Typically before a big break up people already have a feeling that a storm is brewing. There is that spark of a moment when it hits “this is over, isn't it." For some it's a small thing like thinking about what they won't do with a spare room if their partner moved out, others it's when this lover was caught in the act with another.
For me, it was when we at down to a family dinner only to have our car surprisingly repossessed while sitting at the table. I found out the ex had spent hundreds on a multiplayer online game instead of making payments on the family vehicle. Right then was the realization that we had vastly different priorities and the days together would be numbered. Sometimes sharing these experiences can help others not feel so alone.
Redditor abul201 wanted to start the conversation about these moments. They asked:
"What was the exact moment you realized your relationship was doomed?"
From the minor to the heartbreaking, Redditors from all over shared the moments when they knew deep down it was over.
Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater...
“Using my ex's computer and saw a folder on his desktop with a random name. It was weird so I clicked on it and he had HUNDREDS of photos and screen caps of sexts, ads he put looking for women, emails, etc. It was insane. Some of the chats ended literally moments before I opened the front door.”
“Some of the chats were just complaining about me. Some were more romantic. A lot were purely sexual. I have no idea why he screenshotted them all. I have never felt that level of betrayal in such a short moment; it felt like I'd explode. So yeah, we weren't working things out after that lol.”
Parenting says a lot about a person...
“Almost 3 years ago now, my ex and I had plans for a couple weeks to take his 2 toddlers to Chuckie Cheese when I got off that day. He decided to go to CC by himself that morning to 'get out of the house.' He was screaming and cussing at them for not behaving while there and while having lunch at my work, and turned around while driving to spank one of them for something small, and I LOST IT."
“I let him know what I thought of his parenting, how I had raised his kids for two years and I was hurt he excluded me from family time, I let him absolutely have it about everything. 2 weeks later I was living with family instead of him. Thank God I got out. I'm currently laying in bed with the love of my life and our two dogs.“
This Redditor continued adding a more lighthearted break up moment...
“Also adding my funniest one because we aren't all perfect: I broke up with my last ex bc she ate my dessert and refused to accept it was rude. (After 6+ months of not being happy together, I'll add.)”
Hungry Bill Murray GIF by Groundhog DayGiphy“"When she stopped saying 'I love you’...”
“When she stopped saying ‘I love you’ at the end of our phone calls. I know it sounds minor, but that was when I knew. I don't think she even realized that I noticed.”
“Internally I was like brush...”
“I had this conversation with the last guy I dated. Apparently I knew things he told me which not even his friends knew and all. But I realised he doesn't ever initiate or let the conversation go that way where I can talk to him about my past relationships and all, I don't share much about family stuff initially.”
“He said he doesn't want to lose the spark and all excitement by knowing everything in one go. Internally I was like bruh, I have many stories atleast let me feel like you're interested. It was such a blegh answer. I said cool.”
“Maybe he didn't wanted me to get attached because he was going to change cities soon, but I already knew that. His way of handling it just made me realise, that I'm waiting for him to change cities soon, and if he was not , I'll end it anyway.”
What did he expect?
“When he showed up after disappearing for 5 days (after he'd picked a fight the same day he returned from a TDY and left saying he ‘was done’) and his first words were ‘I’m recording this and I'm just here to get some of my stuff’.
And then he had the audacity to be pissed and upset when I filed for divorce and moved out a week later because he ‘never said he wanted a divorce’.”
Sometimes things just run their course.
“We didn't have a crazy blowout breakup, it was a long slow death of relationship. We were laying in bed about a month before we officially split and she was expressing the possibility of leaving.”
“My first thought was ‘I could do so much cool sh*t with the office/spare bedroom once she's gone’ instead of trying to communicate or work through it in a constructive way. We had a good relationship, it had just ran it's course. But I suppose that's the exact moment I knew it was really over.”
Malaligned priorities...
“When she spent the mortgage payment on Facebook games.”
Video Games Gamer GIFGiphyDidn't want to deal with the consequences...
“When 3 days after admitting that she cheated and had sex with her previous boss, after 9 months of denying my suspicions and projecting on me, she said 'are you going to get over it already, or just hold this over my head forever?'"
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
So much infidelity...
“When I went to use the iPad we shared and realized he hadn't logged out of his email. He worked out of town a lot, I found out he had an Ashley Madison account and had many posts on Craigslist 'in town for one night only, looking for sex'. Felt like I got stabbed in the heart right then."
“I never saw her for days on end.”
