Being a parent is hard. Sometimes it's utter insanity, especially if you're the parent of some particularly "spirited" children. Take comfort, all you frazzled parents out there. I know it may feel like you're out on your own in the fringes of some alien universe sometimes ... but there are others out here with you. You're not alone. We all sometimes want to bash our heads in when it comes to the wee ones.
Reddit user @RatigatorStew asked:
Some of these are kind of hilarious after-the-fact ... but some are totally heartbreaking. Brace yourselves, you're in for a wild ride.
My son at the time was 2 and was being potty trained. We were doing really well, not one accident in weeks. I was preparing dinner and he came walking into the kitchen with brown hands, face, and clothing.
I asked him what it was and long story short he had covered my entire sitting room, bathroom, bedroom and his bedroom in poop. I could have had a breakdown at the time scrubbing it off the doors bedding and my couch but now looking back at it it just makes me laugh.
But never again am I having another child 😁
49. No Party
I'm not a parent, but my siblings did it, and my parents were furious about it.
We had a good day, movies, restaurant, and anything that would make any day good, but we needed to go to the store for tomorrow, and it was for a friends birthday party, and so when we came in, my siblings (around 8 and 10, also built like literal tanks) charged the front door, and bolted off, we thought nothing of it, until we saw a small girl (around 3 1/2 years old) right in the door, where there trajectory was. At the last second, her mom pulled her out of the way, if not, they would have seriously hurt or killed.
48. In The Other's Shoes
Role reversal, I had run through my house with my car, and the first thing my father said upon seeing it was simply "you've got to be kidding me."
They probably wished I didn't exist at the time
47. Thank Goodness No One Heard
Obligatory not a parent, but according to my mom, this was a particularly embarrassing moment in her life as a parent. Apparently when I was around 5 years old, I was waiting in checkout at the grocery store with my mom, and we were behind some obese black lady. She was taking her sweet time so my obvious reaction was to say, "Move it or lose it fat*ss." Fortunately, I had said it quietly enough that nobody had heard or noticed.
46. Thank Goodness
Not a parent but sitting at my doctors office and a little girl who is maybe 4 just yelled out "I don't eat newborn babies!!!!" And her mom just sat there turning red and said "I should hope not." I'm willing to bet she is feeling a little of that "can I just stop being a parent now"
45. Hey Kid No Drinking Weed
Well I'm the kid here. They caught me growing herb. The funny thing was that their reaction was simply "cut it down otherwise it looks cool". But they are actually pretty strict parents, never understood that reaction.
44. I Just Want To Sleep
He is only a little over 2 so he hasn't done that many bad things but once, at about 1 and 10 months, he cried and shouted for 5 hours straight in the middle of the night.. We did everything we could but he wouldn't be quiet. There and then I wished I could put him outside and sleep.
43. EWWWWW SQUARED
He would take a water bottle to bed every night. And would fill it back up again during the night. With urine. And would never throw the damn bottles out. Cleaning his room I found over 30 bottles filled to some degree. I'm still in shock.
42. I Have No Answers. Just More Questions
My son woke up middle of the night with croup, cool can't breathe, so we head to the ER. Get in the waiting room and sit down and this messed up meth head comes in. Sits down about 6 chairs away from us.
"Dad. Dad. Daaad"
"Can I ask you question?" He's loud talking at this point.
"Sure man, what?"
"Why's that woman soooooo UGLY!"
Luckily they call me back as soon as he says this but in that 10 seconds I just looked at him and though "why?" Lol
41. You Tried, Honey. You Tried
Painted my Harley with white latex paint. They thought they were making my bike "pretty" for Dad. Instead of freaking out I hugged them both, knowing that I could wash the paint off.
40. The Secondhand AngerGiphy
My youngest had a tough time learning to read, and he hated writing. So second grade was pretty tough for him. He also has ADHD, so there was just way too much sitting down in school. One day he was mad at his (wonderful, patient) teacher for I've forgotten what, and he went to the bathroom and wrote "MrsTeacherName is a b word." He was eight. There was no doubt who wrote it. Another kid told on him, but he also signed it. I have had many calls from the principal, but that was the worst feeling because this teacher had really been going above and beyond to try to help him.
39. No Thoughts For Others
Not a parent but I witnessed this 4 year old cousin and me and my aunt are at a drive through and the attendant is trans. My little cousin VERY LOUDLY SAYS " Mommy, is that a man or a girl?" So much sigh
38. The Worst Alarm Clock
Not my son's fault at all but jesus was I pissed... My 3 year old crawled into bed with us in the middle of the night last week, woke me up by saying daddy daddy daddy right in front of my face and as soon as I open my eyes he puked all over me. All over the new comforter and sheets, and all over the carpet. So much stomach capacity in a 3 year old.
