Parents Of Toddlers Break Down Their Funniest 'I Can't Believe I'm Actually Saying This' Experience
Toddlers are a test of the human experience.
No matter how much you have it together, a toddler has the ability to throw you for a loop every which way. Things you didn't think you'd have to explain become fodder for explanation; phrases you never imagined would come out of your mouth simply have to-for the sake of your toddler.
u/landreasen asked:
Here were some of those answers.
Mrow
We have an almost daily conversation about how its not nice to color the cat.
I'm not saying kids should be intentionally hurt to teach them things, but if a toddler won't listen to their parents about pulling the cat's tail and being gentle then the cat will be more than willing to make the argument.
It Can't Actually Do That
So we were counting down the time on the microwave until her chicken nuggets were done. 3...2...1...END. Not zero. The worst tantrum today was that she wanted to count down to 0 on the microwave, but there is no 0 just END. "No I can't make the microwave be 0 sweetie."
PROVE IT
I work at a doctor's office and sometimes take triage calls in the evening and weekend. One time while on the phone with a patient, my son ran over and said loudly, "I NEED YOU TO PROVE TO ME THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A PENIS."
Blame It On The Booty
"We don't touch people like that" after my then 2 yr old daughter reached out and caressed the butt of a woman in a tightly packed elevator. I still remember the look on the woman's face as she spun around and looked at me, and then looked down to see a smiling 2 yr old in her stroller with hand still outstretched.
Not So Loud!
My daughter in the bathroom at Target, "Dad! I'm shaking the pee off!" Me: "What? Child, girls don't need to-" Her: "I'm shaking the pee off my who-ha!" Me, meeting the gaze of another father in the bathroom: "I don't know...." Other father: "You learn to just let some things be."
The Dog's New Best Friend
"You need to make me more chicken nuggets"
Me: well why is that, buddy, are you still hungry?
"No, but Sydney (our dog) was so I fed them to her."
It's not that he didnt want to eat... He just thought the dog looked hungry so he fed her his entire bowl without taking a bite. Needless to say our dog was happy
We are naked potty training and I've literally lost count of the number of things my son has tried to smoosh into his foreskin. M&Ms? Check. LEGO fig head? Check. Grape? Check. So my vote is for "You can NOT PUT THAT IN YOUR PENIS!"
This Ain't Gonna Last
"You can't go to school today because it's Saturday!"
And then she sulked because who the heck dares close the school two days per week. I hope she'll still be this motivated during her teen years.
I Missed My Mouth
No kids here but once i babysat my neph and niece. Was so proud of mealtime, baths, diapers changed on the niece, got them to bed and settled. My sister and BIL got home and the neph woke up to greet them. First thing she notices....the macaroni noodle behind his ear from dinner. How is that possible?
It's Not Your Fault, Nephew
Not today and it was my nephew. He had a bunch of those little McDonald's toys that you can clip onto backpacks and stuff. "Hey bud, how about we find another name for those. Something different than 'hooker toys'"
Vomit As A Weapon
I have twins, everyday I have to remind one of them, "don't throw up," and the other, "don't jump off of anything."
Basically, if they get into a heated fight, one of them will deliberately vomit on the other. Meanwhile, the other one spends all day trying to jump onto her sister and other people from high ground WWF-style (usually triggering the aforementioned fight/vomit-fest).
Before you ask, it's not a medical condition, she will not do it if she's been reminded (we got it checked out too).
You Just Gotta Hold On, Kid
Daddy doesn't like it when he and other daddy have the, uh, door closed for a little while and you lie on the floor and try to peek and listen through the gap at the bottom of the door. Not today but that one is evergreen the weirdest thing I've said.
Did He Deserve It
When my daughter was three this boy (maybe 4) walked up to her in the store and slapped her. The boy's dad of course yelled at him but before either of us could get to them she full on knocked this kid on the ground with one punch. First thing out of my mouth? "Nice hit sweetie but you shouldn't extend your arm that far."
This Isn't Up For Debate
"No, buddy. Nazis really are bad."
Nazis came up in a conversation in front of him and he thinks disagreeing is the funniest thing ever so he kept saying they were good.
It's Just Right There
Obligatory "not a parent" but I am a preschool teacher and the weirdest thing I've had to say so far to a kid is "We don't kiss our teacher on the butt."
Can't say I blame the kid, I mean, adult butts are right at their face level.
