Being a parent is hard. Sometimes it's utter insanity, especially if you're the parent of some particularly "spirited" children. Take comfort, all you frazzled parents out there. I know it may feel like you're out on your own in the fringes of some alien universe sometimes ... but there are others out here with you. You're not alone. We all sometimes want to bash our heads in when it comes to the wee ones.
Reddit user @RatigatorStew asked:
Some of these are kind of hilarious after-the-fact ... but some are totally heartbreaking. Brace yourselves, you're in for a wild ride.
My son at the time was 2 and was being potty trained. We were doing really well, not one accident in weeks. I was preparing dinner and he came walking into the kitchen with brown hands, face, and clothing.
I asked him what it was and long story short he had covered my entire sitting room, bathroom, bedroom and his bedroom in poop. I could have had a breakdown at the time scrubbing it off the doors bedding and my couch but now looking back at it it just makes me laugh.
But never again am I having another child 😁
49. No Party
I'm not a parent, but my siblings did it, and my parents were furious about it.
We had a good day, movies, restaurant, and anything that would make any day good, but we needed to go to the store for tomorrow, and it was for a friends birthday party, and so when we came in, my siblings (around 8 and 10, also built like literal tanks) charged the front door, and bolted off, we thought nothing of it, until we saw a small girl (around 3 1/2 years old) right in the door, where there trajectory was. At the last second, her mom pulled her out of the way, if not, they would have seriously hurt or killed.
48. In The Other's Shoes
Role reversal, I had run through my house with my car, and the first thing my father said upon seeing it was simply "you've got to be kidding me."
They probably wished I didn't exist at the time
47. Thank Goodness No One Heard
Obligatory not a parent, but according to my mom, this was a particularly embarrassing moment in her life as a parent. Apparently when I was around 5 years old, I was waiting in checkout at the grocery store with my mom, and we were behind some obese black lady. She was taking her sweet time so my obvious reaction was to say, "Move it or lose it fat*ss." Fortunately, I had said it quietly enough that nobody had heard or noticed.
46. Thank Goodness
Not a parent but sitting at my doctors office and a little girl who is maybe 4 just yelled out "I don't eat newborn babies!!!!" And her mom just sat there turning red and said "I should hope not." I'm willing to bet she is feeling a little of that "can I just stop being a parent now"
45. Hey Kid No Drinking Weed
Well I'm the kid here. They caught me growing herb. The funny thing was that their reaction was simply "cut it down otherwise it looks cool". But they are actually pretty strict parents, never understood that reaction.
44. I Just Want To Sleep
He is only a little over 2 so he hasn't done that many bad things but once, at about 1 and 10 months, he cried and shouted for 5 hours straight in the middle of the night.. We did everything we could but he wouldn't be quiet. There and then I wished I could put him outside and sleep.
43. EWWWWW SQUARED
He would take a water bottle to bed every night. And would fill it back up again during the night. With urine. And would never throw the damn bottles out. Cleaning his room I found over 30 bottles filled to some degree. I'm still in shock.
42. I Have No Answers. Just More Questions
My son woke up middle of the night with croup, cool can't breathe, so we head to the ER. Get in the waiting room and sit down and this messed up meth head comes in. Sits down about 6 chairs away from us.
"Dad. Dad. Daaad"
"Can I ask you question?" He's loud talking at this point.
"Sure man, what?"
"Why's that woman soooooo UGLY!"
Luckily they call me back as soon as he says this but in that 10 seconds I just looked at him and though "why?" Lol
41. You Tried, Honey. You Tried
Painted my Harley with white latex paint. They thought they were making my bike "pretty" for Dad. Instead of freaking out I hugged them both, knowing that I could wash the paint off.
40. The Secondhand AngerGiphy
My youngest had a tough time learning to read, and he hated writing. So second grade was pretty tough for him. He also has ADHD, so there was just way too much sitting down in school. One day he was mad at his (wonderful, patient) teacher for I've forgotten what, and he went to the bathroom and wrote "MrsTeacherName is a b word." He was eight. There was no doubt who wrote it. Another kid told on him, but he also signed it. I have had many calls from the principal, but that was the worst feeling because this teacher had really been going above and beyond to try to help him.
