A couple wanting to take the next huge step in their relationship by walking down the aisle is a huge confirmation of their affection for each other.
Yet, a fiancé getting cold feet the day before the day of the nuptials or a runaway bride leaving the groom alone at the altar are a thing.
What is it about tying the knot that makes a couple have reservations? Could it be the high divorce rate in the country?
Maybe so, but what's the point in pursuing love if nobody is in it for the long haul?
Strangers online assured a long-lasting marriage was possible when Redditor Aelynd asked:
"Those of you who are happily married, what is your biggest piece of advice for maintaining a relationship?"
Communication is first and foremost the glue that holds a relationship intact.
Speak Up
"You can’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. Ever. Just say the words out loud."
– NervousHour4129
Being Honest
"This is so important and what my husband and I are currently working on. Communicating expectations, being honest about what you care about, and understanding the other person’s capabilities really alleviates some of the friction between us."
– _somelikeithot
Just Talk
"F'KING THIS! My husband and I've been married for 14 years. Our marriage almost dissolved twice. The first time, we went to therapy and he learned to talk to me (it was like talking* to a brick wall before then). The second time was because neither of us made time to talk to each other."
"Now, we put our kid to bed, go outside and smoke a bowl, and just f'king talk. No judgements, no yelling, just honest open discussion. And our marriage has never been stronger. It's been almost 3 years since we started doing this."
"Just talk to your spouse, people."
– irrelevant_echo
Expectations
"Unmet expectations are a killer. We have tons of expectations for our SO's - sometimes we need to check them at the door."
– MzFrazzle
It's not always wine and roses, though it can be. Still, relationships take work.
The Basic Foundation
"Communication, trust and respect."
– Goblinstomper
Support And Encouragement
"Help your partner achieve his/her goals with love and kindness."
– Just_a_Pym_Particle
Making Conscious Choices For Love
"15 years coming up in May. Marriage is not built on romantic feelings but on loyalty, trust, communication and perseverance. Every day I make the choice to spend the rest of my life with this man."
– BananaVixen
It's Not Always Perfect
"A lot of people forget this. Romantic feelings can be hard to come by during the tough times. It is a deliberate choice to persevere. And there are always tough times, a marriage isn't broken because they happen. A relationship between two people can be a roller coaster."
"Of course don't persevere through abuse. Perseverance is never worth it without genuine care and trust."
– Mental_Vacation
Stop Fixating On Little Things
"Don't sweat the small stuff."
"They're not going to fold your underwear the way you do it but does it really matter? If you criticize every little thing they do, they're not going to want to be around you for long."
– Rewdboy05
Comfort In Silence
"21 years together, 14 married this year. You and your SO should be comfortable and happy, and yes that's obvious but so many people "get bored " and either leave or start running around. If you cannot sit in silence with your spouse, as well as go and be spontaneous together, then you need to figure out why. I know so many married people who are absolutely horrid to each other. I asked one friend " would you be friends with spouse if you weren't married?" She said no. That's so sad and guaranteed to eventually end in disaster unless something is done. Be each other's best friends. Lust eventually may disappear, but the friendship and comfort you give each other will keep you going."
– NeverEnoughSleep08
Guilty During Covid
"I love this. My wife and I are best friends, we felt guilty during covid because we loved that we could just stay home, watch movies, play video games, whatever. A perfect day can be both of us in the same room, not even talking just playing our own games."
– HorseRadish98
It's easy to give in to negativity. These are simple fixes for that.
Stop The Trash Talk
"You are on the same team. Also, complaining about your spouse as a form of small talk is trashy, and you might start believing yourself after a while."
– thetrumpetingfairy
Listen More
"Know when to shut up. A lot of people say that communication is important and a couple should be able to talk to each other, but not many people mention that it's equally important to know when NOT to talk. Some things are just not helpful, they can only hurt your partner, and being honest with each other doesn't mean saying whatever comes to mind without thinking."