No Protein?!
This may not sound weird to most people, but those with a toddler will be wondering WTF
"No bud, you cant have just peas & carrots for dinner. Can you at least try a bite of chicken nugget or cheese?"
(My 2 year old is a freak of nature and regularly eats only the veggies, no matter what i make)
June is a happy and exciting month for the LGBTQ+ community, being Pride Month.
Where people can proudly celebrate who they are and who they love.
And the crowds at these events seem to only grow bigger every year, as more and more LGBTQ+ allies also partake in the celebration.
Some of these allies might be late to the party, as it were, owing to the fact that they once held homophobic views, and only recently became more educated and changed their minds.
Redditor aestheticbear was curious what exactly it was that led former homophobes to change their previous views, leading them to ask:
"Former homophobic people of Reddit: what happened that made you stop being homophobic?"
It was what they were taught.
"Like many here, I grew up around people where homophobia was the norm."
"I come from a Latino, Mexican, background and I'm really ashamed of how much homophobia/hate in general there is in our culture."
"Since most Mexicans are Catholic, I grew up around the church a lot, especially since my father had once been a Catholic priest, long story."
"Growing up, and to this day, I was surrounded by lots of hate towards the LGTBQ+ community."
"My parents would often make remarks making queer people seem almost as if they were crazy."
"They would often say that they were crazy for wanting 'gay rights' and even saying 'yuck' if they saw a movie scene where 2 people of the same sex where kissing."
"As a kid, I was sort of brain washed into all of this."
"As I grew older, I learned more about the world around me especially learning from friends who had come out."
"I especially owe a lot to a teacher of mine who had opened my eyes up to many issues of our world."
"Now I'm a proud pansexual."- davvaz62
By simply getting to know them.
"I met some gay people."
"As it turns out they were just people"- moolord
By witnessing unjustified judgment.
"Not homophobic, but I woke up at about 10 when my mom said my uncle was banned from coming to our vacation condo by my father because he was gay."
"Before then I kind of let the arguments and both sides bit wash over me, but that was a crystallization point where I started noticing it as pure bigotry."
"I'm sorry the nicest dude in the family full of domestic violence and white collar drug abusers cant come to Christmas because he's gay?"
"You're both cheating on each other, sanctity of what marriage now?"- Robin_games
My mother knocked some sense into me
"My mom slapped me and told me everyone has a right to be happy."
"That was in 9th grade 13 years ago."- Bloodllust
Growing up
"Homophobia was the norm when I was growing up."
"Then I got older and the political landscape changed which made me question my belief and I came to the conclusion it just didn't make any sense to be homophobic."- LuciferIsFallen
"Realized that, fundamentally, being gay is just 'what' you are. It’s not 'who' you are."
Self-discovery
"I came out as gay."- pethal
"Stopped listening to my homophobic family and left their religion."
"Oh and also realized I myself was pretty gay."- Raidden
Just one moment of clarity
"I wasn't super homophobic, just a 'love the sinner, hate the sin' kind of guy."
"On my last day in high school, someone said 'Why do I care? They're not hurting me'."
"Cured me in three seconds."
"I still remember how magical that moment was for me."- Dirgonite
Re-evaluating religion
"There are 20 years between myself and my youngest brother."
"I, and my SO, was raised in an explicitly homophobic/biphobic/transphobic fundamentalist religion, that I left with my SO in my early 20s.
"So I had a lot of internalized, conditioned, toxic beliefs about the LGBTQ that needed to be deconstructed."
"My little brother was obviously either gay or bi and it was obvious from the time he was six imho."
"He came out to my sisters, SO, and I as bi when he was 11 and we were like 'tell us something we don't know lol'."
"I think watching him just grow up, it was obvious that he hadn't chosen to be that way, it was just how he was."
"This false narrative that LGBTQ are somehow defective or sinners became more disgusting to me over time."
"I can't remember exactly when it happened but my SO and I were like 'if our future child happened to be LGBTQ, could we teach that child the things we were taught about the LGBTQ?'"
"'We were like 'no, that would be evil'."
"Now, we have an 18yo niece that recently came out as lesbian and we feel honored to be the only family that she trusts enough to introduce to her first GF."
"Spending time with her just reaffirms the fact that there is nothing wrong with the LGBTQ, it was our upbringing that was defective."- Jormungandr91
It's amazing how so many ignorant people don't realize that all one needs to do to see a little more clearly is to open your eyes.
