Parents are always telling their children not to lie, so parents always tell the truth, right? Wrong! Sometimes parents tell a little white lie to get kids to behave. Sometimes they tell a whopper for other reasons. Here are some of the best lies parents have told.
50. The Usual Half-Truths...
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- The ends don't justify the means
- It doesn't matter what other people think of you
- Money can't buy happiness REDDIT
49. Betrayal!
"When the ice cream truck plays that music, it means it's out of ice cream." - "The Internet shuts at 6pm." "I know when you're lying!" REDDIT
48. Is this Dynasty?
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That the man at the family gathering was a family friend when it turns out to be your dad and you never got to meet him again. _yellow_ledbetter
47. Don't talk about my peeps...
That today's generation is a bunch of lazy, entitled degenerates. Seems odd that my generation is inventing, innovating and building more than any previous generation. Also, media only makes it seem like this generation sucks... most of my father's generation was raised on believing what the news told them. Well, thanks to the Internet (reddit, specifically) most of us know that the media is 99% biased crap. Esmeraldem
46. Higher Learning...
That education costs.
With the cost of college and schools varying so much depending on where you live and the variations in social classes you get set up to have no opportunities in certain areas. You don't get to pick from everything most of the time. You get to have what's available to you. I wish I had understood that better instead of being given false hope and naivety about how the world works. REDDIT
45. A Lie is a Lie!
A lot of parents, or all parents? Don't know about all parents, but a lot of them lie about intelligent design. charleston_guy
A lie is knowing something is not factual and saying it anyway. If a parent believes in intelligent design and teaches their child that, it isn't a lie. They may be incorrect, but that is different. I_Like_Nerds
44. You can still be nice...
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That if you do good, good things will happen to you in return. Nope, the world screws you whether you want it or not. pyroSeven
43. Sorry Mom. You talk.
"You can tell me everything."
No, I can't mom, because you're not mentally stable enough to handle someone's pain. Syr_Enigma
42. No Stalker for you!
Be/do good because Jesus is watching.
Instead of...
Be/do good because you shouldn't have to rely on someone else to hold you accountable for being a good person. sbstnh
41. You just gotta find the right ones...
That Drugs are bad, Drugs are fun! notosnow
"All it takes is one cigarette to get you hooked." Tried a cigarette once. Tasted like crap and made me nauseous. Never again, so there's that.
"Marijuana is a gateway drug." Been smoking consistently for about a year and half now, still waiting for that urge to try heroin. Hasn't happened yet. REDDIT
39. Surprise!
"You were planned." koklar
I'm pretty sure my parents claimed to get married almost a year before they actually did whenever I asked because of this. REDDIT
38. That Sounds Unsafe!
An angel dropped me into their lap. REDDIT
Well, technically, a fallen angel is still an angel. 😇 Ahavah
36. Just say Abstinence.
Oh, and "Your father and I were virgins when we married." Not only was this hard to live up to but totally messed up the line, "You can talk to me about anything." Uhh noooo mom I can't, even though you lied.
34. Ka-Ching!
You can do anything you want in life.
Truth : If you don't have enough money, you are restricted to limitations. Qualkore0 points·
33. It could happen.
Unequivocally it is that God exist and that people go to heaven when they die. MagmaiKH
32. Be Great!
"It's alright if you didn't win/score/do something neat, you tried your best!" Dhrakyn
30. Big Little Lies
Teacher to my kindergarteners: IF we don't finish ___________, we'll have to stay here all night, and one from my parents to me after coming out: We don't think of you any differently.
29. Nothing is Free!
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Santa is going to bring you gifts/The tooth fairy will leave you $ for your tooth. only-the-lonely
28. Fido Forever!
I hate how parents try to lie and cover up pet deaths and stuff like... Santa cuz they're children's feelings will get hurt. No wonder we have so many feminists and SJWs that claim clapping triggers anxiety. PM_ME_STDS
27. Bless Us All...
Everything about religion... any religion. Dredly
26. Leafy Green Lies
My mother told me that spinach would make me strong like Popeye, and if I ate it I could lift the house.I would have a few spoonfuls and then she'd rush outside with me. I'd try and lift the house, squeezing my eyes shut with the effort. She'd go "It moved! It moved! Quick, eat some more!" and I'd run back inside and finish it off.
-- aza9999
25. Food Court
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Happy Meals are for poor kids who's parents can't buy them toys and they're sad.
If you touch your peepee without going potty, it'll fall off.
If you eat enough vegetables, your body makes them taste like candy.
If you don't wipe your butt properly, it'll close up and you'll have to spit out your poop.
If you don't color in the lines, you'll start losing color and only see in black and white.
If you pee in the pool, you'll get the girls pregnant and have to get a job.
If you don't wash your hands before you eat, your food will start to taste like poop.
We aren't French so you can't eat French fries from McDonalds.
Lucky Charms are for Leprechauns. If you eat too many you'll shrink and have to wear a green suit and have a red beard.