39. No Thoughts For Others
Not a parent but I witnessed this 4 year old cousin and me and my aunt are at a drive through and the attendant is trans. My little cousin VERY LOUDLY SAYS " Mommy, is that a man or a girl?" So much sigh
38. The Worst Alarm Clock
Not my son's fault at all but jesus was I pissed... My 3 year old crawled into bed with us in the middle of the night last week, woke me up by saying daddy daddy daddy right in front of my face and as soon as I open my eyes he puked all over me. All over the new comforter and sheets, and all over the carpet. So much stomach capacity in a 3 year old.
37. But Why
My then 8-year-old son stole $200 from my husband's wallet one night. When he overheard us talking about where the money went, he shredded it in the shredder to hide the evidence. He confessed a week later to me in tears. We were seriously broke at the time, so $200 was basically our grocery and gas money for the month.
We laugh about it now, but at the time I really was fed up.
36. A Taste Of A World Unneeded
I had been working for like 15 hours and came home and fell asleep with her on my chest. I woke up to her scraping her hand across my teeth after she had put it in her poopy diaper.
35. A Big Fan Of Fixing Things
Covered two rooms in Vicks Vapor Rub. The smell is what woke me from "our" nap. She clearly wasn't napping.
Rub desitin all over the TV because the DVD she was watching started to skip. Mommy TV had boo boo, its okay I fixed it.
34. Daddy's Daddy But Not In My Pretend World
When I was a kid my mum always picked me up from nursery. One day my dad showed up instead and apparently I screamed that I didn't know him and grabbed on to a table like he was trying to kidnap me. Queue a bunch of parents looking on in horror as a 6"4 man tried to drag a screaming 3 year old out by her ankles. In the end I think someone called my mum who had to come out of work early to confirm who he was.
33. It's All Kids
I was reading through my grandma's letters to my grandpa. In one letter she talks about spending hours getting the bathroom super clean, polishing everything in it and waxing the floor several times. Then in the middle of the night, my mom, then 3 years old, grabbed the Comet powder and shook the entire bottle out over everything. When Grandma woke the next morning and discovered this, she cried.
When I read this, I exclaimed, "ok, it isn't just my kids!"
32. Kids Don't Mix With Shopping Apps
My daughter figured out how to leave the kids' part of the amazon tablet and enter the regular amazon app. Where she proceeded to spend enough money to empty our bank account, put us $600 in the hole AND she had another $3,000 of merchandise in the amazon cart that wouldn't go through.
It took me some time to undo all of that.
31. Teenagers Can Be Even Worse
When my daughter was 13, she stayed with Grandma while her Mom and I went to a Van Halen concert. She was supposed to stay the night. We got home about 12:00 or so and listened to the phone messages. ( this was the 80's,before cell phones). It seems she waited for Grandma to go to bed, found her car keys, stole her car and crashed it into a tree down the street. No real injuries and police were not involved, but I realized then and there that I did not want anymore kids!
30. Roving Destruction MachinesGiphy
Somewhere between the time I discovered that it was my children who had scratched giant "X"s into the side of my year old lease car with a ball point pen, or the time I had woken up from a nap (turns out I had severe bipolar depression and I should not have been asleep because they were very young at the time but I literally couldn't stay awake) and they had found my nail polish and opened every bottle and painted my bathroom and carpeted closet with it.
29. Nom Nom Nom
Not parent but the kid, when i was maybe 3 we went to Door County, Wis. and bought a bag or 2 of expensive apples to bring home, a 7 to 7.5 hour drive. So when we get home I ask for an apple which my parents give me. Then they go upstairs for idk use your imagination and left me on my own.
So I grab the bag of apples and take a single bite out of EACH APPLE b/c to my 3 year old brain 1 bite of 15 apples is equivalent to 1 apple and line up each and everyone in a shelf and sit contently in the chair until about half an hour later my parents reappear and look in horror and shock at the row of apples with 3 year old sized bites in each one.
28. A Shattered Relic
My dad taught Kung fu for about 30 years. When I was young I tried to chop a stick with his favorite sword (didn't know that when I was 7) that was supposedly blessed by some monk or some famous martial artist. Needless to say, I shattered the sword. He still talks about that sword and it's been almost 20 years.
27. The Drug Store
My daughter, at age 4, accompanied me on some errands. First, the drugstore, the nursery, the bank and then the grocery. After checking out, the cashier says, "Miss, don't forget your change." My daughter turns around and says, "Don't give that to her--she'll just spend it on drugs!" That's when we started referring to it as 'Walgreens.'
26. Tweet Tweet Tweet
So I'll share that when I was real young (2-3?) my mom was carrying me to our hotel room and without any warning as she's walking past a fire alarm I stick my hand out and pull it. Then I look at her and go "Mommy listen to the birds!"
