Despite the toxic stereotype of an unfeeling, “tough guy" persona, men face feelings of loneliness, depression, and other serious issues as well. Unfortunately, not enough people are willing to discuss these sensitive topics as society has put so much pressure on men to hold these things in.
Sadly, although men often experience more life-threatening depression than women they often untreated or hold it in due to stigma. Something we should all be working to break down.
One Redditor wanted to bring to light some of the issues men are facing today that often go unnoticed.
slowskyincog22 asked:
“What are some men's issues that are overlooked?"
Something that everyone can benefit from sometimes...
“It took until I was 33, married and a new dad to see a counselor. If you're still on your parents health insurance it may be covered in some form. I could never talk to my parents. Some people just don't know how to listen. But getting perspective from someone who can and is trained to listen is INVALUABLE. HMU if you ever want to chat about sh*t.” Katarzzle
ED can take a big toll...
“Erectile dysfunction. It seems like a joke, but guys literally kill them selves because of it. It's like losing the ability to love, losing your manhood, losing your ability to feel intimate with someone.” Snowfreak2507
“That sh*t just isn't sustainable for some people."
Tired King Of Queens GIF by TV LandGiphy“I'm late to the party so this will get lost, but in my experience it feels like dudes are expected to work 70+ hour weeks and be proud of it, or else they're lazy. Like, nah. I'm going to be working at least 65 hours next week between two jobs (which is plenty) and that includes both daytime and overnight shifts."
“If I complain for even a sentence though, I'm going to be sh*t talked by the crew when they think I can't hear them. I'm tired. I like doing things that aren't work. That sh*t just isn't sustainable for some people." SkipperDaglessMD
Good intentions take too far...
“So I'm at the park playing tag with these kids I'm babysitting and out of nowhere this old lady comes up to me and starts asking all sorts of questions. Do you know these kids? What are there names? Can you call their parents for me? Even asking the kids if they knew me and when they answered yes, she responded with ‘you don't have to lie, if you don't know this man, you can tell me and I can help you.’” WalkingOnCoffee
“The worst part is nobody really talks about it...”
“Male pattern baldness and the impact it can have on mental health and body image. Imagine being in college surrounded by guys with perfect NW1 hairlines with all these cool fades and modern trendy hairstyles while you're stuck looking like Moby or Varys from GOT. Brutal. The worst part is nobody really talks about it, it's a very hidden and taboo issue that many men go though but society refuses to truly address, so they are forced to suffer in silence.” ImpSong
Unspoken insecurity..
“Insecurity in general. You're not supposed to show that you have doubts or worries about your abilities or self-image. A man is supposed to be confident, able, and self-assured. It's not okay for men to admit that they lack self-esteem, or that they have genuine problems with their self-image, as they are seen as weaknesses in and of themselves."
“Other men or women aren't going to 'bring you up'. They won't provide emotional support and tell you it's okay to be unconfident or to feel shame about who you are - they will simply expect that you should take it on the chin. Not everyone can be 'that' guy. But, for a man, what actually makes you feel like a man is being that guy."
“So you kind of walk around pretending that you're happy, despite the fact that you're not seen as valuable or as desirable as other men - because in doing so, you would be seen as even less valuable or desirable. F**k. I've never really been able to put that feeling into words before, but that felt insanely good to get off my chest." OnePrettyFlyWhiteGuy
Isolating...
“Isolation. Many men have no friends. More so, they don't know how to find meaningful friendships, it's incredibly difficult to know where to even begin, moreso if you're not in college or school.”
“I'm 24, almost 25 and never had an emotional outlet. I don't even know what that looks like in a healthy sense. The first relationship I had, I believe I ruined because I put too much of what I had been carrying for so long on that person, as patient and as caring as they were.” NLY96
Loneliness wasn't helped with the pandemic...
“Crushing, black, empty, cold, never-ending, screaming-into-the-void loneliness and everyone's casual shrug when I even hint about it. Just work, pay taxes, walk the dog, keep your mouth shut, don't have feelings, don't be short, try to keep up appearances of virility, and never, ever, whatever you do, don't let anyone know how lonely you are because they'll just sort of awkwardly giggle and change the subject.” Doomstaar
“men are defined by what they do and not by who they are...”
“In western culture, men are defined by what they do and not by who they are (being). So, when they retire they often develop mental illness because they are no longer ‘doing’. this often leads to suicide. Then there's the whole nonsense of the stoic emotionless man getting on with the work.” tanktametet-pwemskan
Depression.
