People Admit How They'd Destroy The World If They Got The Chance To
Whether you're religious or not, or watched the CW's "Supernatural", you've likely heard of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Described in the last book of the New Testament of the Christian Bible, the Book of Revelation, they are the result of the breaking of four of the seven seals to bring about the end of the world. But what if they couldn't get the job done alone?
Reddit user OldWiseBlackMan asked "You are now -the lesser known- Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. How do you intend to bring the end of the world?"
Here are the creative, or is it destructive, responses.
Error 3
I am the Horseman of webpages that seem to never load, and right when you click out of it, you see a flash of the loaded page, but by then it's too late. You've already exited. It'll drive people into madness.
Feeling It
I will become The Horseman of Empathy. As the other four horseman physically hurt man kind, I would force the people that survive to feel everything their victims felt. People justify their evil act with things like I had to or it was the only way. This way deep down they will beg for the end, no exceptions.
Whatever
I am Ennui.
I wait.
Because I really can't be bothered.
Someday Soon
I'm procrastination and I will ride... tomorrow! Maybe...
503 Error
I am the Horseman of Network Unavailable! All your Internet are belong to me...
Same Old, Same Old
I shall be the Horseman of Stagnation
I'd reap the desires and motivations of the masses, making them lazy and lose their goals, while leaders choose the always safe and easy option and slowly everything degrades until, by the time anyone has noticed, the foundations of society crumble under their own self defeating habits.
Scared to Death
I am the Horseman of Fear.
Man will fear his fellow man and humanity will fall apart when no one can trust anyone. Humanity will destroy itself out of needless fear, and my four brothers will follow and plunder.
Waiting...
Horseman of Dial-up internet speeds.
Living on a Dirt Road Pays Off
Fire Ants.
Literally just turning concrete into fire ants.
Pins & Needles
Make everyone on Earth's feet fall asleep at the same time.
John Wayne TP
Single-ply toilet paper in all first-world states.
Knowledge is Power
My colleagues opine that starvation, disease, conflict, vice or mortality will bring an end to your wretched race. No.
I shall be your end, mortals. Only I can cause all these things without reason or rhyme.
I am Willful Ignorance, though you know me by many names. Superstition. Religion. Worship. Animism. I will cause you to destroy each other, over your silly fairy tales and you will become only a laughable example of how not to conduct yourselves as a species for every star faring race that happens by the smoking husk of your gravestone planet.
See you soon...
Opiate of the Masses
I would be the addiction horse, a whole bunch of people would chase me to their deaths without ever catching me.
Give a Toot
Just crop-dusting everywhere I go.
Pestilence, War, Famine, Death... and Flatulence.
King of Beers
As the angel broke the fifth seal, he said "Come". I looked and behold, a rider on a Clydesdale and he who sat upon it carried a rusty chalice. He is tasked to destroy the pleasure of the world, replacing all the worlds brews with his products. He bears the name of Budweiser. Man, woman, and child alike wept with the anguish of his coming.
No Right on Red
I will force cars to only be able to turn left.
NASCAR: sport of the Apocalypse.
Irritating
I'm the horseman of mild inconveniences.
Trying to hit that green light? sorry bub, not today.
Tied your shoelaces extra tight today? Yep, still comes untied.
In a hurry to get home from work driving on the freeway? You better get ready for some road rage because grandma is driving at 40mph in the fast lane right next to a semi. You ain't passing anyone.
The world will be mildly inconvenienced into anarchy.
Ick
I'm going to make everything sticky.
Meh...
You see, my brothers have ridden for as long as humanity is.
Sometimes Pestilence would have a good idea, and the other three would follow. Sometimes War would plant his seeds among powerful men, and the other three would follow. Sometimes, Famine would steal the very sustenance of men, and the other three would follow.
Sometimes, even, Death would come without rhyme or reason, and the other three would follow.
However, time after time, humanity has survived my four older brothers. After all the sickness, carnage, hunger and death men and women would come together from the ashes of pain and misery and start again from scratch.
This time it won't happen, no, for I have been born. Once again, all at once, my brothers will take from humanity, and I will make sure that humanity lets them take it all.
I'm Apathy, and I won't be the one to end humanity. They will do it by themselves.