37. But Why
My then 8-year-old son stole $200 from my husband's wallet one night. When he overheard us talking about where the money went, he shredded it in the shredder to hide the evidence. He confessed a week later to me in tears. We were seriously broke at the time, so $200 was basically our grocery and gas money for the month.
We laugh about it now, but at the time I really was fed up.
36. A Taste Of A World Unneeded
I had been working for like 15 hours and came home and fell asleep with her on my chest. I woke up to her scraping her hand across my teeth after she had put it in her poopy diaper.
35. A Big Fan Of Fixing Things
Covered two rooms in Vicks Vapor Rub. The smell is what woke me from "our" nap. She clearly wasn't napping.
Rub desitin all over the TV because the DVD she was watching started to skip. Mommy TV had boo boo, its okay I fixed it.
34. Daddy's Daddy But Not In My Pretend World
When I was a kid my mum always picked me up from nursery. One day my dad showed up instead and apparently I screamed that I didn't know him and grabbed on to a table like he was trying to kidnap me. Queue a bunch of parents looking on in horror as a 6"4 man tried to drag a screaming 3 year old out by her ankles. In the end I think someone called my mum who had to come out of work early to confirm who he was.
33. It's All Kids
I was reading through my grandma's letters to my grandpa. In one letter she talks about spending hours getting the bathroom super clean, polishing everything in it and waxing the floor several times. Then in the middle of the night, my mom, then 3 years old, grabbed the Comet powder and shook the entire bottle out over everything. When Grandma woke the next morning and discovered this, she cried.
When I read this, I exclaimed, "ok, it isn't just my kids!"
32. Kids Don't Mix With Shopping Apps
My daughter figured out how to leave the kids' part of the amazon tablet and enter the regular amazon app. Where she proceeded to spend enough money to empty our bank account, put us $600 in the hole AND she had another $3,000 of merchandise in the amazon cart that wouldn't go through.
It took me some time to undo all of that.
31. Teenagers Can Be Even Worse
When my daughter was 13, she stayed with Grandma while her Mom and I went to a Van Halen concert. She was supposed to stay the night. We got home about 12:00 or so and listened to the phone messages. ( this was the 80's,before cell phones). It seems she waited for Grandma to go to bed, found her car keys, stole her car and crashed it into a tree down the street. No real injuries and police were not involved, but I realized then and there that I did not want anymore kids!
30. Roving Destruction MachinesGiphy
Somewhere between the time I discovered that it was my children who had scratched giant "X"s into the side of my year old lease car with a ball point pen, or the time I had woken up from a nap (turns out I had severe bipolar depression and I should not have been asleep because they were very young at the time but I literally couldn't stay awake) and they had found my nail polish and opened every bottle and painted my bathroom and carpeted closet with it.
29. Nom Nom Nom
Not parent but the kid, when i was maybe 3 we went to Door County, Wis. and bought a bag or 2 of expensive apples to bring home, a 7 to 7.5 hour drive. So when we get home I ask for an apple which my parents give me. Then they go upstairs for idk use your imagination and left me on my own.
So I grab the bag of apples and take a single bite out of EACH APPLE b/c to my 3 year old brain 1 bite of 15 apples is equivalent to 1 apple and line up each and everyone in a shelf and sit contently in the chair until about half an hour later my parents reappear and look in horror and shock at the row of apples with 3 year old sized bites in each one.
28. A Shattered Relic
My dad taught Kung fu for about 30 years. When I was young I tried to chop a stick with his favorite sword (didn't know that when I was 7) that was supposedly blessed by some monk or some famous martial artist. Needless to say, I shattered the sword. He still talks about that sword and it's been almost 20 years.
27. The Drug Store
My daughter, at age 4, accompanied me on some errands. First, the drugstore, the nursery, the bank and then the grocery. After checking out, the cashier says, "Miss, don't forget your change." My daughter turns around and says, "Don't give that to her--she'll just spend it on drugs!" That's when we started referring to it as 'Walgreens.'
26. Tweet Tweet Tweet
So I'll share that when I was real young (2-3?) my mom was carrying me to our hotel room and without any warning as she's walking past a fire alarm I stick my hand out and pull it. Then I look at her and go "Mommy listen to the birds!"
I don't remember any of this, but my mom reminds me of it frequently over twenty years later now.
25. A SAINT, An ANGEL
Not a parent, but a kid. Once when i was around 5-7 my angelic father was taking a nap and i had the bright idea to clean his ear with a Q-tip. Of course this startled him and his first reaction was to quickly bring his hand up to his ear, effectively shoving it clean through his eardrum. He was confused for a second as the blood began pouring down the side of his head and i quickly explained what happened. He sighed, got me in the truck, and we went to ER without him getting angry at me.
24. The Ebb And Flow
My 2 year old fed my 5 year old a carpet tack, and she swallowed it. This was the same day I found out I had melanoma. That was an expensive month. We're all fine now.