I don't remember any of this, but my mom reminds me of it frequently over twenty years later now.
25. A SAINT, An ANGEL
Not a parent, but a kid. Once when i was around 5-7 my angelic father was taking a nap and i had the bright idea to clean his ear with a Q-tip. Of course this startled him and his first reaction was to quickly bring his hand up to his ear, effectively shoving it clean through his eardrum. He was confused for a second as the blood began pouring down the side of his head and i quickly explained what happened. He sighed, got me in the truck, and we went to ER without him getting angry at me.
24. The Ebb And Flow
My 2 year old fed my 5 year old a carpet tack, and she swallowed it. This was the same day I found out I had melanoma. That was an expensive month. We're all fine now.
23. Just Look What You're Heading Toward
My 4yo son asked an obviously pregnant woman if there was "a baby in there". When she responded in the affirmative he shouted "Sucker!"
The look the woman shot me was enough to shiver me timbers.
22. A Dramatic Way To Solve The Problem
She threw herself down in the airport and screamed WHY DID YOU THROW ME ON THE GROUND MAMA?! WHY. In the midst of crowds trying to get to their terminals. She did this because we were carrying all the bags and she didn't want to walk the last 60 feet to our gate. I wasn't even touching her when she did this I have no clue why this was her response.
21. Freshly Buttered
My kids buttered our dog. You ever try to catch a freshly buttered chihuahua?
20. The Newborn Slap
My 4yr old daughter (at the time) slapped a 3wk old newborn across the face immediately upon meeting her.
I'm 15 weeks pregnant and have a 15 month old. For those who haven't been pregnant before, the first trimester is brutal for exhaustion. With my first, I slept 10 hours a night and took a 2 hour nap every day. These days I'm incredibly lucky if I get 7 hours a night, and definitely no nap.
So one day about a month ago I barely slept because I had insomnia at night and my kid relentlessly wakes up between 5:30AM and 6:30AM. I was dead on my feet, so I decided to try and lie down on the couch and maybe catch a cat nap while my kid played. He saw me lying on the couch, walked up to me and head butted me as hard as he could right in the bridge of the nose. I heard a crunch and could have sworn it was broken it hurt so badly. In that moment, I regretted every life decision that had led me to that point. My very mature adult response was to burst into hysterical tears and ask him why he's so mean to me. I think that freaked him out more than yelling would have.
18. Praying For The Goblin KingGiphy
My then 2 year old puked, which landed in my open mouth. I wished the Goblin King would come for him then.
17. To Buy Drugs
Pawned my wedding ring to buy drugs.
16. "Down Boobies" Come With Age
When my then 3 or 4 year old daughter asked me very loudly why I don't have "down boobies" like the older lady in the swimming pool change room that was standing right next to us getting dressed
She actually laughed and said to enjoy my "up boobies" while I still had them but I was still dying inside...
15. "He's Not My Parent"
I had to take my wife to the emergency room early one morning for intense stomach pain. Our kids were 2 and 3, and it was about 1am so they went with us. I packed a bag with snacks and toys, and loaded everyone up. It was the middle of the night when we got there, but we still had to park a significant distance from the ER entrance.
When wife was back with the doc my son (2 years old) was running around and playing. He hit his bumped his his head lightly and started shrieking an ungodly banshee wail. I decided we would wait in the car and maybe drive around a little, and they'd hopefully go to sleep.
So I'm carrying the bag and two struggling angry demon-preschoolers the quarter mile to the car. At this point my son isn't shrieking, but he's not happy. We encountered an elderly couple and my daughter (3 years old) looks them dead in the face and says, "hey, he's not my parent." I was exhausted and frustrated and my arms were tired from carrying them. I didn't want to stop and have the conversation... and I panicked a little. I sped up, got to the car, loaded them up and left in a hurry. I didn't get arrested, though... I was glad at the time, now I'm kinda pissed that the old folks just let me go.
You had the look of a frustrated parent who has someone in the ER, not the look of a panicked kidnapper and your daughter's voice probably didn't sound sincere. So don't blame the old people.
You probably made a grimace and they instantly recognized it as "only a parent could be that annoyed by a comment and only their own kid would know exactly what to say to make them that annoyed"
TBH, I had never even considered that. I always just thought of it as the time I got away with kidnapping my own kids in 2007.
That does make me feel a little better about the role the elderly couple played in the worst morning of my life. Thank you.
