Reddit user night_howler_grt asked:
"If brands were brutally honest, what brand would have what slogan?"
And welp ... let's just say Reddit probably isn't going to get itself hired as a marketing professional any time soon.
We love the honesty, though!
Some Zingers For Zuck
"Facebook: your privacy is our business."
"Facebook: it's worse than you think."
"Facebook: we won't let anyone harass you. We don't tolerate it."
"Also Facebook: I see you have reported the same person 30 times due to harassment but we just don't want to do anything about it. Sorry not sorry."
"(True story)"
GiphyAllergy Relief
"Benadryl: you can't have allergies if you're unconscious"
"Last time I took one I slept for like 8 hours straight."
"This was after getting 8 hours straight already and only being awake for about 3 hours before taking one. It was a few days recovering from that!"
GiphyTaco Bell
"Taco Bell- same food, different shapes"
" 'What's a tostada?' "
" 'Tortillas, meat, beans, and vegetables' "
" 'What's a chalupa?' "
" 'Tortillas, meat, beans, and vegetables' "
"This is so true. Their whole menu can be boiled down to the same item over and over."
"Yet the only thing people love(nacho fries) they love to take away from us constantly. Who makes these decisions?!"
"Taco Bell: 57 Menu items, Six ingredients!"
GiphyHappy To Be Here
"RC Cola: we're just happy to be involved in the taste test"
- jolbina
"RC Cola: it's not much, but it's honest work."
"RC Cola: We know that's your last 1.25"
GiphyAds on Ads on Ads
"YouTube: You don't matter to us now watch our double ads!"
"YouTube: Ad will end in 5 seconds, after which another ad will play."
"Double? Lucky, I get 4, all un-skippable."
GiphyMotorcycle Madness
"Harley Davidson: from the Great Depression to your Midlife Crisis"
"Harley Davidson: we also make motorcycles!"
- shebiz
"Harley Davidson: Sure, you COULD buy an Indian or Ducati, but then you wouldn't be able to properly inflict your midlife crisis on everyone in the surrounding 3 blocks."
GiphyJust Not Now
"Tupperware: Have you ever wanted to throw away food, but just not now?"
- ItsDeCia
"Tupper-where the f*ck is the lid."
"Tupperware: remember when you reheated that pasta and red sauce? I'll never forget due to my PINK STAINED INTERIOR!"
GiphyTo-Do
"Nestlé: Where we treat human rights violations like a to do list!"
"Nestlé: We rob the poor and sell to the rich!"
"Nestlé: water is not for everyone!"
"This is why Nestlé is definitely among the very worst companies on this whole comment thread."
"And not enough people know it."
"When you actually truly believe water is a privilege and not a basic human necessity...you've reached a new level of insane."
GiphyBuzzworthy
"BuzzFeed: because you're too lazy to go on Reddit, and we're too lazy to write original content."
"I can see one of the writers awkwardly scrolling past this comment while they're putting the rest into a new article"
"Funny and true. Buzzfeed is how I was exposed to Reddit 😂"
"Same here! I don't think I've been read a Buzzfeed article since I signed up to Reddit"
GiphyAnger Management
"FedEx : our drivers take out their anger on your items."
"FedEx: No we DID knock on your door. Just very very lightly"
"FedEx: F*ck your packages and f*ck you, too."
"FedEx : you bought it, we break it"
- rykef
GiphyIf you're a brand manager or marketing professional reading this ... ya know ... feel free to throw these Redditors some job offers! They might be exactly what you need to revamp your image.
You can't fix it if you don't know it's broken, right?
OK who are we kidding, these brands totally know how people see them and none of these slogans are ever getting anywhere—regardless of how honest they are.
What honest brand slogans would you pitch if you could?
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