You KNOW Who I Am
Become unfathomably rich from a loan my dad gave me. Have a series of reality shows. Run for president. Make fun of the entire world. Make a mockery of the political agenda. Fire anyone competent. Then push that button.
Of course, most of the time, it was “just a phase". And looking back, those phases are regrettable, to say the least. Here are some prime examples of that.
SirGergoyFriendman asked:
What was your biggest/most regrettable "It's not a phase, mom. It's my life." that, in fact, turned out to be just a phase and not your life?
The enthusiasm of a young person can lead to some unexpected changes that parents are just not ready for.
Hi, Wheeljack!
I was VERY into The Transformers when I was a wee lad in the 1980s. One day, I decided to change my name to the name of my favorite Autobot. My name was lame, and I wanted an awesome Transformer name. And I was VERY insistent that my parents only call me by my new name. Calling me by my 'old' name would cause a big fat tantrum on my part.
So for the better part of a week, my poor parents had to call me Wheeljack.
Very 2008.
Ariana Grande Shrug GIFGiphyMy cat-ear phase. I wore cat ears every single day. Everywhere. I had like 20 pairs of them. Now everyone thinks I'm a furry.
I find that very cute and wouldn't have thought you'd be furry. Even if you'd had cat mittens. I think my suspicions would have started if you moved a bit like a cat, displayed catlike grooming habits or got a cat mask.
Not gonna lie, that car sounds cool.
I went to a car show once as a teen, and the only newer car there was some chick's PT cruiser. It was hot glittery pink, and at the time I was obsessed. I insisted that one day I would have a hot pink car, with pink seats, pink dash, pink carpets, etc. I was pretty heavily goth at the time, so my parents just rolled their eyes.
These phases can often lead to some very strange fashion choices.
That’s commitment.
When I was a teenager (early 00s), I was waiting for my mother to pick me up and was wearing one of those sh!tty sports wristwatches. It was itching me so I took it off for a second, but then she arrived and because I was struggling to get it back on my wrist, I looped it around the equally sh!tty chain I had around my neck in a rush to get out the door.
My mom asked me about it in the car, and I told her this was my new style and I planned to wear it like that every day. She rolled her eyes.
I wore that watch on a chain around my neck every single day for 3 years or so. There are even professional family photos where I'm wearing it because I refused to take it off.
One day, the chain broke and I lost the watch. I was in high school at that point anyway and it was a major lady repellent, so... phase over.
Not everyone can be Eminem.
slim shady eminem GIFGiphyBaggy pants, being a rapper someday and being a professional skater.
When I was about 14 and Eminem was starting to blow up I bought myself a keyboard with a synthesizer. It cost like $200 which was all the money I had saved up. It finally came (this was way before amazon prime and such) and I tried rapping.
My sister told me "you're effing horrible" and I gave up right then and there.
This should be a sin.
I used to button the top buttons of polo shirts.
I must say, this is probably the worst one I've read.
Looking back at our regrettable choices, all we can do is cringe.
An optimistic look at bad tattoos.
check me out season 3 GIF by PortlandiaGiphyBeing a tattooer. Regrettable because of those poor people who have my awful doodles on their bodies.
Take heart! My favorite tattoo is the one I drunkenly got my buddy to do in his living room one year during March Madness! It's dumb and frankly mediocre? But such a good story and has such good associations I smile every time I see it.
RIP Fredro’s.
My friend and I decided we were going to open a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cages in the walls at each booth. We convinced ourselves it would be amazing for at least two years in college. It was going to be called Fredro's.
My entire family made fun of me for it. Once we got out of college, we realized it was not feasible and joined the office grind. We're also two white guys with no ties to Jamaica.
Talk about cringey.
I wore a top hat with an anime pin on it for around a year. Met one of my current best friends while wearing it, idk how he could bear to speak to me after that.
My weirdest phase was probably when I insisted on wearing knee-high rainbow socks to school every day. But honestly, I don't regret it. I rocked those socks, and I wish I still have a pair.
To all the people out there cringing over their past selves, remember that you were just a kid, and to be easy on yourselves. After all, we've all been there
Yet, too often, manufacturers who oversell their products fail to deliver what is promised and are inevitably left with angry customers who want their money back.
