Okay, so here's the thing ...
How come humans only have one way to breathe but turtles are out here breathing with their lungs and through their butts?
I keep hearing that humans are the "advanced" species but try telling that to my constantly janky sinuses, postnasal drip, and hyper-responsive cough reflex.
I spend all spring nearly dying by drowning in my own boogers, but turtles can stay trapped under the ice in water for over 100 days cause they've figured out how to use their butt holes as a SCUBA system.
I don't feel very advanced.
Reddit user ZanzatheDivine96 asked:
"What are some big flaws when it comes to the design of the human body?"
Let's start with everyone else who was on board with my breathing complaints. Admittedly, nobody else brought up turtle butts, but my point remains a valid and shared one nonetheless.
Airways
Breathe Jack Black GIF by Tenacious D
Giphy
"Airways. In order to eat and drink, you have to risk blocking them."
- Dinnen1
"God I constantly choke while drinking water. It would be nice not having to worry about that happening so often."
- bubbledragonz
"We’re the only primates with a descended larynx. Most can breathe and drink water at the same time."
"A descended larynx let’s us produce a way broader set of sounds, which helped the development of complex speech. Very useful adaptation for the species as a whole."
"The trade off being that an individual chokes and dies now and then."
- Choreopithecus
Why Am I Puking?
"When you’re in serious pain that has NOTHING to do with your stomach your body just decides to go 'Hey this pain sucks so imma make you throw up just cause it seems like a fun add-on to your experience.' ”
- carissadraws
"I've got decently sized kidney stones 🤢🤮"
"This is not your normal hangover vomiting. No no. It involves violently vomiting."
"Ribs and back are sore for days. Afraid you’re going to aspirate. Can’t make it stop, afraid to breathe."
"As if the stones themselves weren't bad enough."
- Inevitable_Set5762
"I have autoimmune hepatitis and when it spikes up really badly I can't stand up because if I do, I puke."
- doej0
Blue Planet
"Most of the planet is covered by water but we don’t have webbed feet or anything to thrive on this water based planet."
- elton_james
"We should have the ability to drink salt water. Hydration lacks sense"
- Profound_RK800
"A small number of folks do! Aquatic ape ancestral line pokes its head up every so often."
- ErdenGeboren
"We actually have a little bit of webbing on our hands. Also you know when you have been swimming for a while and your fingers looks like raisins. The reason it does that is to get more traction underwater."
- ThisGuyLikesCheese
Earlids
GIF by ESPN
Giphy
"Can’t turn off our ears like we can close our eyes. Sometimes I just want quiet in any situation!"
"That thin film of eyelid flesh is just enough to block almost everything out. We need a built-in feature that is similarly effective for blocking out sound."
"In our modern day and age I don’t typically have to listen for nocturnal predators hiding in the bushes."
- Emalan-R
"Oh my god, I never knew I wanted this until you've just mentioned it, now I want this so bad. The ability to shut off noise at will would be incredible."
- minisrugbycoach
Up?
"Sinuses that drain up."
- CertainUnit9145
"Omg my sinuses 😠 I swear one day I'll rip them open they're almost always an issue."
- whydoifeelsohopeless
"My god, dealing with this right now."
"Every season change I just get an entire day of sneezing or 3-4 days of nonstop coughing, it's ridiculous and I don't get it."
- ZanzatheDivine96
Octopeyes
"The eyes, specifically the retina is backwards."
"The 'support circuitry' is in front and the light sensors are in back. Hence the blind spot and tendency toward macular degeneration."
"Octopus eyes are done right."
"Eyes start as folds of double-layer cells and those cells divide and specialize."
"In at least humans, the layer that becomes the blood vessels and transmission nerves in the retina is on the inside and the layer that becomes the rods and cones is on the outside. So the light has to go through the blood vessels and such to be detected, and there's a blind spot where the transmission nerves gather together to become the optic nerve."
"In the octopus eye those layers are reversed, so the rods and cones (Not sure about cones, do octopi see in color?) are formed from the inside and the transmission nerves and blood vessels formed from the outside."
"Their eyes work pretty much the same as ours, except the layers were better arranged at the outset."
- phred14
The Pee Manager
pee dancing GIF
Giphy
"This whole need to pee thing."
"Especially when I'm all cozy. That's some bull right there. I wanna speak to the manager."
- wyd55
"You ever get cozy at night in cool sheets on a warm summer night only to then have your body say 'f*ck that we pissin' so you begrudgingly go to the bathroom and as soon as you get ready to release your body's like 'sike we don't gotta pee no more I changed my mind we good now.' "
"Pisses me the f*ck off."
- 100BlackKids
Cold Sperm
"That sperm need to be slightly colder."
"Why did that evolve? Ever other cell is fine with being warmer but because of sperm being picky we gotta have nuts hanging out that can be kicked."
- Spirited-Ad-8061
"Yep. I would be happy to have my balls tucked away somewhere in my abdomen rather then swinging around, just asking to be bludgeoned."
-braedn
Chemicals
"The brain being filled with feel good chemicals but refusing to release them."
- chuckyeagers
"The big sads - Chemical imbalances."
- Allieora
"Like your brain tries to kill you, but in the same time it tries to prevent it through the instinct of self-preservation."
- showMeYourCroissant
"In my case it releases all the chemicals all at once, causing me to be manic followed immediately by depression."
- Capraos
Asking Too Much
homer simpson GIF
Giphy
"Ankles."
"As a foundation, they’re often vulnerable and unreliable. Too much is asked of the ankles relative to the weight they support."
- nomathnot
"Yeah man ankles suck, break it once and it's f*cked for life."
- totix28
"Can confirm, broke mine, will feel it forever."
- daggersaber
So what's your biggest body gripe?
Don't act like you don't have one. Is it a knee? Elbow? Sciatic pain that feels like a stabbing charlie horse in your right butt cheek?
Is it the turtle breathing thing? It's the turtle breathing thing, isn't it?
We'll see you in the comments!
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Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
Giphy
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