14. Bride of ChuckyGiphy
It was early morning, and I was sleeping in my bed. My two year old woke up before me, and decided that she was going to wake me as well. She climbed out of her bed, went into the kitchen, made a set of stairs to get the kitchen knives, grabbed a knife, and headed to my bed. She climbed into my bed, and stabbed me an inch below my eye. I woke with her holding said knife over my head, and her giggling like the bride of chucky.
A two year old!?!? Wtf aren't they still essentially rugrats?
Two year olds can walk, climb, talk, (sorta) and attempt both murder and suicide all in like the same thirty seconds.
Parenting a particularly wild one is a lot like spending twelve hours trying to dress a badger in a leotard.
3 dozen half eaten sandwiches hidden around her bedroom.
If she'd told us she didn't like them, that would have been fine. but to hide them? Holy smokes.
My son was about 7. He discovered my wireless hot glue gun from my craft room. I was using it that afternoon and stopped to make dinner. I didn't shut off the gun.
Of course I didn't get to my craft space till much.later and noticed it wasn't there. Turns out my son took it and hot glued all the electrical outlets he could find. I mean, ALL of them.
11. Shake? Shake.
My now-husband and I had been officially together for maybe a week (known each other for years, tho). I was driving his immaculately maintained and detailed truck. It was hot, so I went through sonic and got the 3yr old a small milkshake. I handed it to him. He asked "shake?", I confirmed "shake."
He shook it.
Ice cream everywhere in 90+ degree heat. The truck smelled like spoiled dairy for weeks regardless of how much cleaning we did.
10. Trying To Get Suspended
My son had severe separation anxiety when he was in kindergarten, which was only made worse by a fall at school that caused head trauma (concussion followed by a seizure.)
That entire year was full of multiple parent teacher conference about behavior. He is a smart kid, so he started to purposefully try to get suspended so he could be home with us. He took the smallest girl in his class and push her head into a brick wall. The school figured out his game tho and gave him in-school suspensions.
Several therapists, medication, therapeutic mentor, an IEP, Neuro psych testing, a "big" from big brothers big sisters and two years later and he is doing much better but is still a challenge. It's the most tiring thing ever but I love him and he is continuing to improve so hopefully in a few years he is fully in control of himself.
9. Power RangersGiphy
So I'm the oldest of 6, with the youngest one being 2 and me being 18.
My six year old sister walked up to me and my mom in the living room the other day with one of those "I'm up to no good" faces. Her hands are behind her back and she starts laughing before she even has a chance to start talking.
Then, she brings forth her hands, displaying the battery, and proceeds to try and "stick them up mom's butt"
We asked why and she said, "If you stick a battery up your butt you become a power ranger."
It was hilarious the first couple times, but now we have to watch our backs as we never know when she is going to try and turn us into power rangers.
My then 8-year-old son stole $200 from my husband's wallet one night. When he overheard us talking about where the money went, he shredded it in the shredder to hide the evidence. He confessed a week later to me in tears. We were seriously broke at the time, so $200 was basically our grocery and gas money for the month.
We laugh about it now, but at the time I really was fed up.
7. The Raw Chicken Incident
When my daughter was 3 or so, the wife and I were cooking dinner and had some raw chicken out on the cutting board waiting to be prepped. We turn back to see our daughter moving her hand from the chicken to her mouth, but we were to late, and she licks her fingers.
Now, she turns out fine, so stay with me.
She ends ups projectile vomiting, with explosive diarrhea all through the night. Of course she wanted to sleep with us since she didn't feel good.
We ended up changing the sheets at least 4 times. Whats worse/better? She was laughing about it most of time, cause she got to stay up late.
She still laughs when we tell her about it. She is 15 now.
6. The Drug Store
My daughter, at age 4, accompanied me on some errands. First, the drug store, the nursery, the bank and then the grocery. After checking out, the cashier says, "Miss, don't forget your change." My daughter turns around and says, "Don't give that to her--she'll just spend it on drugs!" That's when we started referring to it as 'Walgreens' instead of the 'drug store.'
She got a hold of a paint can during church... when we walked out of mass into the courtyard we found out what a good 'artist' she was becoming.
4. The Pot Luck Dinner
We had a lady at the church I used to go to that was severely obese - she had topped 500lbs. She also had the incredibly rude habit of pushing people out of the way with her motor scooter during any of the pot luck meals put on by the church.
My oldest is autistic (aspergers) and his filter when younger was... yeah let's be honest. There wasn't one.