“The fact that people ridicule and laugh at you for having depression is something we ALL need to talk about. It isn't funny. Depression is real and the fact that so many are choosing to keep it within is simply disturbing.” sroth3839
People Share The Dumbest Purchases They Have Ever Made | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
It effects many men too...
“Eating disorders. I'm a female sports coach who researched this topic as part of a sports medicine class. The stereotype is that eating disorders involve girls and that's where most of the research goes."
“Men suffer rapidly increasing rates of eating disorders, especially bulimia. It's becoming horribly common among athletes in particular, and has gotten worse with the advent of skinny male models." Disastrous-Shallot26
“Often times ‘bodyshaming’ is quite the issue. Not being well worked out or physically strong is often seen as a sign of weakness and no self-control.” doriiian
Parenting...
“Parental Duty / Just a babysitter. As a father of 3, I take a very active part in my kids life - I'm now separated and divorcing from my Ex, and am the primary parent (they live with me 95% of the time)."
“The reaction that this gets is one of amazement or incredulity that as a man, I'm unable to be a sole single parent. I get that it's not the standard, but it's not exactly rare nowadays, but the responses I get are ones of pity for my kids that 'they only have a dad'."
“I'm not knocking single mums in this by the way, I KNOW how hard it, but society accept single mums as a perfectly valid family choice, single dads are seen as bumbling and incapable of looking after their own kids - this goes into normal family life as well, where dads are seen the same - incapable of caring for a child, and just there as a baby sitter."
“Even during a normal relationship, I was constantly jokingly referred to as the Baby Sitter, and not seen on an equal footing to their Mother. This kind of adds to the Mental Health issue, and the other issues around not talking about real problems to other men." No_Film_2086
Sometimes people really are just having a conversation...
“Can't talk to a female without being suspected of trying to somehow get with them. Being fully serious here, as I've held conversations with women before and then had someone smirking at me and being like, ‘Yo dawg, you trying to hit that...’ and when I say no, they refuse to believe me.”
“Um, just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I'm trying to screw every living female... at least not anymore. A few years ago perhaps, but if a guy says he's not trying to ‘tap that,’ then he might be telling you the truth, so accept it.” Fangs_McWolf
“For me, it's the social dilemma of men having to be manly and not show any feelings. It kinda sucks when you can't do things you wanna do because people expect you to be some kind of macho man ladies boy, when they expect you to do sports, to do manly sh*t like going to the army and all you really wanna do is buckle down, read some books and listen to lofi music, it sucks."
“Another thing is the fact that crying i seen as not manly and you can't be vulnerable. I want to cry when my favorite anime character dies, I want to cry when something bad happens, I hate having to hold back my feelings in fear of judgments." aaerty
“I have seen many men self sabotage...”
“Honestly the biggest issue with men in general is self sabotage. Sometimes when you have issues you want to walk the line. Sometimes you want to cross it even if you know it comes with the consequences that you don't like going through but in the moment for a second the imagination can take you elsewhere.”
“This is where self dominion comes in handy and I bet a lot of older men will not feel the same self sabotage as I do. I have learned through out the years that if you have the little things in check then you can focus your energy on your priorities.”
“When you realize that something's can be measured by percentages and you realize the difference between taking a chance and self sabotaging yourself, then you can make investments or give or take opportunities. However I have seen many men self sabotage their relationships on purpose.“ CheezeGweeze
Body count shouldn't matter...
“This is an interesting one I've noticed: getting harassed for not being with a lot of women. A lot of girls talk about how it's toxic masculinity that guys are just constantly trying to have sex and ‘showing off’ their numbers. However, it's those same girls who will make jokes like ‘he's probably still a virgin’, ‘look at that guy, he prolly never gets any’, ‘no wonder he never gets laid’. Etc etc”
“I can't tell you how many of my guy friends have broken down because of how much they get harassed for being a virgin, or only having been with a couple people, and more. It's an interesting thing I've noticed that as a society, one way we make fun of men is by saying they're not able to attract women.” fm2816
It is gross and not remotely ok...
“I know I'm way late for this but Grooming. Young boys and men being groomed by older women and then taken advantage of and thinking it's fine because so many other men are like 'he probably enjoyed it!', 'Who wouldn't hook up with their teacher they had the hots for?!'"
“Like no. I don't care if the young boy 'flirted' with an older woman and 'started it' nope. Women who do this are Predators and get glossed over so so often and its gross."ErinnShannon
No one should have to feel like they must suffer by themselves. If you need to talk to someone or reach out call the 24hr hotline for mental health and substance use at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.