“When she started going out to friends' houses more and more. It wasn't that I was against her seeing her friends, but I mean it was to a point where I never saw her for days on end.”
“When she DID come back? She didn't want any sort of affection. Or touch. Or anything. I knew it was over, but my heart ruled my head and I tried to ignore it in the interest of saving it, but I knew.”
“Found out a day later she was cheating while she was ‘out with friends’. And that she had fallen for the guy she was cheating on me with.” We1tfunk
Off with his head!
“When I was in the hospital after a c-section and told him I just wanted a burrito for lunch and he said he wasn't going for Mexican, he was going to Panera. Then showed up and ate his Panera in front of me, didn't get me anything because 'you never told me what you wanted'." itsgravynotsauce
“it was past time...”
“When she kept saying in arguments, ‘What if I break up with you tomorrow?’ To be fair, she probably should have long before that.”
“When I pointed out to her that she was sounding like a broken record with that line, she admitted that she had been too passive-aggressive lately, and came out and said, ‘I've been unhappy for a long time.’ We both knew, then and there, it was past time for us both to walk away from that mess of a relationship.” tifftafflarry
Young love...
“After she moved over a thousand km north I flew up to see her during holidays. When I got there I already saw how much she had fallen out of love with me (which I know is normal, to a degree). I spent two weeks up there trying to stop it from going where it was going.”
“I flew home and we ended it on non hostile terms a few days later. Sucks to have a relationship end like that, especially my first and one that lasted over a year. All less than a month ago.” Lagoon2812
How many?
“I walked in on my ex gf in bed with her co worker. Also found she had been messaging 3 other guys and was f**king them too. That was 7 years ago, I still have trust issues. I've been ghosted 4 times in the last 6 months.”
“Last one really hurt, we were doing great and she vanished. Dating sucks. Keep it up, we will find our soul mates eventually!” Shut-the-fuck-up
*Gag*
“One day I came home from work and he was asleep naked in my bed. I always made my bed with lovely fresh white cotton bedding. He was 'straddling' the edge of the duvet... the edge of the duvet was between his arse cheeks. Also he didn't shower every day.”
“Also if I didn't wash his clothes, no-one did. The duvet incident must have been the straw to break the camels back, it repulsed me to the point where any attraction I had for him drained away in seconds. I shortly after met my husband who I have been with 8 years, who is deliciously hygienic and smells amazing.” TheOutlawJosieWhale
They needed to stay out of Google...
“When they would come to me every day and tell me they think they have a new mental disorder. They would self-diagnose almost every day and then refuse to see a therapist or doctor, and would instead come to me and ask for me to help, when I have absolutely no idea how to deal with that kind of stuff, and then get pissed off when I didn't know what to do.” Anonymous26576
She didn't care...
“When I realized she never asked me how my day was when I'd ask about hers. Never asked about my hopes and dreams, about how my weekend was, or how I was doing in general. She didn't give a sh*t about me.” ipromiseimcool
“This is one of those ‘hindsight is 20/20’ things, but. My ex fiancé got into a verbal altercation with someone at a screening of Batman. I guess she stole someone's seat and didn't tell me?”
“Just led me over to the seats. So I went to get popcorn and she stayed at the seats. Well, the person whose seat it originally was came back, and was (understandably) upset that she was sitting there. Instead of moving like a normal person, my ex proceeded to get in a yelling match with the guy.”
“I came back with popcorn & saw this happening, and tried to get her to move... no dice. An usher got involved. We ended up getting her to move seats but she proceeded to rant about ‘that jerk at the movies’ for a while after.... even tho she was, in fact, the jerk that day....”
“That was very early on in what turned out to be an abusive relationship that I should have run screaming from. But hey, hindsight and all that. Now I'm in a healthy relationship with someone who would never do that. Lol so it worked out.“ CubanaCat
“When he called me crying asking if I was dating him for his (family) money. We were in college. I worked, he did not. I paid for over 50% of what we did socially. I paid for his Xmas gift out of my own pocket, he had to ask his parents permission to charge mine to a credit card.”
“I was in an awesome program with great job potential, he was not. His mom hated me for ridiculous things, his father liked me though. The funny thing, his parents were well off, but not ridiculously rich. I started laughing when he said that. It was over by the end of the call.” whichtoo
Some of these moments were glaring realizations like catching infidelity while others were more gradual and subtle. One thing is for sure, relationships take work and if the work outweighs the happiness then it might be time to reassess.
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.