Whether the merchandise was defective or ridiculously overpriced, strangers online shared some of their worst purchases when Redditor BooksMcGee asked:
"What is the worst product you ever paid money for?"
Short Life Span
"This NERF gun that's supposed to shoot tennis balls for your dog. I bought it cause I thought you could load 3 at a time and shoot them far, but it's just one and it's super loud and the gun broke after like 4 shots (reading reviews later, this was a common issue)."
Lame Pets
"There were these toys called squiggles when I was a kid and the commercials made it seem like the toy was alive. It looked like you would get this crazy little fuzzy worms as pets that would follow you around an so sick tricks and listen to your every command. It was really just a piece of fluffy string tied to another piece of string with googly eyes on it. People may say that it was supposed to be a magic trick but they should also explain that to a 5 year old who really wanted a pet."
Card Value
"Not their fault, but I paid $70 for a Yugioh card hours before it was limited to one copy. Probably dropped to $20 by the end of the day."
These purchases were bad for your bum.
"A bicycle that literally fell apart before I made it out of the parking lot."
Not Worth Sitting On
"Joybird brand couch. Was so terrible, we returned it. Still hard to believe, we returned a freaking couch."
Going Nowhere Fast
"A 2000 VW Beetle (used)."
"Biggest piece of sh*t that literally had to have just about everything replaced before 100k miles and would still break down every time you left the driveway to the point where the tow-truck driver knew us on a first-name basis."
Expensive Lemon
"An Oldsmobile Achieva from one of those buy here pay here places. I should have known better, but I was young and thought I was getting a good deal. I had the thing for about 5 months, I drove it for maybe 3 weeks. The rest of the time it was either in the shop, or in my driveway waiting until pay day so I could afford to fix whatever broke on it this week. Eventually told the dealer just take it, I'm not paying for it any more. He said nope, and I will make sure your credit is ruined. I said well you sold me a lemon, do you really want to go this route? He came and took it. Never reported anything to credit. I heard he got sued by several other people who sold sh**ty cars too and eventually went out of business."
"Always amazes me when I see them driving around still, I can only assume there's enthusiasts who just love repairing horribly designed cars."
– zerbey
These Redditors were not convinced what they ingested was edible.
Bad Cereal
"A box of plain Cheerios. Thought they were honey nut, poured a bowl, was very disappointed."
"If I wanted to taste cardboard, I'd just eat the box."
– gor8884
Space Pizza
"A burnt frozen pizza at the air and space museum cafe in DC. I Don't wish that experience on anyone. There are some amazing restaurants in DC, don't settle."
– Alseids
The following electronics just gave off a bad charge.
"Asus Transformer Pad TF700"
"This was one of those early 'high end' Android tablets that was grossly underpowered, and it showed. Thing was slow as sh!t in no time flat. Rookie mistake investing into shiny new tech while they were still working all the bugs out. Think I paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $350-400 for it..."
– Luke5119
Bad Apple
"macbook pro 2018 13" touchbar. 2 years old and dead (battery). they're asking $300-$400 to change the battery. malfunctioning keyboard with double presses and missing presses. that's a lot of money for bad design."
Chilly Reception
"Past winter my old room heater broke down and I had to buy a new one. Went to a store nearby and somehow got convinced to buy a very costly heating device.. It's also my fault, since there were some sligthly cheaper options around, but nope. I wanted the expensive one thinking it will make my small room a volcano with little to no effort/cost (that's also what the seller told me). Long story short the device wasn't doing ANYTHING. No significant temperature changes, too much space, a weird noise, and was doubling my previous device in utility cost. I still gloom over those 80 euros.."
Some of my disappointing purchases was clothing, but only because I purchased them online. Unless they are a brand I'm familiar with, I'm usually fine with buying new jeans off of their websites.
But when it comes to graphic tees only available on specialty shops, an M-size shirt is not necessarily the same size as those found in other reputable stores.
I bought a medium sized T-shirt from a boutique store online because I loved the look of the design. But when it arrived, the supposed medium fit me like an XL.
At least I gained a fierce cleaning rag from this impulsive purchase.