So one Sunday at the dinner she, of course, pushes past people in her scooter cutting in line. My son frustratedly says "Hey don't eat all the food PLEASE!"
I was kind of stunned like....did that....did that come FROM HIM. She complained to the pastor later, but honestly I think pastor was kind of done with her and her rude family too. I honestly don't think my son meant it from a place of shaming and most likely didn't even notice her weight. He is just so damn blunt at times. If anything the cutting in line was more of a trigger then anything else.
3. Hot Mushroom Cleavage
During a wedding feast, my then 4 year-old brother tried to use chopsticks to pick up a "burning hot" mushroom and accidentally threw it directly to the cleavage of my mum (who was wearing a low cut dress). I'm never having kids.
2. The Risky Fart
Lost a bet on a risky fart and pooped the bed. We didn't find out until about a week and a half later. She'd just been sleeping in the bed like nothing was wrong the whole time. She said she forgot, but...it was very obvious and not something you would or could overlook. And it's not like my kids get in trouble for things like that and she was afraid. My wife is a nurse and handles stuff like that with pure compassionate-mom professionalism.
Some things are deceptively simple.
Oh, skydiving? That's easy.
Love yourself? Simple.
Who can't open a can of pickles?
ME! ME! That's who. I can't do any of the above simply.
It's all hard. And you know it too.
It's just designed to" look" easy only to bamboozle us.
Approach everything as a burden and live by a motto...
Redditor pterv2112 wanted to hear about the things that are truthfully not so simple.
"What looks easy peasy lemon squeezy but is actually difficult difficult lemon difficult?"
Monopoly. For the life of me, I can't get the hang of that game. I don't care anymore.
Play it...Saturday Night Live Happy Dance GIFGiphy
"Playing the triangle. A lot of my non-musician friends joke about how easy it is to play it. Then they actually hold the damn thing and look stupid."
It's A Lot!
"Work. I'm a lawyer and had a client call saying she needs a help with a merger, but 'don't worry, it's super easy peasy lemon squeezy.' That project took 6 months and I almost had a breakdown. She didn't understand why the bill was so high since it was SO easy."
"Gotta love how the layman lumps all lawyers together as the sleazy snakeoil salesman type without realizing or appreciating the sheer complexity of the legal work involved."
"Dancing. I wouldn't say it looks 'easy,' but when I see people do it, they're so good at it and it flows so well it looks easy. But damn, I just CANNOT get my body to do anything more than a bop and maybe some stupid arm moves. I'm 25 and dance like a 50 year old at a reunion. Dancers are so delicate and make it look so easy, it's honestly amazing. It's just hilarious when I try to do literally anything and fail horribly."
"Whistling with your fingers."
"My cousin taught me when we were in our tweens. It's come in very helpful whistling for the dogs and horses at feeding time."
"What I always wanted to learn was how my grandpa whistled without having to stick dirty fingers in my mouth. Nothing like cleaning stalls, then trying to whistle for horses with sh*t-covered hands. Washing them in near-freezing buckets of water wasn't a first choice either."
It's a...Studying Hand-Made GIF by Philippa RiceGiphy
"Drawing something from memory. Like a bird or something. In mind - yep that's a bird On paper - that's... a bird?"
Drawing birds is impossible; mine look like mules.
Go DeepDigging Blue Collar GIF by JC Property ProfessionalsGiphy
"Digging. Anytime it's shown in movies or TV it looks easy AF but the second you have to grab a shovel and break dirt... bleh."
"A basic physical exam at the doctor. Looks like a simple 'look at the throat' - 'listen to the chest' - 'yup they have a heart all right.' When in actuality Doctors spend thousands of hours practicing it so that when you come in with a murmur or 'Funny-looking-kid-syndrome' they can recognize it immediately."
"And yes, there are entire class sections on how to respectfully ask your patient to turn their head and cough as you push on their testicles (they're looking for hernias)."
"Street names. Everyone thinks it's great fun and likes to offer suggestions but every tree, lake, and other natural feature has at least a dozen variations which you can't repeat for emergency service reasons. That and you get cities which want a street name change anytime the road changes direction regardless of a logical break point like an intersection."
"'Natural' makeup. More work than 'regular' makeup."
"To be honest this reminds me of a video I watched of a visual effects artist explaining his job, If no one notices your work on the footage you've done your job well, its only when you mess up do people notice."
"This is painfully true for a lot of jobs. When nobody notices, it means you did an excellent job but no one will give you credit because they aren't even aware there is credit due. But the moment you slightly f**k up, you're the worst person in your profession."