– june_a
Some Strong Points
"I’ll mention some things that haven’t been touched on:"
"Grace. The other person is human. They’re going to MESS up. You have to accept that (within reason) and understand that you also mess up. Forgiveness goes hand in hand with that."
"Learn to let stuff go. There will be epic issues for some marriages. But once you’ve put something to bed..it’s done. You don’t get to bring it up or hold it over their head or use it as a weapon."
"It’s not about you. Marriage is not for the selfish. Everyday you have to wake up and be willing to serve. I don’t mean be subservient, it shouldn’t be a power struggle. It’s about doing what’s best for your marriage and your spouse."
"You choose to love someone. You have a wedding once. You marry someone every day. You recommit yourself to them every day."
"Learn to embrace quirks. For example, my husband, every day, will come in and take off his shoes and socks and leave them wherever they get taken off. It drives me batty but my God if one day he didn’t walk through the door and yeet them off his feet…I’d be devastated. Because that means he’s gone."
"Set boundaries for self respect. Don’t put up with certain things but pick your battles. He can throw his socks wherever but I’m not his maid, either."
– TheRavenGirl13
Take A Time Out
"When getting into disagreements don’t try to solve it right away. Take 5-10 minuets to think it over separately, then talk it out."
"Taking the time to collect your thoughts will help prevent yelling, and big arguments."
– Limited_two
The tips for successful relationships mentioned here are not really rocket science.
They are very simple concepts that might be more difficult to execute.
But if you think about the person you ultimately fell in love with and chose to commit yourself to–in spite of their minor flaws and idiosyncrasies–isn't that person worth fighting for?
If they are, talk it out and hug it out.
- Children of Polygamist Parents Reveal What Their Childhoods Were ... ›
- Happily Married People Reveal The Moment They Knew They'd Pop ... ›
- Couples Who Followed Through On A 'Marriage Pact' Explain How ... ›
- Married Couples Who Sleep In Separate Rooms Explain Why They ... ›
- Married Couples Who Sleep In Separate Rooms Explain Why They ... ›
- People Who Have Been A 'Homewrecker' Break Down How It ... ›
Redditor r3tr0gam3r83 wanted to hear about which realizations in life have left people SHOOK, so they asked:
"What is something that blew your mind once you realized it?"
Avocados are not vegetables.
They're fruits, berries to be exact.
Like what?!?!
Colleagues
GIF by Bud LightGiphy"Sometimes it is more important to like your colleagues than the actual job."
"I had shi**y jobs with the most amazing colleagues and had shi**y colleagues and the most amazing job. I'd pick the first every time."
chr989
Star Trekking
"That you could legitimately travel at warp speed through the center of galaxies and never run any real risk of hitting a star. That’s how spread out space really is."
justanotherguyhere16
"Also, galaxies, stars, and even the Universe is constantly moving. I think time travel has been invented, but they can’t figure out the 'space' part of it.
"Yes, they can travel back in time, but relatively speaking, they can’t figure out how to navigate to the part of the planet they want to reach. So when they travel back in time, it’s relative to where they currently are, and end up not moving through space, thus ending up in the middle of an empty vacuum."
theknights-whosay-Ni
Jaws is Old
"That sharks predated the rings of Saturn."
BeardedDominant
"Sharks also developed the immune system that ended up in both dinosaurs/birds and mammals."
csiz
"We don’t know that. We can’t say for certain that the rings are only 100 million years old. It’s still debated."
The_Kek_5000
"I'm pretty sure that sharks are older than trees."
Cayderent
From the Trees
"One day I sat on a tram, passing a river. There was a duck in a tree. I realized I'd never seen ducks in trees. No one else seemed to notice, but I was puzzled. Now whenever I come across something that seems intuitive but I have never considered I call it a duck in a tree."