23. Just Look What You're Heading Toward
My 4yo son asked an obviously pregnant woman if there was "a baby in there". When she responded in the affirmative he shouted "Sucker!"
The look the woman shot me was enough to shiver me timbers.
22. A Dramatic Way To Solve The Problem
She threw herself down in the airport and screamed WHY DID YOU THROW ME ON THE GROUND MAMA?! WHY. In the midst of crowds trying to get to their terminals. She did this because we were carrying all the bags and she didn't want to walk the last 60 feet to our gate. I wasn't even touching her when she did this I have no clue why this was her response.
21. Freshly Buttered
My kids buttered our dog. You ever try to catch a freshly buttered chihuahua?
20. The Newborn Slap
My 4yr old daughter (at the time) slapped a 3wk old newborn across the face immediately upon meeting her.
I'm 15 weeks pregnant and have a 15 month old. For those who haven't been pregnant before, the first trimester is brutal for exhaustion. With my first, I slept 10 hours a night and took a 2 hour nap every day. These days I'm incredibly lucky if I get 7 hours a night, and definitely no nap.
So one day about a month ago I barely slept because I had insomnia at night and my kid relentlessly wakes up between 5:30AM and 6:30AM. I was dead on my feet, so I decided to try and lie down on the couch and maybe catch a cat nap while my kid played. He saw me lying on the couch, walked up to me and head butted me as hard as he could right in the bridge of the nose. I heard a crunch and could have sworn it was broken it hurt so badly. In that moment, I regretted every life decision that had led me to that point. My very mature adult response was to burst into hysterical tears and ask him why he's so mean to me. I think that freaked him out more than yelling would have.
18. Praying For The Goblin KingGiphy
My then 2 year old puked, which landed in my open mouth. I wished the Goblin King would come for him then.
17. To Buy Drugs
Pawned my wedding ring to buy drugs.
16. "Down Boobies" Come With Age
When my then 3 or 4 year old daughter asked me very loudly why I don't have "down boobies" like the older lady in the swimming pool change room that was standing right next to us getting dressed
She actually laughed and said to enjoy my "up boobies" while I still had them but I was still dying inside...
15. "He's Not My Parent"
I had to take my wife to the emergency room early one morning for intense stomach pain. Our kids were 2 and 3, and it was about 1am so they went with us. I packed a bag with snacks and toys, and loaded everyone up. It was the middle of the night when we got there, but we still had to park a significant distance from the ER entrance.
When wife was back with the doc my son (2 years old) was running around and playing. He hit his bumped his his head lightly and started shrieking an ungodly banshee wail. I decided we would wait in the car and maybe drive around a little, and they'd hopefully go to sleep.
So I'm carrying the bag and two struggling angry demon-preschoolers the quarter mile to the car. At this point my son isn't shrieking, but he's not happy. We encountered an elderly couple and my daughter (3 years old) looks them dead in the face and says, "hey, he's not my parent." I was exhausted and frustrated and my arms were tired from carrying them. I didn't want to stop and have the conversation... and I panicked a little. I sped up, got to the car, loaded them up and left in a hurry. I didn't get arrested, though... I was glad at the time, now I'm kinda pissed that the old folks just let me go.
You had the look of a frustrated parent who has someone in the ER, not the look of a panicked kidnapper and your daughter's voice probably didn't sound sincere. So don't blame the old people.
You probably made a grimace and they instantly recognized it as "only a parent could be that annoyed by a comment and only their own kid would know exactly what to say to make them that annoyed"
TBH, I had never even considered that. I always just thought of it as the time I got away with kidnapping my own kids in 2007.
That does make me feel a little better about the role the elderly couple played in the worst morning of my life. Thank you.
14. Bride of ChuckyGiphy
It was early morning, and I was sleeping in my bed. My two year old woke up before me, and decided that she was going to wake me as well. She climbed out of her bed, went into the kitchen, made a set of stairs to get the kitchen knives, grabbed a knife, and headed to my bed. She climbed into my bed, and stabbed me an inch below my eye. I woke with her holding said knife over my head, and her giggling like the bride of chucky.
A two year old!?!? Wtf aren't they still essentially rugrats?
Two year olds can walk, climb, talk, (sorta) and attempt both murder and suicide all in like the same thirty seconds.
Parenting a particularly wild one is a lot like spending twelve hours trying to dress a badger in a leotard.
3 dozen half eaten sandwiches hidden around her bedroom.
If she'd told us she didn't like them, that would have been fine. but to hide them? Holy smokes.
My son was about 7. He discovered my wireless hot glue gun from my craft room. I was using it that afternoon and stopped to make dinner. I didn't shut off the gun.
Of course I didn't get to my craft space till much.later and noticed it wasn't there. Turns out my son took it and hot glued all the electrical outlets he could find. I mean, ALL of them.
11. Shake? Shake.
My now-husband and I had been officially together for maybe a week (known each other for years, tho). I was driving his immaculately maintained and detailed truck. It was hot, so I went through sonic and got the 3yr old a small milkshake. I handed it to him. He asked "shake?", I confirmed "shake."
