Typically before a big break up people already have a feeling that a storm is brewing. There is that spark of a moment when it hits “this is over, isn't it." For some it's a small thing like thinking about what they won't do with a spare room if their partner moved out, others it's when this lover was caught in the act with another.
For me, it was when we at down to a family dinner only to have our car surprisingly repossessed while sitting at the table. I found out the ex had spent hundreds on a multiplayer online game instead of making payments on the family vehicle. Right then was the realization that we had vastly different priorities and the days together would be numbered. Sometimes sharing these experiences can help others not feel so alone.
Redditor abul201 wanted to start the conversation about these moments. They asked:
"What was the exact moment you realized your relationship was doomed?"
From the minor to the heartbreaking, Redditors from all over shared the moments when they knew deep down it was over.
Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater...
“Using my ex's computer and saw a folder on his desktop with a random name. It was weird so I clicked on it and he had HUNDREDS of photos and screen caps of sexts, ads he put looking for women, emails, etc. It was insane. Some of the chats ended literally moments before I opened the front door.”
“Some of the chats were just complaining about me. Some were more romantic. A lot were purely sexual. I have no idea why he screenshotted them all. I have never felt that level of betrayal in such a short moment; it felt like I'd explode. So yeah, we weren't working things out after that lol.”
Parenting says a lot about a person...
“Almost 3 years ago now, my ex and I had plans for a couple weeks to take his 2 toddlers to Chuckie Cheese when I got off that day. He decided to go to CC by himself that morning to 'get out of the house.' He was screaming and cussing at them for not behaving while there and while having lunch at my work, and turned around while driving to spank one of them for something small, and I LOST IT."
“I let him know what I thought of his parenting, how I had raised his kids for two years and I was hurt he excluded me from family time, I let him absolutely have it about everything. 2 weeks later I was living with family instead of him. Thank God I got out. I'm currently laying in bed with the love of my life and our two dogs.“
This Redditor continued adding a more lighthearted break up moment...
“Also adding my funniest one because we aren't all perfect: I broke up with my last ex bc she ate my dessert and refused to accept it was rude. (After 6+ months of not being happy together, I'll add.)”
Hungry Bill Murray GIF by Groundhog Day
Giphy
“"When she stopped saying 'I love you’...”
“When she stopped saying ‘I love you’ at the end of our phone calls. I know it sounds minor, but that was when I knew. I don't think she even realized that I noticed.”
“Internally I was like brush...”
“I had this conversation with the last guy I dated. Apparently I knew things he told me which not even his friends knew and all. But I realised he doesn't ever initiate or let the conversation go that way where I can talk to him about my past relationships and all, I don't share much about family stuff initially.”
“He said he doesn't want to lose the spark and all excitement by knowing everything in one go. Internally I was like bruh, I have many stories atleast let me feel like you're interested. It was such a blegh answer. I said cool.”
“Maybe he didn't wanted me to get attached because he was going to change cities soon, but I already knew that. His way of handling it just made me realise, that I'm waiting for him to change cities soon, and if he was not , I'll end it anyway.”
What did he expect?
“When he showed up after disappearing for 5 days (after he'd picked a fight the same day he returned from a TDY and left saying he ‘was done’) and his first words were ‘I’m recording this and I'm just here to get some of my stuff’.
And then he had the audacity to be pissed and upset when I filed for divorce and moved out a week later because he ‘never said he wanted a divorce’.”
Sometimes things just run their course.
“We didn't have a crazy blowout breakup, it was a long slow death of relationship. We were laying in bed about a month before we officially split and she was expressing the possibility of leaving.”
“My first thought was ‘I could do so much cool sh*t with the office/spare bedroom once she's gone’ instead of trying to communicate or work through it in a constructive way. We had a good relationship, it had just ran it's course. But I suppose that's the exact moment I knew it was really over.”
Malaligned priorities...
“When she spent the mortgage payment on Facebook games.”
Video Games Gamer GIF
Giphy
Didn't want to deal with the consequences...
“When 3 days after admitting that she cheated and had sex with her previous boss, after 9 months of denying my suspicions and projecting on me, she said 'are you going to get over it already, or just hold this over my head forever?'"
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
So much infidelity...
“When I went to use the iPad we shared and realized he hadn't logged out of his email. He worked out of town a lot, I found out he had an Ashley Madison account and had many posts on Craigslist 'in town for one night only, looking for sex'. Felt like I got stabbed in the heart right then."
“I never saw her for days on end.”
“When she started going out to friends' houses more and more. It wasn't that I was against her seeing her friends, but I mean it was to a point where I never saw her for days on end.”