Here's hoping that they help others who remain as ignorant as they once were to open their eyes as well.
Everyone has unusual phobias.
Things which they simply can't bear the sight of, and are forced to turn away when they find themselves in the presence of it.
More often than not, these things are usually habits or behaviors which one normally wouldn't do in polite society.
But, have you ever been repulsed by something that the majority of people might consider "normal"?
Something that's just an everyday occurrence in life?
Redditor Allthelights011 was curious to learn what "normal" things fellow Reddit users were disgusted by, leading them to ask:
"What’s a completely normal thing you find disgusting?"
Fun to do, not to watch.
"Watching people eat."- elladeighthecat·
Just not my style
"Gauged ears, or is it gaged ears?"
"I don't know."
"Big gross holes in people's ears gross me the f*ck out."- alienanimal
Blood? No problem. Saliva on the other hand...
"Spit."
"I was a nurse for 6 months before I found a better paying job and I could deal with blood, feces and urine no problem but if someone is drooling or spitting it grossed me out."- sayziell
watching arrested development GIFGiphyJust because it's nature doesn't mean it isn't gross.
"When animals are 'doin' it'."- Colonelfudgenustard
Every month!
"Periods."
"I know it's completely normal but just the initial cramps and mood swings honestly suck."
oscar isaac eating GIF
Not pleasant to watch or do.
"Vomiting."
"The feeling after you puke is terrific."
"It's all the sh*t you feel beforehand and the act of throwing up itself that weirds me out."- geico_fire
No one needs them or needs to see them.
"Skin tags."
"I know people can’t help them and they’re painful to remove but they make me physically ill."- Stealthnt13
Wash your freakin' hands!
"Dirt in your nails"- dejavuthrills
If I didn't actually have to, I wouldn't...
"Pooping!"- stormwaltz
Toilet Pooping GIF by Alberto PozoGiphyPerhaps what's most difficult about these particular aversions, is that ignoring or avoiding them, or simply looking the other way might not be possible.
Leaving one no other choice than to grin and bear it.
And maybe occasionally withhold the vomit you feel coming...
Chances are, you've been told to try new things ever since you were a little kid. I know I was.
Sometimes, certain activities or experiences seem crazy, and you don't even want to give them a chance.
This could be true of some things. For example, there is no reason to ingest tide pods.
Sometimes an activity or experience that seems crazy only seems that way because you haven't tried it yet.
I thought nothing good could come of mixing buttery popcorn with Swedish Fish, but now it's my favorite snack!
Redditor TheUnthinkableVids wanted to know about other things that seem crazy, but should be given a chance.
He asked:
"What’s a “don’t knock it till you try it” experience that you would weirdly recommend?"
Having Fun Doing You
"LARPing."
"It has a bad reputation of power tripping nerds deluding themselves in public with seemingly no self awareness, but give it a go."
"I found it was more like sparring with a stunt troupe. It was harder than it looked, and everyone was having fun doing their thing while ignoring the haters, which was pretty cool I must admit."
– obscureferences
The Perfect Sauce
"Balsamic glaze on pizza."
– Advanced_Nerve_7602
"Have it on Vanilla ice cream. Amazing."
– henri915
"Basalmic on watermelon is refreshing!"
– spacemantrip
Aim High
"Climbing onto your roof"
– Responsible-Fold1755
"I like how most of the responses in this thread are "try psychedelics" or "go skydiving" or "see a therapist" but you're like, "have you ever been on your roof?""
"Gotta admit though, I've been on my roof and it's strangely satisfying. You get a vantage point to see something that you see everyday, just a little higher up."
– you_did_wot_to_it
Multiple Screens
"A lot of computer noobs think that they would never use more than one monitor, and they don't see the purpose behind it. Bruh. It's magical, trust me."
– Rogue_Like
"I could use a third tbh"
– halfcookies
"I was one of those computer noobs for the longest time. A second monitor changed my life. Then I eventually got a third.... And I can't lie if every now and then I didn't tell myself "a fourth monitor would be quite convenient in this situation....."
– furbit73
Cheese And Everything
"Fresh Mozzarella and honey"
– duskhelm2595
"Or really any cheese and honey. I love eating sharp aged cheddar with hot honey."