He shook it.
Ice cream everywhere in 90+ degree heat. The truck smelled like spoiled dairy for weeks regardless of how much cleaning we did.
10. Trying To Get Suspended
My son had severe separation anxiety when he was in kindergarten, which was only made worse by a fall at school that caused head trauma (concussion followed by a seizure.)
That entire year was full of multiple parent teacher conference about behavior. He is a smart kid, so he started to purposefully try to get suspended so he could be home with us. He took the smallest girl in his class and push her head into a brick wall. The school figured out his game tho and gave him in-school suspensions.
Several therapists, medication, therapeutic mentor, an IEP, Neuro psych testing, a "big" from big brothers big sisters and two years later and he is doing much better but is still a challenge. It's the most tiring thing ever but I love him and he is continuing to improve so hopefully in a few years he is fully in control of himself.
9. Power RangersGiphy
So I'm the oldest of 6, with the youngest one being 2 and me being 18.
My six year old sister walked up to me and my mom in the living room the other day with one of those "I'm up to no good" faces. Her hands are behind her back and she starts laughing before she even has a chance to start talking.
Then, she brings forth her hands, displaying the battery, and proceeds to try and "stick them up mom's butt"
We asked why and she said, "If you stick a battery up your butt you become a power ranger."
It was hilarious the first couple times, but now we have to watch our backs as we never know when she is going to try and turn us into power rangers.
My then 8-year-old son stole $200 from my husband's wallet one night. When he overheard us talking about where the money went, he shredded it in the shredder to hide the evidence. He confessed a week later to me in tears. We were seriously broke at the time, so $200 was basically our grocery and gas money for the month.
We laugh about it now, but at the time I really was fed up.
7. The Raw Chicken Incident
When my daughter was 3 or so, the wife and I were cooking dinner and had some raw chicken out on the cutting board waiting to be prepped. We turn back to see our daughter moving her hand from the chicken to her mouth, but we were to late, and she licks her fingers.
Now, she turns out fine, so stay with me.
She ends ups projectile vomiting, with explosive diarrhea all through the night. Of course she wanted to sleep with us since she didn't feel good.
We ended up changing the sheets at least 4 times. Whats worse/better? She was laughing about it most of time, cause she got to stay up late.
She still laughs when we tell her about it. She is 15 now.
6. The Drug Store
My daughter, at age 4, accompanied me on some errands. First, the drug store, the nursery, the bank and then the grocery. After checking out, the cashier says, "Miss, don't forget your change." My daughter turns around and says, "Don't give that to her--she'll just spend it on drugs!" That's when we started referring to it as 'Walgreens' instead of the 'drug store.'
She got a hold of a paint can during church... when we walked out of mass into the courtyard we found out what a good 'artist' she was becoming.
4. The Pot Luck Dinner
We had a lady at the church I used to go to that was severely obese - she had topped 500lbs. She also had the incredibly rude habit of pushing people out of the way with her motor scooter during any of the pot luck meals put on by the church.
My oldest is autistic (aspergers) and his filter when younger was... yeah let's be honest. There wasn't one.
So one Sunday at the dinner she, of course, pushes past people in her scooter cutting in line. My son frustratedly says "Hey don't eat all the food PLEASE!"
I was kind of stunned like....did that....did that come FROM HIM. She complained to the pastor later, but honestly I think pastor was kind of done with her and her rude family too. I honestly don't think my son meant it from a place of shaming and most likely didn't even notice her weight. He is just so damn blunt at times. If anything the cutting in line was more of a trigger then anything else.
3. Hot Mushroom Cleavage
During a wedding feast, my then 4 year-old brother tried to use chopsticks to pick up a "burning hot" mushroom and accidentally threw it directly to the cleavage of my mum (who was wearing a low cut dress). I'm never having kids.
2. The Risky Fart
Lost a bet on a risky fart and pooped the bed. We didn't find out until about a week and a half later. She'd just been sleeping in the bed like nothing was wrong the whole time. She said she forgot, but...it was very obvious and not something you would or could overlook. And it's not like my kids get in trouble for things like that and she was afraid. My wife is a nurse and handles stuff like that with pure compassionate-mom professionalism.
1. Stinky MommyGiphy
Public restroom humiliation.... When your 3 year old has to announce to everyone that mommy is pooping. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse he says "Jeez mom are you okay? You're stinky." Gave the lady in the stall next to us a good laugh though as I died inside.
There is a world full of mysteries to explore right at our very feet.
Do we engage with it on a level that might make us more uncomfortable? Well, if we really want to learn everything there is to know about our planet earth, we have to engage in the unsettling facts. They appear across every discipline.
