When people ask me what my job is, I always tell them that I get paid to talk mad sh*t on the internet. Sure, there's a lot more to it but that's the gist, right?
When it comes down to it, a lot of us have careers or jobs that can be boiled down to something that sounds a little bit bonkers. Reddit user NazgulMarmot (which is a great mental picture, by the way) posed a challenge to Reddit:
Grossly oversimplify your job description. What is it?
People were totally down to play, and it turns out a lot of us have jobs that kind of make no sense when you reduce things to their simplest terms. See if you can figure out what these people do base on their descriptions - and enjoy some of the guesses Reddit users had.
Management
I'm paid to be nice while people yell at me.
Hotelmanager. It is a lot of fun though, people love my stories at parties. They gather round like I'm telling stories by a camp fire.
- Drew-
Gently
I crash planes as softly as possible.
A polite terrorist?
I'm an aircraft commander/pilot.
A Barista And The Magic Beans
GiphyI sell people magic beans to help them stay awake.
- luckyninja110
Drug dealer?
Barista?
So your a drug-dealing barista?
- Mattx8y
Just Guessing
I guess what numbers are going to be.
- queuedUp
You sit at a bar in Oregon and play digital keno?
Data / Analytics - Forecasting?
Yes! Ding Ding Ding!
- queuedUp
Maybe Blood?
Put things into people, get things out of people. Then: laugh about some random shit. And maybe blood.
Porn star?
ER nurse lol.
You Just Said That
I listen to people and tell them about what they just told me.
- AyoRobo
Therapist?
Consultant?
Nah, Just a student.
- AyoRobo
Chef Grandma
I'm everyone's Grandma. Only angry, sleep deprived, over caffeinated and at times intoxicated. I'm a restaurant chef.
- _Monotropa_Uniflora
That does sound like my grandma...
Close Enough
I make copies.
Cloning technician?
Photocopier operator?
- Wyrmczar
Close enough, I'm a secretary.
Better Numbers
GiphyYou give me numbers I give you better numbers
Number repair technician?
Corrupt lotto official?
Data analyst, you tell me what machines you've got and how much you use them I'll tell you what parts you need on the shelf
Redditor Deviant55 wanted to talk about physical intimacy in relationships, so they asked:
"How important is sex to you in a relationship? Could you be with someone you love even if sex was off the table indefinitely?"
I learned how much sex matters in my last relationship.
Once I wasn't interested, it kind of killed everything.
Forever
GIF by moodmanGiphy"When my wife of 30+ years became too ill for sex to be even remotely interesting for her, I certainly did not end the relationship. I loved her and I took care of her until she died. No other course even occurred to me."
fvillion
Frustration
"When I met my wife we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. This lasted a few years. I was in my mid-twenties when we married. She developed a chronic medical issue. I’ve gone twenty years being sexually frustrated. There are stages and phases to this."
"What I came to realize is that I love my wife. Yes, sex is important in our relationship. But I would rather have her in my life with no sex than have sex without her."
"The thing is, I love her. She can’t help her situation. I can’t help it. One deals with it. Marriage is more than sex. It is building a life and memories, raising a family, and loving each other regardless of the challenges life throws our way. But sex is very important. It helps keep the closeness and the emotional bond. But it isn’t the only thing that does that."
QuietusNoctis
I Love Her
"It is complicated. I am in a near-sexless marriage. The wife needs antidepressants to function. And it kills her libido. So usually it is four to six times a year. My libido rages. And yeah, it sucks. I dream of more sex."
"But I love the chick. She loves me to the moon and back. I’m not willing to sacrifice her love so I can try dating again. Divorce rates these days? And I found a woman who more than tolerates me, she loves me. I’ll stay. And not to be crude but yeah I masturbate. A lot. She doesn’t begrudge me that. Occasionally she even encourages it."
"She went off her meds for a while. And man did we do it. But she was a mess. I need her healthy more than I need a shag. We travel together. We enjoy each other’s company. We actually like each other. I could claim that it is hell, but I choose to see all of the good I am blessed with."
painthawg_goose
Heartless
"Quite important. But I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. I've been married for 10 years. I have kids. If my wife suddenly couldn't have sex with me for some reason -- illness or injury or something -- I'm not divorcing her over it. That's heartless."
"Now, if she just decided we weren't ever having sex again because she didn't feel like it, that'd be different. Or if I was just starting to date someone and they told me they'd never have sex, I probably just wouldn't keep pursuing the relationship. Plenty of people out there who will."
Arkhangelzk
Necessity
"It depends on the circumstances. I LOVE doing it with my man but I love his heart and soul more. If we had to stop having sex for medical reasons or something I’d definitely stay with him and stay faithful. If I was single, I think it’s unlikely I’d start a new relationship knowing it would be sex free."
Fit_Technology8240
Heart and soul is just as necessary and hot and sweaty.
At least a lot of people recognize that.
Percentages
Giphy"Sex life is 10% of a relationship when it’s good and 90% of a relationship when it’s bad."
jakovichontwitch
"The other way I've heard it put is that sex is like the bathroom in your house. It's not the only reason you bought the house, but if it's not working it's a big problem."
molten_dragon
Age Related
"50-year-old here married for 27 years. It’s not important. It was important when we were younger but honestly, if sex wasn’t possible I would still love my wife and really nothing about our day would really change."
Kantforall
"I’ve been reading these comments and wishing that everyone’s age was flared on their post because I sense that there are a lot of under-60-year-olds. I am older than my wife but she is starting menopause and I can see the writing on the wall. Not super thrilled but I love her completely and understand. The real intimacy is in how we still (and will always) want to sleep touching each other and waking up next to each other."
caffeinated-hijinx
Kiss Me
"I honestly considered this before. I absolutely adored this guy. It was like a child relationship; we'd kiss and cuddle and hold hands and things, but he wouldn't have sex with me, nor would he commit properly. Any time we came close to sex, he'd go soft or back off."
"I couldn't understand it, wondered if I could keep doing that. My sex drive was wild. Why kiss and the rest but not sex?"
"Then one day he told me he was in love with me and asked me out properly. I said yes there and then, had a wonderful day with him, but when I went home, I was left questioning if I could possibly live without sex. I decided that yeah, I loved him but it would be tough."
"We had sex the next day. So yes, I think I probably could."
Adventurous_Train_48
Touchy/affectionate...
"It's very important. I'm a very affectionate and physical person and touch/caresses and anything physical is one of my love languages. I couldn't function with someone who is the opposite of me or who's uncomfortable with how I am. I already was in a relationship with someone who wasn't that touchy/affectionate and it created frustration for both of us."
Borboleta77
Don't Look at Me
"I am in a sexless relationship. He has erectile dysfunction and I really don't like sex in general. I'm really uncomfortable naked or even vulnerable. I'm shy around him despite the relationship being 10 years nearly, I'm even shy around my family and friends. Everything about sex makes me feel so embarrassed, and I feel nothing but negative feelings when I used to be sexually active. Not through choice of partner, I just hate that sort of attention."
NucularOrchid
Definitive!
Shake Handshake GIF by OriginalsGiphy"10/10. Sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker!"
oeeiae
Sex is important but not everything.
Until it is everything if it becomes an issue.
Good luck couples. Open and honest communication is key.