Sometimes parents tell little white lies to make things easier around the house. Like when your mom said told you the car definitely drove faster when everyone was quiet. Here, people share childhood truth bombs that were told to them in adulthood. Enjoy!
1. "Staying up late" isn't what you think it is
My mom used to turn the clocks forward when I had sleepovers at her house... She'd run in to change the clock from 7:00 pm to 9:30 pm while we were distracted (this was before we all had cell phones) and we'd be amazed at how fast time had gone. We would stay up "really late" and then fall asleep, confident in our "coolness". She actually got to go to sleep at a decent hour without making us all shut up six times in the middle of the night.
Now that I am older and value my sleep, I think she is a genius.
2. When your parents go to "talk about Christmas"
My parents used to lock their door to their rooms sometimes. When a sibling or myself would knock on the door they would say, "You can't come in, we're talking about Christmas!" We would always get so excited thinking they were discussing our presents.
They told us the truth a few years ago and my siblings and I were flabbergasted! Since then, my dad occasionally sings Christmas songs to annoy us (his favorite is Jingle Bells). And now I associate Christmas with my parents having sex.
3. The ice cream truck seems to always be sold out
"The ice cream truck plays music when they are out of ice cream for the day."
4. Uhh... it's only available at Christmastime
When I was a kid, my favorite cereal was Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries. If given the opportunity, I would eat nothing else. So for years my mother had me believing that they were only available during Christmas.
So about six years ago, I'm in the store with my ex and I see them. I explained how much I loved them as a child and we should get some. Then I realized it was July. I got really excited and even regressed a little I think. It was then gently explained to me that I'd been duped. I'm eating Crunch Berries right now though so all's well that ends well I suppose.
5. Alert: grilled cheese con artist on the loose
For years and years my Dad (single parent) would make grilled cheese for me by toasting bread and putting cheese on it. It was cool.
Years later, I discovered at one point while my Grandma was visiting, she attempted to make me grilled cheese the normal way (pan, butter, delicious-ness) but my Dad stopped her saying "No, then he'll know that exists."
Also, I was in Cub Scouts but only participated in local meetings, wondering why we never did camp outs or anything. Just thought it was something our troop didn't do. Recently found out, there were camp outs, my Dad just thought they were all jerks so he didn't let me go. Or tell me they existed.
6. Okay, you remember that zebra??
I recently found out at age 20 that the zebra my aunt purchased for her farm when I was a kid did not in fact die from not being able to handle the environment of upstate New York. Rather, it was (Continued)
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trampled to death by her llamas. Don't mess with llamas.
....Thought I would clarify a couple things: the original story wasn't that the zebra froze to death in a winter storm but that it was chronically ill from the wet and cold weather and eventually succumbed to this illness. Also, I have no idea how she acquired the zebra. She had an ostrich too and that thing was also mean as hell.
7. When a white lie backfires
My dad once told me fried calamari was just fried chicken to get me to eat it, assuming that I'd like it and he could tell me afterwards, "HA! You ate squid and you liked it!"
Joke was on him though, turns out I'm deathly allergic to squid.
8. The weekend is a prize for only the best children
A relative of mine tells her kid that if she behaves well at school for 5 days in a row, she can have two days off school. The kid has no idea that's the weekend.
9. My mom is SO SMART
I used to just spew out random numbers to my mom, telling to add, subtract, multiply, etc. She would, in turn, tell me what the final number would be. Blew my mind, and she was the damn smartest person on the planet. Then I got clever. One day I got a calculator out to make sure she had it right. She didn't.
10. I didn't want to know this one...
Wasn't really a bomb my mom dropped on me, but a bomb I unwittingly opened.
I was trying to get a job at several places when I was 16. I was pretty tech savvy at the time, and genuinely thought I could get a job working a help desk for a power company, a bank, and a few other places.
I started to check the mail every day to see if I had gotten a letter, since I wasn't sure they'd send me a letter, e-mail, or call. I got a few letters from the places I had applied to, and I excited opened them.
They were bills of significant debt, all defaulted on. She said she'd pay them back and close it. I believed her, so dropped it. I didn't know how credit worked back then, and I didn't know what extremes my mother would go to.
A few years later (Several years after graduating and entering the workforce), I try to get credit on my own and get flat denied by everyone. I got letters from collectors representing the companies that my mom had opened accounts with under my name. They said the bills were never paid on. I claimed identity theft and managed to get the responsibility shifted off of myself and onto my mom, after filing a police report and talking to several companies over the phones across the span of several months. All of them said that she opened the account in my name by claiming she was my wife.