The Easier Way Out<p>During the French Revolution, where the guillotine was introduced, the people to be executed fought to be first, as the blade would dull after multiple uses and wouldn't cut a head clean off at the first attempt.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Back2Bach/" target="_blank">Back2Bach</a></p><p>And the last execution by guillotine in France was the same year Star Wars came out.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/CaptainPrower/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">CaptainPrower</a></p>
At LEAST One?!<p>You have probably unknowingly encountered, or walked past at least one murderer in your lifetime.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/theprettyunicorn/" target="_blank">theprettyunicorn</a></p><p>For sure encountered. Worked night shift at a convenience store, guy pulled in to put gas came in the store used the atm and left. 3 min later swarm of cops surrounded the store. He had just murdered his family a couple states over and cops got a hit when he used the atm machine.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Cool1Mach/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Cool1Mach</a></p>
WELP<p>For a long time it was believed that babies were too underdeveloped to be able to feel pain, and as such, did not need anesthetic for any kind of surgeries.</p><p>Up into the 1980's.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FartKilometre/" target="_blank">FartKilometre</a></p>
Internet History<p>Eventually, most of the content on the internet will have been created by dead people.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Phaesporic/" target="_blank">Phaesporic</a></p><p>Now I'm imagining a class like English literature but for internet culture and picturing a bored class with some kids sleeping while the teacher is saying some shit like "Okay class this meme is 100 years old and it says Me and the Boys going out to get some B E A N S what do the B E A N S symbolize and how does it reflect what was going on in society ? " lmao.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Cheshire_Cat8888/" target="_blank">Cheshire_Cat8888</a></p>
Awful, Awful<p>There are estimated to be at least 25 active serial killers in the United States alone at any given time. Very few will be detected, much less apprehended.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/brideofchuckydoll/" target="_blank">brideofchuckydoll</a></p><p>Derrick Todd Lee and Sean Vincent Gillis were both active serial killer in the same city from the late 90s to early 2000s. For most of this time, law enforcement did not realize they were trying to catch multiple individuals, much less that they were acting completely independently of each other. On top of that, there are additional unsolved murders that neither was ever linked to whose evidence raises the possibility of a third active serial killer in the area during the same time period.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/see-bees/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">see-bees</a></p>
Viewer, Beware....<p>National parks are not all swings and roundabouts. Over 1600 people have gone inside Yellowstone National Park and never come out.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/I_Am_A_Master-Baiter/" target="_blank">I_Am_A_Master-Baiter</a></p><p>Yellowstone is known for boiling water and pools of acid. People on this earth put gorrilla glue in their hair. I don't have any questions about what happened.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MCqStep/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MCqStep</a></p>
Statistically....<p>If you end up being the victim of a violent crime, you probably know the perpetrators. You probably trust them, most likely, you love them.</p><p><span data-verified="redactor" data-redactor-tag="span"></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Double-Kicks/" target="_blank">Double-Kicks</a></p><p>People find it weird when the police declare most family members and close friends of murder victims to be suspects, but this is precisely why. You are FAR more likely to be (deliberately) killed by someone you know than a stranger. Also, in most countries and demographics, the most likely person to deliberately kill you is you.</p><p><span data-verified="redactor" data-redactor-tag="span"></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/kutuup1989/" target="_blank">kutuup1989</a></p>
Our Brains Are Unsettling, Too<p>There is a rare genetic degenerative brain disorder called Fatal Familial Insomnia. FFI starts as a mild inability to sleep followed by short bouts of intense nightmares/dreams and progressively deteriorates until the sufferer is completely unable to sleep, at all. Eventually impacting the human ability to microsleep as a last ditch effort of self preservation. There is no cure for FFI and eventually sufferers lose their minds and die of sleep deprivation. But it gets so much worse.</p><p>Due to the degenerative nature of the condition as it progresses you begin deteriorating mentally and physically. You lose the ability to regulate body temperature and may swing between freezing and sweating, you develop severe memory problems, confusion, agitation, weight loss, paranoia, hallucinations, speech problems, double vision, loss of motor controls (similar to parkinsons), inability to swallow, increased blood pressure and production of tears as well as many other unpleasant symptoms. The combination of your mind going and your body shutting down eventually kills you.</p>
Rise Of The Machines<p>There so far at least two fatalities as a result of robots, both of industrial type.</p><p>The first was in Flat Rock, Michigan in 1979 when an engineer was killed when he was hit in the back and crushed while retrieving parts at an automobile factory. It was due to a malfunctioning industrial robot he was fixing. The second was in Akashi, Hyōgo, Japan where a maintenance worker was fixing a broken-down robot when it came to life by mistake. Both locations happened in factories that are well-known for manufacturing vehicles.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MissSara101/" target="_blank">MissSara101</a></p>
So Can We Fix The Justice System Now<p>One to five percent of the US prison population is estimated to be innocent.</p><p>Combine that with the fact that one percent of the US population is incarcerated and your chance of being wrongly imprisoned in the 21st century is around 1 in 1000 in America.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Crocoshark/" target="_blank">Crocoshark</a></p>
Let's be honest, most of us don't read the Terms and Conditions before we click that little "I Agree" button. Most of you probably aren't even going to read this intro.
