ADHD and other sensory and processing disorders affect millions of people worldwide.
Often times, minor accommodations like diet changes, quiet spaces and schedules can help to make the person more comfortable.
When they're younger, it falls to their parents/guardians to make those adjustments for them until they can do it for themselves.
Is it possible, however, to go overboard with it?
One mom went to Reddit's popular AITA ("Am I The A$$hole?") subReddit to get people's opinions on her experience with a schedule-loving parent of a child with ADHD.
What started with a tense invitation ended with the ADHD child's parent taking her very upset child and leaving the party. The party thrower really wanted to know, was she the bad guy for refusing to force the entire party to adhere to a down-to-the-minute schedule that the other parent brought along?
Let's let her explain it:
"AITA for letting my son invite a friend to his birthday, even knowing the boy didn't go to parties?"
"My 10 (just turned 11) year old son has a friend who's left out of a lot of activities. Not for lack of invitations, his parents would just decline. I didn't know why until recently, figured it wasn't really my business."
"My son was having a sleepover and wanted to invite the kid. I figured no reason not to invite him, so even if he didn't go, he'd know he was welcome."
"My son was with him after school and asked if he wanted to come and he said definitely and he was free."
Ok, so far things sound great!
Her son invited a little boy to his birthday party, even though the little boy almost never goes. Kids inviting one another to birthday parties happens all the time.
Nothing to be upset about... right?
Apparently the other boy's mom felt differently:
"He told me his friend could make it so I emailed her and said the boys talked and sent the info about the sleepover. She responded and said she was really upset my son had approached her son about it instead of me writing to her before calling it to her son's attention."
"I apologized and said I understood if her son couldn't go. She said now that her son knew about it, she had no choice but to let him go or he'd be crushed, but I needed to help manage his condition. I figured that meant supervising his taking some medication or not letting things get too loud or whatever."
Oof.
Welp, looks like we're starting out on the wrong foot. The other child's mother seemed to feel like boundaries were crossed because the two boys spoke directly about the party rather than just leave that to the parents.
That's okay—this can be redeemed.
Apologies were made and we're good to move forward.
Maybe.
"She said he was extremely routine oriented and needed routine to thrive and stay on course so I had to go by his routine, and that she noticed the invite said 3:00 but he couldn't start the sleepover until 5:30. I said that was fine (taking it to mean he wouldn't be over until 5:30.)"
"She drops him off and is irate to find we'd already started and everyone else was there. She told me she was upset I had already not adhered to the schedule and I explained the miscommunication. She said to avoid further miscommunications she'd brought his schedule along."
"It was very precise. 6:00-7:05, dinner time. 7:06-8:29, quiet indoor play. 8:30-8:44, brush teeth, etc. To her credit, she had written in suggestions of where the birthday activities could fit (e.g., she wrote "or present opening" next to quiet indoor play.)"
"I took one look at the list and explained the party wasn't really running on a set schedule, the boys were just hanging out."
The other boy's mom thought her child's schedule would be changing the time of the birthday boy's party? Birthday boy's mom thought that was just the time this particular child would show up.
As awkward as that exchange must have been, it was only about to get worse. Birthday boy's mom was shocked to find that the other child's mother had brought along a down-to-the-minute schedule that she expected the party to adhere to.
Mind you, if you've spent any time with ten or eleven year old boys, you know that sort of regimented schedule is nearly impossible when you've got them in a group. Birthday boy's mom was honest and explained that the schedule wasn't really likely to work in that scenario.
Most ten year old children at parties:
We get that "cats in a mosh pit" is probably exactly what the other child's mom is trying to avoid, so routine and schedules are probably quite helpful.
But down-to-the-minute? With no flexibility? Surely there has to be a compromise.
Let's keep reading.
"She became very flustered and said if that was the case her son would become overwhelmed and she'd have to take him home and he'd be devastated. I apologized but said I definitely couldn't guarantee adherence to this schedule so didn't want to assume responsibility for her son if it was of critical importance."
"Unsurprisingly, her son was very very sad to have to leave. I suggested to the mom that he join the boys in the yard where they were playing basketball, but she said it wasn't time for basketball right then."
"So he ended up leaving and I feel bad because he was so upset. I keep thinking back and wondering if I should've just not invited him and saved everyone all this trouble? She said he needed this schedule because he has ADHD." - dropclassic
OK, so that whole compromise thing really went down in flames, huh?
The other boy's mom was all-or-nothing about this extremely tight schedule. So much so that she wouldn't even allow her son to play basketball with the other children before she left with him.
That left birthday boy's mom with some serious questions. Was the schedule really that critical? If so, was she a jerk for even inviting the child in the first place? Upsetting him was obviously not her intent and how could she possibly have known anything about his schedule beforehand?
There were a few moments there where it seemed like the other boy's mom was trying to guilt birthday boy and birthday mom for her child's negative reactions. It was their fault her son would be devastated. If they would just abide by her schedule ... you get where we're going with this.
Did she mean it that way or was it just poorly worded, misunderstood, or possibly care-taker fatigue talking?