[username deleted]
24. Rock Garden
My dad said if I could look after a special growing rock, and watered it each day until it stopped growing I could get a dog. I'd water it and every week, while I was at school he'd replace it with a slightly bigger rock.
--AppleChiaki
23. The MusicMobile
I told both of my kids that the ice cream truck was the "music truck." It's purpose was to drive around and cheer up all the sad people.
--No_Filter217
22. Screaming For Ice Cream
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I did that too! Told that story yesterday after hearing one from a co-worker: she told her son, who is afraid of clowns, that ice cream trucks were driven by clowns. He heard that music and sprinted to his room. Evil genius of a parent.
[username deleted]
21. When Will Grandma Be Ripe?
My dad told me when I was really little that graveyards were people farms.
--yusuf69
20. I'll Have the Chicken Fish
We got our daughter to eat fish by calling it "Argentinian Chicken." That worked for a long time until grandma came along and messed it up. Thanks, Grandma.
--effthegreen
19. The Family That Scares Together
My dad always told me he was terrified of mice and rats so we couldn't go to Chuck E Cheese. I legitimately believed that until my cousin told me her dad (my dad's twin) had said the same thing.
My dad also told me there were monsters in our basement so I wouldn't go down the stairs and hurt myself. And one time, he paused saying goodnight to me and said "huh, thought I heard something in your closet. Oh well, night!"
He was awesome. I'm totally doing all those when I have kids.
--hometowngypsy
18. The No-No Button
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My dad always told me, that if I press a certain button on our remote control our tv would explode. As I grew older, I was curious and pressed said button only to see he saved adult channels on this one
--lisasavestheworld
17. Poor Kitties!
When we went to the store my mom used to tell, "Every time (you) touch something a kitten dies."
--iamnos
16. Groundhog Easter Day?
My father told me (and my Catholic cousin) that Easter was the day that Jesus rolled back the rock, and if he saw his shadow we'd have six more weeks of winter. My aunt was beyond pissed when my cousin broke that out at her first communion.
--sunnynorth
15. Calamari is What?!?
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My parents got me to eat calamari by telling me they were Italian onion rings.
--iamnos
14. Watermelon Whine
I was told swallowing watermelon seeds would grow in my stomach.
I had a very nerve-wracking couple of months waiting.
--bNoaht
13. Toilet Ball
My dad told me that if I swallowed chewing gum my poop would bounce up and down in the toilet.
I cried when I swallowed some gum.
--iamnos
12. By Invitation Only
Chuck E. Cheese is only for birthday parties. You have to be invited to one to go there.
--iamnos
11. In the Red
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…my dad used to tell me if the RPM gauge in his manual transmission car got into the red the car would explode.
I am guessing I talked too much in the car because after that I never wanted to ride with him.
--shredda1212
10. Better Save The Batteries!
They don't make batteries for that toy.
--iamnos
9. How Do You Get an Angry Meal?
I told my kids if they didn't behave in the drive-thru line they'd get a sad meal.
--iamnos
8. The Popsicle of Truth
My mom told me my tongue turned purple when I lied. One day she caught me in a blatant lie, right after a grape popsicle.
I ran to the mirror and began to apologize until I cried. Never lied again... until I realized it was baloney.
--jfqs6m
7. Santa Needs a Break
My dad used to tell me Santa was tired of cookies and milk, I'd get extra toys if I left Doritos and a drink. That went on for years...
--iamnos
6. Watch That Word Count!
People get 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit you can't physically speak until the new month begins.
Anytime I was especially talkative, Dad would say, "Careful now, I have to think you are up over 9,000 by now." That would shut me right up.
--iamnos
5. Prepare for Takeoff
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My dad told me that pushing the seat recline button on an airplane helps the plane take off, and that if not enough people push it the plane would crash.
--iamnos
4. Orange You Glad?
My friends dad took it a step further. He says that one night his dad glued a small branch to his ear so when he woke up he thought an orange tree was growing out of his head. After seeing him crying for a while and after a few choice words from a disapproving mom his dad confessed and took the branch off. He said he was mad at his dad for like a week straight.
[username deleted]
2. Cat's Outta The Bag
Whenever I was having a tantrum in the supermarket as a small child my mum would go 'oh god! Did you see that kitten!? It just ran under that isle!!' And get all excited. Straight away I would stop having my tantrum and start looking for this kitten! Every time. For the rest of the trip I was so busy looking for the kitten and if I ever lost enthusiasm she would go 'oh look! There It went! I just saw it again!'
It took me longer than I would like to admit to realize that there's not a plague of kittens wandering around every shop in my home town.
On the plus side I now use this trick with my nephews and friends kids when they start having a tantrum in public. I have yet to see a kid that this doesn't work on.
--flaced
1. Seasonal Toys?
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My mom told me that companies only advertise bad products, because they have to trick people into buying their crap. It stopped me from begging for toys and also made me fairly immune to adds as an adult.
She also told me that certain toys, books, movies, and songs were 'seasonal' and you couldn't use or play them out of season. Which meant that she could rotate stuff every few months. Kept me more interested in my toys, and gave her a break.
[username deleted]
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.