11. Seems like all my loudest toys are missing
My favorite toys would go missing, turns out they destroyed them because they made too much noise.
12. When dad shows you his "poop"
My dad used to call me into the bathroom to look at his poop. I was always shocked out of my mind... it looked like little stars and perfect circles and even dog bones. I couldn't figure out why mine always looked stupid. Turns out he was (Continued)
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Turns out he was throwing dog food into the toilet and waiting for it to bloat up before calling me in. I'm glad to say I've inherited my dad's sense of humor.
13. Moms can always see through walls
My mom said she could see through walls. She knew when I was up playing and not trying to go to bed, so I believed her for years.
Turns out, my nightlight cast a very bright shadow on the wall, and she would use that to see if I was in bed or not.
14. And apparently they can also read minds
My mom told me that all moms could hear their sons thoughts. I went through ages 3-5 thinking she was reading my mind.
15. Sweetheart, you were the result of birth control fraud
My mom let it slip that the only reason she got pregnant with me was because my dad had switched her birth control pills with sugar pills.
16. "......Oh."
Not so much dropping a bomb, but when I was very young, I came downstairs at four in the morning to witness my dad, half asleep and wearing nothing but his underwear, placing presents under the Christmas tree while shoving the cookies we left out for Santa into his face.
His reaction? ".....oh."
17. These are just... long chicken nuggets
I was a very picky eater as a kid. My parents got me to try fish sticks by calling them "long chicken nuggets".
18. Lying for nutrition
For a good portion of my childhood, I thought we were just eating a different brand of tomato sauce. Turns out, my mom had been (Continued)
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liquefying carrots and putting them into the sauce to get us more veggies. Took me years to know that tomato sauce should not be orange.
19. This would be so hard to hear
The biggest bomb my mom ever dropped on me was that I had a brother that died before I was born. She waited until I was 6 to tell me. It really freaked me out.
20. I absolutely HATE that thing that you've secretly been giving me for 15 years
My husband's mother would always put 1% milk in the 2% jug simply because his brother swore that he didn't like 1%. He never knew the difference.
21. When you're not as good as you think you are
Thought I was the bomb at Connect 4 but turns out Mum just let me win.
22. When the child becomes the parent
It's the other way around for me. When I was in high school, my mom worked a lot of nights (nurse) so it was just me and my dad at home with the dog all the time. In an attempt to be healthier, I started using Splenda when I cooked, but especially when I made Kool-Aid. My dad HATED it and refused to drink Kool-Aid with Splenda, so I started putting Splenda in the paper bags that sugar normally comes in. He would watch me make Kool-Aid and then tell me how much better it tasted with the real stuff in it.
Used the same method with coffee. He has high blood pressure and refused to drink half-caff coffee because it tasted soooo bad. Just started putting half-caff in the regular caffeinated coffee tin and he loved it from then on out.
22. Hamster one or hamster two?
When I was a kid, I had a pet hamster that I loved as he would walk up my arm and sleep on my shoulder. Fast forward to age 16. My dad and I were talking about my childhood and he let slip, "Oh you mean hamster 1 or hamster 2?" o_O "What?" was my reaction. Turns out my dad accidentally left my hamsters cage in the sun and my hamster died. Then to make it better, they had the cage on their bed as they were deciding what to do, and I came in, pet the dead hamster and said. "Bye, I will see you later after school". My dad went to get a new hamster that day and when I got back from school he said I was ecstatic that my hamster got bigger. My mom confirmed this.
23. Golden Grandpa
When I was a kid we would take long family road trips to Ohio to visit my grandparents. I absolutely loved these trips - my grandparents had all sorts of cool stuff in the house, two big apple trees in the front yard, and they lived next to a train track.
My grandpa also loved Golden Grahams. Every time my brothers and I would visit, he would open his cupboard to reveals four or five boxes of Golden Grahams, explaining how much he (Continued)
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loved them and that he got some extra boxes just because we were visiting. I always thought it was so cool that my grandpa - who was, you know, old - had the same favorite cereal as me. I would always feast on cereal every time we went to visit.
Of course, years after he died, I was relaying this story to someone and the obvious dawned on me. Later I asked my mother if grandpa even liked Golden Grahams, and she got this big smile on her face, looked a little sad, and said "No... but he knew you did." Broke my heart. Still the story I tell when I remember him.