A huge chunk of you are going to open this article and immediately scroll to "the meat" because we're all about getting to the good stuff. But that rush can sometimes mean missing out on some seriously important tidbits of info.
The Catch Was...<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY4OTYxNy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0Mzg2NjM3N30.Zr6T7LGuuXaTr7NKBFfaCTwEc0Fvu3yJ-KdYO-Xk_No/img.gif?width=980" id="c41a3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f677f014d9104effd3b059212c9af24c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />Giphy<p>I financed some furniture when I was young and getting established in my first professional job. It was interest-free financing for the first 12 months. </p><p>The catch was that if you paid late, they would charge you a fee, back-interest from the beginning of the loan period, and you would lose the interest free status for the rest of the loan. The APR was 29.9%, compounded monthly! </p><p>I couldn't imagine getting to the 11th payment and having something go wrong so a payment is late, then pay basically double what I had financed on the furniture.</p><p>I paid it off in 6 months, and I never did in-store financing again.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnx5tr1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">EngineeringQueen</a></p><p>This is most interest free gimmicks. Educate your friends. Usually the young ones fall victim to this.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gny23jj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Chimmiii</a></p><p>I sold furniture and we had financing like this and I made sure to always tells my customers this so they couldn't come at me later on down the road. Others didn't and it just seemed so shady and f*cked up to me.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnxldnd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Piccolo_known</a></p>
Get It From The Next Owner<p>I almost signed a contract that granted 50% of profits to the previous owner of the business for 3 years. It was a restaurant that used a conventional microwave instead of an actual oven.</p><p>This was back in the early 2000's and this place had a wonderful 50's vibe. From the bar, to the stools to booths - but it was empty because the food was SO bad and there was fast food up the road.</p><p>We were going to get a pizza oven in there and turn it into a Pizza/Shake place with soup in the winter. </p><p>When the law STUDENT we paid $500 to look over everything (DO THIS!) asked the seller about it for us, they said that they had sunk so much money into the business, the only way to make the money back was to get it from the next owner somehow.</p><p>Good luck with that.</p><p>We could not get them to remove that clause, the owner was hellbent on making the next person be the one to make the business successful and pay them.</p>
18 Months<p>A realtor once gave me a contract that said she would be the only person allowed to represent the property for 18 months.</p><p>That means that they were the only person that could try to sell the house. For <em>a year and a half</em>. We could not work with a different agent if we felt that this one wasn't doing enough, not responding, if we weren't happy, etc. </p><p>If we did, this agent would still get commission from the sale that that other agent actually made.</p><p>Nope. No way was I going to agree to being attached to someone for a year and a half like that. We found a different realtor with a 3 month term (which is much closer to standard), told the first one that her terms were ridiculous, and was under contract within 10 days.</p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gny1hbr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Tricky-Garden</a></p>
Idol Entitlement<p>Canadian Idol auditions when the first show was announced. Read the contract to the very end after signing it.</p><p>"you agree to being filmed 24/7. We can enter your room at any time and record personal phone calls and interactions with anyone." </p><p>That received a hard no for me. Ripped up the contract and never looked back. Thank god I read that before submitting it.</p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gny2yf4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">jenskal</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gny2yf4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>Tell the camera crew to get out or get weird.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnz2mr7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WielderOfDaNWordPass</a></p><p>Fine want to record me 24/7? Congrats, I have IBS.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnz0d4s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">wanderurlyy</a></p>
Phone Privileges<p>To be able to link my phone's outlook reader to my university account, I would had to give the IT-department permission to wipe my phone clean "if needed."</p><p>No thanks, I'll just use browser instead.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnxdc3z?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">craftaliis</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnxdc3z?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>I saw an employment contract where, if you did any company business on your cell phone, they could go through your phone and delete/restrict basically whatever they wanted. </p><p>I advised my friend to make a company-provided phone part of her contract.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnxq6pc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">EngineeringQueen</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnxq6pc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>Yeah. Someone at my old company had a commonish name, and someone lost their phone... and the company wiped the wrong phone.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnye6z8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">blargh2947</a></p>
The Good Ol' US of A<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY4OTYxMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyOTA1MDM5M30.A1BqwoI_FExTt3jqON2xJbJN1qt62txRrTsJ8V5Ybs8/img.gif?width=980" id="99844" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9236d4a9b82c22589577961a2a710924" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />Season 3 America GIF by Broad CityGiphy<p>Any health and safety terms and conditions in USA. </p><p>I was working on adapting a US one for a charity event in the UK run by the same people and oh boy you cannot get away with that here. One line said if an employee harmed you in any way (even intentionally), you could not sue... </p><p>What!? </p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnydf7s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">lt52-</a></p>