Ol_Pasta
"This realization happened to me this past year. We apparently have a family of wood ducks in one of the big trees in our yard. Our neighbor said she has seen a duck walking around on a branch. I made it 37 years without knowing some ducks can roost in trees. My wife caught a video of the mama leading like eight ducks into the field next to our house. We aren't even near water."
jwbourne
Artistic Timeline
Confused Eminem GIFGiphy"Pablo Picasso and Eminem were both alive at the same time."
leebon427
"I’d bet a lot of people think Picasso is a Renaissance artist."
editormatt
I admit it. I'm one of those people. Pablo and Marshall, in one lifetime.
New facts are fun.
The New World
Design Loop GIF by xponentialdesignGiphy"They were colonizing the Wild West at the same time as they were building skyscrapers in Manhattan. I always think of them taking place eighty to a hundred years apart. It's wild."
Emilayday
Oh the Power
"Nuclear power plants are just steam power plants that use nuclear reactions to heat the water. There's no fancy magic extracting energy directly from nuclear material. They just boil water and spin a turbine."
RenaKunisaki
"Most electrical generation is spinning a turbine. Photovoltaic solar power is pretty much the only exception, and it's not the only form of solar power. There's solar thermal power, which uses mirrors or lenses to concentrate the heat of the sun to make steam and turn a turbine."
Brawndo91
The Empire
"The Roman Empire fully fell less than 50 years before the discovery of the new world."
South-by-north
"The Romans also had copper wire, magnets, and battery acid. They could have invented electricity hundreds of years before it was actually discovered. But they didn't. The wire was used for jewelry, the magnets as lodestones, and the battery acid was used to clean the rust off of swords."
Kahzgul
"RIP Byzantine Empire. 1453 never forget."
crossbowman44
The Witness
"Owl‘s silent flight. I mean I always knew that but a while ago was the first time I actually witnessed it. Owl came flying towards me and landed only a few feet away and you couldn‘t hear anything. Crazy."
Zealousideal-You-324
"I saw a barn owl swoop down and catch a mouse while hiking at night, and the whole thing happened in complete silence. It gave me a deep sense of unease because it was literally like someone hit the mute button on life."
VulcanVisions
Bad Kermit
Kermit The Frog Meme GIF by IdentityGiphy"Poison dart frogs aren't poisonous in captivity."
"I own 5 of them and anytime I tell someone I own some I always get 'Do you ever lick them' or 'Can you go kill someone with them.' But yeah they get their poison from what they eat, and all I give them is fruit flies."
JMfury
Poison frogs?
That sounds like something Rose would have a story about on 'The Golden Girls.'
Redditor rentinghappiness wanted to hear about the things everyone really didn't know anything about until it happened to them, so they asked:
"What is something you used to think people were over-exaggerating about until you experienced it yourself?"
We never really know anything about anything until we try it for ourselves.
Mouth Issues
Dentist GIFGiphy"Dentist chiming in… tooth pain. I knew academically how painful they could be until it happened to me."
juneburger
"You know the pain is serious when you start looking forward to the inevitable root canal."
HailMari248
Wonders of Nature
"Giant sequoia trees. When I finally saw them in person, they looked fake. I could not comprehend a tree of that size."
schaefer001
"And we may have lost 15-20% of the remaining trees during some big fires in 2020 and 2021. A 2011 estimate puts it that there were only 80,000 remainings. They truly are wondrous organisms that I feel like everyone should have the chance to experience if they can."
"I'm a big believer in doing everything we can to protect and preserve these silent giants. It's really sad that so many were cut down by loggers when the wood is such poor quality for human purposes, to begin with. Such an utter and sad waste."
this_is_poorly_done
Just Me
"Loneliness."
Fried__SoapI
"I'm with you. Put all my cards into a girl who went suddenly cold and dark on me. Now I'm alone at rock bottom figuring out my next moves. You know, the smartest people in the world and also the happiest people in the world can be the loneliest?"
"I was only recently informed it's okay to talk to myself and hype myself. Enjoy my own company. I'm absolutely going to learn to do that. I'm thinking of painting, walking, and weekend trips out on a bus. Would be nice if you could have joined me even if we sat in silence."