24. Wow, so many mice found good homes!
Prepare your minds for a medium length story about a 12 year old child that desperately wanted a pet mouse. I begged and begged and then finally my father took me shopping for the perfect mouse. I named him basil and he was a cute little furball. But poor little basil needed lots and lots of play time which I couldn't give. So I bought him a female friend. He became a horndog over night. And would like to chew on her ears. So I thought to myself, maybe another mouse will help. So in goes another female the following weekend. I let two female mice get repeatedly mauled by Alpha Mouse. I was confused and angry at him. He didn't listen to me nor did he stop. So I managed to get my father to buy me a huge fish tank. Maybe two metres in length, one metre high. And separated the tank with two inch thick cardboard. Too late, they were pregnant. Anyway, a couple weeks later I had too many baby mice (wow they jump high!) and Mr Basil chewed his way through the cardboard and was a crappy father to the baby mice. I didn't want them to get pregnant as well...
I got home from school one Friday afternoon and I noticed my Catholic family of mice were all gone! Except for basil, he had the whole fish tank to himself. My mother gave me around $30 and said that she sold them all to the pet shop for $1 each. I was stoked. First of all, I had $30 and second, they were all going to go to lovely homes.
Fast forward twelve years: It was Christmas and we were laughing at the time I hand delivered 28 odd baby mice, and my lovely mother dropped the bomb that she had actually just.... exterminated them.
25. Adoption...
26. My parents are people of their word... or...
On my 21st birthday, my parents took myself and my housemates out for an early dinner (so as not to interfere with the festivities planned later on) and my dad flipped my world upside down.
When I was 10 and my brother was 7, we took a family trip to the Liberty Science Center, which, for those of you not in the NJ area, is essentially a neat multi-story playhouse full of science-related activities designed for kids. They have an IMAX theater attached that plays interesting documentaries, for a while they had a "touch tunnel" where you would crawl through an extended area in complete darkness, and several demonstrations on different floors with everything from insects to aquatic life to the classic shattering-a-banana-frozen-with-liquid-nitrogen routine. To my parents' credit, they had me interested in science from a very young age, so this was a real treat for my brother and I, however, since we were still 10 and 7, we couldn't stand to be stuck in a car for more than an hour without bickering with each other. After fighting almost the entire way there, my dad lays down the law. "If I hear one more word out of either of you, I'm turning the car around." A deafening silence reigned over the rest of the car ride, until we are literally pulling in to the parking lot, when one of us (I cannot remember who) said something snarky, and my dad, true to his word, turned that car around, and we drove all the way home.
Fastforward to my 21st birthday, that story happened to get brought up, as I tend to use it as an example of how, while my dad was really cool, he was not one to mess with. My dad then revealed a life-changing secret that only he and my mother had known: (Continued)
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They never intended to actually drive all the way home after the long ride. They just wanted us to get the message. However, my dad misinterpreted some of the traffic signs, and ended up back on the Garden State Parkway, which has few and far between opportunities to turn around, so he just took us home. The entire thing was an accident, but they played it off as intentional for the sake of their parental authority. They did take us back the following weekend because you bet your betty we were the most behaved children on the planet for the next few days.
27. Sia's looking a little ...er... pale
I used to have a cat when I was about three named Sia and I loved her. She was a Siamese-looking cat and I had her for like two years. When I was five, she got really sick while I was at school and my parents took her to the vet. After about two weeks of asking my parents how Sia was, she finally came home.
"Now, Sia's going to be a bit pale because she's sick and she may act a bit funny. Being in the hospital is scary!" That's what my parents told me.
So Sia came home, and she was a lot paler than I remember. Almost grey-ish white. She also climbed behind the sofa, refused to come out, and hissed at anyone who went near her. She eventually calmed down, but didn't sleep in my room per usual. She slept on the rafters in the basement instead.
Turns out (found this out about six months ago) Sia had actually died and they replaced her with one they found at the shelter and the little dumby that was me didn't notice.
28. When is Matilda coming on screen?
I remember when I was a little girl all I wanted was to see the movie Matilda. My parents wanted to see the Nutty Professor. So they took us to see the Nutty Professor and told me it was Matilda. I just kept waiting and waiting.... it wasn't till the end of the movie I realized my parents where dicks.....
