessarily get into doing auditing right away (unless you have a bunch of money). I also ended up working there to pay for my classes since I was a poor college student. I actually really liked the people there and had a good time for the most part.</p><p>After a couple of months of spending a few days a week there, going to classes and working, I got past the intro classes. That's when the crazy started to show itself. I remember having discussions around how basically, you have to follow what Hubbard said to the letter. Well I'm a bit of a free thinker and that didn't sit well with me, but they would just respond with "Well that's how his 'tech' works!".</p><p>A week or so after our discussions around following things to the letter, they had a big event. I don't really remember what it was for, but it ended with trying to sign people up to go on a Scientology "cruise." If you couldn't afford it, you'd have to join the Sea Org and work your way through. Being as it was a pretty expensive cruise (more than normal since you were paying for the classes too), they were having a hard time getting people to sign up. They had a quota they had to hit for the meeting and wouldn't let us leave until they met their quota. So they'd hound people in the audience (maybe around 40 of us) until someone would finally relent and sign up. Then they'd do it to someone else.</p>
"They control everything..."<p>A friend from the same church explained it to me when I was young. They control everything from our money, marriage, thoughts, actions. But growing up in such a church makes it feel normal, you know? I couldn't question it.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyivtx/former_cult_members_what_made_you_realize_you/gjgnedd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">eggstoasty</a></p>
"When I realized..."<p>When I realized that forcing everyone to legally change their last name, not leave the building, not take pictures and not say certain words was not normal, dude. Also the mandatory viewing and the evening classes for those inexperienced in the cult's niche (paranormal).</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyivtx/former_cult_members_what_made_you_realize_you/gjh8qgp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">MR_System_</a></p>
"I left when my partner..."<p>I was in an offshoot of AA for drug addicts called DAA. They treated the AA big book as gospel and they encouraged absolute control from your sponsor (mentor). You had to tell them every grisly detail about your life. They refused to allow people to take mental health medicine.</p><p>The group took up all of my time and spent hours trying to go to NA meetings to recruit people. They saw Bill Wilson as almost godlike. At the top of the organisation in London was a figure who subtly placed himself as the cult leader, and took advantage of young newcomers.</p>
Liars are not the kind of company we seek to keep.
But bad liars can be entertaining enough to have around long enough to expose them.
The Smashed Omega<p>"My first watch was an omega and I saved up on high school to get it. One of my good friends back then asked to wear it for 1 period and would give it back at lunch. He begged and begged so as a hs kid I gave in or couldn't keep saying no I guess, weak on me, obviously.</p><p> Well, He smashed it (apparently smashed the glass to test it) gave it back and said it was a fake and that's why the glass cracked and said he didn't do it and it just fell apart. A**hole became a medical doctor and is now involved in politics and holds state office. I'm still pissed about the watch he never admitted he broke cuz he was salty and jealous."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kwga4b/what_is_the_most_obvious_lie_you_have_ever_been/gj4x187?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">sunset117</a><br></p>
Same Backstory<p>"When a co-worker told my own story back to me as his own. Twice."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/lurkity_mclurkington/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">lurkity_mclurkington</a></p><p>"I had a friend do this once, he was hanging out with a large group of my friends that he hardly knew and my best friend (still my best friend too) just went 'wow it's so crazy you had ver-betim the exact same childhood story that Jason has told us all before, right down to the small town in Kansas where it happened' and the color drained straight out of his face. Didn't say a word to me for like 3 days. Dude turned out to be a pathological liar on many levels, very strange to think how I spent 4 years of high school with someone lying straight to my face constantly and didn't realize it until that moment."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kwga4b/what_is_the_most_obvious_lie_you_have_ever_been/gj6dejt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Modusobit</a><br></p>
Je Ne Comprends Pas Français<p>"I speak French, though I'm losing it from lack of use. But one of my college guy friends started dating a girl 'from France.' He was all excited because she could talk to me in her native language and I could help translate. So he brought her to a party at my sorority house and introduced us."</p><p>"I greeted her in French with a very simple, 'bonjour, bienvenue, comment ça va' which is just hi, welcome, how are you."</p><p>"Blank stare and red face in response. She then said, in what I thought was a kind of strange accent, that she's sorry, she didn't understand me. I looked at the guy and said 'I thought you told me she was French?' Because maybe she was a different nationality and he was confused."</p>
Solo Artist<p>"When I was a kid, the internet wasn't a thing so, my friends were whoever happened to live in the neighborhood. One kid was a well-known liar and exaggerator. We were maybe 14 years old at this time."</p><p>"This kid could play guitar and was always talking himself up about it and talking about 'his band.' He actually could play, but 'his band' did not exist."</p>
Going Nowhere Fast<p>"My friend told me that getting a Peloton changed her life. I looked up her workout stats & she had used it 4 times in 5 months of owning it. Her husband fared a little better with using it 9 times."</p><p>"Don't know why this annoyed me so much."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kwga4b/what_is_the_most_obvious_lie_you_have_ever_been/gj4lf71?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">natasha_c</a><br></p>
Shopping For Sympathy<p>"My little girl told everyone in the supermarket that our cat died and she was sad. We don't own a cat."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kwga4b/what_is_the_most_obvious_lie_you_have_ever_been/gj4ib29?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">VixenRoss</a><br></p>
Please Don't Quit<p>"We cannot give you a raise right now, but we will compensate you as soon as the budget allows".</p><p>"Turns out 'when the budget allows' is 'when you already have another job offer and put in your two weeks notice.'"</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kwga4b/what_is_the_most_obvious_lie_you_have_ever_been/gj4hm8s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Daikataro</a><br></p>
Does Not Compute<p>"As a tax accountant, I'm told lies about how much money people actually made all the time during tax season."</p><p>"My favorite was a guy telling me he's broke because he only makes $35,000/year in NYC so my (very reasonable) fee is too much for him. He says this after he asks me if he can deduct the new BMW 5 series he just bought his son all cash."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kwga4b/what_is_the_most_obvious_lie_you_have_ever_been/gj49zvc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">reusethisname</a><br></p>
You've probably heard that we live in the golden age of television. That's awesome.