The SqueezeAs If Lol GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"Making lemonade. Sure squeezing one lemon is easy peasy, but do you know how much juice that makes? Not a lot."
I love Lemonade... the drink and the album... but I have no patience to make it.
Art is subjective.
As much as movies are universally loved, there are some that leave a big question mark.
Sometimes films, plots, and characters make no sense. AT ALL.
And that is uncomfortable for the ego.
Is it art?
Am I just dumb?
Why do I care?
Redditor erin214 wanted to discuss all the movies most of us just don't get.
"What movie do you just not get?"
There are so many movies to bring up. But we don't have all day... let's discuss.
I'm Lostdavid lynch GIFGiphy
"Mullholland Drive. David Lynch once said there is definitely a coherent story and you can figure it out if you just pay attention. I don't believe him."
"The Nut Job. I get that it's a kid's movie and the expectations aren't high but that movie feels 15 years older than it is and it's full of the cheesiest one liners over and over. It feels so low budget yet the cast is nothing but stars."
"It's just mediocre. Saw it once when it came out, laughed about it and enjoyed it then but never have had the urge to watch it again."
So many twists...
"Primer. Can’t follow it. I tried; I even looked up the diagrams. I cannot follow that movie for the life of me."
"I think it's just ok to not get it all. When I watch Primer I don't try to follow it all, I just understand the gist of it and understand that it does all make sense on paper and enjoy the show. Don't get too caught up in following all of the twists, it's too clever for it's own good. Really great movie, though."
"I consider myself a mild movie buff and pay attention diligently when watching any movie. But when I watched I’m Thinking of Ending Things with Jesse Plemons I had no sweet clue what was going on."
"In a nutshell: the only 'real' character in the movie is the old janitor who freezes to death at the end. Everything else is his delusional fantasy of how his life could/should have been, mixed with memories of the grim reality of why it turned out the way it did. We're observing his thought process."
Headaches...Screaming Jennifer Lawrence GIF by mother!Giphy
"I feel like mother is how I feel during a migraine. Everything is happening way too fast and I have no idea what’s going on."
Mother. Oh brother. That movie.
Bad MouthChristian Bale Oooo GIFGiphy
"American Psycho. It’s one of my favorite movies so I’m by no means bad mouthing it, but that ending drives me insane. I can’t figure it out. It makes no sense to me. What was the point supposed to be?"
Second Time Around
"Just to clarify, I didn't (don't) hate the movie, I even found the plot cool. But when trying to give it sense, I can't, because a don't fully get it."
"I actually liked it better the second time and I think it's because I watched it on a crappy sound system that drops all the low end bass and is mostly mids and highs, making the dialogue easier to hear. The basic entropy reversal premise is still too stupid to consider interesting or clever though. I can't suspend my disbelief in that idea."
I see the light...
"The Lighthouse. But I still loved it."
"I think it's about a man who is mentally ill and gets isolated along with someone he cannot stand, middle of the movie he does say that a coworker died and the film indicate that he killed him, which explains the scene where he smokes a cig by the beach and see all those logs approaching and he sees a body and he walks right towards it, maybe he regrets what he had done, his mind is certainly playing tricks on him, that's just my take."
"Cloud Atlas. I’m pretty sure you need to go on a mushroom samba to understand it."
"The book makes more sense. It's weird because there is a whole lot in the movie that is lifted very faithfully from the book but there are lots of little intangible bits that don't translate onto the screen well."
"I loved this one! I can see it's a confusing movie, though."EmileWolf
Jake AlwaysBlack And White Movie GIF by hoppipGiphy
"Donnie Darko. Do I really need a website, a book, and a director’s cut to understand a movie? A little exposition, please."
"I love this film and have seen both versions a number of times over the years. I can't explain it though, it's just a vibe I guess. Like that feeling you get when you've just woken up from a vivid dream and haven't adjusted to reality yet."
So many of these movies are on my list. It's them not us.
They say it's hard for workers to get fired from their jobs. That is unless, of course, the employee is self-sabotaging and has nothing at stake.
While there are many unemployed people desperately looking for work, there are apparently just as many of those who want nothing more than to leave a situation that makes them miserable, despite having a steady paycheck.
Curious to hear about terminated employees, Redditor bartertownbeer asked:
"What is the fastest you have ever seen a new co-worker get fired?"
Fired? How about arrested?
"During their onboarding training, they stole my bosses wallet on camera.... 1 hour in.."
