Look, there's a reason brands don't often choose radical honesty as a marketing tactic when it comes to their slogans.
There aren't a lot of companies that could get away with just telling it like it is - but we can!
Reddit user night_howler_grt asked:
"If brands were brutally honest, what brand would have what slogan?"
And welp ... let's just say Reddit probably isn't going to get itself hired as a marketing professional any time soon.
We love the honesty, though!
Some Zingers For Zuck
"Facebook: your privacy is our business."
"Facebook: it's worse than you think."
"Facebook: we won't let anyone harass you. We don't tolerate it."
"Also Facebook: I see you have reported the same person 30 times due to harassment but we just don't want to do anything about it. Sorry not sorry."
"(True story)"
GiphyAllergy Relief
"Benadryl: you can't have allergies if you're unconscious"
"Last time I took one I slept for like 8 hours straight."
"This was after getting 8 hours straight already and only being awake for about 3 hours before taking one. It was a few days recovering from that!"
GiphyTaco Bell
"Taco Bell- same food, different shapes"
" 'What's a tostada?' "
" 'Tortillas, meat, beans, and vegetables' "
" 'What's a chalupa?' "
" 'Tortillas, meat, beans, and vegetables' "
"This is so true. Their whole menu can be boiled down to the same item over and over."
"Yet the only thing people love(nacho fries) they love to take away from us constantly. Who makes these decisions?!"
"Taco Bell: 57 Menu items, Six ingredients!"
GiphyHappy To Be Here
"RC Cola: we're just happy to be involved in the taste test"
- jolbina
"RC Cola: it's not much, but it's honest work."
"RC Cola: We know that's your last 1.25"
GiphyAds on Ads on Ads
"YouTube: You don't matter to us now watch our double ads!"
"YouTube: Ad will end in 5 seconds, after which another ad will play."
"Double? Lucky, I get 4, all un-skippable."
GiphyMotorcycle Madness
"Harley Davidson: from the Great Depression to your Midlife Crisis"
"Harley Davidson: we also make motorcycles!"
- shebiz
"Harley Davidson: Sure, you COULD buy an Indian or Ducati, but then you wouldn't be able to properly inflict your midlife crisis on everyone in the surrounding 3 blocks."
GiphyJust Not Now
"Tupperware: Have you ever wanted to throw away food, but just not now?"
- ItsDeCia
"Tupper-where the f*ck is the lid."
"Tupperware: remember when you reheated that pasta and red sauce? I'll never forget due to my PINK STAINED INTERIOR!"
GiphyTo-Do
"Nestlé: Where we treat human rights violations like a to do list!"
"Nestlé: We rob the poor and sell to the rich!"
"Nestlé: water is not for everyone!"
"This is why Nestlé is definitely among the very worst companies on this whole comment thread."
"And not enough people know it."
"When you actually truly believe water is a privilege and not a basic human necessity...you've reached a new level of insane."
GiphyBuzzworthy
"BuzzFeed: because you're too lazy to go on Reddit, and we're too lazy to write original content."
"I can see one of the writers awkwardly scrolling past this comment while they're putting the rest into a new article"
"Funny and true. Buzzfeed is how I was exposed to Reddit 😂"
"Same here! I don't think I've been read a Buzzfeed article since I signed up to Reddit"
GiphyAnger Management
"FedEx : our drivers take out their anger on your items."
"FedEx: No we DID knock on your door. Just very very lightly"
"FedEx: F*ck your packages and f*ck you, too."
"FedEx : you bought it, we break it"
- rykef
GiphyIf you're a brand manager or marketing professional reading this ... ya know ... feel free to throw these Redditors some job offers! They might be exactly what you need to revamp your image.
You can't fix it if you don't know it's broken, right?
OK who are we kidding, these brands totally know how people see them and none of these slogans are ever getting anywhere—regardless of how honest they are.
What honest brand slogans would you pitch if you could?
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Redditor _ReDd1T_UsEr wanted to discuss the reasons why many of us decided to cut some people out of our lives, so they asked:
"What was the reason why your friendship ended with someone?"
Sometimes a person just has to go.
Planning Stages
Weekend Sunday GIF by DisneyGiphy"I stopped being the first to always initiate plans, and that was that."
Witty-Surround-6541
"I once asked a friend to plan our next breakfast + walk outing, since I always did that. He wrote me a letter ending the friendship. Stunning!"
fermat9996
Pants on Fire
"Habitual lying became too annoying and disruptive to tolerate."
Hosscatticus_Dad523
"When you constantly are thinking... this math ain't matching lol. People that lie all the time make me sick. I've told multiple friends that you don't have to lie to me."
"I feel so much better when someone can trust me and feel comfortable telling me a hard truth than an easy lie."
"Even if the truth made me feel some type of way, I'm still glad it was honest. I've even said thank you to people in the past that have been honest with me, good or bad! Some people just can not help lying about things. I wouldn't be able to ever keep a story straight if I did that."
__eden_
Bad Behavior
"He kept having kids with different girls and bailing on them. Coming from a 'went out for a pack of smokes' Dad myself, I just couldn't watch it anymore. Bailed after the third one. Think he's up to 6 now."
KingGuy420
"Reminds me of one of my ex-friends. She kept having kids with MULTIPLE guys (all of them were one-night stands), I don't think she even knows who the baby daddies are."
"She also kept begging me and people for money for pot, and she also bragged about having OnlyFans. She'd also make up stories about being in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend (she'd also cheat on him/tell people her and him they broke up, which they weren't)."
wisconsinking
Reasons
"I was a bad person and they ended it for perfectly sensible reasons. I would have done the same. I've changed, but I don't blame them for not reconsidering contact."
tabletopsidekick
"I’ve been there. I was a bad person and lost friendships and family relationships. I tried to apologize to everyone I hurt."