“When she DID come back? She didn't want any sort of affection. Or touch. Or anything. I knew it was over, but my heart ruled my head and I tried to ignore it in the interest of saving it, but I knew.”
“Found out a day later she was cheating while she was ‘out with friends’. And that she had fallen for the guy she was cheating on me with.” We1tfunk
Off with his head!
“When I was in the hospital after a c-section and told him I just wanted a burrito for lunch and he said he wasn't going for Mexican, he was going to Panera. Then showed up and ate his Panera in front of me, didn't get me anything because 'you never told me what you wanted'." itsgravynotsauce
“it was past time...”
“When she kept saying in arguments, ‘What if I break up with you tomorrow?’ To be fair, she probably should have long before that.”
“When I pointed out to her that she was sounding like a broken record with that line, she admitted that she had been too passive-aggressive lately, and came out and said, ‘I've been unhappy for a long time.’ We both knew, then and there, it was past time for us both to walk away from that mess of a relationship.” tifftafflarry
Young love...
“After she moved over a thousand km north I flew up to see her during holidays. When I got there I already saw how much she had fallen out of love with me (which I know is normal, to a degree). I spent two weeks up there trying to stop it from going where it was going.”
“I flew home and we ended it on non hostile terms a few days later. Sucks to have a relationship end like that, especially my first and one that lasted over a year. All less than a month ago.” Lagoon2812
How many?
“I walked in on my ex gf in bed with her co worker. Also found she had been messaging 3 other guys and was f**king them too. That was 7 years ago, I still have trust issues. I've been ghosted 4 times in the last 6 months.”
“Last one really hurt, we were doing great and she vanished. Dating sucks. Keep it up, we will find our soul mates eventually!” Shut-the-fuck-up
*Gag*
“One day I came home from work and he was asleep naked in my bed. I always made my bed with lovely fresh white cotton bedding. He was 'straddling' the edge of the duvet... the edge of the duvet was between his arse cheeks. Also he didn't shower every day.”
“Also if I didn't wash his clothes, no-one did. The duvet incident must have been the straw to break the camels back, it repulsed me to the point where any attraction I had for him drained away in seconds. I shortly after met my husband who I have been with 8 years, who is deliciously hygienic and smells amazing.” TheOutlawJosieWhale
They needed to stay out of Google...
“When they would come to me every day and tell me they think they have a new mental disorder. They would self-diagnose almost every day and then refuse to see a therapist or doctor, and would instead come to me and ask for me to help, when I have absolutely no idea how to deal with that kind of stuff, and then get pissed off when I didn't know what to do.” Anonymous26576
She didn't care...
“When I realized she never asked me how my day was when I'd ask about hers. Never asked about my hopes and dreams, about how my weekend was, or how I was doing in general. She didn't give a sh*t about me.” ipromiseimcool
“This is one of those ‘hindsight is 20/20’ things, but. My ex fiancé got into a verbal altercation with someone at a screening of Batman. I guess she stole someone's seat and didn't tell me?”
“Just led me over to the seats. So I went to get popcorn and she stayed at the seats. Well, the person whose seat it originally was came back, and was (understandably) upset that she was sitting there. Instead of moving like a normal person, my ex proceeded to get in a yelling match with the guy.”
“I came back with popcorn & saw this happening, and tried to get her to move... no dice. An usher got involved. We ended up getting her to move seats but she proceeded to rant about ‘that jerk at the movies’ for a while after.... even tho she was, in fact, the jerk that day....”
“That was very early on in what turned out to be an abusive relationship that I should have run screaming from. But hey, hindsight and all that. Now I'm in a healthy relationship with someone who would never do that. Lol so it worked out.“ CubanaCat
“When he called me crying asking if I was dating him for his (family) money. We were in college. I worked, he did not. I paid for over 50% of what we did socially. I paid for his Xmas gift out of my own pocket, he had to ask his parents permission to charge mine to a credit card.”
“I was in an awesome program with great job potential, he was not. His mom hated me for ridiculous things, his father liked me though. The funny thing, his parents were well off, but not ridiculously rich. I started laughing when he said that. It was over by the end of the call.” whichtoo
Some of these moments were glaring realizations like catching infidelity while others were more gradual and subtle. One thing is for sure, relationships take work and if the work outweighs the happiness then it might be time to reassess.
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I have a constant fear of death. I wanna perfect the ending of "Death Becomes Her" so I can live forever.
Before
morbid death GIFGiphy"I'm not scared of death because of working in health care I was around it so much. I AM scared of what leads to death, however."
Full-Mulberry5020
Why now?
"Why should I be scared now of something that's only going to happen at the end of my life?"