Keep It<p>Free ceiling insulation. </p><p>The catch? You allowed a company to install temperature sensors around the inside of your house, and they can do that at any time. And you have to allow access for them to check the sensors and get readings, adjust things, and remove the sensors. Everything belongs to the company. </p><p>This means letting randos into your house potentially over and over to get their readings from the electrical crap they put in your house. </p><p>Nah I'm good, keep your insulation.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnyrbn7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">bumpequalsbump</a></p>
Airlines<p>Was going to post this as a response on another thread, but I want people to actually see it.</p><p>When you book a flight, in the terms and conditions (especially for basic and econo fares) you agree that in the event of your flight getting canceled due to an act outside of the airlines control they don't have to refund you unless they offer you a travel credit.</p><p>That includes a world spanning virus.</p><p>Don't be cheap, get travelers insurance or pay for the higher fare that has a refund clause.</p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnxyb4e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">bpanio</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnxyb4e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a></p>
Crepes<p>I worked for a meat pie company that moved over from Australia that made me sign a contract that I would never work for another meat pie company or open an establishment that sells similar food. I didn't read the fine print. </p><p>They also sold a few other things ... like crepes. Sure enough, I wanted to open a food truck and my partner had her sights on crepes as she made them in her previous food truck and it just happened a truck we were buying was set up to make similar things. </p><p>I gave 1 month notice because they were busy and I didn't want to leave them stranded in high season. I told the owner we were working on a food truck we bought, it was a dream coming true, and that it happens we are doing crepes as my partner is French and had done them before.</p>
This Sparks Joy<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY4OTU2NS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxOTY0OTgxM30.takzFO7X_vx_UzNvPeNEvpcYSGho5_AZNX-itkNSdOE/img.gif?width=980" id="d78cf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="09a8efb07fb739ec04f38de1406639f5" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="276" />Giphy<p>I'm pretty sure I gave google the rights to all of my Spotify data when they gave me a free google home. </p><p>On one hand, RIP privacy. </p><p>On the other hand, knowing some poor algorithm has to figure out some possible way to advertise things to me based on listening to Knock On Wood 57 times in a row and the soundtrack to Starship Troopers on repeat gives me great joy.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnywvs7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OakNogg</a></p>
Claim $100<p>Back when the internet really started being a thing, some company/website put something in their terms and conditions about the first person who reads it, can contact them to claim a $100 prize. </p><p>Took five years for somebody to claim the prize.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gny3g6s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RubyShooz </a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gny3g6s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>I wonder how much of that is people not reading it and how much is people reading it and thinking "surely somebody's already claimed this by now, why bother?"</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnyj0gy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Novaseerblyat</a></p>
Amazon ... Should We Be Worried?<p>Not really an example of the worst thing, but you're not allowed to use Amazon's game engine (Lumberyard) for military/nuclear applications normally, but that restriction is suspended specifically if there's a zombie apocalypse</p><p><a href="https://aws.amazon.com/service-terms/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://aws.amazon.com/service-terms/</a> Clause 47.10: "<em>this restriction will not apply in the event of the occurrence (certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue and is likely to result in the fall of organized civilization</em></p><p><em></em>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gny3skb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OldGodsAndNew</a></p>
Most Ridiculous<p>I recall a major airline in the pioneer days won an award for most ridiculous TOS to simply look up a flight arrival time on their web site.</p><p>If I recall, it was a 22,000 word document that an analysis said was written at a post graduate reading level. It states that you would, in perpetuity, never use that computer to connect to any other airline's website.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnyb3lm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">NightMGR</a></p><p>What were they planning on doing about it if you broke the contract? Send a hitman after you or something?</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/go1hpi5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ChungusFungus303</a></p>
Citibank Is Serious Business<p>When I started work for Citibank, they asked me to sign two documents;</p><ol><li>promising I would never use encryption for any purpose other than Citibank's for as long as I live.</li><li>promising to obey the laws of all 196 countries on earth that Citibank operates in.</li></ol><p>So obviously I looked at my cubicle mate and stoned her to death for exposing her wrists, and I can no longer use HTTPS.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmugas/users_who_read_the_terms_and_conditions_what_are/gnyy0u3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">beachbbqlover</a></p>
Death is scary. It brings the unknown of the great beyond, whether that's heaven, some other afterlife, or total nothingness, depending on what you believe.
But there is one perk that comes with death: total control of your funeral.
