Entering into Pride Month, you'll probably see a lot of posts and ads hyping up different events around the world. Even as a straight person, it's hard to miss the posts. Still, go! Support your friends and loved one who embrace who they are, but remember, sometimes not everything is said. Sometimes it helps to understand more.
Reddit user, u/Mano369, wanted the honest truths when they asked for:
Spoiler: We Look Like You
Never really thought this was an issue, but apparently my own brother and many people I've known have trouble with this concept: Gay people are not always easily identifiable and there's no set way that any gay person will necessarily act.
Whenever I do need to come out to someone, most of the time, straight guys will say something like "but you don't act/look gay". I guess it makes them second guess other guys they know? That said, they always seemed genuinely interested to learn that gay people can look/act like anyone. I'm grateful that none reacted too negatively, aside from my brother at first.
"I'm A Person Not An Accessory..."
I'm not your gay bestie, no I wont go shopping with you, no I wont give you a makeover. I'm a person not an accessory and my role in life isnt to make you feel fabulous.
Also straight women in gay bars, PLEASE realize you are not the main attraction here, dont yell and scream "woooo" every two seconds, we're trying to get d-ck in peace. Also please tip your bartenders and staff. Last note, please for the love of God never have your bachelorette party at a gay bar, we aren't some exotic petting zoo for you to feel "wild" in.
Not Gonna Happen, Bro
As a bi woman: no, straight dudes, I am not going to be your magical threesome fairy.
Options As Teenagers Are Limited
Romantically, many of us go through that "teenage" phase (going starry-eyed and awkward around crushes, not knowing how to flirt/pick people up, "omg when will they text me back" etc.) in our 20s. It's getting better, but at best our dating options as actual teens were extremely limited, and at worst, we spent a lot of time and energy either desperately pretending we were straight or flat-out repressing any kind of attraction.
This comes with the fun of being mature enough to realize you're acting like a cringy idiot, but also being totally unable to stop it beyond making sure you're not acting creepy.
Not All The Apples Are Ripe
Being gay is like having brown hair. It doesn't say anything about your personality or character.
I just get annoyed when I see people say, "Gay people are wonderful and magic!" or the other hand, nasty sh-t about how they think we're going to bring about the apocalypse.
There have been amazing, selfless gay people, just like there have been amazing, selfless straight people. And there have been horrific, psychopathic gay people, just like there have been horrific, psychopathic straight people.
As Dan Savage responded to the "Gay people are angels" nonsense: "Jeffrey Dahmer ate my friend. Some gay people are bad."
I wish people would see sexual orientation like having blue eyes or being left-handed.
We Don't Play The Same Game
No one in the relationship "is the man" or "is the woman." We're not in relationships where we're trying to emulate basic hetero norms.
It Happens Again And Again
Bi/pan, but I figure this counts:
Coming out of the closet is not a one-and-done deal. Because unless you're the most flamboyant mofo around, every new person/group of people you meet is going to start with the assumption that you are the "default" (that is, straight) until given a reason to believe otherwise.
That means we have to take an assessment of every new interpersonal relationship we make to determine when (or even if) it is safe, wise or worth the effort to come out again to each new person/people.
We Can Never Change
That we can't change our sexuality. I had a guy repeatedly ask me out for a year. I told him I was gay the first time, and he kept repeatedly asking me to change my sexuality to date him.
Wouldn't have dated him anyway, he thinks sweatpants are part of a smart outfit.
Our Month Means A Lot To Us
that I worked hard to stay alive and to get where I am today, so it would be great if you let me and plenty of others enjoy our pride month. I get you might feel hurt by our pride month, but understand so many have shed their blood to pave the way for the youth to be able to be themselves.
What Am I Allowed To Say?
People get uncomfortable when I mention a guy is attractive, but then turn around and start calling people hot.
Like, dude. You already established we can't do that. Choose if we can or not.
I'm A Person, Not A Personality
It's not a personality.
Sometimes we hold onto stereotypes for our own reasons, to try and reclaim something others force on us as a sort of 'f-ck you', but at the end of the day it's just attraction. I find women attractive, and it has literally no bearing on my life other than that. Or at least, it shouldn't.
That's why we get so mad about the things straight people do to alienate us - because we know that we feel the same as them. It's literally just attraction.
I Never Know
I genuinely don't know when girls (or really guys) are hitting on me, so I'm sorry if I seem like I'm going with your flirting only to shut you down later. Guys tend to be so much more forward or at least less subtle when they flirt, so I never needed to learn how to spot a girl flirting with me.
So yeah, apologies to the fair few girls whose friends have randomly popped up to me on Facebook telling me I broke their friends' hearts bc I flirted with them then rejected them.
What Even Are Labels?
I don't operate with labels, so don't call me "gay", "confused", or "sexually frustrated". If you're embarrassed to be seen or know me and need something like this to identify me, then talk to me again when you're less small-minded, and more open-minded.
I know who I am, and I'll know what I want if and WHEN it ever comes along. Forcing relationships on me because you think I need a push "in the right direction" is only going to push me away. Especially if it's to compensate for your own failed love life.
For Those In The Back:
It's not a choice
Before I realized I was bi (girl) when I was 13 my dad and family had me brainwashed to think some pretty f-cked up sh-t. In 7th grade one of my friends was bi (girl) and she would regularly tell me about her girl crushes which i ignored and I told her one day your "are you sure you like girls too your too young to actually know this is probably just a phase" and honestly I think about how ignorant that was and I understand now that you just know and it's not something you can just decide me and her are good friends still tho
Maybe Different, But Still Standards
Don't know if anybody had said this yet, but...
Gay people still have standards.
Just because we're gay doesn't mean we want to get with everyone with the same gender.
It's honestly the main reason why people are homophobic, it's so irritating.
The question "Are you still gay?" is stupid.
I get that sexuality might change over time but you just don't ask things like that out of the blue. Please respect that.
We're As Clueless As You
I don't know what I'm doing, either.
So stop asking. I just know what I like.
I Just Want To Meet Someone
It's really creepy when people fetishize the fact that I date women and make inappropriate comments. This has included comments about how I'm technically still a virgin (?!?!), asking repetitively if I would ever sleep with a man or asking if I wear a strap on.
....I just happen to like women. It's not something out of a porno. I just want to meet someone and fall in love and live happily ever after, maybe get a dog, make dinner together, etc....not star in someone's weird lesbian fantasy.
No, Seriously, Believe Me
I'm not lying to you.
It doesn't matter if I don't look/act/sound gay enough to meet your standards.
Also don't ask me if I find you attractive if you're not prepared for the answer.