29. This almost seems worse
My first pet was a dog I named sparky. Had him for about 2 weeks then one day I come back from school with my dad telling me he ran away. Looked for that dog and set up "missing" posters for weeks.
Turns out they gave him back to the pound they adopted him from cause we couldn't afford him.
30. Whole wheat bread is just toasted white bread
I used to hate whole-wheat bread. My parents convinced me that it was just part-toasted white bread so that I would eat it.
31. We're dining on lamb tonight, sweetheart
My parents told me that lamb was not only the name for baby sheep, but also the name used to describe sheep that had died of old age on a happy farm...
Seven year old me was not happy when they told me the truth.
Image source: Asier Romero / Shutterstock.com
Text source: Reddit
Give too much. Give too little. Pay for the first date. Don't pay for anything. I've heard it all. Sometimes it all worked, sometimes it didn't. Let's hear more...
Nemo?
Finding Nemo Movie GIFGiphy"There are plenty of fish in the sea. Unfortunately, I live in the desert."
Forward
"My girlfriend passed, and I can't figure out how to fall out of love with a dead woman."
- NiTlo
"I think the only way I could move forward is knowing I will always love and cherish her memory, but am capable of loving another as well. Then again there's nothing wrong with making peace with the fact you've had the love of your life and staying single."
Shame...
"I tell myself it's by choice."
"Here is the reality, it may make some feel better. If you aren't using a dating app, not going to bars/clubs or putting yourself out there, you have made a conscious choice not to date. If you are ok with this, you have NOTHING to be ashamed or worried about. Some people are wired differently. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship. If you are not ok with this, you need to make some changes in your life. And no, it's not their fault. Do some introspection."
Look Within
"Self esteem issues. Anyone I like enough to date deserves better than me."
- supnseop
"I have a question for you, I suspect that this person I really care for a lot also really cares a lot for me but they push me away despite never fighting having any disagreements or ever a bad time or issue of any type. In fact, we've always really enjoyed each other's company. So my question is would you or have you just given up on someone despite really liking them because you thought that they'd just leave you anyway and couldn't possibly be happy with you--and they'd would be disappointed? Thinking you're doing them a favor?
- allovia
"It's not really that I would be worried about them leaving or being disappointed with me. I'm disappointed in myself, and I wouldn't want to bring that into a relationship. I don't like me, so how can I ask someone else to? If I've given up on myself, then I'm really not bringing anything to the relationship except baggage. I'm not sure I'm doing them a favor, but I am sure that they will find someone better than me."
"Also, I swear I'm a functioning human lol. These are legit the deep dark thoughts that come out in the wee hours of the morning. I am trying to fight against this train of thought as much as I can, but I hope you can see why I wouldn't want to make this someone else's problem, especially someone that I care for deeply."
- supnseop
The Appeal...
So Excited Reaction GIF by OriginalsGiphy"I assume because I'm not appealing in any way to anyone"
no one else....
"I can barely handle myself, what makes you think I could handle some other fool?!"
35
"For me, it is a choice. In my country, marriage is set up by parents and children barely have a say in 90% cases. I am 35 now and still single, think of it how you will. I just detest human interactions. When I try to recall the happiest moments of my life, all of them were with my dogs, gods help their departed souls. I can't imagine spending intimate time with another human being. And a relationship is unnecessary bondage. It is an utter waste of time, money, energy and everything one can imagine."
Post University...
"I'm a physically ugly dude who generally dates by having people get to know me for a while, look past my looks and develop feelings for me. Post-university this has been extremely difficult, as I don't have enough people coming through my life despite my best efforts, and doubly so in a dating market that is so thoroughly warped by looks-based online dating."
Skills
"I lack the social skills."
"It's difficult, I avoided people and bonding with people because I was too insecure about being socially unskilled and this only gets worse with time, people are growing and getting better at it, but I barely started really."
Connections
Dont Touch Me Season 9 GIF by FriendsGiphy"I don't connect with people very well. I have a hard time talking to people I care about normal things, and I have an even harder time talking to them about my feelings. On top of that I have really bad social anxiety and I don't have a lot of friends, so the chances of me actually getting in a relationship is basically zero."
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Fast forward to our grocery store trip with our mother, my younger sister, and myself. Sister was having a fit over wanting one of those cheap plastic toy packs they hang in some of the aisles. Mom said no.