User Deleted
"I did this cult thing called the landmark forum and I actually did like their “meaning of life”: the meaning of life is that there is no meaning. Life is empty and meaningless. There is no answer."
"Life is what you make of it and every persons answer is equally valid because there is no meaning to life. Life exists as, basically, an accident, we are all here by complete accident, there’s no great mystery, it’s all biology and you are 100% free to make life about whatever it is you want."
Conservative_HalfWit
Death and I are good friends...
"I was very sick as a child. Spent ages 7-20 in and out of hospital due to kidney issues. Lost a kidney at 28. Almost died during the surgery to removed the dead kidney due to blood loss. Had 5 surgeries back to back during the next 2 years. Twice they had difficulties bringing me out of anesthesia."
"Found my favorite aunt dead in her bed when I was 22. Watched my best friend die from a brain tumor at 30. Death has been a constant force in my life. Sometimes just on the edges waiting, sometimes unexpected staring me in the face. I'm not afraid because it's always been there. I now work in healthcare. Death and I are good friends."
Tiny_Teach_5466
No Worries
"Because it's coming for us all, sooner or later. So there's no point in worrying about it. I am much more concerned about day to day minutiae. The Lars von Trier film Melancholia starring Kirstin Dunst portrayed this perfectly. If there was an asteroid hurtling towards the earth, I'd probably be more preoccupied with worrying about whether I left the back light on or not."
Giallo_submarine
It's Over
The Lord Of The Rings Mueller Report GIF by reactionseditorGiphy"Because no one has ever made it out alive, and I was dead for an eternity before I was alive, and didn't suffer the slightest inconvenience because of it."
MarshallApplewhiteDo
I never thought about the before much. I hope the before is quick.
The Effects
Pray I Hope GIFGiphy"I hope that when my times comes it will be merciful. My uncle had a stroke, he is paralyzed. My grandmother is 91, but is losing all her memories of her life. Death does not scare me, what could be left of me before I die is what terrifies me."
M1ssy_M3
No Terror
"It’s like when the writer Nabokov said that he saw a picture one time, a picture of before he was born. It was a picture of his mother, his brother and sister that were older than him, but he had not been born yet. He said that when he saw that picture there was no terror in him, even though he was looking at a picture where he didn’t exist."
im_on-the_can
state of nonexistence...
"I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of dying. Death is just the state of nonexistence I experienced before I was born. I don't remember it because I didn't exist yet. Death will be the same way. I just don't want the transition to be marked by pain and sorrow at things left unfinished. I want it to be quick, painless, and with me surrounded by love."
Wazula42
I'm Gone...
"Because once I die, I won't know it. I won't miss people or regret things or feel pain or sadness about anything. I might fear being sick and slowly dying, just having to live with the knowledge that it's all going to end and this is the last time I'll ever see the people I love or taste good food or hear good music. That sounds almost unbearable. But death isn't even a thing, it's just having done something (died)."
"It's like virginity, it's a made-up state of being that just says whether or not you've experienced a specific occurrence. Once I die, I'm gone. My corpse will be the empty wrapper I used to be in, just garbage to be disposed of in whatever way makes my survivors feel better. I'll be switched off. If I don't worry about what the light feels after the bulb burns out, why would I be afraid of being dead?"
SallyHeap
At Peace
Season 3 Nbc GIF by The Good PlaceGiphy"I’m scared now because I have young kids. Once my kids are old enough to be on their own I imagine the fear will subside and I’ll have a more relaxed approach."
User Deleted
Some very interesting perspectives. May it all calm peacefully and with great mercy for us all.
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I once had a guy ask me if I was willing to follow him into the woods, depending on the price of the meal.
Yeah. No steak is worth that.
Plans After...
Wait What Wtf GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Thanks for the ride but I have a date with someone else, I figured you wouldn't drive me if you knew I was going on a date with someone else and I really needed a ride."
"Online dating, talked to her for a while, finally got the courage to ask her out and then she said that as we got there."
iareyours
Mirror Image
“'You look just like my wife!'”
catalinachild
"I did have a guy tell me I reminded him of his son. I don’t believe English has a word to adequately describe my feelings at that time."
UnicornMagicRainbow
"That would definitely do it."
chaotica78
Third Wheel
"'Hope you don't mind if my mother joins us.'"
ofsquire
"Actually had a girl do this on a first date because she had anxiety issues. Honestly wasn’t bad except that 90% of the time she was silent and her mom talked over her."
"I didn’t mind that much and wouldn’t have minded trying again when she was more comfortable except that she was let go at the company we worked at and she deleted her social media profiles and she never responded on her number. Ah well."
Seightx
Liar
Lying Simon Rex GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt NastyGiphy"'Hey bro aren't you gay? I made out with you last night.'"