Right Place, Wrong Time
"This is the opposite route here but I found it amusing. My boss was out of town and I managed a tea shop near a Starbucks years ago. This kid came in (foreign) and said he was supposed to start today. We were hiring and I trained him etc. My boss came back two days later and had no idea. The kid was in the wrong place but he stayed with us. Hired on the spot without even applying."
"We had a recent college grad that would use his corporate card for personal purchases. He figured that the company would just keep deducting from his payroll until it was paid off. He was fired after three months of constant reminders to stop doing it. I don’t think it qualifies as the fastest, because he lasted three months, but it was so idiotic."
The Longest Errand
"I work construction. We had 2 new hires that were friends starting the same day. Boss told one take a coffee order and come back. Took everyone's money and said he needed his friend to go with him cause it was a big order. They never came back."
"A 19 year old kid got hired to work the seafood counter. See him twice and then never again. Asked a coworker what happened."
"He had closed seafood one night and was walking out of the store and the 5 pounds of crab legs he'd stuffed down the back of his pants fell out in front of the closing manager."
Being under the influence at work never ends well.
"New guy drove a forklift into a fire hydrant, in front of a safety rep for the company. His supervisor was called over, and he immediately tells the supervisor that he won’t pass a piss test, as he used his only bottle of clean piss earlier that day when he hired in."
"Everybody standing there immediately burst into laughter, which continued as security (also laughing) escorted him off site. Even the supervisor was all smiles...just gave him a pat on the back and wished him the best of luck. It was wild."
"I worked in a bar and a new girl started. At work, she seemed a little rough but was fine."
"One day she finished a shift, sat at the bar and ordered a red wine with lemonade and ice in it (not really relevant to the story; just shows she is clearly insane). Her boyfriend came in, they had a huge domestic in front of my manager and several customers and she threw her drink over her bf and dramatically stormed out."
And That's Why We Don't Hire Off The Street
"Worked at a steel processing plant (polishing, cut to length, etc) Everyone started off as temps, some for years, before getting hired in. Management decided they were short-staffed and the solution was to start hiring people full-time off the street."
"So this dude starts, full-time on day one, full benefits, more money, getting trained by temps who've been there for months, if not years. Everyone is mad resentful of this dude, obviously."
"Halfway through his second day he gets escorted out for testing positive for coke on his drug test."
"They didn't hire any more dudes full-time off the street."
Competence is of utmost importance. Having brains is a good place to start as well.
Fast Food, Faster Firing
"Heard this from a manager I worked with when I worked in fast food. There was this one kid who didn’t show up for work. He ditched work often, so the manager called around, couldn’t get anyone to fill in his shift, so she had to fill it for him."
"A few hours into his shift, the dude ditching SHOWS UP, with his friends, and orders food from that manager. She fired him on the spot."
Careful Who You Denigrate
"First day of work, he walks in, says 'what the f'k is up dumba**' to the guy that parked next to (didn't touch) his new Camaro he bought since he got hired."
"The guy was the CEO of the company I used to work for, on visit to our branch."
"Literally ten minutes into his shift he was signing release papers."
"Worked in a grocery store for awhile: new guy took a lobster out of the tank and removed the elastic bands on its claws, then proceeded to put it back in the tank. The thing murdered all the other lobsters in the tank."
Up In Flames
"Guy had been working a few days at a barn. Decided to smoke right by bales of hay. Manager saw him and fired him right on the spot. At farms, you don’t f'k around with fire."
Remember when I mentioned how it's difficult for people to get fired?
Yeah, let's scratch that.
Apparently, it's super easy.
A trial can hinge on one simple piece of information.
All it could take for a suspect to walk free or go to jail for the rest of their lives is one single fact.
With this in mind, some lawyers will do their best to make sure that this information is buried, legally and ethically one hopes, and will never be brought up in trial.
However, for this to happen, Lawyers will still need to know this piece of information from their clients, as it otherwise could be brought up by the prosecution, effectively ending the case.
"Lawyers of Reddit, what is a detail that your client failed to bring up to you that completely lost you the case?"
The Whole Truth...
"Opposing counsel: 'Isn’t it true you hit Victim in the face with a brick?"'
"Client: 'No. Marcus hit him with the brick. I hit him in the back with a piece of wood'."- lizard96golf
Thought She Was Being Clever...
"A buddy of mine case as a public defender."
"A gal was busted on drug charges, and told him she didn't have any drugs on her when they arrested her."
"He thought, ok we'll use that."