Let the Games Begin<p>"I got a request for the deceased to be dressed up in a Where's Waldo costume and to have 12 other identical caskets in the room so the guests could try to guess where he was by opening coffins randomly."</p><p>"Each guest was to play this guessing game and then sit down before the next person could enter so everyone could play the game."</p><p>"Problem was not everyone wanted to play the game.....super odd but they paid a lot for it."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnylmi3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ramontgomery</a></p>
Dead In a Faraway Galaxy<p>"The deceased was a huge Star Wars fan and left explicit instructions for his funeral."</p><p>"As funeral organist, I was requested to play Star Wars principal themes on the grand pipe organ for prelude music, processional and recessional."</p><p>"As I once described, pall bearers were dressed in main characters costumes and "Obi-Wan Kenobi" gave an inspired eulogy, drawing upon memorable moments from the series."</p><p>"Using 'full organ' (all the stops out) for climatic moments, I played the <em>Imperial March</em> at the conclusion of the funeral before those in attendance departed for the cemetery for the committal."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnxielt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Back2Bach</a></p>
A True Celebration of the Life He Lived<p>"I'm a florist, and I've created some unique tributes out of fresh flowers, and more."</p><p>"I made a putting green two feet across, complete with ball, tee and a club for an avid golfer. I constructed a fish out of various blooms and leaves, placed by a lakeside foliage spray. I've made rainbows and black and white themed arrangements. I put a lot of heart into memorial pieces."</p><p>"A few years ago, I was helping a family decide on their tributes for a much-loved man. The wife stressed he was known for his big blue Giant Eagle truck, and most of their friends were from the driver's union."</p><p>"I volunteered myself for a watercolor picture of the truck around which I would design a floral spray. It took four attempts, but I was finally happy, and framed it."</p><p>"Two days later, I received the most wonderful letter from his wife, and said that everyone agreed it was the most appropriate and important statement about his life. It will sit on her mantle for the rest of her life."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnyf7h2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">cavepainted</a></p>
Friends Til the Very End<p>"My family owns a grave digging business as well as lawn and garden statues, someone purchased an 8ft tall gorilla statue."</p><p>"My dad delivered it and asked what they were going to do with it and where they were putting it, the guys said their friends dying wish was to be stuffed up this concrete gorillas a**, and that's what they did."</p><p>"They drilled a whole in the a** and put their buddies ashes inside"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnytm2i?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hayhay428</a></p>
Always Watching<p>"My husband found out they can make gems out of cremains, and now he wants to be reduced to 2 jewels seated in his own eye sockets."</p><p>"I don't want a skull! I don't want to own his skull! I don't want him to watch me with his evil gem eyes!"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gny5vcy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ParadiseSold</a></p>
For Science<p>"My own will requests that my right eye be removed, preserved and delivered to my oncologist in Miami for him to do with whatever he sees fit."</p><p>"Hopefully as a teaching aid to new optometry students, but if he wants to use it for pranks I'm totally fine with that too."</p><p>"I survived a very unusual eye cancer and they had to do all kinds of experimental things to repair it when all was done. I jokingly suggested I donate it to science when I went and he said that was an amazing idea. So, here you go."</p><p>"I hope whoever deals with my corpse has fun with that request."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnxp6ri?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">zerbey</a> </p>
One Last Look<p>"My wife's uncle asked the funeral director when he dies he would like his eyes open in the casket during his viewing."</p><p>"His entire life everyone commented on his big baby blue eyes and he wanted them open for people to see one last time."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnycdzg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Agreeable-Scratch424</a></p>
One Last F-You<p>"One rich guy hated his kids and didn't want them to get a cent of his wealth. He therefore wanted all his money to spent on a mausoleum for his coffin with a rose garden around it and the eternal upkeep thereof."</p><p>"He had the city council-approved architectural plans for the mausoleum included in his will and testament."</p><p>"He demanded in his will that the remaining funds, after construction, must go to a gardening service to maintain the rose garden and clean off the bird poop from his mausoleum in perpetuity until the money runs out in a few centuries."</p><p>"The mausoleum is in Cemetery de Saint Rambert outside Lyon, France."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnxnk4q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">JingoisticJeremiah</a></p>
Utter Indifference<p>"My coworker was meeting a client who was picking up his mother's cremains. My coworker has the client sign a release, then hands him the urn."</p><p>The man immediately turns around and drops the urn into the trash can."</p><p>"My coworker is a 40 year funeral director veteran, and without missing a beat, he says, 'Sir, I can understand your strong feelings about your mother, but I cannot allow you to leave that here. What you do once you get out the door is up to you and God.' " </p><p>"Dude picked up the urn and left without a word."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnybff8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">keliez</a></p>
To Reflect What She Was Like, Or Never Did?<p>"My mom asked the embalmer to put a few stitches in my grandma's cheeks to give her a faint smile. </p><p>"At the time it seemed like an odd, even slightly morbid request, but 20+ years on, it's one of the only things I remember from her funeral. It was kind of lovely, actually."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lmtl11/funeral_home_workers_and_owners_whats_the/gnx79mi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Fearless_Lab</a></p>
After we've watched a movie, it can be difficult to imagine the film as a project that took months or years to finally culminate into the product we see at the theater or on our television.
But it was built and hacked together, piece by piece.