I apparently burbled some nonsense after waking up following a surgery when I was eight years old. I can't really remember much of it, but I do remember the nausea after I came off the anesthesia. I did vomit. That wasn't fun. (The surgery was a success, by the way.)
I suppose I wasn't necessarily the most fun patient for the nurses in the ward that day, but never fear, others are here with far more entertaining stories to tell! You can thank Redditor thalborg, who asked, "Nurses of Reddit, what's the most entertaining thing someone has said coming off anesthesia?"
"A man asked me..."
A man asked me if his body parts still belong to him and I still think about it.
"He looks at me..."
I work in the OR. Funniest was a guy quickly sat straight up after extubation. we're all standing around him making sure he doesn't try to jump off the table. He looks at me and then slowly gives me double finger guns. Turns is head to another staff member and slowly gives them finger guns. Didn't say a word, just finger guns.
A lot of people wake up really crazy; they start swinging or just get really restless on a narrow OR bed. It's nice when people wake up sleepy and I'll just bundle em up with blankies and roll out.
"When she was coming out of the ketamine slumber..."
ER tech here. We often do conscious sedations with ketamine to realign broken bones.
I had a 10 year old girl who snapped her arm on the trampoline. When she was coming out of the ketamine slumber, she asked why she saw God. Little freaky. She also snarfed down 4 PB&J sandwiches after and I was impressed.
The best has to be the sledding accident kid who snapped his tibia. When he was coming out of the ketamine sleep, he kept begging us not to tell his mom he smoked weed for the first time the day before. His mom was IN the room while this was taking place.
"My patient screamed..."
We had to slide board a patient from the stretcher to his bed after an endoscopy. (You put a board between bed and stretcher and then grab patient and slide them over to bed with sheet underneath them.)
My patient screamed "WEEEE!" And then proceeded to tell us that these are the best drugs ever and that it felt like the 60s again.
"Her husband translated later..."
Female patient after C-section asking me how many chickens she had, because she had beef with pig. Her husband translated later: how much the baby weighed, because I have a bet with hubby.
"Guy wakes up in the recovery room..."
Guy wakes up in the recovery room after left knee replacement surgery and starts talking with his wife, "Well, at least I still have two good knees." "Oh honey," she replied, "you just had knee surg.." He interrupts in a loud voice, "MY RIGHT KNEE AND MY WEENIE!"
"I had a male patient..."
I had a male patient who as he woke up mumbled "I'm not pregnant?!"
"Same guy would walk past me..."
Did a short stint in recovery as part of my graduate program. I got proposed to a couple of times. Same guy would walk past me in the corridor a day later and not recognise me!
"It wasn't something he said..."
It wasn't something he said, but I had a patient in his 50s attempt to motorboat his wife when she came to pick him up. She was mortified, and I managed to keep a straight face while giving her all his post-op instructions.
"My favorite while I was working..."
So I am a nurse, but my favorite coming out of anesthesia story was my husband's. I went back to see him in recovery and he was super eager to leave and was trying to remember where he parked and I said, "don't worry babe- I'll bring the car around." "YOU know where the car is?!" "I do- I drove us here." "You DROVE US HERE? Oh my god- you drove us here? Thank youuuu." "You're welcome- I was happy to do it." "Oh my god- you drove us here. Oh wow." (He was close to tears at this point.) I took him to lunch after and he nodded off while staring intently at a novelty salt shaker.
My favorite while I was working was a man who woke up from a double great toe amputation and was super worked up about how he was going to wear flip flops until I suggested he try out slides instead.
"When my dad woke up..."
When my dad woke up after his colonoscopy, the first thing he asks the doctor was, "Did you find any gerbils in there?" My mom was embarrassed but the doc laughed and said, "No, but I did find a coke bottle."
"I was in labor..."
I'm a nurse, but this story is about me. I was in labor with my first child and they had given me demerol in my IV. My husband looks at me and says "You're f***ed up!" He said I then tried to tell him I wasn't and that I held up my hand and said "Look, I"m fine! I have 5 hands on 1 finger!" I was f***ed up.
"From a young lady..."
"Oh mister, you are cute. Wait, I know you. You're that guy from Roswell. You're an alien. Take me to your spaceship."
From a young lady during my first week at the hospital as a student. The whole scene was quite awkward. Benzos can f*** you up.
"As a student..."
As a student, I spent a day observing (and trying to be helpful) in the recovery ward for a GI clinic (think Colonoscopy ). I was bringing a gentleman's wife into see him, and went over to see if he was fully awake. Now, this was a very proper gentleman, who came in in a 3 piece suit, and seemed super-embarrassed about the whole process.
So, he looks up at me, farts, then says "Nurse, I think I have just been violated" before falling back asleep. His wife just sorta stood there. I booked it out of the room, spent 5 minutes laughing hysterically in the cleaning room, surrounded by all manner of equipment designed to go into people.
"You may know that..."
Doctor here. You may know that we ask the patient to count down from 10 while we put him under? Well he woke up murmuring "-53, -54, -55..." as if he'd been counting in his sleep.
Nurse here: Patient waking up post-surgery got pissed off at me when I asked him how he was feeling, I continued to ask him if he was hurting because he was just going around in circles about how its "Not fair" and that "This is ridiculous." Then he looks at me square in the chest, and states "I haven't even looked in the refrigerator yet." Then proceeded to flop his head back down and drift off.
"I woke up..."
When I had nasal surgery, I'd been dreaming about a shooting competition I went to. I woke up asking the nurse if she'd remembered to lock down the rifle box in the van. She looked a bit terrified.
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