"Random dude I've never seen before in front of my (f) date."
JHXC16
Was he lying though?
Filter Issues
"'You looked better on Tinder.'"
waqasnaseem07
"Isn’t it basic knowledge that everybody looks slightly worse than the worst picture you can find?"
no_user_ID_found
The Past
"'My ex used to do that too.'"
xxIvyOF
"Yep. I’ve definitely had two otherwise-decent-guy date-situations sour because the ex-comparisons just would not stop flowing. No woman wants to be seen as interchangeable—I’m not here to perfectly fill that ex-sized hole in your life. Focusing on the present moment and a future we could build together is a courtesy we need to grant each other in earliest dates of dating."
LarkScarlett
Powerless
"'I'm an alpha, you cant handle my top energy.'"
Midnightgay28
"I actually left a dude in the middle of dinner, in part, for saying this. I ordered an Uber under the table while pretending to listen to him. Went to the bathroom, and never came back. That was when I was young. Now I’d just say, 'How about we enjoy this meal in silence, before we head our separate ways.'”
UnicornMagicRainbow
Mommy...
"'Mother says I should be back by 9.'"
"Saying 'mother says' just feels weird."
bunnyrut
"That gives me Norman Bates vibes."
Werewolf_lover20
"'Mother says alligators are aggressive because they have an overabundance of teeth, but lack a toothbrush.'"
sodaextraiceplease
Obvs...
just kidding jk GIFGiphy"'If you were going to be murdered, what method would you prefer. Purely hypothetical. Obvs.'"
Specific_Tap7296
If it looks anything like a Dateline NBC episode... RUN!
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Or so you would think.
Do people still knit to pass the time? Are people actively collecting stamps?
It depends on who's asking.
Curious to hear about hobby trends, Redditor gizehgizeh asked:
"What are once popular hobbies that are slowly dying these days?"
Before we've become conditioned to living on our phones, these activities used to keep people occupied.
Before Texting, There Was This
"Letter writing."
– littlekingMT
Literal And Tangible Joy
"Well the internet killed pen pals for sure. I do remember I had a Japanese girl for a penpal maybe back in 2007 or so. I honestly don't remember how it started, pretty sure some website, but that was a fun experience. But now I can just straight up talk to foreign people real time, lol. But yea getting a physical letter that someone took the time to write and mail still is hard to beat feelings wise."
– skyburnsred
Model Trains
"When I was growing up, every town had a model train store in it. Now I have one in region and everything else has to be bought online."
– Hairy_Effective1172
Pretty Rocks
"Don’t see anyone playing marbles anymore, I had an awesome collection in school."
– sheeple85
"I had some marbles as a kid in the 90s. My grandma got them for me and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. I always imagined them as a thing kids in the 40s played with."
– Ryoukugan
People Were Moving Canvases
"Paintball has been dying a slow death since 2006. Sad, really."
– hobo_recycler
Before the general population began hating clutter, collecting was once a "thing."
Precious Coins
"Coin collecting... I'm a silver/gold nut and I'm always hunting for precious metal coins. whenever I go into a shop they get all excited because 'no one under 70 collects coins anymore.'"
– ThatFishySmell99
Post It
"Stamp collecting."
– spooky_scully_mulder
"Collecting in general, really. Of course there are still prominent collectors but it's slipped more into enthusiast and niche territory than being a popular hobby that you might expect anyone to have."
– iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
What A Gem
"Rockhounding was immensely popular back in the 1950's and 1960's. Personally, I think it's a fascinating and fulfilling hobby, but when I go to a meeting at a rock and gem club, I'm usually the youngest one in the room by several decades."
– filthy_lucre
People once enjoyed making things.
Admiring The View
"Stained glass. I learned how to make it from my old man, and my junior high art class teacher also taught it. Very few artisans are still around."
– brobeanzhitler
Metal Vocation
"Black smithing."
– kenworth117
"I bought a forge to try. It’s insanely hard work, and crazy expensive. I still haven’t finished a piece."
– DSentvalue
Scrapbooking
"Yeah. I'm watching the arts and crafts stores around me completely uninstalling their racks for specialty paper. Now the only thing they have is mega packs of repeating colors/images. To boot all the inclusions like papercraft/die-cut things, washi tape, scissors, stickers, etc have gotten so expensive I would rather go buy $5 bags at value village to get an assortment of things versus buying anything new. I really, really miss yard sales for the same reasons."
– Phantasmai
I envy people who have jobs that are basically their hobbies.
Not everyone gets paid doing what they actually enjoy and have a profound level of passion for.
If they do, kudos to them.
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