"Turns out, she didn't have any drugs on her when they arrested her because she just sold them to an undercover cop."- CheapCigars
Choice Of Clothes Can Make A Difference...
"My house was robbed."
"In addition to all the stuff the thief took, he also stole a bunch of my suits and all of my neck ties."
"I had a big collection, like 100 or so."
"However, the thief left fingerprints on a hard plastic box that I kept spare change in."
"Fast forward 3 months, the thief is caught in the act of robbing another house in the same neighborhood, same detectives on my case and this new theft."
"They fingerprint the guy and the fingerprints match the ones from my house."
"At the thief’s arraignment, I see him stroll in wearing my suit and my tie."
"I tell the district attorney, he says there’s really no way to prove it."
"However, the tie he chose to wear was a one of kind street map of San Francisco and I still had all the documentation to prove it."
"The district attorney’s eyes widen and he informs the judge."
"The judge has the thief placed under arrest again for possession of stolen property."
"The thief’s lawyer was dumbfounded."
"It was a nice end to a rough situation!"- West-Operationsuit and tie johnny bananas GIF by 1st LookGiphy
Never Depend On Technicalities
"Obligatory not my client."
"Company I worked for at the time was doing due diligence before acquiring a small tech startup."
"The COO of the tech startup was a well-liked guy in the company, friendly and outgoing."
"Though we had heard rumblings that the COO was rather hands-on with the work and with female employees."
"Apparently there was a walk-away package proposed to the COO that would let him keep a sizable portion of his post-acquisition bonus because a young woman who worked in their sales department had filed HR complaints against the COO and obtained counsel."
"I sat in on the meeting with the COO and the company's retained lawyers while they grilled him about his contacts with the young woman."
"The COO denied ever having contact with her within the company without multiple other people present, those people said his behavior toward her in the meetings didn't raise any flag."
"The COO emphatically denied having any contact with her outside of work."
"The lawyers asked the question a half-dozen different ways and each time the COO denied any out of work contact."
"Later we meet with the woman and her lawyer with the COO not present."
"Her lawyer gives us a rather graphic card that came with a bouquet of flowers addressed to her from the COO."
"The guy had an account with a florist linked to his credit card."
"When the company-retained lawyers confronted him he said, 'but I never had contact with her'."
"'It's not like I delivered the flowers myself'."
"COO got terminated for cause so no walk-away package."
"At her request the woman was given PTO until after the acquisition then moved to another one of the companies under our umbrella."- GuiltyLawyerseason 5 episode 21 GIFGiphy
Who Exactly Am I Talking To?
"We got to the deposition of my client and all set up."
"The first question is 'please state your name'."
"The client looks at me and says 'can we take a break?'"
"We do and she pulls me out in the hall to tell me she's lied to me about her identity."
"She's apparently a serial fraudster and has changed identities 7 times since the 90s."
"She apparently thought the other attorneys had some how figured it out and that's why they asked the question."- Philosopher422
It's The Little Ones That Get You...
"Minor traffic cases can be the worst for this, believe it or not, because they are short and simple and often times the client isn't there, so if you get blindsided by something critical there's often no chance to consult with them to turn things around."
"I had a simple speeding case, 70mph in a 55."
"No big deal, if she does a driving improvement course they court will usually dismiss or reduce those, since her driving record wasn't bad."
"When I showed up for her, I found out that she had been driving 70 up an unplowed snow lane, to get around all the others cars traveling in the lane that had been plowed because they were driving too slow."
"I didn't know it was even possible to drive 70 on fresh snow."
"The officer stated he'd already cut her a break by not writing the ticket for reckless driving, and the judge politely agreed he didn't feel comfortable reducing it under those circumstances."
"When I called her up after court to confirm, she did, claimed she'd just forgotten to mention it."
"Now maybe I've lived too much of my life in the south, but that just boggles my mind as a detail you'd forget when hiring a lawyer for that incident."
"I would have told her in advance that hiring us was a waste of money, not to mention the hassle of taking an 8 hour class, and she should probably just go ahead and pay this one."
"I legitimately do that all the time during consults."
"Give my honest assessment if the case is even worth doing, and so by omitting that detail she harmed herself for no reason."
"At least she took it well and didn't get defensive."- AmberWavesofFlameDriving Get Away GIF by Zella DayGiphy
Despite the longstanding negative connotations which come with them, lawyers are there to help you.
So it's always the best decision to tell them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, especially if you're paying for their services.
That, or just obey the law so you won't need one.