Cue the scream, my little blonde sister lets out a wail and starts yelling for the entire store to hear "Stop it! You aren't my mom! You aren't my mommy! No!" My mom tried to grab her hand and tell her to stop but then realized that in doing so it made the scene look worse.
It was such a mix of mortification and humor that I just stood there. Little sister stopped after a few minutes, pretty sure she got her prized toy just to shut up. Now that I'm older it's a wonder the police didn't come.
Redditor Granted01 wanted to hear the most embarrassing childhood moments the internet had to offer and asked the subreddit:
“What inappropriate thing did you do as a child that you didn't realise was inappropriate?"
The answers make us want to crawl into a hole for them.
Cheers...
“My parents used to keep mini bottles of liquor in the fridge (the ones you'd find in hotel mini bar). We had to make our own lunches at times when mom and dad were busy with work and my first-grade self decided to empty the bottles into the sink and put juice in them to bring to school… my parents got a call that day from school lol." wander-lux
On my--well, him...
“Not me but my daughter. We live in a place where we don't see many people of different ethnicities but one day she saw a Muslim man with a beard dressed in the long white outfit, and she was convinced he was God."
“No idea why but she wouldn't leave the dude alone (she was 4) and started reeling off a Christmas list.. turns out Santa and God were mixed up too. Thankfully he found it funny." ApricotSuperb7196
“Doggy” style…
“Not me, but my sister used to lap her drinks up like a dog. Turns out she was calling this "doggy style". One time they forgot to bring her a straw at the restaurant we were in and she loudly screamed "guess I'll do it doggy style". I think she was 7 or 8 at the time." knotsy-
Not what they’re called…
“I used to call those pigeons with the pointy tuft on their heads ‘horny birds’. I would yell it out so loudly too -.- my mum told me she had to look away every time I did it because it made her laugh until she cried. Obviously I wasnt told until later because I was only 5 at the time.” Artherwritethiss
Anything but that *gag*
“I used to play with this cup in the bath and drink water out of it for years, did it in the shower too as i got older, it had a handle on the end of it and I never knew why. One day I witnessed my mother use this cup in the toilet violently, and that was the moment I realized what a plunger was."
“It scared me I was about 10 when I realized what I had been using as a toy. I would fill it up with water in the bath or shower and play with it, and sip the water out of it, etc as kids do with toys I guess. Probably never forget that." That-nz-guy
Channel 9 Brush GIF by Married At First Sight AustraliaGiphy“riding my big wheel across one of the busiest roads in town…”
“I was a serious nudist as a child. My parents could never keep me in my clothes. My older sister would have her friends over who I had a crush on and I'd run outside butt naked to see them. There's a story that I still get teased about to this day of when my neighbor called my mom at work to tell her I was riding my big wheel across one of the busiest roads in town completely nude.” jdbuck99
“I called my Granny's boyfriend a dirty bastard…”
“I grew up on Looney Tunes & would call people who were mean to me stinkers or dirty bastards. I called my Granny's boyfriend a dirty bastard cause he started teasing me. I had my mom dying.” Kuriosity93
“my mum made me forge her papers…”
“When I was like 12 my mom was on probation and had to do community service. (Still no idea why) I had pretty good cursive handwriting at the time and my mum made me forge her papers and sign her p.o's name saying she was doing her service. Good times. Thanks for the memories mum.” osum_o_posum
Why didn’t they say anything!?
“When I was in 5th grade we made a calendar to take home. We each had our picture taken and glued to cover and were allowed to decorate it and each of the following months however we chose."
“Being 10 (nearly 11) there was so much that I didn't know about the world. What made it tick and more importantly, its history. Prior to the creative masterpiece that was unfolding in class, at home, I had walked in on my dad watching a WWII documentary where they showed footage of the German regalia and, subsequently, their flags."
“Not knowing any better, I thought the 'windmill' symbol was really cool and decided it should be on the cover of this calendar. One in each corner with my photo smack dab in the middle."
“No one said anything to me about it. It went through the lamination machine and was sent home with me. I wish I could've seen my teacher's reaction while she thought one of her students had skinheads for parents..." FusedByFire
A different way to say hello…
“Right, so anyone who's seen Mr. Bean (the movie) probably remembers the scene where he waves his middle finger at people tryna say hi? I did that. To an elderly person. Need I say more.” Blackrap1d
These cringe-worthy and laughable moments are brought to you by the ignorance of childhood. We've nearly all had a moment like this growing up, some just way, way worse than others.
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