Roofdragon
The Years Gone By...
"The physical pain of getting older. Damn."
marklikeadawg
"The emotional pain too. I get so nostalgic and teary over the past and how much has changed. It's a weird grieving process over losing your youth and the way things were."
heethersmeether
"On my 35th birthday, my wife woke me up with a cupcake and a candle, sang me 'Happy Birthday' and then congratulated me on being '15 from 50'... that really hit me hard. The other day I turned 45 and she said '5 from 50' and that hit me so hard, I just wanted to stay in bed all day. I still feel like an irresponsible teen but I'm pushing 50. Insane."
Opa_Kalaka
It's Hazy
Confused Always Sunny GIF by It's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaGiphy"Brain fog. I had an alcohol withdrawal seizure in March. My short-term memory and sense of time are absolutely sh*t right now. On the plus side, I haven't had a drink in over 90 days and I don't want one."
Sideshow_Bob_Ross
Oh the wonders of the brain.
What a mess.
Scorched
Menopause Hot Flashes GIF by Kino LorberGiphy"Hot Flashes. I didn’t think they were this bad. I’m a 31-year-old man who took Wellbutrin for the past month and hot flashes are a side effect."
"I thought you just thought you were hot. No motherf**ker you are. You’re super hot legitimately, and you have to do something about it or you’ll go insane. It’s not in your head. It’s your brain raising your temps until you can’t focus on anything else."
_PswayZ_
Everlasting
"Chronic illness, there is absolutely no way you can truly understand the impact unless you experience it."
Disastrous-Phase-979
"Just that idea of always being sick and you will NEVER not be sick again."
"AND you're expected to participate in society just the same as everyone else. It's deeply f**ked up."
Farisr9k
"I like the part where I've been in pain for 25 years so I can kind of still function even when it's really bad."
"And then I try to get an ambulance guy or an admin assistant in a hospital to believe that I'm having an emergency and they're like 'You seem fine, take some Tylenol and go home' until I finally get a blood test, and then the doctor goes 'Holy crap, you're about to die, why didn't you come to the ER sooner.'"
"Like, listen up MF, I had to take a go**amn Uber to get here and then argue with reception for an hour."
BlahBlahILoveToast
Stoned
"How much a kidney stone hurts."
SpiritusSanctu
"Most people expect it to hurt the most when passing a stone through the urethra. Nothing prepared me for the pain as it passed through my kidney/ureter."
"One second I would be fine, carrying on conversations, prancing around nimbly-nimbly. The next second I would be keeled over, crying in agony, losing my lunch due to the sudden onset of crippling pain. 0/10 ... Would not recommend it."
King_of_Lunch223
Close Your Eyes
"Insomnia."
Successful_Fall7801
"Oh, what I would give to not have insomnia! I go through periods of sleeping more or less normal, and then for seemingly no reason, I’ll have weeks on end where a good night of sleep is IMPOSSIBLE. I’ll get 2-4 hours of sleep despite pills, tea, baths, white noise, meditation - everything."
"I’ll spend my days so deeply, utterly exhausted that I can barely think, and my whole body feels heavy, lifeless. It’s hard to feel any kind of emotion, let alone happiness or contentedness. Just existing as a human-shaped puddle until the time when I can go to bed and hope to god that tonight will be different for some unknown reason."
"Insomnia is a real bi*ch. It will tank your mental health and send you spiraling really fast."
thesmallshadows
Beep
Meme Reaction GIF by TravisGiphy"Tinnitus. It’s torture."
DissidentBliss
"I don't mind it much 'cause I've had it since I was born. That means I don't know what proper silence is."
77x5ghost
"Me too, they thought I had hearing issues when I was young because I couldn’t really hear some of the beeps well because they matched the pitch of the ringing."
ehter13
Don't judge another until you lace up their shoes and walk a mile in them!
Do you have anything else to share? Let us know in the comments.
