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Bartenders Share The Weirdest Conversations They've Overheard

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Tending bar can be a really rewarding career, leading to uniquely intimate relationships will all sorts of great people. Being behind behind the beer lines also lets you overhear all types of crazy stuff. Sometimes it's like getting paid to watch Jerry Springer, two feet from your face.

Steelerfan345 asked bartenders of Reddit: What is the strangest conversation you've ever overheard because people assume sound doesn't travel over the bar?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

15. Rude.

Even though we were busy, I clearly heard a women say to her friend, "Hey look, the bartender's really cute."

Friend: "No he's not!"

Response: "Oh yeah, you're right."

starskys-hutch

Damn dude. That sucks.

I'm sure there's someone that thinks you're cute.

Even if it's just your mom.

breakone9r

14. Is this a good deal? Asking for a friend.

Work in a downtown hotel bar right across from our convention center. I've heard way too many negotiations between businessmen and escorts.

Last one I heard involved the guy asking the lady how much extra she would charge to let his friend watch.

kba41510

13. Awkward.

Had a husband and wife who were by far the most rude people I've ever encountered, talking with a traveling business man. By the end of the night the business man was propositioning the woman to go back to his hotel room for some money.

prhymetime87

12. People are creatures of habit... poor habits.

Lots and lots of cheaters. It's weird that serial cheaters take their girls to the same spot.

dirtybitsxxx

"Oh, you changed your hair!"

..."and height"...

..."and race"...

ohitsberry

I asked one of my regular offenders about that. It appears that discretion is the most valuable asset to a cheater. So when they find a place that they feel comfortable and the bartender can maintain a straight face when different dates come in, they'll keep going back because it's the "lowest risk" to be discovered. And when I say discovered I don't mean by the main piece but all the various side pieces.

rulkamaniac

11. Hot take.

I've bartended but my favorite conversation was overhead while I was on the other side of the bar. "Look all I'm saying is Grand Theft Auto severely ruined our generations perception of how many police helicopters exist." Sounded like they were getting really heated over the matter haha.

vierawarrior

That's a fair premise really.

Nyetbyte

10. Talk about inappropriate...

I bartended at a country club, and there was this one group of tennis-ladies that would always sit at the bar and get absolutely sh*tfaced on weeknights at our wine nights. They took a liking to our main bartender and kept calling him exotic (he's Mexican), they would say how love his beard, would talk about their fav (not tennis related) positions, how they kept their nether-regions tidy, slip him their numbers, how sh*t their husbands were, etc. Gave me death glares every time I'd be bartending/bar backing with him lol

colourtheera

The exotic Mexican part got me lol

nameisIguanaMisnomer

9. Never trust the angles.

On Valentine's Day this year, we had a guest who accepted a FaceTime from his girlfriend while his side-chick was with him at the bar. He angled the phone so his girlfriend wouldn't see the girl, but it was so obvious.

dapinapple

"Here's your drink, aaand one for your date on the house. Happy Valentine's Day!"

Edit: thanks for the silver, I'm all out of jokes

Impybutt

8. Someone's reference prowess is on point.

Randomly overheard two middle aged women:

"As a woman ages she can choose between her face or her assh*le, but she can't choose both."

I have no idea.

TehLewLew

Edit: Just FYI, this was a thing awhile ago when Courtney Cox first started on that show Cougartown because of some press she did that was what I remembered it from to google up this article.

Edit again: this was a thing like 10 years ago. I'm just old so remembered it. I didn't mean to imply that its not outdated now.

STUPIDNEWCOMMENTS

7.This is a real profession and now I feel Iike I'm wasting my life.

I overheard a woman who worked for a New Zealand online dating service, and was basically a profile censor. She described her job as being 80% dick pic removal, and had seen so many she could divvy them up into a few distinct categories.

mildredthecat

I (a dude) have a very similar, job, and can confirm.

Honestly though, compared to the other things I have to remove, johnson pics are like the best case scenario in my day.

apekillape

So, what are some categories for dicks?

MinionWithEbola69

Hotdog and not hotdog.

MacDegger

6. Well then.

"I hated myself until I discovered masturbation."

Connie_Chungnuts

Just because I make love to myself doesn't mean I love myself.

J_A_N_I_T_O_R

5. What a bro.

Two businessmen having after work drinks on a Friday, where the conversation built up to one of the sweetest sentiments I've heard. At first the usual "Lemme tell ya, you're a good person. I love you man." Later on (still fairly basic): "F*ck the wives! Hey, you and me, we buy motorcycles!"

To finally this gem: "If a tornado were to blow you away... I would fly after you."

IndiEstructibleProd

4. Gurl...

"You won't come home with me because I have a stinky pussy sob sob" - Middle aged woman on a first date at like 7 O'Clock on a Wednesday. The guy was planning on going home with her until that i guess

guitarstix

Now I understand where all the patients presenting to the emergency department with vaginal discharge at 9PM on a Wednesday come from!

MrPBH

3. Ah the butt chug.

"You think they have those straws for sucking drinks in your butt here?"

1whiteguy

Wow. Can't compete with that. Don't even really understand that.

SteelerFan345

Well... did you?

thejeffroc

Butt straws aren't really a thing, you're just supposed to turn a normal straw upside down

1whiteguy

I mean, if you think about it, the human body is just the world's most disgusting crazy straw.

Totally_not_Zool

2. I mean...

Guy: "I think I'm going to need a coke chaser for this one." Girl, presumably SO: "we already did all the coke..." Guy: "Coca Cola, you idiot!"

Not even the most memorable, just the most recent. For sure, a real snapshot into their relationship.

goosebiz

1. This lemon party.

These three middle aged women (alone at the bar) discussing in excruciating detail their sexual fantasies, which seemed to include "sucking off a younger man." I was 22 at the time. They obviously knew I could hear them but it was so awkward. I stood there cutting the hell out of lemons and limes.

Dyslexicfetus

Were you cutting the piths off? That might've been what made them hot and bothered.

Judge_leftshoe

Nahh I think that would have pithed them off.

Dyslexicfetus

bartender

People Describe The Most Traumatizing Thing They Ever Experienced As A Child

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Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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childhood

People Divulge The Real Reason Why They're Still Single

Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
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Chefs Divulge The Most Important Tips That Amateur Cooks Need To Know

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Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

cooking

People Describe The Most Inappropriate Thing They Ever Did As A Kid

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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