PDXGalMeow
"I also accepted that they don’t want me in their lives anymore. I learned that I made my mistakes, I learned from them, and I accept their choices. I don’t self-hate anymore and I try to be a better person in general. I hope you are doing well and practicing self-love and forgiveness."
PDXGalMeow
Money Issues
Donald Duck Money GIFGiphy"I lent them $20 and then they avoided me so they didn’t have to pay me back. Worth the $20."
BuickAssault
"I don't ever expect prompt returns of small amounts of money between my friends... we all buy each other rounds or buy the food for the BBQ or whatever. It ends up evening out over time I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too."
Badloss
In the immortal words of Cyndi Lauper... "Money Changes Everything."
Lack of Support
Happy Planning GIFGiphy"She joined a pyramid scheme selling butt-ugly leggings and it took over her whole life. When I finally told her it was negatively affecting our friendship, she accused me of not supporting her 'business.'"
LeftandLeaving9006
Oh Driver
"I was basically a taxi for my friends so I dumped them all."
Bullfrog_Little
"This one I can understand but depends on the situation. Not all of my friends had cars in high school, so our group needed to have me and my sh*tty '94 Plymouth Sundance come, or they couldn't do anything. I didn't mind at all then, but I definitely would these days."
Hoopajoops
"I remember I used to drive around with my buddies all the time before they had licenses. When one of my friends got his and a car I said sweet now you can drive me around for a bit, he replied that he wasn't gonna waste his money on gas like that. See ya, haven't really spoken to him since."
DontcallmeShirley_82
2063
"How's this for oddly specific: Friend since 1980, was hanging out at a bar in 1992 and there was a dispute of over a $15.00 bar tab. I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years."
"Ran into him in 2017 and we were both too old to care. Started to see each other now and then. 2023 and we're at this local bar for a show and got into a fight about $15.00 a ticket."
"Maybe he'll call me in 2063."
The68Guns
Exhausting
"She was a taker, constantly. When I needed something she made it about her yet again. Exhausting to be around."
LordyIHopeThereIsPie
"I'm going through this right now. Can't tell you how many texts I have from her in the past few days telling me that I need to get over myself, need to stop making myself the victim, have been a terrible friend, have never been there for her."
"She's the most narcissistic person I know and everyone does everything for her. She has one of the easiest lives ever and anytime anything bad happens to her she believes that everyone is against her and she's the victim here. It's pure insanity. There is no talking sense to people like this."
cheeseburgerwaffles
Life Changes
point pointing GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy"I've lost like all but two of my 'friends' because I stopped drinking and doing hard drugs."
ConcertTerrible8877
"Same here dude. My circle is small but hey at least it's a circle I know I can go to."
Miss_mayonnaise
Oh, how things change when the booze dries up.
How much fun were you really having?
Do you have any stories about cutting off a friend? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear from ex-lovers who've been there, Redditor Lishasquarepant asked:
"What caused your last break-up?"
These Redditors found they and their significant other were no longer on the same page.
"Simply, we grew apart."
– catetheway
"Same, I feel like Michael Scott everytime I try to start another relationship. 'No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.'"
– Gthew
Happier Apart
"Same. We loved each other like siblings, not spouses... Ugh! Lovely man though who now has a fab girlfriend. We are good friends and much happier apart."
– MoxieHasKnottyBits
No Regrets
"Same. And it f'king sucks, but that’s life. It’s been a year and I still hate every second that she’s not in my life, but at the same time I know she’s happier now than she would’ve been if we stayed together."
– throway35885328
Having no communication is the worst part.
Silent Partner
"He slowly got distant. I believe he lost interest and didn't dare be honest with me about that."
– GaiaNatur77
The Late Blame Game
"I had that happen as well, but then he pinned it on me being distant and not affectionate enough."
"My guy, if you pull your hand away every time I try to hold it, I'm gonna stop trying to hold it. And if I ask if something's up and you repeatedly tell me everything is fine, I'm going to believe you. Don't wait till I'm at my worst moment and then reveal you had issues with me for 3 months and break up with me for it being 'my fault.'"
– Billielolly
"Everything Is Fine"
"Oh man, the asking repeatedly and getting a 'nothing' reminds me of a story."
"My friend used to ask her ex this every time he was unusually quiet. He’d always say he was fine, then at one point, told her to stop asking because it was making him feel weird."
"So she did."
"Six months later he initiated a divorce because she didn’t care about his feelings anymore."
"Like…don’t ask for sh*t then get pissy when you get what you want."
– TheRealJackReynolds
And then there are those who were not invested in the relationship for a long time.
The Struggle Is Real
"He seemed to struggle with the concept of not f'king random people."
– spanglesandbambi
Leaving The Problem
"He moved to his country because he missed his family. So he only sent a WhatsApp message saying he was going to stay there. I would have preferred a call at least to break up a marriage."
– kattia12
New Life
"Something similar happened to my cousin. He married her in the US, they had a baby together.. a few years go by, he misses home, goes back to visit.. His family had an arranged marriage ready for him 🤦🏻♀️ He ended up with a new wife and new baby. Hasn’t came back."
– MysticalMom7
A Foreign Custom
"It just seems so surreal that a grown a** adult with a wife and baby would leave his family behind for an arranged marriage. I'll never fathom the mentality."
– ro0ibos2
Ouch
"I wasn't having sex near as often as she was."
– YourWordsMatter
Breaking up is hard to do.
But a good thing to remember is that love can be found again and the new relationship can be even better than the previous one.
And that's something that can't be recognized until you look back in retrospect.
We all have to kiss a few toads.