– accountability_bot
"Cheese and jam on toast"
– Fickle_Landscape6761
"Cream cheese and grape jelly sandwiches! (On toast)"
– itsstillmeagain
Pampering Is Always Good
"Pedicure for men."
– woodbarber
"My mom made me get one with her when I was a teenager. It rocked. Adult me gets a pedi at least once a month now. $25 to sit in a massage chair while someone cuts my toenails and massages my feet/legs? Yes please!"
– Sichael
The Magic of Salt
"Black pepper and salt on watermelon"
– curiousy_tea
"Salt on pineapple!"
– UnSuccessfulTree61
"A little sprinkle of salt in your coffee"
– Vanilla_Tom
"Salt in Fanta"
– Capable-Reading-8766
Uh...What?
"Draw a bath, turn the shower on, turn the lights off, prop up an umbrella, have a headlamp, a beverage and a good book."
"You look crazy, but try it, you’ll like it."
– ThinkIGotHacked
Be Your Own Best Friend
"Go to a restaurant on your own. Cinema on your own."
– Painting-Powerful
Jumping Out Of A Plane...Safely
"Skydiving. I did a tandem for my 60th I wish I had of done it when I was younger and learnt to do it solo."
– shazj57
"Tandem skydiving instructor here - I wish everyone would try it at least once, it isn't as bad as most people expect, and is much safer than the general public is willing to admit! Glad you had fun :)"
– JustAnotherDude1990
You don't even have to try something if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, but sometimes pushing boundaries and stepping out of your comfort zone can be the best thing for you.
Give seemingly crazy things a chance, and who knows what could happen? You could end up finding a great new hobby... or at least something delicious to eat!
Wise people tend to glorify the past for good reason. Simpler times seemed to indicate just that. Less life drama.
While many technical advances have also made our current life easier, it certainly has come with its share of complications that never existed prior to another time.
Curious to hear from strangers online, one Redditor asked:
"What was actually better in the past?"
People found traveling, particularly flying, was less dramatic back in the day.
Travel Scene
"Airports."
– Ron_deBeaulieu
"This is true. We used to go to the airport to go to the cafe within the airport, watch the planes take off, people watch."
– Botryoid2000
Comfort In The Skies
"Flying in general."
"More seat space, meals included (and a choice of meals), actual metal utensils, luggage included, no need to get to the airport 2 hours before your flight..."
– cinemascifi
A Proper Send-Off
"And you could say goodbye to your friends at the gate. Get there early before the flight and grab a leisurely meal with them. Man, airports used to be fun."
– Ron_deBeaulieu
TSA Efficiency
"In the 90s airport security took half as long."
– oarngebean
Many Redditors believe living in the present is a huge economical inconvenience.
Income Injustice
"Prices vs earnings."
– Jimbruno55
Parenthood Crisis
"Psh. Try childcare. Our childcare cost for two children is more than our mortgage. When I was the same age, it cost my parents about $50/week. Today that would be roughly $135/week per kid. We’re paying $500/wk and still don’t have full time care for both kids. Sh*t’s crazy."
– JsDaFax
Criminals seemed to have a field day once upon a time.
Untraceable
"Being a criminal. If there was a security camera, it was too low resolution to make your face very identifiable."
– Delica
Before CSI
"also DNA analysis and fingerprinting wasn't as good, no Internet to track you."
– ScorpionX-123
Leaving The Country Undetected
"It used to be that it was possible for someone to commit a serious crime, move across the country, and never be caught. As communications technology has improved, that’s no longer feasible."
– RealHumanFromEarth
How people occupied their time in the past seemed to be more favorable.
The Life-Line Device
"Smart phones too, Reddit is the only social media I use and still I stare at this f'king thing 5 hours a day. I know I’m addicted to it and I’d love to punt it but unfortunately it’s also my phone, my map, my camera, my tape measure, my dictaphone, my Walkman etc. etc."
– tarkuspig
The sentiment that the past was better stems largely from nostalgia.
Aside from accessing our Gameboys and Tamagochis, my friends and I would ride our bikes or skateboard out in the cul-de-sac.
We would scrape our knees from falling, get knocked to the ground playing freeze tag, and come home with dried mud on our clothes from a day of roughhousing.
It was some of the best times of my childhood, and I feel for today's youth who still have the option of playing outside but choose to live on their iPads and iPhones instead.
They don't know what they're missing, TBH. Maybe it's just me.