We don't really have any solid answers for you - and neither did the birthday boy's mother. Which is why he turned to the collective Reddit mind to ask - was she the a$hole?
Reddit, as expected, did not hold back.
"Don't overthink how the invites went out. This is how normal kids birthday parties are thrown."
"I was thinking maybe the kid had a condition with OCD or was maybe autistic. But when I saw the edit and the mom told you he had ADHD, it makes me think the mom has an issue with OCD or she has one major control problem, which is very concerning as well."
"Also, she is putting a lot of blame on you and trying to guilt you with how badly her son feels by being told he can't go to the party. She's not taking any responsibility or helping her kid see why he may struggle participating in those types of activities and it may be better if he doesn't attend (if he really does have a problem like you described.)"
"If that kid doesn't have issues now, they will as an adult." - madbeckster
"I actually get the other mom. My step-son has ADHD and thrives on schedules, but for special times we just have to bite the bullet and realize he's gonna suck for a couple of days until we can get him back on his inner schedule."
"By 'schedule' I mean nothing as strict as what the Mom put down lol. Just more order to the day if anything" - 76KHww
"Wtf? I would bet 10x my yearly salary that if that kid stayed at that party and did not adhere to this foolish schedule that he would have been perfectly fine. His mother's neuroses are preventing her child from having a normal life."- 1028
"My kid also has ASD/ADHD, and she has had to adapt to uncertainty BECAUSE LIFE IS UNCERTAIN. How are these kids ever going to survive if they're never challenged?"
"How will they manage when things go sideways and mom isn't there to be their coping skills? What if mom got sick?"
"No one else is likely going to follow through, and she's just guaranteed that her kid will have no experience in managing discomfort."
"Life is hard. Kids need to get used to that." - epi_introvert
"As some one who has been diagnosed with severe ADHD and two other disabilities, this is key. My parents raised me to never be the victim of my disabilities—that means I gotta role with the punches."
"There will come a point where your schedule will change suddenly and you have to adapt, especially once your parental support system isn't as there/is less than what it was.
"And also it gives us the taste of what 'normal' life is like without all our disabilities. If I were to strictly adhere to a schedule I would no doubt feel even more different from my peers." - LolzDogs
"I've had ADHD my whole life and my case is fairly severe. A fairly strict routine can be helpful for us, but holy Jesus, not anywhere near that strict!"
"When people say routines help for people with ADHD, they mean with regular daily tasks, like doing chores at the same time every day to help us remember to do them. Sometimes having unscheduled events/time can be stressful and overwhelming for me in the sense that if I wake up and I have X amount of things to do today, getting those things done can be really hard without a set plan because I might lose track of time, get distracted, etc."
"Sometimes unexpected events get me flustered and overwhelmed, like a last minute appointment out of the blue. A birthday party doesn't meet any of that criteria; in fact, it's scheduled recreation time so it should be 100% fine in that regard!"
"Regimenting the activities during the party has no benefit because the kid has no reason to worry about forgetting anything or losing track of time. It sounds like the mom has misinterpreted advice from a doctor, and has gotten really, really neurotic with it."
"Knowing how issues run in families I wouldn't be surprised if she had some form of OCD/anxiety or autism." - pahobee
"Even with ADHD or autism the mother didn't handle it right. Expectations needed to be clearer upfront of needs are this specific."
"She can't get upset at the boy being invited getting his hopes up when she literally takes him to the party only to take him back away. That's very disruptive and probably more problematic than letting him go to the party, or just saying no in the first place."
"Routines are definitely helpful, but even just knowing the plan can help mitigate some of the struggle. Asking for a schedule/order of events and reviewing it with the son rather than demanding a routine down to the minute would have been a more reasonable accommodation that may have been enough."
"And if that wasn't enough it was on them to ask ahead of time or choose not to participate." - qqweertyy
"I mean, I don't know what health conditions this child is living with, why it takes him 14 minutes to brush his teeth, or what the one and only correct time for casually shooting hoops with friends is. I am also mystified as to how any group of ten year-olds engages in "quiet indoor play" - last time I had more than one ten year-old at my house, I had to make and enforce brand new rules about not having conversations by yelling at each other through open windows, and then about not painting light bulbs."
"This woman is going to have a tougher and tougher time maintaining this level of control as her son gets older, and kids more and more take their social lives into their own hands. I hope that she and her son can find a way to meet his needs." - eaca02124
"I've had ADHD since I was diagnosed at 3. I'm in my 30s now."
"I'll be blunt. Kid would've been fine if mom was not a control freak that tried to force the world to adhere to what she wants."
"What kinda psycho shows up at a birthday party with her kid and is like 'All of you aren't adhering to my son's schedule, how dare you!' That is some next level entitled bull."
"That's like your kid having diabetes and forcing all the kids at the party to eat like a diabetic. Insanity."
"Oh and the cherry on top is psycho woman puts all the blame on you and the other kids at the end, as she makes her kid get in the car. Just wow." - thesneakness
Many of the people who chimed in have experience with ADHD. They felt the other mom's schedule and entitlement to it were overkill—and possibly indicative of something deeper going on.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.